Dealing with azoospermia?

[lbm2009]

Just had the worst thought . Maybe I will never be a mother, it's such a horrible thought I can't get it out of my head. I love the man snoring next to me so much we have been together since we were 15. All I want is to have a family together to make our life complete. To love nurture and teach I know we will make wonderful parents and just want the chance . I read all these horrid stories about how others treat their innocent children and it makes me feel sick, these people are the ones who should have fertility problems so they canno inflict pain and suffering. Another reason why I have no faith in a god. If there was a god there would be no need for this forum. please let 2012 be our year! I'm surrounded by pregnant friends. Rant over and I feel loads better after a good cry. Lots of baby dust to you all.

 

[deafgal01]

Deb-great to hear that you're doing very well and baby's on track.

lbm- We all have had days like that. I hope that you do get a bfp at some point this year though and that dream of being a mother will come true. I agree it sucks that there's such awful parents out there who don't treat their kids decently. Arugh.

Wibble- so sweet of you to think of your gran at a time like this. I can't imagine how hard it has to be to go on living after your own kids pass away before you. It shouldn't be like that but it does happen. Hope your mum has a great mother's day. Wibble- I hope you do treat yourself too since you have the ability of being a mother too. I hope one day soon you shall be announcing a bfp and be on your way to having a baby of your own to raise.

 

[SunUp]

Hey all!
Haven't been on in a while, I am sorry. I went back and caught up.
Welcome to the new group members, while no one wants to join, I think this group is probably the best on BNB! Ok, I am biased, but its great to have other people who are going through similar things and can be supportive.

So, DH had his Tese and we thought we would get all our answers right away. They said the area was really scarred from a previous surgery and didnt see any sperm in their sample - but we were supposed to get some more official results this week.

Well - they called and left a message that they sent the sample to ANOTHER lab-
And our center is one of the best in the area - So now I am at a total LOSS as to what they need another lab to look at? Anyone else ever have this happen???

So - another waiting game! I am getting pretty good at waiting - lol! Its awful but it always seems like there is something else we need to wait for!

DH have been talking a lot about our other options, and are pretty open to them.

I really wanted him to understand - that he is meant to be a father... and the things that I love about him were not something he 'got' in his genes, but rather things that he learned and was raised to do. His best qualities are things that are 'learned' and those are things I want him to teach our children - whether biologically they are from his sperm or not -they will be ours - whenever we have them.

Hope that makes sense.

Please know I haven't forgotten all of you, I just needed a break from thinking so much!

Hugs to you all!!!!!

 

[deafgal01]

Sunup- is it possible they wanted a second opinion to make sure their first thoughts about the results were correct before giving you the info? That is odd when they are the best center. I don't know.

 

[MJ73]

Hi, how are all you gorgeous girls?

lbm; Sorry you're going through such a tough time. I hope that it is of some comfort to know that you're not alone in what you're feeling. I feel like that often & this feeling of panic comes over me. It does just seem so unfair that what we desire so desperately & have to work so hard to get, comes so easily to many who are so undeserving.

SND; I agree, rant away hun I found out today that a friend of mine had her baby last week. She was at our engagement party & was still single, she hadn't even met her husband yet! And yet they have a baby already. In the time that we've been trying, they've met, got married & had a baby. Some days just suck!

Sun; so good to 'see' you again! Sorry that they are taking so long to get back to you with results, that must be pure torture. I am so sorry that any of us have to go through this. I think that is one of the toughest parts for us azoo girls; seeing our DHs work through it all... Excellent job on the FB page by the way

Wibble; good to 'see' you again too! It sounds like things are moving along nicely for you guys. I feel a bit differently about time moving quickly. my body clock is ticking SO loudly & I would like time to slow down

Deafgal; good luck with DH's new meds. FX for you guys

Deb; great to hear things are progressing nicely. The tiredness is so overwhelming, isn't it? I only made it to 6 weeks, but that was my main symptom. That & food/smell sensitivity.

AFM, held it together all weekend while I've been caring for my Mum & then came home & burst into tears on DH's shoulder. Just feel like I can't handle any more stress in my life right now. Also feeling like, all I want is a baby... Is that too much to ask?

