{CLOSED GROUP} Journey to BFP and Beyond!

[tcinks]

College algebra, public speaking, and health. The very basics , I know. When I first got out of high school , I had all these ideas about what I wanted to do, so I took a lot of major specific courses, and didn't finish the general courses. But once I'm done with this, I already have a good chunk of sociology courses finished for my major. I'm so excited , I'm a huge nerd and always loved school. Its just so expensive! We are paying off all the loans I foolishly took out years ago, and just blew off a lot of the classes, being young and naive. I think they should really stress more to high school students the seriousness of loan debt...I really didn't think much about it at the time...just "ooohh free money!" Yikes.

Anyway, how are you Natalie?

 

[kdmalk]

Yay, T! That's so exciting. And I totally agree about the debt. Honestly, I think they want you to see it as free money because the more you take out, the more they get in interest.

Expecting bad news tomorrow. Decided to buy a stupid Walmart test and expected it to be nice and dark by now if everything is actually alright. Bad news to report. Line is still super faint. Can't be good news coming my way. We will probably take a break after this. This has been ridiculously stressful for me.

 

[tcinks]

Oh Kylee. I am sincerely hoping and praying for you and little Taz. Please let us know what you find out tomorrow.

 

[zaycain]

Hi all,

Kylee.. I really hope that it's just a bad test. I hate that it's so stressful for you. How many weeks are you right now?


Fleur - Yeast infection is cleared up! Thanks for asking!

Jlw - My breast were sore after I found out. My nipples were so dark.. that was my giveaway.

T - Sounds exciting! I'm so done with school! It's true though.. when you're older you take it much more seriously.

Natalie - Sorry about the AF. I usually get that black/tar on my pad in the beginning. Do you think it's just normal tissue expelling?

AFM.. work is nuts. All good though. I *think*. Been doing OPKs and I'm ovulating now. Been BDing for the past couple of days. We shall see!

Does anyone else feel like their uterus area is just so different? I feel like I feel everything now. I always did.. but not it's just more. Hard to explain.

Anyway.. I hope all you ladies are doing well. Kylee, keep us posted. Praying for good news.

 

[NDH]

Kylee I hope its just a bad test

I only took three semesters of university, which was covered by my high school scholarships (since I went to a small local collage which had just that year become a faculty of the provincial university and the tuition hadn't yet been increased lol). I just took general studies and took class that interested me, and since I love to learn but hate the stress of exams I didn't go to a couple of them. It was so freeing I only ended up paying for my books, and a trip to Greece for my Ancient history class. I don't have anything to show for it but memories but I have no regrets.

The tar thing is new for me. I'm glad it seems to be normal for some of you as that make me feel less worried. I'll just chalk it down to one of the weird ways miscarriage affects our cycles. Makes me want to do one of those vaginal steams I linked recently though since it specifically mentioned dark/black blood but I can't bring myself to purposely not try to get pregnant so oh well.

I'm in the midst of applying for my Australian citizenship, and thought we were nearly ready to mail off the application on Monday and suddenly re read one of the questions and have discovered I need a Canadian police check to apply... Fun. We have one for my husband as he needed one in order to apply for his permanent residency, but I was already a permanent resident when we moved here so I didn't need one, but because I had been out of Australia for more than 12 months after my permanent residency was granted now I do. Would have been nice to know two months ago! Wewere hoping to sit the exam in January while my husband is off school as it will be tricky to do it timing wise later in the year.

 

[NDH]

Argh! The police check thing is a bigger hurdle than I realised even. I just learned it means I have to the police here and get paper fingerprints, send them to an accredited agency in Canada to have them digitized and forwarded on to the police, and the whole process can take 22 weeks or more, plus cost more than ficectimes the cost of the police check... Which was already half the cost of my application for citizenship in the first place. The ironic thing is i was eligible for citizenship in June and decided to wait and apply with my husband when he was eligible. If I'd just gone to do it back in June I would have found about this then and would have my police check now and could be applying with him. But he has to apply now without me cause he needs his citizenship for school.

 

[tcinks]

Oh Natalie that sounds so frustrating! What an ordeal. So I don't know about gaining citizenship in another country...will they kick you out after a certain time if you don't do it?

 

[Fleur828815]

Kylee, thinking of you, hope you get good news at the scan Keep us updated.

Natalie, I’ve been having that black, tar-like discharge since the miscarriage but my doctor had warned me to expect it, so I wasn’t too surprised. Good luck with your citizenship application, so annoying that you waited to apply and that you have to jump through hoops now. I’ve been through that (in France) so I know how frustrating the whole process can be.

