first cycle actively trying (June 2015)

[Jezika]

Oh my goodness, Gina and Les, I'm so sorry It just seems so unfair how painful this journey is. I'm not sure what to say other than I hope you're able to do some self-care and find comfort and support around you. Of course, we're all here for that too.

 

[cutestuff]

I know I'm not a member of this thread but I have been stalking this thread and I was really hoping this would be your sticky bfp Gina. I am so very sorry. Les what a horrible situation to be in.
I will keep you both in my thoughts and may your next bfps be super sticky rainbows.

 

[Velathria]

On no... that is horrible I am so sorry you two.. I was so excited for both of you. Take all the time you need. I can't imagine what you are going through right now...
Hope you feel better soon. You have the love and support from us all.

If you need us just come and vent and we'll be here lots of hugs from us

 

[gina236]

Thank you ladies so much for your kind words. And so sorry you are going through this too les. my temp went down almost a whole degree this morning so it's definitely coming. But trying to stay positive through the tears. I can do the tough mudder again this year, I will have more time to get my business up and running, and I have an obgyn now that I can call right away.

I have a baby shower tomorrow.. not sure how I will make it through that. It is for my cousin with endometriosis who tried for 3 years before finally getting pregnant and I really want to be there for her, it's the only baby shower I have agreed to go to since we have been struggling, but I fear I will break down in the middle of it seeing all the baby related things. I know she will understand if I don't go but I really wanted to be there because I feel she deserves all the support in the world. It's a surprise shower too so I can't message her today or something. I am considering giving my mom the gift I bought her to bring and just staying home but I feel almost selfish doing that. What do you ladies think? She knows we have been struggling and I know she will understand but I just don't want to take away from her day or make her feel guilty at all.

 

[Hopingsomeday]

Definitely neg right ? I feel like I see a huge but I'm 10 or 11 dpo I should see more right . I'm also have beem staring at it for 10 min

 

[Jezika]

Gina - that's a bit of a tough situation and it's hard to say what might be best. I think if you think it's likely to make you quite upset and you'd feel you have to put on a brave face, then getting your mum to take the present might be a good idea. I know showers can be hard at the best of times when someone's TTC, what with all the mothers there talking about their own experiences etc., let alone when someone's had a MC. Could you maybe ask if you can do a one-on-one thing with your cousin some other time to make up for it and explain to her that a full-on shower might have been difficult for you so soon after what happened and that you also didn't want her to have to worry about you at her shower? Then seeing her one-on-one would hopefully be less intense and in-your-face but still showing her that you care and are happy for her.

Hopingsomeday - hmmm... when I first looked at the pics I definitely couldn't see anything, but then at some angles it looks a little like there's a faint pink line, though to me it appears to be closer to the other line than I would expect. And actually, I can sort of see the same thing on the other side of the control line. Very odd, I have to say! Line spotting sucks! As for 11DPO, I think FRERs should pick up the majority of BFPs then, but not all, and standard HPTs less so. It all depends on when implantation happened, I guess. Good luck and let us know if you find out more!

 

[lesondemavie]

I'm sorry you're going through this as well Gina. All the best

 

[Velathria]

It's so hard... I wouldn't go to the shower... I mean if it were "just" feeling cause of ttc then it's a different story but after a mc... no and they way it sounds I think she'd understand... and the one on one thing that jez said sounds like a good idea.. cause then your still there for her...

I think you'll just make yourself even miserable with that.

 

[wifeybby]

I agree with the one-on-one time another day, sweetie. I think it would be much too upsetting to be in your shoes, and when you tell her what happened I know she'll understand and would've done the same thing. Send her a text, and relax the day away before life goes on with work and whatnot tomorrow. Stay strong and snuggle up to a movie with DH!

 

[Velathria]

How you doing wifey? When is your lab again? Are nervous?

