'Fab'ulous testers and supporters; 58 bfps

[BethMaassen]

Hiya Ladies. :wave:
Sorry I haven't been really paying attention to anyone else lately, very self absorbed right now.

No one showed for the 30 minute "viewing" to say goodbye. My sister and brother did... But they left within 10 minutes... No friends showed.. So it was just me, My husband and the girls.
I stood there and talked to mom, and caressed her arm and face. That seemed to weird my sister out when I told her.. Not sure why.. was just mom..
I held the girls up to her. And explained to them Oma's body was now sleeping but Oma herself is up in Heaven and watching over us. I know they are still so little and not sure they really understand.. But I tried. I then had them say "bye-bye" and we left after I said "Good Bye" once more.
75$ - I spent 75$ so people could come say goodbye.. and no one did... I was furious.

Yesterday I went grocery shopping for the first time since she passed. She used to insist that we sit down and make a detailed list together, so it felt like I was doing something wrong yesterday. I also put in a few applications.

I honestly don't know how I am going to survive... My bills and expenses add up to far more than what I will make gross on a monthly basis on a regular minimum wage job.
DH being an immigrant with no Greencard he can not work, legally. We can't afford a Greencard. I honestly wish he would just go home to the Netherlands because it would be easier for me to care for the girls. I feel awful for that.. But he had his opportunities.. and he blew them..
When I was pregnant with Moira, we had the money to get the Greencard, but he could not be bothered to do the paperwork.. and then we needed the money for and emergency.. We have been married 5 years and have 2 kids together, yet he has not bothered to report ANY of it to his government, meaning, I, as his wife, will not be seen as such by his government... So if we as a family try to go there, our marriage will not be honored by his government, and i will have to leave after 90days...
Furthermore, her commited fraud and owes his government thousands of dollars, or jail time upon his arrival back in the Netherlands.


Sometimes, I wish I never married him.. He is not responsible, not mature, and lazier than anything. He has been helping more around the house since Mom passed, but that still does not make up for the "you left us royally screwed" bit.

I am so lost.. I am angry, scared, tired..

And honestly going to a regular job scares me, I had been mom's live-in care giver for 10 years, I made a great amount of money.. Had health and dental denefits.. It's all gone.. I have a horrible back. I can't cook dinner or do housework without ending up in crippling pain and sets of my sciatica. I don't know how I am going to manage a physically active job. I also suffer from PPD and crippling anxiety.

I just don't know what to do.

 

[pinkpassion]

Beth I'm sorry you are going through all that!!

I don't even know what to say about your dh, I thought getting married automatically gave them rights to work here without issues. But I see that's not the case. That's a tough situation.

Sorry you are having such a hard time right now!!

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Hiya Ladies. :wave:
Sorry I haven't been really paying attention to anyone else lately, very self absorbed right now.

No one showed for the 30 minute "viewing" to say goodbye. My sister and brother did... But they left within 10 minutes... No friends showed.. So it was just me, My husband and the girls.
I stood there and talked to mom, and caressed her arm and face. That seemed to weird my sister out when I told her.. Not sure why.. was just mom..
I held the girls up to her. And explained to them Oma's body was now sleeping but Oma herself is up in Heaven and watching over us. I know they are still so little and not sure they really understand.. But I tried. I then had them say "bye-bye" and we left after I said "Good Bye" once more.
75$ - I spent 75$ so people could come say goodbye.. and no one did... I was furious.

Yesterday I went grocery shopping for the first time since she passed. She used to insist that we sit down and make a detailed list together, so it felt like I was doing something wrong yesterday. I also put in a few applications.

