April/May IVF buddies?!?

[JViti]

no i have back issues so im on a medical leave, but i was TTC before the back issues. I have Degenerative Disc Disease and I work at a hospital as an inpatient pharmacy tech and theres a LOT of lifting, standing, and walking up and down stairs involved, so my doc doesnt want me to work right now. Ive been out of work for 8 months lol. My boss isnt ready for me to come back yet until I can lift a little more, so I am taking full advantage of it lol. I work 7-3:30 everyday and wouldnt be able to do IVF while i work, so yeah taking full advantage of the time off. Hubby works tho so were still bringing in the money lol. I know pregnancy isnt great for a bad back, but im gunna have these back problems for the rest of my life, so i might as well learn to live with it and move on with my life. When I get pregnant and go back to work, everything will be back into place. But for now, i sit at home alone with my thoughts and the internet....VERY BAD COMBO. I am a science major and love to do research, so naturally, thats what I do most of the day...and i scare the shit out of myself in the process lmao. Its not too bad until AFTER i do the egg retrieval, then i dont stop. Hubby almost blocked google and the internet all together from my laptop because of it lol.

So ur going for retrieval on the 9th??? Thats like 3 more days!! I've got my fingers, arms, toes, and legs crossed for u!!! Yes, and my legs, thats a perk of IVF...no sex involved...my God it starts to feel like a chore like cleaning the bathroom or doing laundry when your LTTTC lol.

 

[Plex]

at ur hubby almost blocking google! Google is good at times though if you have a worry and need to see how other people manage or deal with things or how their ivf has turned out. I love, absolutely LOVE reading about other peoples infertility journeys especially if theyve been trying a long time and get success!

Its good that ur on medical leave - back problems are the WORST you cant do much as it affects everything you do! Are you on strong pain meds? Better to be off work during treatment as well as all that heavy lifting isnt good. Milk it for as long as you can!! Like you say the only problem with being off is that oyou are left alone with all your thoughts

Theyve put collection off until friday so it means we can do something for our sons birthday now whether ill feel up to anything or not i dont know xx

 

[JViti]

aww my nephew will be born on Friday, I'll send some of his positive vibes over to you...i supposed i can share lol. I'll be thinking of you the whole time!! And when I breathe in his baby scent, hopefully it will send a fertile message to my ovaries and uterus to keep the next one lol. I'll blow the scent over to you too lol.

and yeah google can be my worst enemy sometimes. almost as much as facebook lol.

i get my meds tomorrow!! which means i can stop the birth control...get my period, and start stabbing myself in the belly with 3 needles every night!!! I never thought I would be so happy about that lol. The things infertility makes us happy about lol.

Wouldnt it be awesome if both of us got our this month!!! We would be pregnant together and everything. We would be due around the same time and could share our experiences and everything! Too bad we dont live closer together...or even in the same country lol...or else we could have playdates lol. Look at me, im already thinking like its worked for both of us...lol. But hey...7 is my lucky number...always has been...so lets hope i can add another achievement to the "Lucky 7s"

p.s. oh shit, today is 7/7...my anniversary...and i didnt get the hubby anything lol see what infertility does to us, we look at time in CDs, not the dates anymore lol

 

[Plex]

thanks! I'll be waiting for those new baby positive vibes to waft on over to me - sharings good!

It would be AWESOME for us both to get our this month!! I never had a bump buddy with my first so look forward to having a buddy this time!

Yay for injecting on friday! 3 a day? OUCH. I can just about cope with 2, just about!

Its so surreal ive been looking at my calender, daydreaming my due date would be 2nd april - imagine if this does work and i have my baby a day early no one would ever believe me - April fools!!

Its not fair that we live so far apart its so good to be able to talk to someone going through the same things as me. It'd be cool to be able to arrange play date with our future lil ones - shame we're on opposite sides of the globe

Heres to the lucky 7's may it be lucky for us both!!

Happy anniversary huni!!! Did you manage to nip out and get ur hubby anything? xx

 

[JViti]

nah, we just went out to dinner, he didnt get me anything either so it worked out lol. This is just our dating anniversary, not our wedding anniversary. We got married in a hotel room on Valentines Day with just us, my BFF, and my son. We dont exactly count it, we look at it as we just made it legal that day. We got married on Feb 14, 2013. But started dating July 7, 2002. And my son was born on July 28 2006 so seriously weve been married since then lol.

