Could use a buddy

[treasured]

Another BFN for me today 10dpo so thought there would have been somthing there by now if id implanted surely? still getting the occasional cramping but no sign of AF down below.... should be due around tomorrow so we shall see!

Also just found out that a girl that OH knows has just found out shes 12 weeks pregnant, has no partner or anything and is 17. WHY do these people get OUR dreams? Its so unfair I actualy screamed when he told me! Grrrrrr.

Got a report to do tonight so I guess that will take my mind of things till I get home..
Losing my hope a it for this month

to all xxx

 

[lxb]

it's heart wrenching sometimes when we hear those type of news.

Hope AF is a no show for you. FX Treasured~

 

[SashimiMimi]

Is it a full moon or something? Sounds like a lot of us are on a downhill emotional slope! Well when you hit a low the only way to go is up. I'm feeling back to normal today and my head feels screwed on straight.

For the past few days, I had felt this pressure or tightness in my lower abdomen. Kind of like cramps without the pain. I felt like maybe that was a good sign, but this morning I woke up an felt nothing. I feel absolutely nothing, not even sore boobs which I felt big time last month. And always get that toward the end of my cycle. I usually feel nothing every month and it always turns out to be a BFFN... So I admit I'm losing hope. I know if this second IUI turns out to be a fail I'll be completely devestated. Sigh...but it's out of my control.

On the topic of OHs, mine never gets upset about the bfns month after month. At least visibly. He says it will happen and the infamous line: relax and have fun!!! But honestly, if he reacted like I did which is usually diving into bed and throwing a blanket over my head while bursting into tears, I'd lose it. It's hard enough to disappoint myself. I wouldn't be able to handle it if I knew I was disappointing my OH, or my mom, etc. I really think our OHs put on the brave face to benefit us. Not because they don't care.

I've said this before, but it looks like its being said again in other posts: the not knowing is killer!!! Also, someone brought up reflexology. I knew someone that did this and I went for a few sessions. It helped with some sleeping issues I was having, so I recommend it. Just make sure you find a good practitioner. My poor SIL went to a Kook of a naturopath last week who chanted and started doing voodoo. I was like, no thats not supposed to happen and sent her to mine who I think is amazing!!!

 

[meyko]

So just to keep everyone updated, i went to my doctor yesterday for a blood test and she said i should get a phone call by tomorrow or they will send a card out in the mail saying pregnant or not pregnant, i asked for the phone call i hate waiting!!! as i have read from everyone else i believe no one likes the waiting game! lol So today i am offically two weeks late for my period and im scared to take any more hpt for a fear of them coming back negative. Also i stopped by birth control in Feb didnt take any at all in march last period was march 20th but i had read alot of times a missed period is caused by stopping the pill, but then i should have missed my period in march not april.. maybe im over thinking it.. but what else can i do other than wait!! lol Good luck to you ladies!!!

 

[Pino6161]

Well I the witch was supposed to come Sunday. It is now Tuesday, and nothing. I don't want to POAS yet. Hopefullt, it is all of our month!!! I'm starting to get cautiously optomistic, but we will see.

I am feeling so much better today, although I didn't sleep very well.

I am praying that the witch leaves us all alone!!!

Treasured: I know how you are feeling, I have seen so much of it!! It's not fair! Myhusbands cousin is the same age and just had a precious baby boy. My brother is about to have a girl, and he is 18yo.

I have to believe that the Lord is making us wait for the perfect angel for us.

