Am i the only one who thinks this is wrong?

[Tasha]

Of course it's fair to call her a troll. It's my opinion. And who's to say I haven't reported the thread already? Why tell me what to do?

No need to be rude, I wasnt to you. I wasnt only meaning you either as your not the first/only person to mention troll in the thread but it is against TOS.

 

[Dk1234]

I think people need to calm down a but. I don't think people are acting any better by calling her names or saying the things they are saying. If you can't debate this without being so personally offended then you really should just move on. People say all the time you should t give them food before 6 months but you don't see me getting this upset about it because I know I did what is best for my baby. As far as I can tell none of you actually leave your children in daycare for 12 hrs, 5 days a week. So really I don't see why anyone is so upset. She never said nursery is wrong. She may have an opinion you don't agree with but such is life and such is this forum.

 

[Scottish mum]

Here here!! : )

 

[aliss]

You live in the UK on maternity leave and you have an OH that apparently supports you. That's quite a lofty position to look down on those who do not have such amazing financial and social support! Have you been to other places in the world, or at least read about other places in this world? I guess I just don't understand why you aren't embarassed to make such a comment like "why bother having them". You live in a first world country and apparently have family/state supporting you so you can stay home with your child.

 

[Wobbles]

Oh god, some of you really like this forum too literally.

It is a pretty awesome forum

 

[overcomer79]

I think people need to calm down a but. I don't think people are acting any better by calling her names or saying the things they are saying. If you can't debate this without being so personally offended then you really should just move on. People say all the time you should t give them food before 6 months but you don't see me getting this upset about it because I know I did what is best for my baby. As far as I can tell none of you actually leave your children in daycare for 12 hrs, 5 days a week. So really I don't see why anyone is so upset. She never said nursery is wrong. She may have an opinion you don't agree with but such is life and such is this forum.

No not 60 hours a week but close enough...I've had a very hard week with people passing judgement on me having to work...

Good luck with this debate and to the OP, I hope she isn't finding herself eating humble pie in the future because one never knows what life will throw at them.

I focused on my career when I was told I wouldn't be able to conceive so yes my kids are miracles but my income also pays our bills so it's not luxuries by any means.

 

[Scottish mum]

Oh god, some of you really like this forum too literally.

It is a pretty awesome forum

I love it : )

 

[cissyhope]

omg! the OP is allowed an opinion!!! whether you like it or not! i think she could have chosen her words a bit more carefully but she has tried to explain has she not?

 

[devon_91x]

Oh god this is just boring now. Like I said sorry if I offended anyone but that's just my opinion. I'm sure alot of you, probably most of you, would disagree with my parenting choices. You can slate me if you like I call me wrong. I formula feed, I've done cc with my LO since she was 4 months, I started weaning at 15 weeks, I don't co-sleep, I don't baby-wear, alot of you probably think this is wrong but I'm not gonna get worked up about it because I respect your opinions! Just get over it!

 

[Wobbles]

My girls at one point spent 8/9-5/6 in private day care ... I'm not offended by this thread at all and understand some don't understand why some working families need as much childcare. Different lives and circumstances is all ...

 

[omfgski]

...

 

[Dk1234]

I agree. I mean you really shouldn't get so personally offended by someone who obviously has no real experience. That would be like someone who never bf saying I can't believe anyone doesn't bf. I mean would you really care what they said. Now if she came on here and said I worked 60 hr weeks and chose not to have kids because its wrong or said I quit my job all of you should too, then yes offensive. She has on opinion which changes with circumstances. But again I'm sticking by that 60 hrs a week is a lot to be gone from home and away from both parents. It does make me sad for thise parents. None of you even do this though.

 

[jenniferttc1]

I couldn't imagine doing it. I'm blessed though that my husband works while I attend school and leave him only 3 hours a week as most classes are online. But on the other hand I know some people work hard, and they have no choice. Not too long ago my husband was working from 6am- 8pm and hardly saw him. It really got him down, but he had no choice or get fired...he was a supervisor so had to be there.

 

[Wobbles]

Oh god this is just boring now. Like I said sorry if I offended anyone but that's just my opinion. I'm sure alot of you, probably most of you, would disagree with my parenting choices. You can slate me if you like I call me wrong. I formula feed, I've done cc with my LO since she was 4 months, I started weaning at 15 weeks, I don't co-sleep, I don't baby-wear, alot of you probably think this is wrong but I'm not gonna get worked up about it because I respect your opinions! Just get over it!

Not really the best to continue with a civil discussion ... swings both ways!

Discuss not argue (to all)!

 

[overcomer79]

Now that I have calmed down I want to make a point about the nursery gossiping.

I took my son to a big daycare center. Yes, pull out the tissues, he started at six weeks old. That is typical in the USA. My DH worked in another city about 45 minutes away at the time and had a late night a week. On that late night, I had to leave my job at 3pm via city transport (severely sucks) and go pick him up so I could avoid a 5 dollar/ min late fee! I got home 3 hours later.

I was HARASSED by this care giver because I would come in and put my son in a carrier and wear him out. Repeatedly, they would ask me "are you driving with him like that?" The first time I replied, "no I am legally blind, can't drive taking city buys". It didn't bother me to explain myself once. Then the following week, I was asked again by the SAME person...same explanation. The third time I was asked, I got huffy "I told you I can't drive and that I'm taking the bus!" The next day, my husband picked him up, she confronted my husband!!! I was beyond pissed. The very next thursday I went in and she looked at me. I had my carrier and my ID. I slammed my ID face down on the table and asked her to read it. She read "not for vehicle operation". I then snorted at her "ok, then so STOP HARASSING MY FAMILY!" Grabbed my son and left.

