Donor Sperm IUI/IVF- 2012

[WANBMUM]

Hi gals,
I agree with a lot of what you are saying, leaving it up to the child. But what age do you think this is, as if we leave it too long, they will feel like it was a secret, yet if they are younger, they would more than likely talk about it at playskool or at family gatherings. I guess it is so hard to plan out, we won't know until then?
It scares me as we don't plan on telling anyone else, only my parents know.

 

[deafgal01]

I might feel confident telling the child when the child is old enough to "keep secrets". Then again it depends on the child. Some children actually mature faster than others and are more mentally able to emotionally understand what this type of thing means while others might not have the mental ability to understand til they're older, closer to preteens.

 

[raelynn]

The therapist we went to for donor said that typically you tell them the first time when they are young. There are children's books that can help. Make it a non issue not some big news type thing and then just remind them with more information several times as they get older with language they understand at their age. She said if you make it out just to be something normally children don't think of it as a big deal and don't even really think about it as anything unusual.

 

[Redhead7211]

Hi ladies!

Polita-I'm 10 dpiui today and I tested with FMU and got a BFN I told myself I would try and wait, but I have no self-control apparently... My read test date is 10/5. It's hard to say when/if AF will rear her head. Some cycles have been 30+ days, though with Clomid I seem to be on a 28 day cycle, so AF is due anywhere from 10/5-10/10. My massive zits are subsiding finally! How's your complexion doing?

CM-I think it's totally normal to feel nervous. I remember the night I had IUI #1 I was like "oh sh*t am I really ready for this?!" ha obviously too late. Now I'm just really excited every time I have one. This time I was very zen about the whole process. I'm currently on 50mg of Clomid and I used a trigger shot for IUI #2 and this current one. I'm not really sure how RE's decide how much Clomid to put you on.

MrsC-We have both agreed to tell our child from the get go. Much like all of the ladies have been saying. That being said, I don't know if DH will be nervous about saying it when it comes down to it.

Telling people about using DS is an odd topic. My parents and sister know, and a few other people know. We have been keeping it under wraps, mostly due to DH's insecurities about it initially. Once we are pregnant, his family especially will have questions because they all know DH had a vasectomy. I told him he should think of what he's comfortable telling people. We are actually trying to keep the whole IUI process a secret so we can surprise people and because it's just too painful to get a BFN month after month. To help DH adjust to the process, and understand he's not the first guy to be terrified to be a dad I bought him a few cheeky narratives "Dude You're Gonna Be a Dad!" and "Guy's guide to surviving pregnancy, Childbirth, and the First Year of Fatherhood." He's not a big reader, but he's enjoying these books.

I'm feeling okay so far. Not real moody like I normally get before AF. I do have dull on and off again cramps and a rather sensitive feeling abdomen. I have been peeing a lot, sore nipples and the sides of my boobs hurt, I also have a lot of CM today. Not sure what's going on. It could be my body just adjusting to Clomid for all I know. We shall see!

How's everyone else feeling?

 

[deafgal01]

Doing good today.

 

[Polita76]

Hi ladies!

Polita-I'm 10 dpiui today and I tested with FMU and got a BFN I told myself I would try and wait, but I have no self-control apparently... My read test date is 10/5. It's hard to say when/if AF will rear her head. Some cycles have been 30+ days, though with Clomid I seem to be on a 28 day cycle, so AF is due anywhere from 10/5-10/10. My massive zits are subsiding finally! How's your complexion doing?

Redhead, I'm 12dpiui today. I realized 14dpiui will be two weeks exactly from the day I had the iui, which was 2 Wednesdays ago.

My pimple is finally better after having to do something about it yesterday (it looked discussing!) but not gone yet. My boobs feel big, sometimes it hurts on the side, my nipples are sensitive, today I felt some ovulation pain and also some back pain but it comes and go. Before doing iui's I used to have a 31 or 32 day cycle with my ovulation being around day 21 or 22 (that is, I had a shorter than avarage lutheal phase).

Last cycle I ovulated on day 20 of my cycle and my cycle was 33 days (yes, it was late and driving me crazy). This cycle I ovulated on day 16 (used trigger) so I don't know how long my cycle should be. I'm just going by how long after iui it is to test. My RE said to test 14 days after iui.