Jamie, obsessing seems to be par for the course for most women when TTC. I’ve got a fertility app on my phone and note down my “symptoms” every day, so I keep comparing to other months. Unfortunately this month it doesn’t look promising at all compared to the month I got my BFP. Hope you’ll be luckier!

Terrissa, congratulations for enrolling, it’s good to have something else to keep your mind busy. Hope you’ll enjoy your classes. I wouldn’t mind going back to school if I didn’t have exams or assignments lol.

Zaycain, happy BDing, hope you catch the egg. The only sign of ovulation I used to have before the miscarriage was increased CM/EWCM but since then NADA, I’m even more out of touch with my body. I wouldn’t know where to situate my ovaries or even my uterus to be honest. Having said that, I have a retroverted uterus so I don’t know if that affects what I feel?

Dumb moment alert : yesterday was CD 23 (4/5 DPO) and my boobs became REALLY sore during the day. I started wondering if it might be a pregnancy symptom (got sore boobs as from 3DPO last time – but used to get them 10 days before AF also), then I realised that I'd done a new work-out at the gym the previous day and my boobs weren't actually sore at all, it was my pecs and surrounding muscles Back to normal today. I hate the 2WW, if I knew straight away that it didn't work I could just let go and look forward to next month instead of having that tiny glimmer of hope.

 

[coucou11]

Hi all! Sorry I went MIA yesterday, it's great to hear from everyone! AF was technically due yesterday, and I just knew if I came on here and said, she's not here yet, then she would arrive in an hour. So I stayed away, to avoid the jinx.

So here we are, no AF yet, but stark white BFN this morning. It's 11 DPO. I looked back at my posts from last time around this process, and I didn't get a faint until 13 DPO so hopefully I am just slow to develop hcg. I'll myabe test again on Monday or Tuesday. Please please AF stay away.

Kylee sending you big hugs - I really hope that was just a bad test and you will get good news soon. How are you feeling? I can only imagine how stressful all of our next early pregnancies are going to be - I just feel like every wipe will be a little moment of panic. And if I start spotting at all I am sure I will just have a panic attack right thre, even though spotting is totally normal in early pregnancy. Sigh. I can't remember which one of you said that the joy and innocence of pregnacy is gone, but I totally agree with that. Please keep us updated Kylee and know we are all hoping and praying for you and your hubby and Taz.

Fleur - I am not great at checking my cervix, in reality. What happens is that I never get CM on TP or really in my underwear, so I have to check for it internally. So basically, when I do that, sometimes I can feel my cervix, and other times not. So that's basically how I determine, but it's not mathmatical at all, haha. Good luck this TWW! I hope you caught the egg

Jamie my boobs never really hurt in pregnancy but I do agree that every pregnancy is different. I hope it's a good sign for you! Any other signs either way? I do wonder if the progesterone is having an effect.

Natalie I'm so sorry the witch got you Next time for sure! I agree that it's all very weird after the MC, things were different for my AF (much heavier at times) and also my temps. Also I'm so sorry about the visa process - what a pain! I remember getting my papers for living in France and it was so annoying, fifteen copies of everything and you were always missing some form or another. Sigh. Hoepfully they turn around the prints quickly and you can move on.

Terrissa congrats on getting back to school! That must feel so satisfying. I love school as well. Do you know what kind of job you want to get once you're all done?

Zay, yay for O! Glad the infection cleared up too! I hope this is your cycle I do feel my uterus is different, I am feeling a lot more cramping and twinges now, which is very unusual for AF, and slightly unusual if I am pregnant, this early. I never felt much of anything before the MC.

 

[tcinks]

Leigh, glad AF hasn't come. Maybe your bfp will come in a few days!

As for a future job...I have no idea. I just really want to be a stay at home mommy! Which I probably will whenever I am blessed with a child. But if I did work part time, it would be something in social services.

 

[NDH]

Good luck Leigh

 

[kdmalk]

Well..... Finally called the office at 4 because I was annoyed that I hadn't heard anything yet. Apparently they close at noon on Friday. Must have missed the part where she said it might be Monday before I hear back. I could swear she said "I'll call you tomorrow with the results." Twice. ....must be my hearing.

I am clearly in a really good mood today (NOT!). I will probably give the whole baby thing a rest for the weekend. Just going to see if I can make it through the weekend without bleeding and go from there. Prayers appreciated.

 

[tcinks]

Well..... Finally called the office at 4 because I was annoyed that I hadn't heard anything yet. Apparently they close at noon on Friday. Must have missed the part where she said it might be Monday before I hear back. I could swear she said "I'll call you tomorrow with the results." Twice. ....must be my hearing.

