Dealing with azoospermia?

[MoBaby]

Hey brandy! Sorry you are here but welcome! Wibble thats great! Luck: congrats thats fantastic!

CM: sooo sorry stress is so hard. I hope you guys can work through this. I hope he opens up about donor sperm.

 

[MrsC8776]

hi girls hope your all ok, just wanted to drop in and let you all know my scan went fine one happy moving little bean seen, and heartbeat seen as well

xxxxx

Congrats!

Hi All,

I'm new - I thought I'd do a brief intro about where I am in the journey...

We started TTC in November 2011, and in April 2012 got a referral to the fertility clinic and she ordered a bloodtest for me and a SA for my hubby.

About 2 weeks ago we got the news from our Family doctor that my hubby's SA came back with ZERO sperm. We went to the fertility clinic last week, and the doctor at the fertility clinic obviously didn't have any more information, so we're in the stage of preliminary testing - so blood tests and a second SA for the hubby and bloodwork, pap, and HSG test.

So we're in the waiting phase - well - I hear there's lots of waiting throughout any process related to fertility issues, so it's probably normal.

Glad to see so much success with Azoo, and hopefully I'll be a success story too!

Brandy

Sorry you have found yourself here but with that said this is a great place to be for support. I hope the rest of the testing goes well.

Hi Brandy welcome to the thread so sorry you have found yourself in this situation though

just wanted to pop on quick to send everyone virtual ((((hugs))))

I had a scan yesterday my follies aren't quite big enough for collection yet so an extra 3 days of stimming and a re scan Monday.... got 25 follies all together the biggest is 14mm so a bit of growing left to do egg collection should be wednesday hopefully

You are almost finished! Fx the scan looks great on Monday.

Hi Brandy! I'm glad you found your way over here. You'll get lots of support in here and it's a fast moving thread! If you have any questions about testing, what certain things mean and what to expect, please ask away.

Girls, I've been lurking but have nothing to report. Things have been really tough here. DH and I are letting the stress get to us and I need to get us into counseling. It sounds like he isn't even sure if he is open to using a donor now, he feels like I am pressuring him. I'm feeling like everything is shattering all around me.

Sorry things are tough right now. Sometimes clinics offer counseling to couples. You should check into it because the people they recommend know all about infertility and using a donor.

 

[raelynn]

Brandy - So sorry you're dealing with azoo but glad you found this board. The women here are awesome and very supportive.

Wibble Wibble - Not long now! Hoping your follicles grow and your next scan is great!

CM - So sorry you both are still struggling. I think counseling is a great idea to try and help you get through this.

AFM - I finally had some measurable follicles on Saturday. My right side is a bit ahead with most hovering around 10mm. They measured 3 at 10 and 1 at 11 Saturday. Left is a little behind with the largest at 8. I go back in Monday so hopefully they keep progressing. E2 Has been pretty consistently climbing 739 on Saturday and they found my missing follicles. They counted 33 and my doc said I'd have plenty.

 

[MrsC8776]

raelynn~ That is great news! So many follicles. Fx for you.

 

[Deb111]

Welcome Brandy - as the others have said - so sorry you've found yourself here, but you really are in the best place.

Rae and Wibble - swo many follicles!!! WOW!! Fingers crossed they keep growing nicely

CM - so sorry your dh is struggling so much with this. I remember when we first found out, hubby was open to at least sitting down and discussing donor sperm, which is all I needed at that point; just knowing there was a back-up option if we needed it, but his aunt changed his mind and it really messed my head up

Sending hugs to everyone else xx

 

[Stinas]

BrandyRelax - Soooo sorry to see you here, but glad you found us! This thread is an AMAZING support system! Lots of wonderful ladies here.

Canadian - Im sorry your having such a rough time. Its a very tough thing to go through and im glad to see you guys are going to see someone about it. It might help a lot to have someone else sort through whats really holding him back from using the donor sperm. I wish you both the best of luck and hope dh opens up to it. Maybe just getting a nudge from an outsider could do the trick.

raelynn - thats great news!!!

