Dealing with azoospermia?

[Step Mummy]

Deb, do you know, I was just reading the start of this thread, going back to the beginning, talking about our dh's SSR's. I can't believe the journey we have all been on since it started in 2010' I am grateful to u for starting this thread as I am sure so many of us here are. But it is sad to read back through our stories.

I am pleased to see so many bfp's it gives us all hope that it will happen for us sooner or later.

Lots of love to all TTC'ers.

 

[snd80]

Deb- Thank you as well. In my head I feel like I am out, but that little hope of glimmer is still there lurking... I don't know weither to test again Weds or not. Spotting has slowed down and what I have had these past 2 days is very dark brown. So IDK!

Brown is good!!!!

Fri night's was red, yesterday and today was dark brown. Guess next will be blue or purple! Who knows!!! What dpo did you get your +?

 

[Stinas]

snd - Im sorry you are spotting! Glad to hear you are on track with the gym! At least one of us is lol Damn leaky roofs! Got to love homeownership! I hope the next cycle works for you...even though your not out yet....!

Step Mummy - FX its your cycle!

SunUp - I know me too!!! We will be busy bees! I am on a hunt for a dress for an event I have the sunday before out apt. So im focused on that lol

 

[Deb111]

Snd - 14dpo - bang on official test date - that'll teach me to test early!

 

[deafgal01]

Snd- pma. Don't throw in the towel til the fat lady sings, and she ain't singing until your testing day on the 14 cd. I'm hoping for a bfp from you! Brown isn't bad- it could be IB.

 

[CanadianMaple]

snd- I used to have a site bookmarked with the dpo and how many people still got BFNs when they were still pregnant. I think at 14dpo it was still something like 1/4 were not showing pregnant yet.

I'm behind on personals and I feel bad. We finally see the urologist on Thursday after all this time. I'm not feeling optimistic. I don't know if it's because I know in my heart it won't be good or if it's because I want to stay guarded. We've waited so long, yet I feel so unprepared.

 

[Stinas]

CanadianMaple - Good luck with your apt!!! Dont worry...we all feel like that before going...you just never know what they will have to say! We are all here no matter what!

 

[SunUp]

Canadian! Great to hear from you!!!
Don't worry, the way you feel is completely normal. (At least, normal in my book for those of us who deal with Azoo)
I will be keeping you in my thoughts. We are here for you no matter the outcome.

 

[silverbell]

Just came on whilst on holiday to check on snd ... I really hope the spotting is just that. However if it's not then I definitely agree with the others - it won't be anything you did wrong. Human fertility is so complicated and inefficient it makes me mad but you will get there I know it. In the mean time I'm praying for an unexpected BFP for you.

 

[MJ73]

SND, my thoughts are with you hun. Sending much peace & comfort you're way I'm also hoping that it is just spotting & that you're still in with a chance this cycle. Remember what the other girls said; you have done nothing to cause this. Baby making really is a numbers game (which sucks when we're dealing with azoo); the more times that sperm meets egg, be it in a lab or in a uterus, the more chances of a baby in the end. So hang in there hun, we're all with you.

Sun, sending you much for your 2WW

SB, sending you much too hun

CM, thinking about you with your appt, holding out for some good news for you. I agree with the other girls, your feelings are totally normal. I think it's a bit of a self-preservation thing.

Step Mummy, sending loads of your way for your IUI hun

Pink Lolly, I was wondering how you're going with LO, you must be on has it sunk in yet?

Sorry if I missed anyone, love & hugs to all.

 

[MJ73]

Just thought I better up-date y'all on what happened at the urologist today. I hope you don't mind if I C & P from my journal? I'm exhausted today; emotionally & otherwise....

Well, we kind of got mixed results today. As I suspected might happen, we still don't have a concrete answer re the cancer. The urologist said that it's good news that it hasn't changed & that it has no blood flow to the region. He is concerned because it has 'jagged edges' & this bothers him a bit. He did say that there is absolutely not to be any kind of biopsy/needle retrieval done on that testicle because there is too much risk of spreading the cancer cells if it is cancer... We have to have another ultrasound & BT in Sept then see him again then too. He said that he has no idea whether or not the undescended testicle would be producing sperm. But he said that there is a chance that under a general anesthesic that he could work with our FS in the same operation (in another hospital to our IVF hospital). Where they would make an incision, 'milk the testicle down' to where our FS could then try to retrieve sperm via TESE or biopsy. There are so many questions in my mind right now that I can't really think straight. Mainly being if his 'good' testicle that is descended is barely functioning & producing sperm, then what are the chances that this one that is undescended & in the heat of the groin is producing any? My gut feeling is that our FS is going to say that its just not possible/worthwhile. Then the question of money. How much would something like this cost us? We can barely afford the standard procedures we're having done, let alone the added expense of an extra Dr, anesthetist etc. So, we've already started to talk about donor sperm. I really do think that this will be our best option for moving forward. Whilst we do have the frozen embryo, I'm just gonna assume that's not going to take as the last one didn't. As to be expected I've had a weep & am gonna let myself grieve the loss of having my beautiful Simon's babies as the realist in me thinks that is just a pipe dream now. Thanks again for all your support girls. I really couldn't get through this without you all xx