 

[wifeybby]

I feel like I'm doing awful at the moment - then I think I should cheer up because obviously things could be worse. I feel petty to complain about my issues when I've seen several members MC this past weekend -- but honestly feeling quite low myself. AF is 3 days late, and of course this is the one time I was counting on it to be on time. The lap is this coming Friday, I have to be there at 11am. Not nervous, more excited than anything. I just want to move forward, resolve the issue and move on to Clomid. I want my March BFP so insanely badly - any BFP, really lol. I trust RE will do a great job with the surgery and knows best. We went shopping Friday for our nephews 1st birthday party, which is always awesome and fun but heavy on the heart too. He is a NICU survivor so his parents asked for preemie sleepers to donate back. It was precious but baby shopping is so hard when you want your own so desperately. So Gina, I can imagine how hard that shower would be. Thank you for asking about me Vel! Its a bummer response but I love being able to talk/vent with you. How are you, and what's new?!

 

[lesondemavie]

Wifey, please don't ever feel bad about your own feelings! We're all on our own journies with our own ups and downs. Your feelings are just as valid no matter what happened to someone else. What you're going through is tough! You deserve to vent and get emotional support just as much as the rest of us . I think I said it before, but the grief I feel can never take away the joy I felt while I was pregnant. Even though it ended, I'm so very thankful to have had the time I had. I want that joy and more for all of you (and me again)! Hope that makes sense. I'm sorry you're feeling down. So much love and fx your way

 

[gina236]

Hi ladies. I did end up going today. My mom and aunt met at my house so I didn't really have a choice without making a scene. But I was able to keep it together and my cousin was very grateful that I came, she knows what's going on so she wasn't expecting me to come. Superbowl with my family now!

Wifey like leson said, please don't feel guilty about feeling bad. Everyone is entitled to their feelings. I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. AF seems to always do the opposite what you want. I really hope she shows or you get a bfp! Always feel free to vent all you want hun!

 

[Jezika]

Gina - glad it all turned out okay in the end and you got through it. Was it as tough as you thought?

Les - you're such an inspiration, truly! And I mean generally from the many posts from you that I've read, not just in response to what happened recently.

Like wifey, I'm feeling a bit meh. Not really fertility-related, just... meh. I think it's just the weather and practicum applications at school and guilt about procrastinating. As others have said, it's nice to have other here with whom we can relate. Whether you guys are in the middle of a good period or a rough one, it's nice to be reminded that the ups and downs of life are something that we all share, that we're never really alone.

As for fertility stuff, I'm on CD12 of a 25/26-day cycle and I assumed I would've O'd by now, but I've been turning up negative early morning OPKs since Wednesday. I also started temping on the same day and I haven't seen any significant spiking. I do think I've had EWCM for a day or two and I **think** my CP might be high and maaaaybe soft and maybe open (I kind of feel a dimple?), but mainly it's like an alien world in there. Been BDing every other day since Tuesday. I would've thought I'd O by now, but we'll see. I want to be somewhere sunny and beautiful and peaceful.

 

[lesondemavie]

Well that's one thing I have going for me right now, Jez. Looks like you went from rainy to snowy. It's an absolutely beautifully warm day here in California! Trust me though we pay dearly for the weather. Cost of living is insane. I'm not going to lie though. I'm originally from Colorado (go Broncos!), and I absolutely miss the seasons. It's been quite nice having El Niño this year. The rain and chilly winds are very welcome after 80-90 degree winters for the past few years. My severe, shick-inducing allergies (to grass), however, really preferred the drought.

We found a beautiful home today. It has the most gorgeous old avocado tree, and also figs, persimmons, and tons of citrus. Fingers crossed it all works out

 

[Velathria]

Aww wifey I'm happy that you feel comfortable sharing all this with me and you can vent to all of us all the time. I think it doesn't matter if you are someone wgo has been trying for years or just trying for a few months but not even getting af... everyone feels like crap when the AF comes or a bfn or an mc.
And you shouldn't feel bad about that.
I bet that bfp will come soon for all of us. I just know it. And isn't it true that after an mc apparently you especially fertile?
I read that once. Although I wouldn't know if I'd want to try again the next month. I can't imagine what you all are going through... I feel like shit when I'm sad about my ttc.I have everything normal yet nothing is happening and it's only been 5 CD's so I won't vent as much as you guys. I know you all have it worse. But I so hope you guys get your sticky bfps soon. You all deserve it so much.

