Could use a buddy

[lauren26]

lxb how did you tell OH??? Dying to know!

 

[SleepyOwl]

Yes, I want to know to - tell us!!! What was his reaction?

 

[countrygirl86]

Thanks everyone! You are all so great

haribo - I'm feeling great, thanks! Afraid that may change soon but still comprehending the BFP lol My estimated due date is February 4 but because of my crazy long cycle my doctor said January 14. I go for my dating scan in 2 weeks so I'll have a better idea then. I've had those periods where it's really dark and clotty, it's gross and uncomfortable but as far as I know it's fairly common once in a while. Hope you have a lovely holiday!

lxb - no way, DH and I's wedding anniversary is February 5th too!!! What year did you get married? What was your wedding like? How DID you tell DH?

Sleepy - it's looking good for you this cycle too...

Sashimi - looking forward to hearing the results of the blood test today!

 

[Pino6161]

Hey everyone. So again congrats to Country, and lxb!! HH 9 months

SashimiMimi-- I hope your Dr appt goes smoothly, and with good results.

It is the 30th, if I'm not mistaken, who else was suposed to test today??

Well I woke up and my knee is bothering me a bit, I think I just overdid things yesterday.

 

[SashimiMimi]

BFFN for me. It's been confirmed. I'm currently locked in a bathroom at work absolutely bawling my eyes out. I don't know how I'll go back to my desk without it being obvious that something is wrong. OH doesn't want to TTC for a few months, so this may be the end of the road for a little while. Last night when he suggested the idea of not TTC for a while I was against it, but now I think it's for the best. I don't have anything left in me to deal with the heartbreak month after month.

 

[Pino6161]

Sash--- Your post made me cry, my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry. We are all here for you.

Can you just say your sick? Go home, and let yourself grieve?

 

[SleepyOwl]

Sashimi, I am so sorry Maybe taking a break wouldn't be such a bad idea since TTC is so difficult, plus add to that all the appointments you have, it is just so emotionally draining. Pino had a good idea - maybe say you're feeling the weather and see if you can sneak out? Work is definitely no place to be right now. I hope you feel better soon - take your time. We're here for you if you need you!

Pino - I was supposed to test today but I'm not going to. I have had cramps all day which is usual for a few days before I start AF. I am of course hoping for the best, but I'll just wait and see.

My MIL called this morning to wish me and OH a happy anniversary. She ended the phone call saying that all of my husband's friends have children and that by our 4th anniversary that "without fail" she needs to have a grand baby in her arms. I replied with, "Ummm, we'll work on that." And then she said, "NO, YOU HAVE TO DO IT!". Literally, she shouted at me. I wanted to curse her out right there. Like I have ANY control over this situation. Like I don't want a baby in my arms right now. Please. So frustrating. I was thankful in that moment that I didn't test because if it was a BFN and I had that conversation with her, I probably would have cried my eyes out before lunch with OH.

 

[countrygirl86]

Sashimi, I am so sorry for your BFFN. You are a role model to me! You've had so much strength and perseverance through all of this. If it's time for you to take a break from it, that's what you have to do. Your amazing trip is coming up and you and DH can relax and enjoy each other's company. I know everyone on this thread was super rooting for you but it just wasn't meant to be this round. I agree with Pino and Sleepy, you should get out of work for the day. I can't imagine what you are going through right now but you aren't alone, we are your buddies....

 

[Pino6161]

Sleepy-- I understand completely about your MIL. My parents don't push it cause they want me to havea career first. I have brought it up to my mom casually a while back. My husband's family is a diff. story. I hear the same thing at least 2x a month, they don't take a hit. We always say "not right now" just to get them off our backs for a while. Doesn't work though. It might be the best thing just to tell her to back off. I had to w/ my in-laws cause it doesn't stop. I hopw AF doesn't show!

 

[lxb]

Oh dear sashimi... *hugss* Please just say you're not feeling well and need go home. We are all here for you. And I agree with others. ttc and all those appointments are emotionally draining. You have such strong mind and I hope you will feel better soon.

The trip is definitely a big plus. Take the time off your everyday, your work, and simply enjoy each other and the environment

 

[SashimiMimi]

Thanks for all your wonderful support everyone. This is really turning into a hell of a day... After a 25-minute cry in the bathroom, I composed myself enough to return to my desk. At that point my mom called. I had OH call her knowing I wouldn't be able to handle hearing her voice... Well she called me crying and then I completely lost it and had to run outside and duck into an alley. We had a long conversation with lots of tears and when I turned around a co-worker was behind me having a smoke. It's someone I really like and she was genuinely concerned, so I told her about why I was so upset. There was really no hiding it. She was sympathetic and I actually felt better talking to someone.

Well, later on OH called and I told him I was caught crying in the alley and had to tell. He got very upset with me (the last thing I needed) and said I shouldn't trust anyone, "The cat was out of the bag", "The jig is up," etc., etc. He was really upset with me for revealing what I was going through, certain that this co-worker would gossip and I put myself at risk of losing my new job. I do not believe that first of all this particular co-worker would tell, I don't work in a gossipy place and I'm not doing anything wrong. It is my right as a human being to start a family. I said to OH it is not like I'm secretly interviewing for another job and crying because I didn't get it. The only thing I have ever wanted to be in life is a mom and right now I'm not sure if or when that is going to happen. Do you guys think I made a mistake telling my co-worker? On one hand, this was my safe place where no one knew what I was going through in my personal life. Now that's not the case. I ended up telling another girl I've become close with when we went for coffee. She told me her parents tried for 7 years with her, how her step-grandmother would constantly harass her mother about having a baby and it has strained their relationship to this day.