I may cheat a little. I am supposed to get my meds tomorrow. If I do, and all is according to plan, Im not gunna bother taking the BC. I skipped it last night, and im skipping it tonight. If it dosnt come in by dinner time, ill take it just to last me. Id rather get my period on wednesday than friday. The earlier i can d all this the better!! Its funny, I already know my due date....lol.

If I get AF on Wedneday, I'll be due April 16 (FIL birthday) and if I get AF on Wednesday, I should be due April 18. so well see lol.

 

[JViti]

Thinking of u today Plex!! Keeping my fingers crossed for ya.

I am CD1 today, and I start my injections tomorrow.

My SIL is at the hospital right now. Her c-section starts in 30 minutes. I have that punched int he gut feeling right now. I am oober anxious. I am so jealous right now its ridiculous. But trying to keep positive thoughts. Im gunna be an aunty again. I just keep trying to say that to myself. Sometimes it works...most times it doesnt.

I am just hoping and praying that this time is my time. I cant stand the heartache and not sure how much more i can handle.

to you!!

 

[Plex]

ur SIL aside......

YAY for cd1!!!!! Injections today - whoop whoop!!!

Well, the collection went well, they managed to get 9 eggies!!! So much better than the 3 they got before! im just anxiously waiting for THE call to tell me how many fert - they should call me sometime in the next 6hrs. Like my hubby said - its out of our hands now cant help being worried!

Its hard to keep positive thoughts when all and sundry are pregnant/giving birth around you Like you said earlier - breath in those wonderful newborn baby scents and waft some over to me! Hopefully they'll do us both some good!!

This is our time - I can feel it!! I so want this to work, really dont know what id do if it fails again

Im feeling pretty crappy at the moment, but will update after i get THE call xx

 

[Plex]

I now feel like a fool 9 eggs (elated!) However, none, NONE fertilized!!! Great quality eggs, great quality sperm ZERO fertilization. Devastated does not quite cover it. Will post again when i feel able xx

 

[JViti]

oh no Plex, I am so sorry. That is just devastating. Do they know if there was something wrong with the eggies? There has to be a reason they didnt fertilize. Bad Sperm? Bad lab conditions? That is just so hard to believe that NONE of them would fertilize. Take all the time you need. I am thinking of you. xxx

 

[Plex]

Thats exactly how we feel - we just CANT believe it!

In the call the embryologist said the eggs were great quality and so was the sperm - if thats the case then WTH happened?!!? Im going to write an email to my consultant to ask some questions. We still do have our frostie but then theres no certainty that it will thaw out and survive. We cant afford any more treatment.

The embryologist said that the sperm and egg were not binding, but as the sperm was still alive and around the egg they'd leave it till mon and call me back to tell me whats going on. I think ive gone from devastated to just plain angry. I feel like im in a dream. horrible.

How was ur first injection huni?xx

 

[JViti]

i do the injection tonight. Its 4:10PM here right now, I do them at 8PM

Yeah thats just crazy that they wouldnt connect. I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Oh and heres that baby scented baby dust i promised you




One from the baby, one from the mommy, and one from the hospital maternity ward.

Maybe the sperm are just waiting to meet with the right egg for the perfect baby. I have faith that it will work. The sperm are still alive for a reason...they are fighting for the perfect baby...it will happen!!! I can feel it!

Keep me updated!!

I go for my first appointment on Tuesday for baseline. nervous but excited!

 

[Plex]

thanks hun! xxx

I have embryoscope footage from my last cycle and ive been pouring over it hoping that they could have missed something, praying that they checked too late or too early. But then i think, these guys are professionals - they would make mistakes would they? Really dont know - I will update 2moro after i get the call.

I feel at a loss until then.

How things going for you hun? xx

 

[JViti]

ugh, still praying for u.

So I started my injections last night. It was ok. hurt a lil but duh lol. And, just like last time, I have severe nausea and i got diarrhea (tmi sorry lol). BUt hey, its all gunna hopefully be worth it in the end.

I havent mustered up the courage to go back to the hospital. I mean pics are howing up all over my newsfeed of Ryan and I love him so much, but im just so hurt. I know its stupid to feel like that, but I just cant help it. I feel like she got pregnant to spite me, and gave birth to spite me...even tho i KNOW thats not true. I just see how happy everyone is, and i want to make them that happy. I want to be that happy.

