Canadian Moms & Moms to be!

[BlackBerry25]

When I got home, we just planned on gushing over Helena and all this crap and not putting the baby all in her face, and the first thing she says is WHERE IS ELLIOT. SHOW ME ELLIOT.

 

[Starry Night]

I was told to use one but I was also FF from the start and they knew that when they told me to use it We'll definitely be buying soothers this time and taking them to the hospital with us in case Rhys is a sucky baby like his sister

Welcome Starrynight!

I'm Vickie, mommy to Hannah, pregnant with #2 and married to Stan

I had my baby at St. Boniface in Winnipeg and they gave me a soother even when I was planning on BF'ing. I wasn't sure if I was allowed to keep it or not so I left it there.

I think it is hard to predict which child will be jealous of a younger sibling. My nephew was such an attention hound and didn't like it when my SiL was holding his baby cousins but he absolutely doted on his little sister when she arrived. And when I was pregnant a little later he was so excited. You should have seen his face when I told him DH was out buying a crib. I then had to deflate his joy by telling him the baby wasn't coming yet.

So far, Daniel is a super social baby and loves other kids. Even in the womb he would get excited and kick and jump whenever other kids were around and being very loud with kid noises. But I have no clue how he'd handle a sibling. He hates being ignored.

 

[apple84]

I think kids deal with it. I mean I had three younger siblings before I even turned three and don't remember being resentful. I'm sure I had my moments, but it didn't seem to affect my childhood

 

[ryder]

They really have no choice but to deal with it haha Jasmine is fine with Peyton, they do tend to fight a bit now, but I dont think it has to do with them, some siblings just get along better with others. She still will hug him and liked trying to help feed him and stuff.

 

[readynwilling]

yep i agree... there are millions and millions of older siblings in the world - and we have all adjusted (and most of us even love our sisters and brothers )

 

[tasha41]

I 100% remember being pissed off that my parents were having another baby when they told my sister and I that we were getting a baby brother And I was young, because he was born when I was in JK/4 years old, lol. But I remember everything about it, and it was probably my earliest memory The -- don't you love usssssss / why do you want another baby / I don't want a boy baby sort of stuff But my brother and I get along well; much better than either of us get along with my little sister

 

[readynwilling]

hahaha tasha. my sister is 4 years younger than me... i don't remember her being born at all. my brother is 8 years younger and i have almost a motherly love for him. i changed more diapers and made more bottles then anyone in my house i think LOL

 

[Tiff]

I was adopted so my brother was around 5 or something when my parents brought me home. They took me out tobogganing and my brother was totally thrilled that he had a new sister (I was 21 months when they brought me home). So we're out on the hill and my brother would go up to anyone who would listen and say "This is my new sister! We just got her yesterday!!!"

Like my Mom went out to the grocery store and instead of picking up groceries, picked him up a little sister.

 

[impatient1]

I was so excited to have a little brother (I was 4) and wanted to help. I was fine with some people holding him but didn't like "my nanny" holding him. I didn't like him so much when he started beating me up though and now we tend to go head to head if we spend too much time together.

 

[BlackBerry25]

Well, not to be a Debbie Downer lol, but my dad said that is when my brother turned bad, once I was born. He was 5 and totally spoiled. My mom also says she feels bad for having me and my sister so close together (2.5 years so not even that close!) and that she feels bad for not having more time for me. Didn't cause any issues between me and my siblings at all! But maybe it does play a role in personality types?

Just a general question. Thoughts?

 

[Tiff]

I think it depends more on the personality of the kids rather than what the parent does?

I've had so many friends and known families over the years... all sorts of age gaps between siblings, etc. Some are close together and are super close, others hate each other. Some are far age gaps and again, some are close others dislike each other too.

Personally I don't think there's any set "rule" or "formula" to make sure your kids get along. They will or they wont depending on them, not us. (IMHO)

 

[Vickie]

I agree with Tiff

Hannah was not impressed that we're having a boy She got better though when a male family member came to visit (the older brother of the cousin who is close in age to her) and I pointed out that he was a brother and that maybe having a brother wouldn't be so bad

 

[BlackBerry25]

I think what my parents did developed my personality.

Maybe I am more reserved and more of a problem solver, than my siblings, because as the middle child, thats what I had to be like?

ETA: Sorry, I meant, is your personality affected by your birth order and age gaps?

 

[readynwilling]

i think part of it is going to be for sure Wendy. i think helping care for my baby brother starting at the age of 8 and being able to "babysit" 4 years later made me "grow up" a little more then maybe i would have if he wasn't born and it was just me and my sister who didn't get along when we were young at all. but i don't think its the sole factor i dealt with a lot of shit as a kid, and a lot of that made me who i am.