I honestly don't know how I am going to survive... My bills and expenses add up to far more than what I will make gross on a monthly basis on a regular minimum wage job.
DH being an immigrant with no Greencard he can not work, legally. We can't afford a Greencard. I honestly wish he would just go home to the Netherlands because it would be easier for me to care for the girls. I feel awful for that.. But he had his opportunities.. and he blew them..
When I was pregnant with Moira, we had the money to get the Greencard, but he could not be bothered to do the paperwork.. and then we needed the money for and emergency.. We have been married 5 years and have 2 kids together, yet he has not bothered to report ANY of it to his government, meaning, I, as his wife, will not be seen as such by his government... So if we as a family try to go there, our marriage will not be honored by his government, and i will have to leave after 90days...
Furthermore, her commited fraud and owes his government thousands of dollars, or jail time upon his arrival back in the Netherlands.


Sometimes, I wish I never married him.. He is not responsible, not mature, and lazier than anything. He has been helping more around the house since Mom passed, but that still does not make up for the "you left us royally screwed" bit.

I am so lost.. I am angry, scared, tired..

And honestly going to a regular job scares me, I had been mom's live-in care giver for 10 years, I made a great amount of money.. Had health and dental denefits.. It's all gone.. I have a horrible back. I can't cook dinner or do housework without ending up in crippling pain and sets of my sciatica. I don't know how I am going to manage a physically active job. I also suffer from PPD and crippling anxiety.

I just don't know what to do.

im so sorry no one showed

can you apply for other in home care jobs? Maybe try an agency.

Youll make it with DH, you can do this!!

 

[lilmisscaviar]

How appalling that nobody showed... I'm so sorry

You poor thing, having one thing after another and now the issue with your DH. Going through a tragic event really does test relationships. I really hope you'll be able to work something out for the best. You really do need a break

 

[Angelique76]

Hiya Ladies. :wave:
Sorry I haven't been really paying attention to anyone else lately, very self absorbed right now.

No one showed for the 30 minute "viewing" to say goodbye. My sister and brother did... But they left within 10 minutes... No friends showed.. So it was just me, My husband and the girls.
I stood there and talked to mom, and caressed her arm and face. That seemed to weird my sister out when I told her.. Not sure why.. was just mom..
I held the girls up to her. And explained to them Oma's body was now sleeping but Oma herself is up in Heaven and watching over us. I know they are still so little and not sure they really understand.. But I tried. I then had them say "bye-bye" and we left after I said "Good Bye" once more.
75$ - I spent 75$ so people could come say goodbye.. and no one did... I was furious.

Yesterday I went grocery shopping for the first time since she passed. She used to insist that we sit down and make a detailed list together, so it felt like I was doing something wrong yesterday. I also put in a few applications.

I honestly don't know how I am going to survive... My bills and expenses add up to far more than what I will make gross on a monthly basis on a regular minimum wage job.
DH being an immigrant with no Greencard he can not work, legally. We can't afford a Greencard. I honestly wish he would just go home to the Netherlands because it would be easier for me to care for the girls. I feel awful for that.. But he had his opportunities.. and he blew them..
When I was pregnant with Moira, we had the money to get the Greencard, but he could not be bothered to do the paperwork.. and then we needed the money for and emergency.. We have been married 5 years and have 2 kids together, yet he has not bothered to report ANY of it to his government, meaning, I, as his wife, will not be seen as such by his government... So if we as a family try to go there, our marriage will not be honored by his government, and i will have to leave after 90days...
Furthermore, her commited fraud and owes his government thousands of dollars, or jail time upon his arrival back in the Netherlands.


Sometimes, I wish I never married him.. He is not responsible, not mature, and lazier than anything. He has been helping more around the house since Mom passed, but that still does not make up for the "you left us royally screwed" bit.

I am so lost.. I am angry, scared, tired..

And honestly going to a regular job scares me, I had been mom's live-in care giver for 10 years, I made a great amount of money.. Had health and dental denefits.. It's all gone.. I have a horrible back. I can't cook dinner or do housework without ending up in crippling pain and sets of my sciatica. I don't know how I am going to manage a physically active job. I also suffer from PPD and crippling anxiety.