I remember last cycle I had every symptom imaginable, and nothing, now I've felt some things I hadn't felt before but it's also my first time on the trigger so not sure if it's that. For what is worth, my sister had no symptoms whatsoever (she had a trigger and was on progesterone suppositories) and she was pregnant...with twins!!!

It's getting closer...so hard to find the equilibrium between not giving up and not having too much hope.

 

[CanadianMaple]

I think it's probably easier to "practice" telling them when they are young so you're comfortable talking about it when it matters and you can really figure out what you want to say. That way, there will never be that big moment when the child remembers being told.

AFM- DH finally got a hold of his doctor's office. They have been away for the past 2 weeks. He still has azoo, even though his testosterone was low-normal instead of so low. We already have bought our donor sperm and didn't expect him to suddenly be cured, but it still sucks to still hear "no sperm." But I think DH is now 100% sure he wants to go ahead. He always did, but always wondered what if. It's closure.

I'm feeling excited. Tomorrow is my last BCP and I just wait for CD1. Now to figure out how I am going to pretend to do IVF to my co-workers. Some of them know about our azoo and I don't want them suspecting donor sperm. I may even take an extra day or two off leading up to the IUI.

Redhead- What CD are you right now? Sounds promising!

 

[Redhead7211]

CM-I'm 10 dpiui, CD 24. I'm glad you heard from the doctor finally. I'm glad DH is fully on board now!

Polita-I'm glad AF has not appeared yet. Let's hope it stays that way. I'm glad your sister didn't feel a lot of symptoms, that makes me feel positive!

 

[raelynn]

Redhead - I had some dull cramping at 10dpiui too. It is what made me test since up to that point I didn't feel pregnant at all but the cramping was different than I usually had for AF. Hope it is a good sign for you too!

 

[CanadianMaple]

Redhead- I'm feeling optimistic for you. I was thinking you were that close to testing. I got a BFP at 10dpo for my son, it's really worth testing if you feel ready to.

Did I mention that my sperm bank people got back to me and said that 30 is actually their limit, she screwed up when she said 40. That was for Xytex. Here's her email:

My error Becky, 40 family units world wide is the limit for Xytex International.

The original info you received about 30 for ESB is correct. I think you also have to realize that not all clients report their pregnancies or even their live births so the numbers are never exact. There is no mandated agency that governs the live birth rate so that is why it is so very important for the clients (patients), clinics and physicians to report to the spermbanks so that they can curtail the activity of their donors. It is certainly not an exact science and unfortunately sometimes the reported live births exceeds the maximum allowed.

You may also want to see the new article that was written about the ESB issue in Europe.

Please see the following link:

https://cphpost.dk/news/national/sperm-bank-broadcaster’s-allegations-are-wrong


I feel better about it. So much fear of the unknown at play.

 

[want2beamamma]

I am going to be calling the doctor about monitoring and see where that gets me...hopefully an ultrasound!!

DH and I plan to tell the child right from the start. We believe in being honest.If when the child gets older they can tell who they want. We think of if we were the child and in that situation that we would like to know. I have told my mom and best friend. My DH hasn't and doesnt plan on telling anyone. His family is a little old fashioned and he wants everyone to be excited about the baby. He feels if he tells them it will take away some of the excitment and thats the last thing we want. Any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy.

 

[CanadianMaple]

Sounds good, want2beamamma.

Just a question, how much detail do your confidants know? DH just told his mom that our child could have 30+ siblings and she was shocked. I'm a bit upset that he shared that at this point, I am not in the mood to try to make her feel better about it. He wanted me to call her and explain the process to her tonight. I have enough on my plate with work this week and really don't want to share all these details with my ILs.

Just curious about how you all handled that part?

 

[MrsC8776]

CanadianMaple - I felt the same way when we were about to do dIUI. Actually, I started panicking just a couple days before the actual procedure and even on the day of the procedure. I was just so worried we weren't doing the right thing. But, everything for this cycle was just perfect (ovulating naturally without the trigger, family support, not having to take any time off work, DHs loving attitude towards me). I just took it as a sign that this was meant to be and apparently it was since it worked! I can say now that I'm actually pregnant, we're just over the moon and all the worry about using donor is pretty much on the back burner. Some days I even forget we used a donor to conceive. This is 100% our baby and the excitement overshadows everything else. There are still days when I worry about how I'll handle comments or how we'll tell our child but right now I'm mostly just thankful to be pregnant.

