Donor Sperm IUI/IVF- 2012

[HollyTTC]

I'm out......

Soooo disappointed and starting to think that this just won't work for us.....

My husband is away on a hunting trip, so I'm almost glad I can have some time to mope around the house and not have to worry about making him feel bad...... I know its an awful thing to say, but I know I can be honest with you ladies.

 

[deafgal01]

Oh Holly This journey really takes its toll on us all in one way or another. So what's the next step? Do they run more tests or move on to ivf? I know my clinic has said that if after 3 cycles of IUI not working, they'd look into the issues more and test to see what's up. DO BE KIND TO YOURSELF- have a little wine or treat yourself to your favorite ice cream. Then brush yourself off and get up again to start planning for next cycle.

 

[WANBMUM]

Holly I am so sorry! We understand, in our circumstance we do have to be careful as our poor hubby's do feel responsible.
I agree, allow yourself the time to cry, feel sorry for yourself and have some wine & chocolate.
Have you decided what's next for you guys? After this go for us it's onto ivf for us I think.

Sending you hugs

 

[HollyTTC]

Thanks so much ladies.....

All my testing before we tried DIUI was normal (except my thyroid level, which I'm on medication for) so they will let us try for 6 cycles before they will make us try something else. Last time we met with our fertility Dr. he said that we could try injectable ovulation drugs, which can be more effective, but it would be an additional $500-$1000 per month...... DEFINITELY not an option for us.

 

[deafgal01]

Do they not have places that can help with costs to make it more affordable? Or do they not have donations of that for you to use?

 

[SunUp]

@ Holly - So sorry. I have been there, it totally sucks..
I would ask your RE about if there office has any medications to donate? A lot of times they do, but they don't tell everyone that...

Afm- Things look really well right now. Its amazing how FEW follies I had on IUI and now I have a LOAD of mature follicles! I am continuing meds tonight and have a monitoring appointment tomorrow, with likely trigger tomorrow or Thursday! Which means ET should (hopefully) be in about a week! Yay!

 

[nqhappy1]

Hi, my wife and I are brand new to the donor sperm arena, and would love some recommendations for some reputable websites that people have experience with?

Thanks,
N.

 

[silverbell]

I'm out......

Soooo disappointed and starting to think that this just won't work for us.....

My husband is away on a hunting trip, so I'm almost glad I can have some time to mope around the house and not have to worry about making him feel bad...... I know its an awful thing to say, but I know I can be honest with you ladies.

I'm so sorry, Holly I've had 5 failed IUIs, so I know precisely how you're feeling and all I can do is send you lots of All my results are normal too. They told me it's just one of those things and it's just down to nature that it hasn't worked yet. Doesn't make the disappointment any easier, I know.

Great news, SunUp - fingers crossed all keeps going well

Welcome, nqhappy. The donor sperm I'm using is specifically from the clinic I am with, but I know there are a couple of reputable websites. The only website I know for sure is reputable is Xytex. Hopefully some other ladies will be able to advise on any others.

 

[WANBMUM]

Hi guys,

I had my folly scan yesterday and my biggest folly is 10x8. I'm going back tomorrow. In your experience how quick will it grow, when do you think it will be ripe? Also at what size do your clinics say right trigger time.

Thanks

 

[cbergs]

Hi, my wife and I are brand new to the donor sperm arena, and would love some recommendations for some reputable websites that people have experience with?

Thanks,
N.

Hi N,

Are you looking for websites where you can purchase donor sperm through? Or just websites with reputable information and research regarding Donor Insemination?

-Cbergs

 

[cbergs]

How do you donor-using ladies get through that process? I mean...at that point there is just no connection to your hubby whatsoever. I think that no matter how much I accept what I'm doing, the minute the Dr. begins the insemination I am going to break down. I still cannot believe that this is my life, and that my handsome, hard-working, compassionate and just beautiful husband cannot have children. So many scumbags walking around with 15 or so kids...ugghh! So angry and sad.

 

[SunUp]

How do you donor-using ladies get through that process? I mean...at that point there is just no connection to your hubby whatsoever. I think that no matter how much I accept what I'm doing, the minute the Dr. begins the insemination I am going to break down. I still cannot believe that this is my life, and that my handsome, hard-working, compassionate and just beautiful husband cannot have children. So many scumbags walking around with 15 or so kids...ugghh! So angry and sad.