I just don't know what to do.

Hi Beth,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I believe that you are feeling the loss in such a way that nothing else seems to work for you. Perhaps you should just take a deep breath, sit for a minute, and think of a way forward. You have had so much on your shoulders and need a time-out. I do believe that once you feel a bit more relaxed, you will think a bit more clearly. I cannot imagine life without my Mom, so I can only imagine how it would impact my life.

Things will work out with DH. You will probably have to lay down a plan, and make him stick to it. Us woman, we tend to take care of things until it gets to a point where we are so overwhelmed that we just can't do it. DH has to know that you need him to fix things. Try not to fight about it. I have had my share of issues as well, and I just found that once I let my DH know that I really need him, and can't continue fixing everything, things started to come right. It's just a bit of advice from my own life, so you have to do what's right for you, and nobody else.

I am really sorry that nobody came to the viewing and that your siblings left so quickly. Just know that you did what was right for your Mum and your family. Whether anyone took the time to honour it is of no consequence, you did what you knew to be right and that is all that matters.

I am sending you lots of hugs and good vibes and pray that you make it through this tough time only stronger. xo

 

[FLArmyWife]

beth- I'm so sorry no one showed

 

[Disneymom1129]

Beth that is awful no one showed up, at least you got to say your goodbyes though.

I understand you are lost and still grieving but it's really time for you to step up and take charge, because no one is going to do it for you. There are options for you. Are you already on government assistance? That could be an option while you guys sort things out. Your DH needs to step up more, and you should tell him how you feel. You guys have two beautiful girls together and he should WANT to provide for them.

Try not to lie down and give up so quickly. You have taken a big step in applying for jobs so you have already done well! Just keep applying, the statistic is something like for every ten applications you turn in, you may hear from maybe one. It's rough right now! There is a life beyond your mother, and it's time to start living it

Sorry if any of that came off mean/insinsitive. Just trying to offer you some advice!

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

im thinking that the 25mg Clomid wont work but its still early. With FE, i got O type pains the last few days of taking them, when it did work, but im not having any symptoms?? Maybe thats normal.

----
Last week was my nanny boys b-day, we had a while party planned for him and then he ended up throwing up and going home. DD1 started swimming lessons. At Jewish camp, she will take a swimming test and so we want her to be prepared!

and I finally feel like i can sit down and breathe! The last few weeks its been crazy around here!!

 

[Angelique76]

Hi ladies, I hope that everyone is well today.

I had my appointment with my OBGyn. What an awesome doctor! He is so happy to share information with us. He explained everything to us. Unfortunately, there is a small polyp that must be removed. It will be removed in June. He says it's nothing to worry about.

So, he says that I most likely have sticky blood. I was diagnosed with insulin resitance after dd was born. He says compounded with High blood pressure he is almost certain that I have it. Apparently it is easily treated. He will be running loads of blood tests when I am in hospital to confirm. So ttc a bit delayed. He said it's not a train smash if we do conceive before then, but it's best to wait. He wants to put us in a position where he knows what's happening in my body and how to best avoid another mc. So, no December baby for us. But we are happy to do what he tells us to do. He can never guarantee 100% that we won't mc again, but if there are measures we can put in place to avoid it as best possible, then we will do it. The heartache of another loss will be very difficult.

We are just so happy that he explained everything to us. That with multiple mc it isn't likely that it was a chromosomal issue and that he feels confident that he will get us there.

Anyway, my input for the day. I always hope that reading other peoples stories and sharing my own will help.

I hope that you all have a lovely day.

Beth, I hope that you are doing well today.

OneEarth - I am praying that things work out for you soon.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

totally randomly today, i decided to get another tattoo. I go Friday.

I emailed a shop and asked for a price on what i want and told him. He told me it was "cute" and would "wear off in time". I guess he wont be getting my business then!!