AFM my AF has stopped and my sex drive is weirdly through the roof today. .. maybe I'm ovulating early this cycle. Has happened before. Me and DF are gonna try the everyday Bd'ing because if he has low sperm count the as much as possible to meet the egg is a good idea I think. We'll see hehehe... ;-P
Might start taking some vit D and B because I read a deficiency can keep you from getting pregnant and I seem to have all the signs.
I'd go to a doctor but we haven't gotten our medical yet and I don't want to end up paying for some test. It's not bad taking extra vitamins right?

 

[Velathria]

That's beautiful les. My dad is originally from cali.. wish I could go there again. Wanna switch? All we have here is rain, rain and more rain, oh and lots and lots of wind. It's crazy outside. Don't even want to leave the house. I'm lucky though that I can stay home and don't have to work. But I have a sick child now. I'm awake here at 1 am in ireland and just wiped up puke from the floor and had to clean my son. He has been sick all day.. weirdly in the short hour that he slept we still got a quick Dtd in lol... wish I could do something to take his pain away. Stomach flu's are horrible. Atleast with a cold I could give him something but with this all I can do is rub the belly and hold him and make him drink lots of water.

 

[Jezika]

Les - that garden is beautiful. To me, sitting in a peaceful space like that with all sorts of nature surrounding you is so soothing for the soul, especially when it's all yours. I'm hoping it works out!

Vel - Irish weather, of course, is a lot like English weather, and I definitely don't miss it. It's been quite gloomy here too, unseasonably warm but also muddy and dull. I quite like the snow, even walking in it long distances. I think it's the brightness of it that I like. Except last week when I slipped right over on some ice and bruised my hip; that sucked. In any case, at least Ireland is beautiful no matter what and has a tonne of history. Also, sorry to hear DS is unwell. I can't relate to that but can only imagine it's horrible, though hopefully it clears up soon and you can focus even more so on DTD

 

[Velathria]

Hahha yeah ireland at least is beautiful. I do miss snow though. But it at least doesn't get too cold. I was up all night with my son.. it's morning now and I feel like a zombie. Just wish I could take it away from him. And to top it off I am now coming down with a cold. My throat is killing me and I can't breathe. If this keeps up this Month probably won't be it either. Cause next few days Will be my fertile window and if he is still sick like this then it's not looking too good.
But thanks for the good luck wishes how is everyone else doing?

 

[wifeybby]

Thank you, les. That was a beautiful response! I am so sorry to hear that you lost baby Gremlin; but if you have it in you to try again I also have heard you are most fertile after a MC. Bittersweet, very much so. I am always here if you need to talk. Thank you for being so supportive. I'm not sure you any follow LoraLoo's journal, she lost a twin this weekend as well. My heart goes out to all of you in the biggest way possible. And the house sounds AWESOME! FX you get it!! Omg!!

And thank you just as much, Gina. I'm glad you were able to go and hold up okay. I know how hard that must've been for you. But please know that hopefully with your new OBGYN you can maybe do some testing to figure out what's causing your RPL. I know someday soon you will get another BFP and have a happy, healthy 9 months - more than once if you choose! I know you'll be a great mom and you will get your chance to be a mom. Thank you for hearing me out all the time and being there for me. It means more than you know.

Jez, checking CP is like an alien-world lol it does take a while to get used to it. And then someday, your cervix will feel so different that you'll question all your previous CP checks. It takes a good while to get used to, but you'll get the hang of it!

And Vel, thank you so much for your support too. Hope you and the family get well soon! Nothing is more miserable than being sick.

A nurse from the RE office just called back. They want me to come in tomorrow for a HCG blood test to be sure I'm not pregnant before Friday. I told her I'm 99% sure I'm not, that I totally missed my fertile window and ovulation date with BD, and no symptoms. I told her I took HPT's that were BFN. Here goes some money down the drain tomorrow at 2:45, straight after work. She didn't mention doing another round of Provera so we shall see what happens.

You girls are AWESOME! Have a lovely day ladies, so much love to you all.