Dealing with azoospermia?

[silverbell]

AFM-We had our ultrasound yesterday and baby M is actually starting to look like a baby now! We are measuring 1 day behind but that is perfectly normal and definitely acceptable for me! It was awesome to see our baby moving around a bit. My ovaries are definitely looking more normal now which is also awesome. Baby's heartbeat was at 160bpm and the u/s tech said everything looked good.

Great news about the scan! Sounds perfect

SilverBell, gosh, I didn't realise your cycle was that soon! How are you feeling? Keeping everything crossed for you, hun, we 'Azoo Aunties' (love it!) want lots of nieces and nephews to coo over!

AFM, well, we got our TESE appointment through, so roll on 23rd April (cue little shriek in my head). We have the follow-up appointment on the 16th May - three days before our wedding anniversary, so it'll either be the best or the worst anniversary imaginable. Gulp.

The only thing we have agreed upon is if it's bad news, we're booking a lovely, exotic holiday. I can't remember who said it, but you need things to look forward to when you're dealing with all this, well, cr*p.

I am feeling good - I just want it to be time now. We're both very excited for the first time in a very, very long time. I know it'll be different once we're in that horrid 2ww and particularly if we get AF show up instead of a BFP, but for now we're excited and that's something we're enjoying feeling!

23 April is the day before my DH's birthday and is St George's Day. I do hope it's a good day for you.

I definitely agree that you should book a lovely holiday if it's bad news. We had booked to go away for the weekend we received our news and it was exactly what we needed. We just needed to be together, talk, cuddle and cry if we wanted.

You're right - us azoo ladies and guys definitely need something to look forward to with all this crap.

Well girls, yesterday was one of those days that I wish never happened..... one of my tubes is completely blocked. I cried the whole way home. Even though they said I could still get pregnant from the other one, it is just so hurtful that we already have all these odds stacked against us than to add this to it. So, I am going from a 10% chance per try now to about a 2% per try! I feel like just curling up in a ball and giving up!!! Why in the hell does this have to be soooooo damn complicated for us?! Why can't we all just get pg the first time we get nutted in like everyone else?! I am seriously thinking of forgetting the whole effing thing! I don't think I can take much more heartbreak! If it is like this now, then when the time comes and it fails, IDK how I will cope?! I am just really over this.... He tried to open it and I about came off that table! I hurt so bad and I have bled like a stuck pig! Sorry for the rant, but it was a bad night and morning so far...

snd

I don't even know what to say. I am very thankful that you still have 1 normal tube, but I know right now you won't be thinking like that and it will all seem like a horrible nightmare. I think it was Deb who said in the past that us ladies have had so much crap to put up with and so much go on and then when it turns out there might actually be a problem with us and a further obstacle, everything feels like it's just falling apart. It's just another blow to an already vulnerable and suffering couple and it most definitely isn't fair at all. I had some bad news about a low AMH this week and it shook me up so much.

Don't forget that IVF is still an option, as tubes aren't required for that. I know you don't want to be thinking about IVF right now, but it's still an option in the future if you wished.

Who gave you the percentages for treatment? 10% seems very low for IUI. I was told it was around 20% for normal IUI (same as any average, fertile couple TTC) but with medication it increased to around 25/30%. Plus it seems weird going from 10% to 2% because of a single blocked tube??

Is it possible to get referred to see if they can unblock the tube for you surgically?

I really hope the bleeding stops soon, you poor thing.

I really don't know what to say, snd. I'm so sorry. I wish I could wave a wand and make it all better. Take your time just dealing with what you have been told and crying it out if you need to. Each day will get easier and I'm sure you'll both come to the right decision for you. Thinking of you lots

 

[snd80]

Thank you girls... I am just really low right now. My specialist in Jackson told me there was a 10% chance per try in Nov, so calculate the odds now with all this shit and boom; there is your #. The drs office called me this morning with blood results from the 14th, and they didn't even know about the test results from yesterday. I had to tell the woman. She said doc was out til Mon and they would review them then and call me to discuss options. I hope there is a way they can monitor my ovaries each month to see which one is producing so I won't be throwing $1000 away on the "wrong one" at a try (if I even continue). Like I told her I might as well throw that grand in the street and let people fight over it if it is the wrong one's month! And I cannot afford IVF, so it is this or nothing at all. And lucky I even have the money for this, which btw I finally have all of, and now I am like for what??! To throw away?!