 

[lauren26]

Sashimi - Not only is May 5 a full moon, it's apparently a 'supermoon', lol. I am not totally sure what that means. I'm feeling better today, too!! I haven't had the same symptoms as I usually have pre-AF, but I feel like they're close enough. Usually my breasts are super tender for at least a week, and this time around they are much less so, though they are large and in charge, lol! Still, this is typical for me. I'm really not getting anything, so like you I'm feeling kind of out. I hope this is our month, though! I agree with the OH reaction. If my OH felt like I did every month I doubt we'd still be TTC!

treasured - I had a confusing FRER this am--going to call it a wash! Upon telling my OH he asked me to make a rule that I wouldn't test before AF is late. I said I would sincerely try, but that it's TOUGH! Still, his point was that it's really supposed to be too early unless it's the day of AF and she's not showing, and that it would be more cost effective not to buy a million tests. I guess he has a point! I will say, too, that the first month I temped I didn't test at all--not even once--and just watched my temps. It was definitely easier to swallow when AF came.

meyko - GL!! I hope this is your month.

Pino - I am so excited for you to test, though I understand being scared to! Let us know Fx.

 

[haribo813]

So hard not to read into symptoms but truth is, some people get them, some like my sister get nada indication in advance so let's all keep the positive vibes going for you girls that have AF due soon and the rest of us with her will continue to distract the witch...!

Thanks for reflexology comments Sashimi, will give it a go. (Although TTC is bankrupting me! You're right about temping being cheaper and less disappointing than tests Lauren! I do dislike the Clearblue test one which actually says in big letters NOT PREGNANT, although can't decide if that's worse than the lack of line?!) I read an article last week about people keeping strange things from pregnancy including BFP tests-I am totally keeping mine when I get it!

Good luck to everyone over the next couple of days and thanks for your help with the Clearblue OPK-it is set and ready to go although I'll need a few days before will be in BD'ing zone.
xxx

 

[lxb]

Yep... I still have that with me...

Agree with the clearblue test (although I have not tested with it), I can imagine being so bumped out much more when I see "NOT PREGNANT" than a lack of line. Although they meant the same thing "too early to test" or "not pregnant". I would rather not seeing additional line and maybe imagine I'm seeing a line than to see those two cruel words!

Update from me, CD4 is pretty light/spotting. SMEP ... here I come~

 

[lauren26]

haribo - Lol, The NOT PREGNANT is horrrrrrible! I feel like I'm going to FRAME my bfp when I finally get it!

 

[SashimiMimi]

Haribo that CB NOT PREGNANT would be like a punch in the stomach! Remind me not to buy that brand. I meant to chime in on the OPK, for ages I would never get that damn happy face when I tested in the morning. The instructions tell you to test first thing. Then my acupuncturist gave me those early pregnancy cheap strips and told me to test between 10 am and 8 pm because LH takes time to build during the day. I finally got the CB happy face when testing around 2 pm one of my cycles.

Lauren, okay a super moon totally explains it LOL!! I guess I should send an apology note to everyone from the party on Saturday and blame it on the moon. I guess I shouldn't read too much into my lack of sore boobs because technically I had a manufactured O this cycle what with the femara and trigger shot. But waking up with that completely empty feeling in my abomen gives me a rather hopeless feeling. I just don't know what more I can do to make this work!! Its going to be a long wait until Saturday!

 

[lauren26]

Sashimi - I am really feeling you!! I told OH today that I've done everything I can, and that it really wouldn't hurt to just run tests, even though my OB put me back at month 1 since I had a chemical (making this month 2--boo to that!!). I think he finally got it. That it would just give me more information. He said, 'You're just so EAGER--testing before your period, wanting the OB to do an ultrasound etc etc'. He didn't get it. I was like, of course I am! I want a baby! Lol. Anyway, I know what you mean about the empty feeling down yonder. I have decided to wait until Thursday or Friday to test again, and even the 1-2 day gap will be hard for me. I am going to read into this supermoon stuff! Saturday is supermoon day--I hope it's good to you on your test date Is that the day you get bloods done at the clinic, or the day you POAS?

 

[SleepyOwl]

Sounds like there are some exciting things going on in this thread! Meyko and Pino - I hope late AF means BFPs for you two! Sending positive thoughts your way Pino, when are you planning to test?