I am clearly in a really good mood today (NOT!). I will probably give the whole baby thing a rest for the weekend. Just going to see if I can make it through the weekend without bleeding and go from there. Prayers appreciated.

Ugh. Can't believe they're making you wait. A good idea to try not to think about it for a while, maybe you and hubby can do something fun over the weekend. Truly praying for good news for you.

 

[kdmalk]

DH is working long hours this weekend so it is all me here. Going to try to occupy myself with cheesy movies that I have practically memorized and Netflix. I worked from home again today (although I will be working in the evening instead of during the day after being out and about) and dh didn't have to work until 3, so we spent the morning and early afternoon together. We had lunch and then went for coffee and had plenty of time to talk about this pregnancy. I think we both needed the support today, so it was perfect to both be here. Feeling blessed in that sense. <- I think that is the first positive statement I have made all day about anything, so we can call that progress.

 

[KTJ006]

Hi Ladies. I read through everyone's post and am sending hugs to each of you I want good things to happen to each of us and I find myself getting so down when people who want something so bad have such a hard journey getting there.

I went to the doctor today and had an ultrasound done. I can't remember how much I've told you, but I've been having weird symptoms since the D&C and I wanted everything checked out. Doc said the majority of things looked good, but there's one thing in question so I go for a hysterosonography next Friday. It's where they inject saline into your uterus so you can see it better on an ultrasound to see if there are any growths, polyps, etc. It also cleans out your tubes and is supposed to make you more fertile since it will give the egg a chance to make it's way down to your uterus easier.

With all that said, I just need to mentally take a break from BNB and thinking about TTC as much as I am. I feel as if everything around me is a trigger as to what I would have had. For instance, today I take the kiddos to the park with a friend. About 15 minutes later another friend walks up who I hadn't seen in a while. Found out she is expecting and due a week before I would have been due. BAM. A slap in the face. I log onto this site maybe once a day and when I do, it consumes my thoughts for a long while. I become envious. Bitter. Hopeful. Happy. Sad. Frustrated. Stressed. Just a whirlwind of emotions. I need to take care of myself mentally and physically and I can't do that until I can get my emotions in check. I need to stop stressing about this stuff and instead focus on my kids and remember how lucky and blessed I am to have them.

I'm not going away completely. I just need a bit of a break. It might be a week, 2 weeks, a day, a few hours or a month. I don't know. You guys have been such a huge support for me and I greatly appreciate that. I hope every one of us will see something positive out of this experience we've all gone through. I will leave you with a devotion I happened to read this morning that I honestly felt was speaking to my heart. I hope some of you find light in it as well. to you all

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 4:6-7

 

[zaycain]

Kylee - So sorry to hear that. I know that medical offices are so desensitized to these things, but sometimes I just wish they can empathize a little better.

Waiting really sucks.

Afm.. I have a really itch bumpy rash outside of my lady parts. It's really annoying. Especially since I think tonight is the last chance to BD. Anyone ever experience this?

 

[jlw617]

Kylee-I know you're going through a rough time right now not knowing what is going on, I am praying for you

Katie-I totally understand where you're at right now and have considered doing the same thing a couple times but I guess for me at least right now, the pros of this group outweigh the cons but you have to do what's best for you, I hope you're not gone too long!

 

[jlw617]

Well ladies, I think I'm out, I got a bfn this morning and I'm due for AF today or tomorrow so with no symptoms and getting a bfn so close to AF im thinking it's not going to happen this month but I guess there's next month-I really hope it happens by next month because then I could possibly find out what I'm having before our annual trip to Idaho to visit family and we could do a little gender reveal party, plus I'll look somewhat pregnant and not just fat lol

 

[kdmalk]

Well my doctor decided to call me this morning. Progesterone only 3 and beta only 20. The progesterone pills she gave me (I think to get me to quit asking for them) she has now bumped me up to taking 3 a day. I go in next week for a follow up beta. Not expecting good things here (my specialty).

I told her the baby wasn't going to make it and she said that we want to give it every chance we can. I am of the opinion that it is a bit too late for that. I feel like an idiot for not absolutely insisting on the blood test when I went in last week for my uti. Taking 3 progesterone pills a day isn't going to save this baby. My levels have been stuck in the same spot for more than a week, so I'm completely pessimistic. But whatever. I'll take the pills. Yay for being 2/2 on pregnancy losses. Maybe I'll go for a record. And there probably won't be any pieces of my heart left when I reach it.

 

[kdmalk]

Kate- I hope your break can bring you some peace and relaxation

Zay- I feel that I have had something like that before, but I can't remember what I did for it! Maybe it is like a heat rash from working out? That has happened to me.

Jamie- on to next month! It will be a good month! Sorry for the bfn!