I had a daughter by from a horrific relationship 17 years ago. We split up when she was 2 because of his violence and his mental bullying. When we did split up I decided that I didnt want to have any more kids cos I didnt want to be bringing up more kiddies on my own. One was hard enough! I was in another relationship for 11 years after that but he was scared of commitment and I eventually got fed up with waiting for our relationship to progress so we split. I didnt want children with him either.
When I got together with my current OH, we discussed having kids. He has Multiple Sclerosis and while it doesnt normally run in families, it can have a tendency to do so and 4 other members of his family have it too (including his mum) so we decided that we wouldnt take the chance of perhaps passing on this disease. I even booked myself in for a sterlilization op and then got the confirmation date etc but I bottled out. I couldnt bring myself to destroy my own fertility just like that, and he didnt want to get a vasectomy just yet either. So we carried on being careful etc.
Then I found out I'm pregnant nearly 5 weeks ago. OUCHIE! I cried. We cried. We talked. We cried some more. We even talked about abortion. For a full 24 hours we were certain we were going to abort. But it didnt sit right with either of us. We were still crying and trying to convince ourselves it was the right thing to do. It didnt feel like a weight had been lifted off our shoulders or anything like that. So the next morning I woke up and sat up in bed and said to him "I cant do it" and he knew straight away what I meant. He said that he understood and he felt the same. He would feel too guilty if we went ahead with an abortion. From then on, it felt like a weight had been lifted. He's terrified, dont get me wrong! He's gonna be moving in with us soon and we're gonna be getting engaged. It's alot of comittment happeneing in a short space of time and it's scary for both of us!
I'm also terrified as I feel like I'm starting all over again heh, but we're so excited to be having this baby. For us this was the right decision, kind of like fate but tbh, we wont be having any more after this one! OH will be getting the snip, he's adamant on that one now
Ooo sorry about the essay!