The final straw was when they intentionally made my son sick so they could leave early! He was 8 months old, they had the room like 80F and called saying he had a fever. We got there he was dressed in long sleeves, long pants and wool socks (the socks werent his!). I got home and he got sick all over me b/c he got overheated!

I found him a nice in home daycare. This lady has been a god send. We don't have family able to help out. His dad is 70 and runs his own farm and My father has stage four lung cancer and my mom is caring for him. This lady has become our friend and has taken our daughter for the night when she was two months old because she refused to sleep at night just so we can sleep.

My son loves his friends and loves the care givers. I won't name off what all he knows because I feel boastful if I do. We stay in contact through out the day. I have often wondered if we can get in a position for me to find part time but we aren't sure.

We were stupid when we got married and ran up a lot of debt but that will be paid off at the end of this year. I was told in June of 2008 that I wouldn't be able to have kids but they gave me no explanation. Maybe the dr didn't want to take time with me because they didn't take me serious, I don't know. But they are here and they are my life. I think about them all day and I work to give them what I didn't have growing up.

I had a stay at home mom and two parents that constantly argued over finances.

Just to add: It took 3 years in this economy for DH to find a more suitable job without taking a cut in pay that would leave us hurting. He found a job near us the day before dd was born. His "set" hours are 7:30-4:30 but he works in medical so often he works over until 5:00. Then he has to come get me and then we battle traffic to go get our kids.

Anyway, I'm glad you don't have to worry about that and hope you never have to. To say I shouldn't have kids isn't fair. We receive zero benefits from the government...no wic or anything. I didn't even get six weeks off for maternity when my dd was born because I wasn't on contract! I will also be 34 this year. I didn't want to have babies this late in life but we are financially better off then seven years ago.

(ok sorry that was a bit long and lengthy...thanks to those who read it...even if it didn't make sense)

 

[jd83]

My local moms group has a facebook page. Most of the moms work. Every day there is a post from a mom with huge guilt for working. Every day there is a post from a mom who just really misses their kid. If you have never had the experience of working in a demanding industry, living in an expensive city or receiving no paid maternity leave, you have no right to judge.

I completely agree with this. I also have a FB group that I'm on with local moms, and we all commonly post about these types of things.

None of us WANT to be leaving our kids all day. I would love to be able to stay with my kids all day. However, living in the US is very hard financially. we have a lot of student loan debts, mortgage, car payments, etc that financially makes it so that 2 people have to work to pay them. Its not that any of us who have to work are choosing work over our children, its that we have to work to be able to provide for our children. Havign said that, I also made sure to pick a childcare provider that I felt very comfortable with, and know that my kids love being there. My older son loves playing with the other kids during the day, so its definitely good for him socially. Doesn't make me miss him any less, but at least I know that he is in great hands while I am working.

 

[Noodlebear]

I think if you're deeply offended by the opinion of someone you don't know on a forum then you should possibly avoid discussions like this. If you work then fine, you will have your reasons and should be comfortable enough with your decision to not jump down the throat of someone who doesn't understand it. Also the number of people who have left totally hypocritical comments on here is kinda funny 'OMG you're so judgemental about working parents but how dare you do CC' Yeah, alright then Kudos to those working mummas who have to leave their kids for long hours who have joined this discussion like a grown up without attacking the OP x

I'm fortunate enough to be a SAHM for the time being (I will more than likely have to go back to work in April), I'd hate to leave LO for that long but needs must. I have a lot of respect for those who leave their children in day care for long hours in order to provide for them because it must be so difficult, I'd rather see more of them than those who refuse to work and don't pay for their own kids. (and I don't mean single mums who NEED financial help or working families who just aren't able to make ends meet - I mean people who take the biscuit and abuse the system) Ohhh I love debates like this! hehe x

 

[Randianne]

I had to leave my LO in day care for almost 65 hours a week at one point. I was an emergency room nurse and 12 hour shifts are the only option. I had to work at least four days a week, and because of a staffing shortage it was usually five.

I didn't like it. But sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I'm sure OP would be far less judgmental about the day care issue if I had refused to work those hours and as a result her child suffered because there were not enough nurses to adequately care for all of the patients. People who work in public service have to work similar hours constantly.

Maybe instead of judging them for being away from there kids, you could appreciate the fact that someone is sacrificing time with their family to take care of yours. That applies to your father also. If your biggest problem is that he worked too hard to provide for his children, then you have it good. Honestly, in MY opinion, in time you'll understand that and appreciate your dad and all these mothers who work hard to take care of their babies.

 

[Scottish mum]

My lo will be about 5 months when he goes to nursery school I think it will do him the world of good to mix with other babies I don't know many mummys : ( the good thing is my neighbours little boy goes and he has thrived going to the nursery so I feel better! Everybody has different thoughts but I love my job too and want to be me instead of a mummy all the time : )

 

[Noelle610]

I too enjoy a good debate. I will admit to be offended by the original post. It's not because I'm insecure in my choices. I just felt the OP was basing an opinion - which she has every right to - on very little information. A lot of working moms on the forum have provided insight into why a mother may have to leave their child at daycare for 12 hours, but she still refuses to consider that her viewpoint may be a tad unfair.

Again, I enjoy a debate. I've learned a lot on BnB and I appreciate different perspectives. But I think it's a bit pointless to express an opinion, ask others what they think and then not consider for a moment that you may have been quick to make assumptions.