Hugs to everyone!!!

 

[lbm2009]

Thanks for your support I think this forum is just what I need. Speaking to people who are experiencing similar issues. Just had an argument with mother in law over my husbands doctor. She can see no wrong in him. This is the same doctor who told my husband "you have no sperm, go private. Even though our pct offers one course of ivf. A lovely way to spend mothers day. Grrrr! She's got a major chip on her shoulder because he's the family doctor and can do no wrong. He's useless my husband hasn't even seen a urologist yet.

 

[cosita]

Hi everyone, welcome to all the newbies, sorry to see you here but be sure that you will find everything you need here and more. I have to backtrack a little because I haven't been following all the stories so I apologize if I´m not much help for the moment.
SunUp I am glad to hear from you I was curious about your results because we are at the same point (more or less). DH goes for biopsy on tuesday 27th. He is dreading it!! I am too, it must be soooo painful. I have had all my tests, everything seems ok but I have an appt with the gynae on Friday so she can put all the results together. DH and I are 100% sure about donor if we don't find anything on the 27th. We want a family, we want to share the great life we have together. I have only met my father in law once, this was when he was on weekend leave from prison. My husband is nothing like him!He was a father to him for a few years and after that just a man in and out of prison. Meeting my husband you would imagine his dad was a doctor or a lawyer or something. His values, his affection, his hopes and dreams, his intelligence were not transmitted to him through his genes!!Here in Spain, today is Father's Day, hopefully next year we will have something to celebrate!
Have a good day girls.

 

[deafgal01]

lbm- does your husband understand the different of a "family dr" vs "urologist"? What seems "ok" to a family dr might not be "normal" to a urologist. For example, we never knew the size of the testes mattered until my DH saw a urologist and found out that it was smaller than average. It really sucks that the mil sees no wrong by the family dr. Arugh. That makes things harder.

MJ- hope it won't be much longer of a wait for you to have a baby. I know the days of such stress sometimes. Hang in there girl.

Cosita- Good luck to your DH on the 27th... Hope you get some sort of good news. It is shocking when a parent is nothing like their child that they brought up/raised. I'm glad your DH managed to have good morals/values dispute the character of a father he has.

 

[raelynn]

Well ladies, hubby's TESE is tomorrow morning! Hopefully we get some good news! I think I am more nervous than he is

 

[deafgal01]

Good luck Rae!!!!!!

 

[MJ73]

Well ladies, hubby's TESE is tomorrow morning! Hopefully we get some good news! I think I am more nervous than he is

Keeping everything crossed for you & hubby xx

 

[silverbell]

Just had the worst thought . Maybe I will never be a mother, it's such a horrible thought I can't get it out of my head. I love the man snoring next to me so much we have been together since we were 15. All I want is to have a family together to make our life complete. ......

I think we've all had these thoughts, lbm. It's such a horrible thing to go through and there are just no words to describe the pain, sadness, frustration and anger that you go through. But we all understand on here. You rant away if it helps 2012 will be a good year for us on the azoo thread, I'm sure of it.

Well - they called and left a message that they sent the sample to ANOTHER lab-
And our center is one of the best in the area - So now I am at a total LOSS as to what they need another lab to look at? Anyone else ever have this happen???

I really wanted him to understand - that he is meant to be a father... and the things that I love about him were not something he 'got' in his genes, but rather things that he learned and was raised to do. His best qualities are things that are 'learned' and those are things I want him to teach our children - whether biologically they are from his sperm or not -they will be ours - whenever we have them.

Hope that makes sense.

Hey Sunup :wave:

I hope you get the final results soon. I know ours were sent off to a specialist lab for more thorough investigation and we waited 2 weeks for our results, which was torture. I hope you get news very soon

I couldn't agree more with what you said about the best qualities being 'learned' rather than passed on biologically. It's totally true. Sometimes even genetics don't play as big a part visually as we would expect them to - kids can often look totally different to their parents and even hair different eye or hair colour. But I believe it's what you teach that child and how you nuture it that counts. Don't get me wrong, I would have given anything to have DH's child but that's really only because it would have been nice to have made a child that was half of each of us genetically. It isn't necessary though and I know it won't change how either of us feel about a baby, should we ever be blessed with one. We - like so many other infertility sufferers - have so much love we want to share.