I want DH to write " Mine" in his handwriting and then get it on my right forearm.
I already have "Be Still" on my left wrist. It hasnt lost any meaning in the years i have had it.

Whats more weird to hear? " I have Be Still because i heard God tell me" or " I have Mine because I wholly belong to my husband?"

 

[BethMaassen]

Hi Ladies!
I am surviving. Things are so hard. I have absolutely no support. And I am doing everything to fight and stay a functioning mommy and adult.

We picked up Mom's ashes on Friday. I picked out the prettiest Urn. She would love it!

I have a job interview tomorrow. I am hoping they can give me a from-home position.
If not, I am going to put the girls in day care. I really don't want to.. And it would cost us 1,800$ a month. So I would have to get som assistance with that.
I am also considering becoming an Avon rep.

Today we have to go do a recertification thing for our Apartment, which we always do annually. (Low income housing). The manager is pressing for it to me done by the 24th. I told her I still don't have a job.. So what can I do?

----------------------

Angelique: Sorry to hear about the polyp and I am glad the Sticky blood is easily treated!

OnErth: I don't think either is weird. Those sound like great and meaningful Tattoos.

I am going to be getting a tattoo as soon as I can. In honor of my mom. A white rose on my wrist. with her name, DOB, and DOD, around it.

 

[FLArmyWife]

sorry girls I'm reading. It's been a hell of a time the last 8 days.

The jist is Sweets is having weight issues, had yellowing of the skin (turned out to be carotenemia), and is having odd shaking episodes. We have an appointment with a neurologist set up and a follow up for his weight.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

sorry girls I'm reading. It's been a hell of a time the last 8 days.

The jist is Sweets is having weight issues, had yellowing of the skin (turned out to be carotenemia), and is having odd shaking episodes. We have an appointment with a neurologist set up and a follow up for his weight.

 

[lenorajoy]

Hi ladies! I haven't fallen off the face of the planet. Things are finally coming together with feeding and sleeping, so I'm starting to get a little time to get things done! I've caught up on reading, so I'll try my best to remember everything I wanted to reply to.

Drjo - So glad everything looks good! I hope things are going well for you.

Angelique - I'm glad you're getting some answers. I hope you have some definite answers soon and wil have a beautiful success story before you know it! How awful that your insurance won't cover a miscarriage! Is that normal? I hope you never have to experience it again and won't have to worry about that expense coming out of your pocket.

Beth - I'm so sorry for everything going on! It sounds so stressful. Like others have said, keep pushing forward and do what you have to do to take care of things. I wish you had some support and I hope DH comes around and starts pulling his weight. It isn't fair to any of you to not put effort into supporting you or his children. Best of luck with the job applications and interviews and I hope you find the right one for you.

FLA - I've been keeping up on your blog and I hope you have some answers and solutions for Sweets's growth issues. Is carotenemia dangerous to his health?

AFM - Things are finally starting to come together with Sylvie. My milk supply seems a bit inconsistent, but were exclusively breastfeeding now, so we'll see how everything goes from here. She is growing and alert and happy most of the time! Once a day she seems to get really frustrated with breastfeeding and starts crying a few minutes into it almost like she's in pain. And at this point it's been more than 2 days since she pooped, but has been having enough wet diapers still. I'd imagine today her issue with eating is that her belly probably hurts due to being backed up. I've tried everything I can think of to help her poop and nothing. On the plus side, I have a bit more time at home with her because I popped a stitch at some point and need at least 3 more weeks to heal before I'll be cleared to go back to work by my doctor. We're playing with the idea of me staying home with her permanently, but we have to sort out the financial side of things before we make that decision.

 

[Angelique76]

Hi ladies! I haven't fallen off the face of the planet. Things are finally coming together with feeding and sleeping, so I'm starting to get a little time to get things done! I've caught up on reading, so I'll try my best to remember everything I wanted to reply to.

Drjo - So glad everything looks good! I hope things are going well for you.