Poor hubby is trying his best to be optimistic enough for the both of us and can't understand why I am so down, and said we would continue forward til they told us there was no hope; but me, I can only seem to look at the dark side of things! What was so bad is on the way there we were talking and wishing... hubby said he hoped we would have a girl, talking about how things wouldn't change as much, that we would just have a new little tag-along on our adventures... so blissful and hopeful, now to this dark hush-hush reality of might-never-be's. I haven't even called my mother to tell her the outcome, but I know she knows it went bad cause I didn't call her yesterday after I got out. I just don't feel like talking to her, or anyone really. I know you girls understand cause we are all in this boat in some form or another, but for those who haven't been here don't understand. Like I've told her before, you had your kids, so you will never understand what I am REALLY going through...

Maybe this cloud will lift in a bit, but for now I am where I am. Thanks again for the thoughts....

 

[WANBMUM]

Well girls, yesterday was one of those days that I wish never happened..... one of my tubes is completely blocked. I cried the whole way home. Even though they said I could still get pregnant from the other one, it is just so hurtful that we already have all these odds stacked against us than to add this to it. So, I am going from a 10% chance per try now to about a 2% per try! I feel like just curling up in a ball and giving up!!! Why in the hell does this have to be soooooo damn complicated for us?! Why can't we all just get pg the first time we get nutted in like everyone else?! I am seriously thinking of forgetting the whole effing thing! I don't think I can take much more heartbreak! If it is like this now, then when the time comes and it fails, IDK how I will cope?! I am just really over this.... He tried to open it and I about came off that table! I hurt so bad and I have bled like a stuck pig! Sorry for the rant, but it was a bad night and morning so far...

Aw honey, I am so angry for you! It really is enough for your hubby and you to go through what you have been through, never mind this. Why is it so unfair?
Do they give a reason as to how it blocks? not that it makes a difference I guess.
Hope you are ok, as well as you could be I guess. Just think, where there is a will there is a way and when you have hope, that is all you need. It is going to happen for you.

 

[WANBMUM]

SND - you are bound to feel low and dont feel bad for feeling like that. As you know yourself, its a rollercoaster and some days we are fine and other days everything is dark. Feel crap and who knows, it might lift. Your hubby sounds like such a sweetie, bless him.
It breaks my heart to know how much money comes into our journey, but that is the reality, it sucks that money dictates our decisions and choices. My OH is a believer that the money will come from somewhere, I am the worrier of course and it kills me to think money will decide our fate.
My consultant said it is a 20% chance with IUI, however he states those figures are not realistic and the reality is, there is a 50% chance, it is either going to work or it is not with each cycle. I like his thinking.
sending you positive, shoulder to cry on hugs

 

[Deb111]

Gosh, so much to catch up on

- snd - so sorry sweetie - it's just another kick in the teeth, but like you say, they will be able to tell which side you are going to ovulate from with a scan and then only do it on the correct cycle. I really don't see that it should reduce your chances as long as you do it on the correct month. I know it's not quite the same, but I know my colleague's daughter had one of those dermoid cysts removed and was told she was unlikely to ever conceive naturally and would need IVF - she was pregnant in less than 4 months after they were allowed to TTC and with only one ovary. As you say, you need to wallow in it for the time being and why shouldn't you be allowed to? It sucks big time!! But you WILL get stronger and more positive every day and you WILL move on with this journey because you know how tough the alternative is. We are all here for you hun xx

Tiger - keeping everything crossed for the 23rd April

Sar - fab news that your scan went well and LO is looing like a real person

AFM, I came home to a lovely surprise today - some beautiful flowers and lovely card from the lovely Silverbell - I'm so touched - it's amazing the kindness and support that people we've never met can show - as I've said many times, I don't know where I'd be without you girls

I phoned our Dr's surgery to see what happens next and I'm booked to see the midwife on Friday - so that's an optional HCG blood test I've chosen to have and pay for on Monday, probably a repeat blood test on Wed to check numbers are doubling and then midwife on Friday

Very exciting, but I have to say, every day is scary - I guess the waiting and worrying never ends

 

[Sar187]

Tiger-so glad to hear you got the TESE appointment, It will be here before you know it!