So that brings to what Sleepy said, what a thing for your MIL to say on your anniversary. Ouch! Would you ever consider telling her you have been trying and that you are doing everything you can? It's none of her business, but maybe if OH had a heart-to-heart she would understand?

It's 5:30 here and I'm actually here at work. Pretty much everyone saw me flee my desk in tears and for the rest of my team, they basically tip toed around me for the rest of the day. Because I'm going away next week for 17 days, I have too many deadlines to meet before I go away. Just focusing on my work actually helped distract me and I think I am going to hit the gym for either a Hot Yoga or Spin class in a few minutes.

Thanks for your support everyone. I don't know what I would do without this board!

 

[Pino6161]

Sash-- I don't think you did a bad thing by telling your co-worker, and if you are worried, I am sure you can ask her not to tell anyone because you don't want to hear "you got your BFPyet?" I am sure she would understand and keep your secret. I don't understand why you could get fired, I mean it's not illegal to want a child, I wonder if he was more upset by the fact you caught caught taking an unauthorized break? Even then, they can't say everyone has personal issues.

 

[SashimiMimi]

He was just upset that I told about TTC. He feels that since I just started this job, it would be detrimental for my employer found out that I took this position on actively TTC. We talked about it again just now and couldn't come to an agreement on the topic. I know for a fact that no one here is a gossip, so I'm not worried at all about it getting around. I don't think anyone will ask me about it and if they do, I'll say I'm on a break from trying which is about to be true... I just can't figure out what's wrong with me. $1000 injections, 4 follicles, record-breaking sperm count, acupuncture and a BFFN.

 

[Lika]

He was just upset that I told about TTC. He feels that since I just started this job, it would be detrimental for my employer found out that I took this position on actively TTC. We talked about it again just now and couldn't come to an agreement on the topic. I know for a fact that no one here is a gossip, so I'm not worried at all about it getting around. I don't think anyone will ask me about it and if they do, I'll say I'm on a break from trying which is about to be true... I just can't figure out what's wrong with me. $1000 injections, 4 follicles, record-breaking sperm count, acupuncture and a BFFN.

Awww hun to you!!! I will say a prayer for you to get you soon! I know how heartbreaking are I've had 3 MC since I was 18, no live births
I got my hubby back from deployment beginning of April and we have been TCC since. Last month my cycle was regular, AF showed when it should. But this month the has not shown her ugly face, I'm late by a week, but dozens of tests later I still get I'm heartbroken I wanna be a mommy so bad!!!
So here's a little bit of for us all, and may we all get our soon!
TCC buddies for sure

 

[Pino6161]

I know sweetie. Just let him have time to cool down. I think you are both very emotional right now, and snapping over the little things rather than what's on your mind as bad as this sounds. After me and OH's dr appt and got cleared w/ everything and that month getting our bffn we had a similar fight, just to find out we were both secretly blaming each other, and who's fault was it. We ended up talking about 2 weeks later about it after things had cooled down, but it didn't change the mind frame to this day every bfn I blame myself for not being able to give my OH the bfp he deserves.

Maybe a break is what you need, even if it is not long term, and just while you are on vacation. That way you guys can rekindle your feelings for each other, and release the pain and the blame of this month.

I hope things get better. I know this won't help much, but I keep thinking about what your mom said a couple weeks ago about your vacation. maybe you just need to take your mind off of things and relax. Lots of love, and lots of

 

[Lika]

Ditto what she said hun. Stress is not good for any of you. If you need to vent we are here.

** Praying for you hun. Your will come!!! Lots of good vibes your way !!!

 

[Pino6161]

Lika--- Have you went for a blood test? I know quite a few people that it doesn't show until way later.

 

[Lika]

Lika--- Have you went for a blood test? I know quite a few people that it doesn't show until way later.

I was thinking about going for one... Should I wait a little longer? My last period started April 24th :/ I'm so confused!

 

[lxb]

dear sashimi.... I wish we could all be there in person with you. For you to vent and talk (face to face) and to give you real hugs. I certainly don't think you've made a mistake by telling your coworker. Plus, it's nice to have the extra support. Your OH is probably only worry about your well being and the affect it could be on your job and what you have to face on day-to-day basis (might bring additional stress to you).

Having deadlines and keeping yourself busy is a great distraction. After that, you & your OH will be off to a place where you can focus on just the two of you and nobody else. I rooting for mama sashimi's feeling to be right on and you will be bringing back a nice little souvenir from Kauai. I failed to bring a little souvenir back when I went to Kauai... now you have to do it for the team!!

 

[Pino6161]

Lika--- Have you went for a blood test? I know quite a few people that it doesn't show until way later.

I was thinking about going for one... Should I wait a little longer? My last period started April 24th :/ I'm so confused!

How long do your periods usually last? I mean mine range up to 33 days. When do you think you o'd?

Going would def. relieve your mind as it will be a for sure way of knowing