Angelique - I'm glad you're getting some answers. I hope you have some definite answers soon and wil have a beautiful success story before you know it! How awful that your insurance won't cover a miscarriage! Is that normal? I hope you never have to experience it again and won't have to worry about that expense coming out of your pocket.

Beth - I'm so sorry for everything going on! It sounds so stressful. Like others have said, keep pushing forward and do what you have to do to take care of things. I wish you had some support and I hope DH comes around and starts pulling his weight. It isn't fair to any of you to not put effort into supporting you or his children. Best of luck with the job applications and interviews and I hope you find the right one for you.

FLA - I've been keeping up on your blog and I hope you have some answers and solutions for Sweets's growth issues. Is carotenemia dangerous to his health?

AFM - Things are finally starting to come together with Sylvie. My milk supply seems a bit inconsistent, but were exclusively breastfeeding now, so we'll see how everything goes from here. She is growing and alert and happy most of the time! Once a day she seems to get really frustrated with breastfeeding and starts crying a few minutes into it almost like she's in pain. And at this point it's been more than 2 days since she pooped, but has been having enough wet diapers still. I'd imagine today her issue with eating is that her belly probably hurts due to being backed up. I've tried everything I can think of to help her poop and nothing. On the plus side, I have a bit more time at home with her because I popped a stitch at some point and need at least 3 more weeks to heal before I'll be cleared to go back to work by my doctor. We're playing with the idea of me staying home with her permanently, but we have to sort out the financial side of things before we make that decision.

Hi Lenora,

I hope that all goes well with your milk supply. It would be awesome if you could be home permanently.

In answer to your question about the medical insurance, they have the right to exclude a "pre existing condition"for up to 12 months. I knew that I would be excluded for BP and insulin resistance, and any illness that arises due to it, for 12 months. I was not expecting to be excluded for miscarriage. My broker said it's the first time she has ever seen the exclusion. I am so annoyed about it. Honesty is supposed to pay. And I can't say I would have done it differently had I known, that's not in my nature, but it didn't pay

Anyway, it is what it is. Just have to make sure the next little bean sticks. But saw my doc on Friday and he gave me so much info. Going to have a polyp removed in June at which time he will run a host of tests. He thinks I have sticky blood which is, apparently, easily treated. So TTC delayed, but will get there. Rather get all the bases covered to try and avoid any issues going forward.

I hope that you are all having a good day. xo

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

AFM - Things are finally starting to come together with Sylvie. My milk supply seems a bit inconsistent, but were exclusively breastfeeding now, so we'll see how everything goes from here. She is growing and alert and happy most of the time! Once a day she seems to get really frustrated with breastfeeding and starts crying a few minutes into it almost like she's in pain. And at this point it's been more than 2 days since she pooped, but has been having enough wet diapers still. I'd imagine today her issue with eating is that her belly probably hurts due to being backed up. I've tried everything I can think of to help her poop and nothing. On the plus side, I have a bit more time at home with her because I popped a stitch at some point and need at least 3 more weeks to heal before I'll be cleared to go back to work by my doctor. We're playing with the idea of me staying home with her permanently, but we have to sort out the financial side of things before we make that decision.

Have you called LLL to ask what to do?

 

[FLArmyWife]

Hi ladies! I haven't fallen off the face of the planet. Things are finally coming together with feeding and sleeping, so I'm starting to get a little time to get things done! I've caught up on reading, so I'll try my best to remember everything I wanted to reply to.

Drjo - So glad everything looks good! I hope things are going well for you.

Angelique - I'm glad you're getting some answers. I hope you have some definite answers soon and wil have a beautiful success story before you know it! How awful that your insurance won't cover a miscarriage! Is that normal? I hope you never have to experience it again and won't have to worry about that expense coming out of your pocket.