For everyone else - Do you plan on telling your child about donor and who else would you tell? Our parents and my sister knows but other than that we've been keeping it quite. My mom made a suggestion that I actually love and think I'll go with. We'll tell our child and then let them decide who they want to tell. That way, it is something personal to them and they have control over that decision.

We do plan on telling the children. It will be difficult but it's the right thing to do. I think my hubby is very scared to tell them though. He told me to look at it if it were the other way around and how would I feel if we had to tell them that they aren't my biological children. I do see why he is scared and honestly I don't blame him. I'm scared as well.

Hi ladies!

Polita-I'm 10 dpiui today and I tested with FMU and got a BFN I told myself I would try and wait, but I have no self-control apparently... My read test date is 10/5. It's hard to say when/if AF will rear her head. Some cycles have been 30+ days, though with Clomid I seem to be on a 28 day cycle, so AF is due anywhere from 10/5-10/10. My massive zits are subsiding finally! How's your complexion doing?

CM-I think it's totally normal to feel nervous. I remember the night I had IUI #1 I was like "oh sh*t am I really ready for this?!" ha obviously too late. Now I'm just really excited every time I have one. This time I was very zen about the whole process. I'm currently on 50mg of Clomid and I used a trigger shot for IUI #2 and this current one. I'm not really sure how RE's decide how much Clomid to put you on.

MrsC-We have both agreed to tell our child from the get go. Much like all of the ladies have been saying. That being said, I don't know if DH will be nervous about saying it when it comes down to it.

Telling people about using DS is an odd topic. My parents and sister know, and a few other people know. We have been keeping it under wraps, mostly due to DH's insecurities about it initially. Once we are pregnant, his family especially will have questions because they all know DH had a vasectomy. I told him he should think of what he's comfortable telling people. We are actually trying to keep the whole IUI process a secret so we can surprise people and because it's just too painful to get a BFN month after month. To help DH adjust to the process, and understand he's not the first guy to be terrified to be a dad I bought him a few cheeky narratives "Dude You're Gonna Be a Dad!" and "Guy's guide to surviving pregnancy, Childbirth, and the First Year of Fatherhood." He's not a big reader, but he's enjoying these books.

I'm feeling okay so far. Not real moody like I normally get before AF. I do have dull on and off again cramps and a rather sensitive feeling abdomen. I have been peeing a lot, sore nipples and the sides of my boobs hurt, I also have a lot of CM today. Not sure what's going on. It could be my body just adjusting to Clomid for all I know. We shall see!

How's everyone else feeling?

Fx for you! Keeping the IUI's a "secret" is a good idea. I told family when we were trying a year ago and it was so hard to tell them about the bfn's.

I think it's probably easier to "practice" telling them when they are young so you're comfortable talking about it when it matters and you can really figure out what you want to say. That way, there will never be that big moment when the child remembers being told.

AFM- DH finally got a hold of his doctor's office. They have been away for the past 2 weeks. He still has azoo, even though his testosterone was low-normal instead of so low. We already have bought our donor sperm and didn't expect him to suddenly be cured, but it still sucks to still hear "no sperm." But I think DH is now 100% sure he wants to go ahead. He always did, but always wondered what if. It's closure.

I'm feeling excited. Tomorrow is my last BCP and I just wait for CD1. Now to figure out how I am going to pretend to do IVF to my co-workers. Some of them know about our azoo and I don't want them suspecting donor sperm. I may even take an extra day or two off leading up to the IUI.

Redhead- What CD are you right now? Sounds promising!

Sorry to hear your DH's results didn't change. I'm glad you guys got some closure now though.

I am going to be calling the doctor about monitoring and see where that gets me...hopefully an ultrasound!!

DH and I plan to tell the child right from the start. We believe in being honest.If when the child gets older they can tell who they want. We think of if we were the child and in that situation that we would like to know. I have told my mom and best friend. My DH hasn't and doesnt plan on telling anyone. His family is a little old fashioned and he wants everyone to be excited about the baby. He feels if he tells them it will take away some of the excitment and thats the last thing we want. Any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy.

I believe the way your DH is feeling is how my hubby is feeling as well. It's a hard situation to be in but we will all make it through it and in the end it will all be worth it. I tell my hubby the same thing. It takes a special man to be a daddy!

Sounds good, want2beamamma.