My best advice- DONT have an IUI until you can handle this. If you need more time for grieving, take it. Its weird, right when they do the IUI and I can understand your fear. I think my DH is super attractive and was sad it wouldn't be his biologically, but once I accepted that he will always be the father, and with a little time, it became something that doesnt bother me. But don't do it if you aren't 100% sure.

Someone else described it has "1/2 adoption"... and it kind of helped some people on here process things better.

 

[WANBMUM]

CBERGS - honestly, my answer is...TIME. When we were just diagnosed there is no way I would have been able to go ahead with IUI, I thought the same as you, I thought the actual IUI process would be terrible. But with time, we got to the point where it was exciting, we were another step closer to being parents and our first IUI we had so much fun doing so. It wasnt awkward or even emotional. Had we gone soon after diagnosis it would have been a different story.
Yes we cant have my husbands biological children but he can still be an amazing father, the baby will be HIS and only HIS, he will be our babies only father, the one they go to, he will be teaching them his amazing values and they will have an amazing man as their father.
Again, this all came with time. You need to give yourself the time mentally to come to terms with it. Yes if I allow myself of course it still hurts, it always will, but its not the be all and end all, at least we are both healthy, I still have my gorgeous husband, I always thought while we were awaiting diagnosis, the worst outcome would be if they found something medically terribly wrong with my hubby. so he doesnt have any sperm, its not gonna stop him from being the amazing daddy he is going to be!
Wishing you all the best.

 

[raelynn]

Hi, my wife and I are brand new to the donor sperm arena, and would love some recommendations for some reputable websites that people have experience with?

Thanks,
N.

We're using Fairfax Cryobank and also looked at California Cryobank

Hi guys,

I had my folly scan yesterday and my biggest folly is 10x8. I'm going back tomorrow. In your experience how quick will it grow, when do you think it will be ripe? Also at what size do your clinics say right trigger time.

Thanks

I think they say they usually grow 2mm every 24 hours. My clinic didn't want to trigger until I was over 20mm and by that point I ovulated on my own.

How do you donor-using ladies get through that process? I mean...at that point there is just no connection to your hubby whatsoever. I think that no matter how much I accept what I'm doing, the minute the Dr. begins the insemination I am going to break down. I still cannot believe that this is my life, and that my handsome, hard-working, compassionate and just beautiful husband cannot have children. So many scumbags walking around with 15 or so kids...ugghh! So angry and sad.

I think it is definitely a process that you need to grieve through first. And, as the other ladies have said, our husbands will always be the father no matter whether he donates the biology or not. As for the actual process, I tried to include hubby as much as possible. He was there to hold my hand during the procedure and we also BDed the day before and after the IUI so we still felt there was that chance for our miracle bio baby. Hubby even joked afterward and said we had to have sex, doctors orders It is a really tough and unfair process but you'll get through it!


Today is 10dpo for me and I caved and tested with an IC. Very very faint line but it is totally there. I was set on not getting my hopes up since I didn't feel pregnant at all but last night I started having some weird cramping and decided to test today. I know it is still really early and I won't believe it is real until I start getting darker lines (especially with how things ended last time) but how exciting!

 

[HollyTTC]

Welcome nqhappy1 My hubby and I also used Xytex.

cbergs - I agree to wait until you feel ready. We almost knew it would be a problem for us even before we started TTC. My husband had leukemia when he was sixteen and his dr's never thought he would be able to have kids. We tried for the first 8 months or so naturally, just to see what would happen. After his SA we discovered that he wasn't producing sperm at all. We were sad, but not surprised and moved on to the DIUI process right away, although it took many months to actually get the actual IUI part going. Make sure you are certain of the decision, its not an easy one to make.

rae - soo excited for you and everything crossed

I got more bad news today. We only have 1 unit left from our donor so I emailed my fertility clinic to get them to order us more...... turns out there is a huge waiting list and not enough units in quarentine right now for us to hope to get anymore.....
We had enough trouble picking the first donor and now we are being advised to pick another...... We also run into the problem where if we decide to use our last unit of this donor and it works, the next child wouldn't be a full brother/ sister to the first one. I just can't take this anymore..... why does everything just seem to stack up against us more and more.
We were also supposed to be going away for the Canadian thanksgiving long weekend, but I am going to end up needing my IUI that weekend, so our trip is out the window now......