Hope everyone else is doing well!!!

As for me...nothing to report. July 9th biopsy is creeping up on us! I have confidence that it will turn out ok, but am still trying to bring up the whole worst case scenario to DH. For me I wouldnt even think twice about using donor sperm, but we never really talked about it. I know no matter what he would be upset about it, but what isnt there to be upset about when it comes to azoo, the whole thing just sucks, but we cried and lets get over it now and get down to business.
How did you ladies bring it up to DH/OH's? I just want to be fully prepared for anything and want to stay on the highway and not slow down.
I have brought it up to DH a few times but his answer is always "lets cross that bridge if we get there". Its annoying.

 

[raelynn]

Stinas - My hubby was exactly the same way, not wanting to think about anything until we absolutely had to. One night I just sat him down and said that I realize we both deal with things in very different ways (I want to plan all possible scenarios, he wants to wait and see) but that it was really hard for me to go into something having no plan. We came to an agreement to discuss things for 10 min or so every night so it was a gradual thing. Basically, it was a very real possibility that they would find nothing and I wanted us to be prepared so regardless of the outcome, we wouldn't be completely derailed. I made sure to let him know that no matter what, he would always be the father.

 

[MJ73]

Hi all, how is everyone? Sending hugs out to everyone.

luckdragon, congrats, what an awesome experience!

Brandy, so sorry you've found yourself here, but this is a great, supportive group. Let us know if you have any questions.

Rae and Wibble that's great that you're both growing such lovely follies.

CM, I think the counselling is a great idea, Simon & I went to about 5 or 6 counselling sessions through our IVF & found it really helpful. Is there someone who specialises in IVF counselling near you? Good luck hun & many hugs your way

 

[CanadianMaple]

Thanks for the support. We did see the counselor through our clinic on April, but he just wanted to push donor sperm on us. He didn't really listen to us.

We may just find a general marriage counselor. We've been through a lot in the past 11 1/2 months of marriage.

We see the RE on Wednesday and may ask if there is another counselor we can see. If not, we'll find one on our own. It's not all donor sperm related, this whole process has deeply affected us as a new couple. He said with DS, he gets really excited some days and some days so incredibly sad that I will not be having his biochild.

Thanks for the support.

 

[Step Mummy]

Hi Canadian, I am so sorry you are both having such a tough time. I know when you are expecting those first months of marriage to be great, you actually end up dealing with something to huge and painful.

It is hard to go through it, you each feel different things and sometimes it is hard to tell my DH what I am feeling. We had councelling, but I have to say I was very much keeping everything inside, I am not very good at sharing my woes. It's difficult to share but you have to remember, you are going through this journey together, and hopefully over time when you come out the otherside you will be stronger for it.

I hope things settle down for you and you can find someone who can help you both. Good luck. x

 

[deafgal01]

Canadian- I hope you find someone who would be a good couple counselor for both your DH and you.

Stinas- the biopsy is around the corner for both of us. Good luck with that!

MJ- thanks for asking. I'm doing just fine. I knew and was expecting AF and she did come. I'm just waiting for next appt to get here- July 5th biopsy. Slightly nervous about that, I'm expecting to hear they didn't find sperms or lack of good quality so I won't be too disappointed, but if it's blockage issue rather, then I'll be somewhat hopeful but for now I'll just expect that it's a sperm issue and that we'll have to seek donor sperm for getting what we want. It's a nutty journey we all have to take.

Anyone know how long they waited for the biopsy procedure to get done? We have to be there 9 am for check in and then the surgery is at 11 I think (or noon). I know he'll be in recovery for a little bit after- so he'll go home with me after that point. Thinking of packing a entertainment bag for myself- book, Zach's ipad, and my phone... It'll be a long day.

 

[Step Mummy]

It is day one for me again, go 6, I hope this one finally works!!!

Normally I inject day 3, 5, 7, and poss 9 if necessary, but this month they are doubling me up, so I am injecting from day 4 until day 11 this month! Lets hope this idea works!