Treasured - OH said to me last night, "I don't want to upset you, but....so and so is pregnant." I nearly lost it. This woman is the meanest person alive and has no partner either! So unfair. It really does feel like they take our dreams, but I'm trying not to judge her...well, today at least. I was totally judging and throwing a pity party last night. I stormed off to bed at 9:30 and stalked this site so I could wallow in my own misery and barrenness.

Sashimi - Glad you are feeling better today! Some days you need to just be down in the dumps and let it all out I suppose. I've read on other threads and forums that alot of women experience that tightness/pressure before they get their BFP, so maybe it's a good thing! You test Saturday? Will you be going to the doctor to test or testing at home...or both?

Haribo - Where are you in your cycle right now? I'm having trouble keeping up with everyone here!

Lauren - Fingers crossed that those are good symptoms for you. I've got none. Not even sore boobies, so praying that is positive.

FF adjusted my AF date to Sunday May 6 since I O'd a few days early this cycle. Trying to hold out til May 8 if she doesn't show on Sunday. Been having a rough few days emotionally as well. Felt a bit better today - hopefully as the weekend approaches my spirits will be up!

 

[SashimiMimi]

Sleepy: There is a trend going on here where we are all emotional and don't have sore boobs... Maybe it's too early for me to be sore, but last month on the progesterone by boobs swelled up and were super sore. I bought a dress that I thought looked really great, but now thats not quite the case without progesterone boobs!

Lauren/Sleepy: I go to thE clinic for a blood test on Saturday. I haven't POAS only because the trigger shot I had can give a false positive if you test early. I may be wrong but it can take up to 11 days to come out of your system. On the flip side, seeing a single line right now would probably make me go berserk!!! Like I can't even get a false positive with an hcg shot floating around in my system. So I think I'll just POAS on Saturday then head to the test. At least it will give me some indication what the results will be. I'll have to go to the clinic Saturday morning and then they call you before 3 pm to to you if it's positive or not.

Lauren, even though the fertility visits are emotionally and physically draining I'm glad we are doing it. I'm so glad we didn't wait until July (our 1 year anniversary of TTC) to seek help from our doctor and have all those tests done. I really felt something wasn't working and to me waiting an extra 4 months would have been a waste of time. If anything I wanted it just to ease my mind. So if you want to test, I think you should push for it.

So I really wanted to get in to see my naturopath this month before we go to Hawaii in June. I'm preparing myself for the idea that we may be TTC the old fashioned way if nothing pans out before then and I wanted to see if there was anything I can take that would help my EWCM be less hostile. The only Saturday she is in, she's fully booked. I can't get there during the week with the hours I work now, so I doubt it will happen. Oh well, even though I'm getting way ahead of myself I'm feeling like maybe it would be good just to do nothing and take nothing as far as supplements and meds and just.... Relax and have fun!! I can't believe I said that!

My other latest thing is I keep thinking in should have, would have, could have terms. Like, I should have started TTC when I got married 3 years ago. Or even before that!!! OH and I have been together since I was 23. He used to be terrified that I would get pregnant way back then and even remember him saying it would be a "tragedy" if I did. At 23, I probably thought the same thing. But I feel like I should have been more well researched about fertility and not wait until I was 30 to try! Then I start thinking about my sperm blocking EWCM and wonder why I was on the pill for 11 years.

It's a vicious cycle. Even when I'm doing everything I can in the here and now I'm getting angered at my 25 year old self for not knowing the facts about fertility! I'll blame this on the super moon as well!!!

 

[SleepyOwl]

Sashimi - I'm mad at my 25 year old self too. It has crossed my mind more than a few times today. I was so naive!

 

[SashimiMimi]

Sashimi - I'm mad at my 25 year old self too. It has crossed my mind more than a few times today. I was so naive!

Glad I'm not the only one!! I don't think I even knew how ovulation worked exactly until we started TTC!!!