 

[deafgal01]

Cbergs, that is exactly where I am too. Coping with the crazy emotions of that reality. That is one of the reasons why I decided it will be good to wait til next year to undergo iui (besides saving up for it). Hope you can accept iui soon and see this as your hubby's baby. One thing that helps- mine will be with me during the procedure which means he is there for the conception of this baby.

Holly- bummer that your donor is a popular pick. I guess that is why my clinic recommend I tell them my top 3 to 5 choices for my donor.

 

[silverbell]

Hi guys,

I had my folly scan yesterday and my biggest folly is 10x8. I'm going back tomorrow. In your experience how quick will it grow, when do you think it will be ripe? Also at what size do your clinics say right trigger time.

Thanks

It varies for each individual and even sometimes seems to vary per cycle (in my experience and from what the clinic have told me). They will know more today when they scan again as to what kind of rate it is growing at and can then work out roughly when it might be ready. My clinic trigger at 17mm but all clinics are different.

How do you donor-using ladies get through that process? I mean...at that point there is just no connection to your hubby whatsoever. I think that no matter how much I accept what I'm doing, the minute the Dr. begins the insemination I am going to break down. I still cannot believe that this is my life, and that my handsome, hard-working, compassionate and just beautiful husband cannot have children. So many scumbags walking around with 15 or so kids...ugghh! So angry and sad.

I agree that you need to get past this grief stage as much as you can prior to going into IUI. You sound like you still have a bit of grieving to do for the biological child you will never have with your DH. My DH and I were very excited at our first IUI because we knew it was our first ever chance at conceiving and we had fully embraced the idea of donor sperm and that this child would be 100% ours, even if that wasn't the case biologically. I will admit on that first IUI that I was nervous about how I would feel afterwards, knowing that I had another man's sperm inside me ... but I can honestly say with my hand on my heart that it felt good. It felt like we were finally making steps to get the child we both want so badly. I thought I might feel a bit 'dirty' or like I'd cheated, but it really didn't and I was so pleased. It helped that my DH has been with me holding my hand during every IUI. Having his support while I was having that done really helped me, plus he loved the fact that he might be witnessing the 'conception' of a future child each time if you see what I mean. He was very much a part of each IUI - taking me to the clinic, holding my hand throughout, cuddling me afterwards and letting me put my feet up when I got home and looking after me.

I got more bad news today. We only have 1 unit left from our donor so I emailed my fertility clinic to get them to order us more...... turns out there is a huge waiting list and not enough units in quarentine right now for us to hope to get anymore.....
We had enough trouble picking the first donor and now we are being advised to pick another...... We also run into the problem where if we decide to use our last unit of this donor and it works, the next child wouldn't be a full brother/ sister to the first one. I just can't take this anymore..... why does everything just seem to stack up against us more and more.
We were also supposed to be going away for the Canadian thanksgiving long weekend, but I am going to end up needing my IUI that weekend, so our trip is out the window now......

I'm really sorry, Holly. It does suck about IUI's clashing with plans - I know that feeling so well. We had to skip a cycle due to this as we felt it wasn't worth missing out on a break together and I must say the break did us good, but I know it's not for everyone.

I'm sorry about the donor units. Maybe it's worth changing? A lot of clinics suggest a change after 3 tries anyway (though we only changed for this last try).

Thinking of you and hoping you can both come to the right decision for you both

 

[WANBMUM]

Thanks girls! So I triggered this morning and iui is tomorrow evening! I wonder if it will be 3rd time lucky??!?!!
So you know the way my oh can't come due to work commitments my father has offered to drive me as its 3 hours away. It's a funny one, your father bringing you to be inseminated ???

 

[deafgal01]

Wan- that's so odd. Yeah, I think that's funny- saying your father took you to get inseminated. I for sure can't say that I've done that.

btw !!!!!

 

[SunUp]

YAY WANB!!!!