Am i the only one who thinks this is wrong?

[XJessicaX]

I wouldn't start a thread on this touchy subject but as the title of the thread asks a question I answered it. Most of the patents I know that put their kids in full time with the EXTORTIONATE nursery fees around here (I'm talking £80 a DAY) are couples who don't wish to give up on their careers. I don't actually know anyone who can afford to work full time unless they are on 60k a year!

 

[maidelyn]

Well I must be the devil incarnate as when I go back to work (out of choice) it'll either be full time locally or away from home 2 or 3 days a week. We probably could live on my oh's salary but he earns half what I do so we'd have to move to a smaller house and we'd be broke. No thanks, I'd rather earn enough money to give us a good life and baby also gets a happy mummy rather than a resentful one.
What about parents where the father is a sahd? Still bad parents out is that ok?

 

[forestfire]

I wouldn't start a thread on this touchy subject but as the title of the thread asks a question I answered it. Most of the patents I know that put their kids in full time with the EXTORTIONATE nursery fees around here (I'm talking £80 a DAY) are couples who don't wish to give up on their careers. I don't actually know anyone who can afford to work full time unless they are on 60k a year!

£80 a day!!? Wow that is a lot of money.

 

[ktod]

I wish my nursery opened till 7pm. I'm dropping my son at 8am then driving to work. The nursery closes at 6pm but the earliest I could get there is 6.45 by the time I travel back from work, so my mum and dad are going to collect him, then I collect him from them. I thinks that's far more disruptive than just letting him stay at nursery till 7pm but all the nurseries shut at 6pm round here. I'm probably not going to go back 5 days a week but it will be a massive financial sacrifice to go part time.

 

[minties]

In an ideal world, the only work we would do would be on our own land, tending to our animals and crops. We wouldn't have to leave our children.

Sadly we live in a crap world where we need to make money to pay for housing and food because we don't barter or help eachother out, everyone is greedy for more "stuff" which filters down through to workers who get paid shit wages so management can have more money...bla bla bla.

I am LUCKY. Neither my partner nor I are working right now, but we are surviving because we live in a country with a decent welfare system. We spend all day with our 2 kids.

For a lot of people, this is simply not a possibility. Have you seen what minimum wage is in the USA? I guess it varies state by state, but the few people I know there have indicated that it's extremely low. How on earth anyone survives in that country I'll never know (that's a whole other topic though...).

Yes, I agree that kids should be with parent as much as possible. Yes I think it's sad that there are babies/toddlers/children in care 12 hours a day. But for a lot of people, this is their only option. Thank god there are parents like this, who are so dedicated to providing for their children, that they work these hours and sacrifice so much for them. I think any mum who can work 10-12 hours a day and handle it is a super woman!

 

[Athena]

I will be completely honest and I have wondered who would leave their kids at nursery 6am-6pm 5 days a week before and felt a bit sad seeing 6 week olds being dropped off.

I would have made you very *sad* then. I sent my 6 week old into nursery because her dad left me and I HAD to go back to work. I also went to university full time with my then 6 week old and 12 month old. I had no other choice than to better my life for myself and my children. The nursery used to let her sleep all day, so I would be up all night with a wide awake baby, pumping breast milk ready for the next day. Oh and I had no car so I used to walk 3 miles to the nursery at 6 in the morning! Sorry if that makes you sad! I had no other choice.

Fast forward 13 years and here I am pregnant again with my third, I'm in a stable relationship and work from home running my own business so wouldn't need to use daycare. I would never in a million years judge or be as short sighted as OP to tell mums they are wrong to use nurseries for lenthy periods of time because I've been there myself and it's no walk in the park believe me.

 

[XJessicaX]

I will be completely honest and I have wondered who would leave their kids at nursery 6am-6pm 5 days a week before and felt a bit sad seeing 6 week olds being dropped off.

I would have made you very *sad* then. I sent my 6 week old into nursery because her dad left me and I HAD to go back to work. I also went to university full time with my then 6 week old and 12 month old. I had no other choice than to better my life for myself and my children. The nursery used to let her sleep all day, so I would be up all night with a wide awake baby, pumping breast milk ready for the next day. Oh and I had no car so I used to walk 3 miles to the nursery at 6 in the morning! Sorry if that makes you sad! I had no other choice.

Fast forward 13 years and here I am pregnant again with my third, I'm in a stable relationship and work from home running my own business so wouldn't need to use daycare. I would never in a million years judge or be as short sighted as OP to tell mums they are wrong to use nurseries for lenthy periods of time because I've been there myself and it's no walk in the park believe me.

What is difficult about these types of threads is once a few people get cross and offended other people just don't post or they post sycophantic messages. I dont believe there are many people that WOULDN'T feel a flutter of sadness seeing a 6 week old being dropped off at nursery. Its not a dig at the parents, its not always judgemental, its just an emotion that arises at the time. I am sorry if I offended but when a question is asked I answer as truthfully as I can!

 

[Tasha]

I work in a nursery but we only open 8-6. I'm pretty sure they can open longer tho. There are plenty of nurseries in my area open earlier, including the sister nursery to the one I work in, which opens 730-6. It's ofsted and early years registered to open those hours, it's advertised as those hours etc, there not breaking any rules, everyone who needs to, know there opening hours. Maybe it varies by area.

OP- this is such a judgmental thread, even though you claim it isn't. Do you really think any parent would choose to send their child to nursery 60 hours a week if they had a choice? Parents will all have different reasons for why they work, but there all valid reasons. Also children never get more attached to us no matter how many hours they do and we would never assume to know a child better than a parent.