OH was invited to play golf this weekend (one of his fav things to do) and he declined because he knew I'd be testing. So he may not burst into tears and curl up into a ball like I do, but he declined a golf game. Now THAT is support!!!

 

[lauren26]

LOL, the new motto of the thread is: "Blame it on the super moon!" I like that.

My boobs have been slightly sore but nothing like they normally are. I've been down (supermoon!), but also haven't been raging and irritable like I normally am, either. I guess there's still time, lol. I really am doing my best not to read into symptoms. I'm starting to realize how much of a lather I work myself into during the TWW--I can't help most of it, but it has been easier this time around not symptom spotting quite as bad.

Our 1 year anniversary of TTC will be in July, too. I will certainly go in for tests before that day comes! Thank you for the encouragement. I actually told OH today that someone on BnB (which is you) had gotten tests run and had an OK experience, and he seemed to calm down. I really understand my OB's point of view. She just doesn't want to do anything invasive or put me on a med I don't need. In her defense, she asked me if we'd discussed Clomid back in January and I told her I'd like to avoid that route (because I know it dries up CM and I have very little).

Even though I'm a few years younger than you, Sashimi and Sleepy, I am blaming my younger self, too!! I wanted to BE pregnant at 25, and we waited. I'm not too far past it now, but still. I, too, lament the years of using BCP, condoms, pull & pray (not really a method, but we definitely used it for 3 years--of course, now that I know so much more about fertility it seems like a perfectly viable method for someone who can't get pregnant easily!). I SO didn't know that ovulation happened on one day per month and that we couldn't just 'get pregnant' any time we weren't careful. Sometimes the fact that we did pull & pray for so long and never got pg scares me, though we weren't BDing like bunnies, like we are now.

Sleepy - The lack of a normal AF symptom sounds very promising!! Fx that the non-sore boobs will mean a bfp!! Plus you don't have to deal with the sore boobs.

Well, y'all. I hope this super moon kicks in and brings us all some good luck!! I feel sorry that we've all been feeling so crappy lately, but I'm also glad that we're in it together and can relate! I sometimes feel sad when I think about us not all getting our BFPs at the same time because I'll want to stay in touch the whole way--this thread and you all have supported me just as much as OH. Thanks for that.

 

[lauren26]

PS Can I just say that this TWW feels ENDLESS this month??

Also, Sashimi, I feel like the 'relax and have fun' motto is going to turn us all, eventually! It's not that I don't want to relax and have fun, it's just seemed impossible. Hawaii sounds like the perfect place to do that! Though hopefully you won't have to worry about that in June

 

[SleepyOwl]

Lauren, this is the longest TWW EVER!! I feel like it is never going to end. Way to help me see the bright side of the not sore boobs. I complain about them every month and here I am complaining about not having them! Those gals can never win can they??

Sashimi, that is sweet of OH. They totally have their way of dealing with TTC and being supportive. Nice to know that he'll be around all weekend! Totally missed the part where you said you were going to Hawaii. Jealous! That will be amazing!!

Also Lauren, I had the same thought - what if we all get our BFP's at different times? I will actually be legitimately sad once this thread is all sorts of chopped up between different forums. Depending on the day...I may cry.

Speaking of crying...on the way home from work I was laughing like a maniac at something on the radio that was NOT funny in the least only to burst into tears within seconds. This supermoon is making me NUTS!

 

[lauren26]

LOL on the laughing and crying! I will def cry when our little thread gets broken up!! Maybe if we make hommage to the super moon it will grant us all our BFPs simultaneously, lol. With any luck, we won't be far apart in our good news and our thread can just move into 1st Tri! Your poor boobs...they really can't catch a break! I treat mine the same way.

 

[SleepyOwl]

Plus I've been poking and grabbing and cupping them ALL day just to see. My boss caught me at work but just looked away. So embarrassing but frankly, I didn't really care. I had to know if they were sore or not, lol!