I will keep you informed once I have had my first scan this month.

To those who were asking about injecting a couple of days ago, I have only ever had 2 injections that stung other than that I would say they are quite painless, so really don't worry -the thought is worse than doing it!

 

[BrandyRelax]

Hi All - it's so weird - I'm reading all of your messages about using Donor Sperm, and I just don't think I could do it. Perhaps I'm just too early in the process, or that I'm not someone who has always wanted to have kids - I've always wanted to be married, and I have a good career, but when I was little, it was never my goal in life to be a mom - I know, it's weird.

Perhaps it's just fear of the unknown - I know my husband is an amazing guy, he balances me out, and our kids would have a really great balanced personality, but what do I know about the donor sperm? I don't know anyone like my hubby that I'd want to ask for a contribution, and if you can't talk to the person when it's anonymous, how do you guage that?

But, like I said, perhaps it's just too early in the process, and as I progress, I'll feel differently.

But when your hubby says he doesn't want to use donor sperm, can you say that you'd use donor eggs, if he had sperm and you had something wrong with your eggs? (of course, I didn't get through all 78 pages of this thread, so this may have been discussed a while ago, it's probably a pretty common topic!)

Other than that - my current update is I'm on CD1 - so onwards to the HSG test on CD8, and I'll do my CD2-4 testing next month, because I'm on vacation in the US this week, so can't really do any OHIP covered bloodwork here!

Brandy

 

[deafgal01]

Brandy- I like to think that I'd use donor eggs if there was a problem with mine. Not sure if I would really go thru with it. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the idea of donor sperm since it seems more and more like a possibility I would have to take in order to experience being pregnant. I know a while ago when this was discussed, we put more impression on the fact that it's us as a couple that experience the pregnancy together (and then raise that baby when it's born) that makes us a parent rather than the genes of the baby. So what makes a parent a parent- is the fact the experiences and quality of morals/values we teach them from the time they're born (or adopted into the family).

 

[Deb111]

Step mummy - good luck!

Brandy - donor sperm may not be for you, but I do think it is maybe too early for you to be considering it as well. I'm as sure as I can be (without ever having to make that decision) that I would have used donor eggs of necessary. In fact when my AMH came back really low for my age, I thought the irony might end up being that we found sperm but had to use donor eggs I do think it's different for a woman though - even if you use donor eggs, you still get to see the feel the baby inside you, give birth

I know that if it had come to it, we would have sat down and discussed a donor embryo. Hubby seemed happier with that than the idea of donor sperm.

DG - is your dh having a general or a local anasthetic? With the random biopsy / local anasthetic, he was allowed to go about an hour or so after, but we were longer because he was in a lot of pain. With the mTESE / general anasthetic, he went down for the op at about 9am and I went down at about 10.30 I think and we were both able to leave by 3 - in fact I think we could have left sooner but hubbys was sick after the anasthetic and we were also waiting for our lift.

 

[CanadianMaple]

Brandy, at one point, I was totally against for using a donor. But once we realized DH has testicular failure and the odds of finding sperm was low, we needed to consider other options. For us, we would have had to be in the middle of an IVF cycle the day they would do his biopsy, and if we were against using a donor, we would have had to cancel the egg retrieval and be out the total cost of the cycle and surgery. (~$15,000) We were given about a 1 in 5 chance of having a successful pregnancy. It's a lot of money to pay back on top of a lot of pain.

DH is 44 in September. We don't have time to wait years for an adoption. His family didn't have a really positive adoption experience. His sister has FAS and the birth mother lied about her alcohol and drug consumption and his sister, even now at 40, is very difficult to deal with. Even his parents told us to think hard about it, especially since I have a 4 year old from another relationship.

We look at using a donor as a 1/2 adoption, plus we don't have to trust someone to make the same choices as we would during the pregnancy. He or she would still have half of our genes, be related to my son, and we would still get the whole pregnancy/birth/newborn bonding.