Just a question, how much detail do your confidants know? DH just told his mom that our child could have 30+ siblings and she was shocked. I'm a bit upset that he shared that at this point, I am not in the mood to try to make her feel better about it. He wanted me to call her and explain the process to her tonight. I have enough on my plate with work this week and really don't want to share all these details with my ILs.

Just curious about how you all handled that part?

I guess I would be curious as to why he felt the need to share that bit of info. Thats not something anyone wants to think about. Of course she was shocked. Anyone who doesn't know how this whole process works would be shocked. I push that bit of info out of my mind honestly. If we ever tell family that info is not going to be shared with anyone.

 

[raelynn]

Canadian - I shared the numbers with my mom just because I wanted someone to talk to about it. She was really great and said we had to think about it as not all concentrated in one area as well since they can ship world wide so it is a pretty small number when you think about how far apart they can all be location wise.

 

[CanadianMaple]

I think he shared it because he needed reassurance and approval from his Catholic mother mainly, but I'm a bit frustrated that he didn't really talk with me about it when I was in a panic last week. I guess it's just a sign that we both need to be on the same page about it all before we do this so that we don't share too much or tell too many people.

Our clinic tracks the donor offspring and what county they are born to, so we know that no one in our province has even used our donor. That's so reassuring, plus we bought the last of what he had here in Canada.

I'm scared to tell the child eventually too. I think the fact that we are talking about it now and thinking about it now means that we will be well prepared for when the time actually comes.

 

[want2beamamma]

Actually no more information then telling my mother about using a sperm donor, the things we get to know before picking ( interests, family medical history, what they do for a living, married and with kids now etc ) Her response was "WOW WHAT A NEAT IDEA!" my mother is very mordern. DH and I actually never thought too much about the sibling thing. We tried not to look too far into much of it.... if you do you'll spend all your time concerned and not enjoying the process!

Although your DH mother wants to know more, I would let your husband explain that whole process to her as you are dealing with alot aswell. I would be upset if my DH shared that much info but he might just be looking for reasurrance.

 

[Polita76]

Canadian Maple, maybe you have already talked about this, but, would you mind my asking if your husband had a tese or mtese to rule out the presence of sperm?

 

[WANBMUM]

Hi guys, CM, with our family we have kept the info very basic and kind oh have an unspoken rule of we disclose what we are comfortable with.
I agree with the others, let your hubby deal with it, keep it as you are not discussing this.

It's weird but for us numbers haven't come into it nor are we bothered. I guess because only 3 couples can have a child from the one donor in OUR country, if that was higher I guess then I'd be concerned.

Afm, i am feeling pretty pissed off. I am 100% sure this iui hasn't worked, I feel exactly the same as the last 2 IUI's , my cm is exactly the same. Even my hubby said lets just he out for af and not bother testing, I have a real phobia with seeing a negative on a stick, it's heart wrenching as all you guys know.

 

[WANBMUM]

Sorry about my silly predictive text wording. It's so annoying.

 

[Redhead7211]

Rae-Thanks! That gives me hope! The cramps feel sorta like AF cramps, but my stomach feels like it's in knots. The cramps are dull and achey and I had a few sharper pains around my right ovary which I ovulated from. I'm concerned my period is coming, so I'm trying not to think too much into anything one way or another.

CM-Glad you heard back from the bank! As far as telling people about how we picked the donor I have only told a select few people his attributes, family history etc. I told my sister in May while needing to talk to someone and she told my mom and dad that the donor has a bipolar great aunt which my family kind of poked fun at...What a big mouth I know! My parents are totally supportive on us using DS, but I'm reserved about telling people about it because I don't want people to look at the baby and see the donor. If that makes any sense. They know we picked someone that has similar interests as DH and a similar personality.

Want2beamamma-I'm glad the process is starting for you! Seeing those follies in the ultrasound is exciting.

Polita-Did AF show?

Wanbmum-How many dpiui are you? I understand feeling like it's not working, just try to stay positive until AF shows up There is northing worse than hoping and praying to be pregnant and seeing a stark white pregnancy test.

How's everyone doing? Other than being crampy as I mentioned above I'm doing okay...same symptoms as before. I'm bloated and my abdomen is pretty sensitive. I still have this odd stuffy/really dry congestion issue, but there has been a cold passing around the area. Unfortunately I won't be able to POAS obsess for at least a few days because my brother-in-law is apparently having some sort of midlife crisis and is staying with us for a few days