SND-So so sorry to hear about this. Just don't give up hope yet. Also remember that those odds you were given were most likely for a non-medicated cycle. While medicated IUI cycles are more expensive they can make you produce more than one egg which ups your chances of 1 producing an egg on the side with the good tube and 2 hopefully producing more than 1 on that side. They should be able to monitor your follicles during your cycle to see which side has the leading follicle, that leading follicle is usually the one that ovulates the egg for that cycle. You would still have to pay for the monitoring but you would be able to cancel if the good side didn't look like it was going to be the "winner" for that cycle.

What you are feeling right now is perfectly normal and you are entitled to all the time you need to deal with the news. cry, get angry, yell if you have to, just remember we are all here for you.

 

[Deb111]

My consultant said it is a 20% chance with IUI, however he states those figures are not realistic and the reality is, there is a 50% chance, it is either going to work or it is not with each cycle. I like his thinking

That's exactly how I thought of it each time - we were given the statistics and when people asked I would say I'd no real idea - I honestly let them go in one ear and out the other. As you say, it either works or it doesn't - 50/50

 

[Sar187]

Deb-Hoping to hear some great numbers from you next week!

 

[raelynn]

SND I am so sorry. I can't imagine what a blow that must have been. I think all of us feel the same way, each new obstacle is just 10 times as traumatic since we're already fighting against all odds for our precious little ones.

As for me - I was starting to get excited about things starting to move along but then we got a call today from the fertility center letting us know that our insurance will not cover anything if we go along with a donor backup. We had pretty much come to terms with that plan knowing that there is a very good chance we won't find any of hubby's sperm to use and now we find out our main plan is going to double our costs. I don't know what to think. Now we have another huge decision before us and we have to wait until next week for the financial adviser to call us with specifics. Nothing is easy and AF is toying with me as I expected a temp drop today since it is CD 13 but it went up instead (I'm still temping for my own sanity since with PCOS if I don't temp I have no clue when my cycles will end). Why does everything go crazy at once?

 

[deafgal01]

Snd- LET IT ALL OUT! There is nothing I can say to make you feel better but I agree with all of what you said- it's not fair. No way in hell is any of this fair- none of us deserves to have obstacles in our journey to having a baby (what should be a natural and free process). I may not understand 100% right now what you're going thru but we'll hold your hands (and I know some of us do actually know where you're coming from because we've been there). I'll give you as many hugs as you need right now. It may look very dark right now but eventually you'll have a few good days here and there. I hope that you still manage to get your forever bfp/baby eventually.

I like the idea of going into ivf thinking that it's 50/50. It either will work or it won't. I'll have to remember that.

everyone else!

 

[deafgal01]

Rae- that's awful about the insurance not covering anything. Makes me mad at the stupid insurance for being greedy companies and not letting us have our dreams to have a baby come true. How much extra would it cost you both?

 

[wibble wobble]

Just got my results and I haven't got a clue what they mean, I only spoke to the receptionist:
Eastro 358
Progesterone 14.4
LH 6.6
Fsh 5.3

If anyone can help I'd be grateful. Oh ya, it was day 19 as it fell on a weekend.

Hey gals can any of you help me out?

I was told for day 21 progesterone needs to be over 30 nmol to suggest ovulation has occurred but as your test was early in will be a little inaccurate,they can also give you clomid to help with ovulation if they think you have a problem

 

[wibble wobble]

Hello ladies

How are you all doing today? Man, this thread is moving, lots going on, which is great!

Deb, how are you doing? When do you need to go for blood work/tests etc? It's just so... awesome!

Sun, glad the HSG went well

SND, hope your HSG was okay.. With all these tests we have to suffer, you begin to understand how the turkey feels on Christmas morning!

WanB, I wish I could help, hun. Hopefully your Dr will go over them with you. I didn't even get the levels from our consultant, he just said "it's fine, just lose weight". Hmm, I think the 'bedside manner' was MIA that day!

Rae, wow, that is fast! I guess sometimes it's good that things are moving along, stops you from having time to think about everything. The sooner you get moving, the sooner you'll have that baby, darling! And don't forget, we're all here supporting you all the way

SilverBell, gosh, I didn't realise your cycle was that soon! How are you feeling? Keeping everything crossed for you, hun, we 'Azoo Aunties' (love it!) want lots of nieces and nephews to coo over!