Beth - I'm so sorry for everything going on! It sounds so stressful. Like others have said, keep pushing forward and do what you have to do to take care of things. I wish you had some support and I hope DH comes around and starts pulling his weight. It isn't fair to any of you to not put effort into supporting you or his children. Best of luck with the job applications and interviews and I hope you find the right one for you.

FLA - I've been keeping up on your blog and I hope you have some answers and solutions for Sweets's growth issues. Is carotenemia dangerous to his health?
No it isn't supposed to be. It literally is just something that changes the pigment of the skin. Now if he were to ingest an IMPOSSIBLE amount of Vit A in a very short period of time then that can cause problems, but even with the amount he gets that is no where near being dangerous.

AFM - Things are finally starting to come together with Sylvie. My milk supply seems a bit inconsistent, but were exclusively breastfeeding now, so we'll see how everything goes from here. She is growing and alert and happy most of the time! Once a day she seems to get really frustrated with breastfeeding and starts crying a few minutes into it almost like she's in pain. And at this point it's been more than 2 days since she pooped, but has been having enough wet diapers still. I'd imagine today her issue with eating is that her belly probably hurts due to being backed up. I've tried everything I can think of to help her poop and nothing. On the plus side, I have a bit more time at home with her because I popped a stitch at some point and need at least 3 more weeks to heal before I'll be cleared to go back to work by my doctor. We're playing with the idea of me staying home with her permanently, but we have to sort out the financial side of things before we make that decision.

I'm sorry you popped a stitch but yay for more time at home. Hopefully your supply becomes more consistent and little S gets a nice big poop to clear out her system so she can comfortably eat.

 

[Disneymom1129]

Hi ladies! I haven't fallen off the face of the planet. Things are finally coming together with feeding and sleeping, so I'm starting to get a little time to get things done! I've caught up on reading, so I'll try my best to remember everything I wanted to reply to.

Drjo - So glad everything looks good! I hope things are going well for you.

Angelique - I'm glad you're getting some answers. I hope you have some definite answers soon and wil have a beautiful success story before you know it! How awful that your insurance won't cover a miscarriage! Is that normal? I hope you never have to experience it again and won't have to worry about that expense coming out of your pocket.

Beth - I'm so sorry for everything going on! It sounds so stressful. Like others have said, keep pushing forward and do what you have to do to take care of things. I wish you had some support and I hope DH comes around and starts pulling his weight. It isn't fair to any of you to not put effort into supporting you or his children. Best of luck with the job applications and interviews and I hope you find the right one for you.

FLA - I've been keeping up on your blog and I hope you have some answers and solutions for Sweets's growth issues. Is carotenemia dangerous to his health?

AFM - Things are finally starting to come together with Sylvie. My milk supply seems a bit inconsistent, but were exclusively breastfeeding now, so we'll see how everything goes from here. She is growing and alert and happy most of the time! Once a day she seems to get really frustrated with breastfeeding and starts crying a few minutes into it almost like she's in pain. And at this point it's been more than 2 days since she pooped, but has been having enough wet diapers still. I'd imagine today her issue with eating is that her belly probably hurts due to being backed up. I've tried everything I can think of to help her poop and nothing. On the plus side, I have a bit more time at home with her because I popped a stitch at some point and need at least 3 more weeks to heal before I'll be cleared to go back to work by my doctor. We're playing with the idea of me staying home with her permanently, but we have to sort out the financial side of things before we make that decision.

Can't believe Sylvie is already a month old! I'm glad she's doing so well. I hear it can be "normal" for a breastfed baby to go even a few days without pooping, but my babies never skipped a day until they were much older (usually after starting solids.) I hope your stitch heals well, those are so painful and annoying! That is exciting that you can maybe stay home full time, I'd love to be able to do that one day . Share pics! I'm not on Facebook anymore

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

I told DH its time to get rid of the baby things we have collected. We held hope and kept faith but im just going through this season where it makes it harder looking at that stuff.

 

[FLArmyWife]

onerth- i'm sorry. I hope you get a surprise one day