Thats not what I said. Yes legally they can open that long but an individual child can not be at the nursery for more than ten hours a day (as confirmed by my sister who is a senior nursery nurse currently studying nursery managment, and another poster in this thread).

 

[xxmyheartxx]

For me personally while trying for our first, me and hubby made the decision that we didnt want baby going to nursery while young, im very lucky that hubby earns a good wage so i could drop to part time and my mum looked after lo while i worked, i also went from a managment role to a senior sales so took a pay decrease, but it worked for us, the girls i work with had babies a similar time to me and they put there los in full time nursery 8-6 and there children are as happy and have thrived just as mine have, moneywise we would of being better off with me working and paying for childcare but as i said im lucky i have a great mom who works part time who helps x

 

[aliss]

I'm quite happy to put Philippe in a nursery at 6 months (the legal minimum here) for 3x a week with his brother who is already there. I'm going back to school. I have no issues with leaving my kids, in fact I would be happy to do so today but he won't take a bottle. My kids are my world but they are not my world, if that makes sense??? I want a life outside motherhood now, even though I could technically afford to stay home... and I don't feel bad at all about it.

 

[cissyhope]

Im a sahm,im so lucky and i know how easy our circumstances could change so i try to enjoy every min

It must be awful to have to leave your babies in a nursery and be away from them so long

Im sure there must be some people who maybe dont give it second thought and money is a lot on their agenda,maybe even thinking its even good for their little ones but im sure the majority have to do what they have to,to get by and hate it

Just thank your lucky stars your not in that position,i know i do...

Walk the walk...

So you don't think it is good for a child to go to nursery? At all?

ah no didnt mean that.... i think its better actually if you can send your LO when old enough.Im just about to see if i can afford to send my toddler this week coming.Its all about getting the right balance imo but i think that about any thing in life...If im honest imho i do think its a good thing when they are over 1and half but thats just my opinion,what do i know?
If you can afford to do both at the right age is ideal...

 

[Jaylynne]

Am I the only one baffled when the OP states she's looking for opinions yet keeps saying agree to disagree. Doesn't that mean she's merely looking for opinions which match hers??

 

[Akinesia]

The title of this thread is "Am i the only one who thinks this is wrong?"

Oh no, she wasn't trying to offend anyone at all. Good lord, grow up OP. This is pretty much the stupidest thread I have ever seen on this board, why isn't it locked yet?

 

[robinator]

In an ideal world, the only work we would do would be on our own land, tending to our animals and crops. We wouldn't have to leave our children.

That wouldn't be my ideal world; I hate yard work! But then, I would have my kids at home, so maybe they could do it?

 

[StaceyKor]

I certainly dont think its wrong. For many people its the only option. With the cost of nursery around here i'd have less money per month working full time as opposed to part time. Working full time i'd have to put LO in to nursery from 8am-6pm 3 days a week. Working part time i will be able to juggle things so that she is only in nursery 1 day a week. I am lucky in that DH is self employed and can change his day off and my mum will have her on her day off. Many people arent in this situation. I have still to find out whether my work will let me drop to 3 days a week...if they dont my LO will have to be in 10hrs a day, 3 days a week.
I would also like to add that I think nursery is very beneficial to children. My best friend sent her daughter 1 day a week from age 1, and she is now in 5 half days (free place). She has always been very sociable, bright and happy to go. My friend thinks its been the best thing for her xx

 

[cissyhope]

The trouble is ,opinions can hurt... but i dont think the OP should be vilified,sometimes its easy to judge when you dont understand...every one has judged although we can all try hard not to,u cant help it sometimes but when its in a forum,maybe u can get to understand a bit better and change your opinion? i know i have from other threads...

 

[susannah14]

OP-
I got pregnant by accident. If I wanted to quit my job, I'd have to sell a property I had just bought and spent $20K renovating over the space of a year, FOR A LOSS, in addition to the loss of my salary. Obviously this wasn't an option, so what would you suggest I do?

I either be a SAHM and ruin myself financially, or I have a <terrible procedure we are not allowed to say on these boards that is a far greater crime than putting a child in daycare>.

I don't LIKE putting my son in daycare. It does make me feel guilty, but I don't have a CHOICE.

 

[susan_1981]

I have only read the first post but I don't think people want to leave their children for 12 hours a day, it's more a case of having to. I work in London so am out of the house for at least 10 hours a day. I can't afford to do any less when I go back to work, although I will drop one day. I certainly don't think it's wrong. That's a bit harsh.

 

[pompeyvix]

I really wouldnt take offense to the OP's comments.

She is either;

a) A complete WUM.....starts a thread in order to get a debate going and then takes a step back whilst it kicks off

or

b) She is extremely young, naive, short sighted and genuinely wanted peoples opinions about it (but by going the wrong way and calling it 'wrong').

Either way, I would not get upset or offended, just take her views with a pinch of salt!

 

[overcomer79]

OMG! Are you sure you aren't the friend who told me yesterday: "working may not be a choice but having children are???"

I'm very offended honestly by your judgement! I am legally blind so my husband drives me to work. We drop our kids off at 6:45 and sometimes aren't able to get them until 6pm. Who the hell honestly are you to judge how other people live their lives??? No I can't be there for my kids everyday! Why???? BECAUSE WE ARE SUPPORTING THEM!