MoBaby, hope you're doing okay, darling

DeafGal, fingers crossed the medicine does the trick you and have a nice little surprise on the way

I'm sorry if I've missed anyone, I'm sure I have (I'm a real 'blonde' at times!), big and positive vibes heading your way.

AFM, well, we got our TESE appointment through, so roll on 23rd April (cue little shriek in my head). We have the follow-up appointment on the 16th May - three days before our wedding anniversary, so it'll either be the best or the worst anniversary imaginable. Gulp.

We still don't know what we're going to do about using a donor. We've discussed it a little, but DH's response is always "let's decide when we know for sure" (he's a scientist, it's always about the results *bangs head off brick wall*). I know he thinks this is all HIM, but he forgets that I'm 37 in June and my eggs are not exactly in cracking (excuse the pun) condition and time is against me/us.

The only thing we have agreed upon is if it's bad news, we're booking a lovely, exotic holiday. I can't remember who said it, but you need things to look forward to when you're dealing with all this, well, cr*p.

I hope you all have a marvellous weekend. The sun is popping through here in London, so I'm hoping it's here to stay!

Much love,

C xx

I think it was me that said you need things to look forward to, I've got my holiday in october as I didn't think I'd get treatment this year, turns out that I'm in with a chance depending on my screening results... I can ring up the donor co ordinator once my results are in to find out how long the donor wait is.

my hubby was the same we'll talk about it when it happens, but when we did get the zero result it was me that took it worse than him He'd been thinking about but not talking about it whereas I was being over optimistic and trying to make him be optimistic and hadn't really considered donor properly

 

[wibble wobble]

Well girls, yesterday was one of those days that I wish never happened..... one of my tubes is completely blocked. I cried the whole way home. Even though they said I could still get pregnant from the other one, it is just so hurtful that we already have all these odds stacked against us than to add this to it. So, I am going from a 10% chance per try now to about a 2% per try! I feel like just curling up in a ball and giving up!!! Why in the hell does this have to be soooooo damn complicated for us?! Why can't we all just get pg the first time we get nutted in like everyone else?! I am seriously thinking of forgetting the whole effing thing! I don't think I can take much more heartbreak! If it is like this now, then when the time comes and it fails, IDK how I will cope?! I am just really over this.... He tried to open it and I about came off that table! I hurt so bad and I have bled like a stuck pig! Sorry for the rant, but it was a bad night and morning so far...

so sorry to hear you got such a bad result on your hsg. Your totally right about us azoo ladies getting one knock back after another. Your not going to give up on your dream of being a mommy though, you were strong enough to get through the azoo,you can get through this. Is it possible for you to have ivf instead? this has a higher success rate... I've been forced into ivf by my clinic as they said my amh is low at 17.4 and being nhs I can't really argue with them as they're doing it for free.... I'm miffed I can't have iui first still now after over a month of being told!

 

[raelynn]

Rae- that's awful about the insurance not covering anything. Makes me mad at the stupid insurance for being greedy companies and not letting us have our dreams to have a baby come true. How much extra would it cost you both?

It depends on what we decide to go with. It looks like it is going to come down to what we can afford which is really not the best way to make these decisions but what else can we do? We're getting the run down on exact costs next week when the financial adviser calls but the estimates we have so far (without insurance) are:

TESE: $5,000
mTESE: $10,000
IVF: $10,000 (not including meds)
Donor: $250-600

Plus storage costs, meds, doctors visits, tests, etc. Insurance was originally going to cover 50%

 

[deafgal01]

Rae-- That's a lot of money to throw into it. I hope you figure out something that will work for you. Do they give money back if the ivf is not successful? I hope that somehow you find the money to proceed with this. It's definitely a tough decision to decide now.

 

[raelynn]

Right now we have to wait. The fertility has a financial adviser who is supposed to call us Monday or Tuesday so we won't know until then if they can offer us any financial assistance or anything.

 

[deafgal01]

Rae- that sucks. Just when we thought you'd be getting the ball rolling on this, it stops again with a new challenge/obstacle. Arugh. Why can't it be free for us to have our babies too and we just pay the bill for having a baby at end of 9 months?

 

[raelynn]

I completely agree. Isn't our suffering payment enough?

 

[deafgal01]

rae hope it works out for you.