Funnies...

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by babynewbie, Sep 3, 2009.

  1. babynewbie

    babynewbie Expecting #3

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    Have been rather bored today, found these.......


    How to deal with hormonal women...All men should know this..!

    DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
    SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
    SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
    ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

    DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
    SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
    SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
    ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

    DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
    SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
    SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
    ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

    DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
    SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
    SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
    ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

    DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
    SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
    SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
    ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.


    ...


    TOP TEN THINGS ONLY A WOMAN UNDERSTANDS

    10. Cats' facial expressions.
    9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
    8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
    7. 'Fat' clothes.
    6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
    5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
    4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
    3. Eyelash curlers.
    2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
    1. Other women.


    ...


    A woman went to a doctor and said, "Doctor, I have a problem, every time I sneeze I have an orgasm."
    The doctor said, "Oh really, what have you been doing for it?"
    The woman replied, "Snorting pepper."


    ...


    Two women were riding their rickety old bikes down the back streets of Rome one late afternoon.

    As it turns dusk, the increasing darkness starts making one of the women a little nervous. She leans over to the other and says, "You know, I've never come this way before."

    The other says, "It's the cobblestones."


    ...


    A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

    A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were about 200 women walking single file.

    The woman was so curious that she respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I have never seen a funeral like this.
    Whose funeral is it?"

    "My husband's."

    "What happened to him?"

    The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."

    She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

    The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."

    A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.

    "Can I borrow the dog?"

    "Get in line."
     
  2. bloodbinds

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    Lol! Loved it, thanks for putting a smile on my face! x
     
  3. babynewbie

    babynewbie Expecting #3

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    the top ten things only women understand is so true, me and OH are always talking about this! lol
     
  4. Bumblebee23

    Bumblebee23 mum of 1 & pregnant

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    very funny! i will make sure hubby reads the first one when he gets home!!! :headspin:
     
  5. ellie1275

    ellie1275 pregnant- 2nd trimester

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    funny! thank you for brightening up my day :thumbup:
     
  6. DizzyMoo

    DizzyMoo Guest

    lol fab hun thanks ! x
     
  7. jelix9408

    jelix9408 Mommy to Willow <3

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  8. KaeRit21

    KaeRit21 Guest

    thank u for the giggles :)

    xxxx
     
  9. sara k

    sara k Well-Known Member

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    :rofl::rofl:my husband liked last one:happydance::happydance:
     

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