DH goes for biopsy on tuesday 27th. He is dreading it!! I am too, it must be soooo painful. I have had all my tests, everything seems ok but I have an appt with the gynae on Friday so she can put all the results together. DH and I are 100% sure about donor if we don't find anything on the 27th.

Hi Cosita! I hope all goes well on Tuesday. DH said (and a lot of other guys who have had the biopsy) that it wasn't as bad as he'd expected in such a sensitive area. I hope this is the case for your hubby too.

Glad you've decided on donor in case there's nothing on Tuesday (though I do hope there is). We feel exactly the same - it's nuture that moulds personality (the most important part of a person) and not genetics.

Well ladies, hubby's TESE is tomorrow morning! Hopefully we get some good news! I think I am more nervous than he is

Good luck to you and your husband this morning, raelynn. I hope you get the results very quickly and will be thinking of you both.

 

[cosita]

Well ladies, hubby's TESE is tomorrow morning! Hopefully we get some good news! I think I am more nervous than he is

Best of luck!! My fingers are crossed for you!

 

[snd80]

Good luck rae! Thinking of you both today!

 

[nightdaze]

Hi Ladies, happy Wednesday. Glad to hear that things are moving forward with all of you - Sunup, I hope you get your results very soon and Rae, best of luck today, I hope it all goes well.

We still haven't heard back about when our urologist appointment is going to be but hopefully they will call this week. In the meantime I am just trying to get through the days. DH and I are going to see a counsellor this afternoon, she specialises in infertility so hopefully that will help both of us get through this tough time. DH told me yesterday that he feels like I will never be able to love him the same since he might not be able to give me a family and hearing him say that just broke my heart. I have made sure to give him extra attention and love since we got this news because I didn't want him to think that it changed anything between us. I think talking to someone might help him a bit.

DH had bloodwork done last week and I know I should call and get the results but I'm really nervous. I know I'm not a doctor but I know that the results might not tell me what I want to hear.

On a positive note, my brother and his girlfriend who live with me and DH, are moving out in 2 weeks. She is 13 weeks pregnant (not planned - they were only dating for 3 months) and I can't wait until they are out of my house. It is just way too hard to be around right now.

My work week is half over and I couldn't be happier. Hope you are all having a lovely day. xo

 

[nightdaze]

I called to get the blood test results - FSH levels were 25.9, everything else was normal. How devastating.

 

[cosita]

Hi girls,
I have a question about the TESE, DH and I were just discussing it and realised we don't know if he has to 'save up' sperm or not for the proceedure. Is it like before an SA? Or does it really not matter? Our andrologist never mentioned it and we never thought to ask.
On another note, where any of your cycles affected by HSG?
Thanks girls

 

[cosita]

I called to get the blood test results - FSH levels were 25.9, everything else was normal. How devastating.

Sorry to hear that nightdaze, I don't really know what it means. I do know that its so important to stay positive.

 

[raelynn]

Well it was a long hard day but we're in the home stretch now. Thank you all for the well wishes! Hubby is doing much better and I just have to love him more for being so brave and going through this. We got excellent news. The plan was to take up to 3 samples from each side and the Urologist was going to take a look at the 1st sample on each side to see if they needed to gather more or not. He found one sperm in the 1st sample on one side so he took the rest of the samples from that side near the same area. He took 5 samples total. So we know we have at least one little swimmer to work with! We have to wait for about 10 days to get the official results and find out if there is more than one. At least we'll have a chance with the one!

 

[wibble wobble]

Congrats rae on the find I hope there is many more waiting to be found in those samples

Nightdaze sorry to hear your result, a urologist still may be able to find sperm through tese,don't give up just yet x

afm had appointment yesterday and we're now officially through all the tests and I'm just waiting for an Ivf planning appointment and some sperm before we go ahead