My husband is still struggling because he is more worried about the child resenting him in the future. He's scared the child will not see him as the "real dad" and always be wanting to know the donor. He is still grieving the child he thought he would have with me. He didn't start to grieve until about a month ago, when the urologist told him how low his odds were in having a bio child. I had been reading about it for months and am further ahead in the grieving process.

There are perks to donor sperm. We would just do IUI. Less invasive, cheaper and would happen quicker for us. DH is Catholic and struggled about leftover embryos. He is raising my child as his own and we know he can love a non bio child and how my son already takes after him. My son looks a lot like me, so strangers just assume he looks more like me. We all have blue eyes and are fair skinned.

I know I am feeling defensive. I probably shouldn't lurk when I am having a bad week. I just wanted to clarify why we are mulling over the idea of using a donor. Would I use donor eggs? I hadn't thought a lot about it, but I think I would. It would take time to process, just like this whole azoo nightmare has.

It's definitely early in your journey. You may have to really look at options you never would have considered. Many azoo families use donors or adopt. It really depends where you draw the line with infertility treatments, surgeries and costs where you end up in all of this.

 

[deafgal01]

Dee- they are doing general on him, so I gotta drive him home after and he can't drive until the next day.

Canadian- that's a very good valid point. We as wives seem to be further along in the process while the guys linger behind taking it step by step. As for your husband's worry about the child "resenting" him and searching for the real father of his genes... I worry about that too. I guess at this point, it depends on what kind of information you would have- and what they would allow the child to have access to. Some donors might not want to be found/known to their donor sperm/child. That's something I'm still struggling with- how much info to share with the child and when... Do you think the family might slip up and say something about donor sperm or would you be able to not say anything about it until the child reaches a certain age when we think they're capable of handling that sort of information or need to know?

 

[CanadianMaple]

deafgal01- We spoke to the infertility psychologist back in April, before we were really ready to even think about using a donor, and he gave us lots of ideas. I didn't necessarily agree with him on all points, but for the most part it made sense. (He suggested not finding out a lot about the donor, but I can't even buy a dishwasher without researching it!). I can PM you what I wrote down after that appointment.

He pretty much said that if you tell anyone, you tell only a very small pocket of people. Remind them that they need to stay quiet about it for the child's best interests, until you tell the child. Most times, you tell the child slowly over years, age appropriate stuff, and go from there.

Actually, I just finished reading a fantastic book about it. It's called "Helping the Stork" and it goes over everything. DH is reading it right now.

 

[deafgal01]

Canadian- I'd love it if you'd share your notes with me about what the psychologist mentioned. I'll put that book on my amazon list in case I decide to buy it after we find out DH's diagnosis with the biopsy. Not much longer to wait. 1 week (almost only 1 week away).

I guess not knowing the donor information varies from person to person. I like to know as much as possible about their health and things but I don't know. Yeah I still have a way to go before I'm ready for any donor sperm both mentally and emotionally. I can see/understand why people are told/suggested to have "love/sex" time after iui or anything related to putting sperms/embryos in to make sure you "reconnect" with your spouse over the whole thing.

 

[Stinas]

deafgal01 - Im nervous too! Its right around the corner. I dont like not knowing! Even with the docs having high hopes that there is sperm, Im just scared. This is the fork in the road and will tell us which path we are taking. Crazy. I will be thinking of you! Sperm on the brain! lol

What do you ladies think about egg sharing? I read a couple articles about it and im interested. My doc said she thinks I will produce a lot of eggs since apparently I have mild PCOS( another thing that stupid ob I went to didnt seem to mention). I was thinking...if I do produce a whole bunch....why not donate some? I read somewhere you only need to give 8. So If I produce a lot, why not share with someone that needs them? I am really leaning towards it. I figure a lot of us azoo ladies need sperm...im sure there are tons of ladies needing eggs. I feel like what if there was no one there to give sperm, a lot of us would be out of luck. I cant imagine going through this and not having any options....I would be devastated.
Just curious on your opinions. Its just something I have been tossing around in my head...only person I brought it up to is my mom and she thinks it would be a good idea if I had more than enough for myself.