 

[Tiff]

Hard to say, because we'll never know otherwise iykwim?

I imagine it will to an extent... because of my adoption (I was placed in foster care by my birth mother at the age of 6 months, was adopted by my family when I was 21 months) and living with foster parents for a year who looked at me more like an income than anything else. They weren't abusive, mean or anything like that... but I wasn't their kid, if that makes any sense. I wasn't included, no pictures were taken of me and it was more like I was a long term boarder than family.

To me, that really shaped how I viewed things. Not to mention having Claire and reading how important the first 5 years are for a child's emotional development. I get very unsure of my place/role in things and I do feel that's a direct result from my adoption and being in foster care for that long.

But if I'm honest, that only takes me so far. At some point you gotta take ownership for your actions and feelings. I could still blame the fact that because I was adopted that I feel this way but really its up to me to change it for the better, iykwim. Also, I'll never know if this was how I would've been anyways or if I would have been different had I say... been adopted earlier.

Hopefully that made sense.

 

[impatient1]

I think it would to some extent as does all life experiences but I think at the end of the day you have to own who you are and who you want to be iykwim.

 

[apple84]

I'm sure it has some impact. I'm the oldest and have a brother 16 months younger than me, twin brother and sister just under 3 yrs younger than me and a sister 8 yrs younger than me. My relationships with each of them have changed over the years both because if age gap and gender. For example, my brother who's only 16 months younger and I were very close as little children. We played together all the time and thought of ourselves as the oldests and the twins were the little kids. Mid elementary school I switched to being closer to the twin sister since we liked to play girly things together like barbies and littlest petshop. In highschool my sister and I couldn't stand eachother though. She would steal my stuff and I'd be embarrassed when she'd dress slutty at school or something. That's when I became close to my youngest sister. My mom went back to work then and I became a second mother to her - getting her ready for school, helping with homework and even putting her to bed if my mom worked at night. I have a motherly relationship with her that is different than my other siblings. My brother the twin and I found a special bond when he went to college and fell in love with Geology. We joke that we are the two science nerds of the family now.

As adults we are all still very close. Actually it's funny that the four oldest who are very close in age seem the happiest about our childhoods whereas its my youngest sister who complains about the age gap. You'de think she'd be happy that she had mom all to herself at home until Kindergarten and was spoiled more than the rest if us, but she resents having no siblings close to her in age and often feels left out when we talk about our childhood memories.

Oh and even though we are so close in age, there is still something different about being the oldest. Every one of my siblings still comes to me for advice and I get the feeling they look up to me even though as adults the age gaps should mean nothing.

Whew. Long post. Can you tell I'm bored today?

 

[Melissa_M]

I have an older brother who's 29, I'm 27, two sisters 23 and 19, and a little brother who is 16.
My older brother was such a bad-ass and got into so much trouble that I seemed to be an angel in comparison. He moved out when he was 18 and was very distant with our family so I became the "oldest" pretty much. I felt like I played a big role in helping raise my youngest sister and brother. I was 11 when my brother was born so I was changing diapers, feeding him, all that. Like Sara, I think it helped shape my personality into being more nurturing and responsible.

 

[ryder]

Tiff- I have to say that your experience as a foster baby is SO sad! Really heartbreaking, I hate hearing about people who just use foster kids for income. A foster parent should be someone who cares for children and wants to help them. I know our good friend who has been a foster parent for years is amazing, any baby she has is bought anything a new baby would because they are given money for it, the babies all get special books and keepsakes, photos and other memories which are all given to the parents who adopt them later. She treats them no different then she would ever have treated her own children.

I think your childhood definately shapes you and your relationships. I grew up as an only child and after my dad died I had no mother also because she was working, going to shcool etc. I stayed with family members and babysitters.

We eventually moved into the old farm house which was located bettween my grandma's house and our close family friend who is the foster parent. And pretty much as soon as I was old enough to babysit I was always at her place helping with all the kids and foster babies.

I didnt have much friend time and we were really poor, the only activity I was able to do was stuff with horses because I could work off lessons and board doing barn work.

I like to think I am pretty hardworking because of it I guess? Although not having a more normal childhood/teenagerhood does make me really said sometimes. I never had alot of friends, barely ever did anything socially.

 

[Tiff]

Yeah, they definitely didn't do screening as well back in the day like they probably should have, lol.

Not all foster families are like that though, my friend in high school's mother was a foster mother and she was amazing! Any time they got a foster child (especially one that was young) they'd take monthly pictures and made a photo album/scrapbook for the child so when they were adopted they'd have pictures of themselves. It was super cute!

As it stands I do not own a picture of myself before the age of 21 months. Jerks!!!