 

[tigerlily1975]

MJ, darling, I'm so so sorry that you and your DH are having to go through all this I think we all shed more than our fair share of tears on this thread. When do you see your FS next? I'm hoping so hard that something can be done.

You and DH take care now and know that we're thinking of you.

Big

C xx

 

[snd80]

Still barely spotting... and I mean barely! So I will test again first thing in the morning. My aunt called last night and offered to loan me the $ for the next round and said I can pay her back when I get it saved, but hubby said no. What he doesn't understand is that it will set us back, having to do another trial run on clomid with bloods and then try again... and I'm like we can't afford all that, let alone be right back where we are now with another "first" time try! I may just go ahead and do it behind his back.... F*ck him! I just can't believe him!!!!!!

You know you spend too much time on bnb when..... you dream that Deb organized a conference for all the azoo girls in "Europe" and we all met and went to a festival and hung out. And the weird thing was that Europe was somehow right next to Mississippi (where Alabama should be) and we were just a drive away! But we all had a blast and met each other's hubby's and it was so much fun, talking about what we had been through and what we wanted to have (I remember telling Deb I wanted a girl). Yeah. I think I am a little obsessed over this baby thing!!!!!

Hope everyone is ok today...

 

[snd80]

MJ, darling, IDK what to say! I will pray for you! And keep your head up (I know, easier said than done)... at least you have a plan B if plan A isn't feasable. You'll get there one way or another!!!! Lots o' love girly!!!

 

[SunUp]

Oh MJ I have so been there. DH had surgery as an infant that messed up his testicles. And while we could have gone the mTESE route, it would have been putting his health in jeapordy (long term) and I just could NOT do that. So we will never really know about if / where he has sperm. It was hard at first, DH thought DS was weird. But I told him that what I love about him has nothing to do with genetics. Of course, I wanted DS from someone with similar genetics, but I don't love him for his eye color or hair color. I love him for his humor, how he can always make me smile even when I am really down, how he knows EVERYTHING about being outside etc. These are things DH will still pass on to OUR children. He is the best thing that has happened to me and one day, our child(ren) will be the best thing that happen to US.
DS is not an easy choice, but remember, it is just that - a choice. But that child will completely be yours, and your hubbys, from the second it implants.
I do send you lots of hugs because I understand where you are at right now, but I promise you, you will not be down long! Even if I have to fly all the way over there and 'smack' a smile back on your face. LOL! (Annnnd you'd have to show me all around because where you live is my dream vaca!)

 

[Deb111]

Loving your dream Snd - it would be so fab if we could all get together with out LO's!

MJ - I'm so sorry, sorry that you still haven't got conclusive answers and sorry that things are not feeling so positive for having dh's biological child Surely you haven't got to wait til Sept for more news on the possibility of cancer??? It's so sad when money becomes the over-riding factor in this and I know you're also in the same position as I was for feeling time is running out for you and that just puts added pressure on you both emotionally and financially. Sending you both hugs xx

Canadian - totally normal feelings - after all the bad news you've had, it's hard to imagine good news, plus it's self preservation too xx

 

[Step Mummy]

Ah MJ I am so sorry you are in this position, I know how hard it is to accept the donor route and it is good you are choosing to take time to grieve, I took 10 months before I could move forward and start looking at donors, whereas DH wanted to go for it straight away. It gets a lot better as time goes by even if it does not seem like it now.

Money worries are just the killer, as if u need to worry about that too.

I really hope that your appt in September gives you some good news and you can the take the next steps. Thinking of you x

 

[Deb111]

SunUp - what a very touching post xx

 

[tigerlily1975]

Does anyone else wish there was an 'I'm pregnant!!' block/setting on facebook??

C xx

P.S. I LOVE to see BFPs on here, but it's just that ruddy place.. argh!!

 

[Deb111]

Does anyone else wish there was an 'I'm pregnant!!' block/setting on facebook??

C xx

P.S. I LOVE to see BFPs on here, but it's just that ruddy place.. argh!!