This week has been tough. I am so happy about my nephew but i hate how jealous i feel. I am trying to take my time with it but idk. I just wish I knew whether this cycle was gunna work NOW. I cant handle another miscarriage.

 

[Plex]

The unknown is a bitch! Im finding it hard to see my friends with little babies, and i hate, HATE it when people ask - So, when are you going to have another? Or isnt it about time you had another? AGGGGGGHHHHHH! I sometimes feel like saying, i would if i wernt infertile thanks. - just to see their faces

I really feel for you hun, its not like its a friend, its family so you'll see them a lot and lots of pictures Its all conflicting feelings which is made all the worse by the shed load of hormones youve been taking and are starting to take

I guess all you and I can do is take it one day at a time, hard as it is and hard as it is to accept We will get there, good or bad cos we have to - lifes shit sometimes and it makes me mad thay WE get more than our fair share of shit whilst others seem to have all the luck and fertility.

Anyway, sorry im on a downer today - im sending you all the sticky baby luck dust i have left hun (im keeping the dust u sent me though ) xxx

 

[Plex]

Oh and ive been googling and im getting slightly hopeful that they just missed the window to tell if fertilization took place or that we have some late fertilizers there hate to love google especially as it means that i will just be crushed again 2moro when they call me xx

 

[JViti]

yeah it sux. and all we can do is sit here and do what weve been doing and just hoping for the best.

I am hoping that u just have some late fertilizers. I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed for u. Let me know what happens!!!

I think I am gunna try and visit my nephew tomorrow. I know it isnt his fault and he deserves an auntie to always be there for him. I just cry everytime i see a picture becase i have such mixed emotions. I am so happy hes here, but im also jealous, sad, and it brings back the fact that i miscarried last month. I will never get to meet Luke and Landon. I will never know what they would have looked like, how much hair they would have had. How big would they have been? Seeing Ryan just brings that all back, the fact that I will never see mine. And I may never get to see another one of my babies. They could all die before I meet them. Yeah, I'm a downer today too....

 

[Plex]

Its a tough one I could help or it could not, i mean seeing ur lil nephew you may just get caught up in the new baby coo-ing and cuddling and fawning over him. It'll be later that you'll feel devastated and crushed as you'll have seen what ur missing

You could look at the visit like this though - will my baby look at all like him/ be his little friend? A positive from this cycle would mean you future child and ur nephew would be close in age and could probably be playing together in a year or so

Its difficult for me to find the words for that one chick only you can make that decision - I hope everything goes well no matter what you decide to do.

All i can do for you is pray that you get to meet your baby this time xx

I couldnt sleep last night worrying about this phone call. Nothing i can do though I'll message you again when i know more - im thinking of you

 

[JViti]

yeah it sucks when you dont know what to do, and no one can help you. And its not anyone's fault that they cant help, but only i know how i feel. Sometimes i just wish people could tell me what to do and i would have to do it, but unfortunately it doesnt work that way. I just hate when people try to talk me out of how im feeling, telling me that jealousy is an ugly trait, and how can i feel that way and whatever. It pisses me off because i mean, everyones journey is different, and we all go through different shit. No one has the right to tell anyone how they should feel. <---sorry, on a facebook TTC support group and I got ripped on for saying i was jealous of my sil. I posted a pic of my nephew and said that sharing him and showing him off is the first step to accepting the situation and being excited about it. Most people were supportive and understood, others were telling me i was stupid for feeling that way. That i was a horrible person. Like really? Who the hell are you to tell me how to feel. They were saying "Maybe your irrational jealousy is why your not getting a baby...you know things happen for a reason.." Yeah be happy you're not in front of me or i would punch u in the face, and trust me, that would happen for a reason lol.

thank you, i am thinking of you too. I'll be here a lot tomorrow to hear your update. I think it will be ok!!! I am praying hard for you!!!!

 

[JViti]

Hoping to hear good news from you, but since u didnt update, im thinking the worst

I'll be here when you are ready to talk hun xx big hugs and much love to you

Thinking and praying for you xxx

 

[Plex]

Sorry chick I waited in for then to phone me all day and got no call. I emailed my consultant late last night and it turns out that none did fertilize how much time would itve taken for them to just tell me?

I've been told to go in Wed for my frozen blast transfer - I will get a call today re-time. I just hope this works!!!!

I'm all over the place now - I will write some more later xxx