General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[wookie130]

Jez, holy guacamole, that was freakin' hilarious!!!!

Oh, married sex definitely has lulls. Brad and I have had sex twice since I've delivered Charlotte. We're just so damned tired, and my libido is non-existent due to nursing, and blah blah blah. We have a happy marriage, and the lulls don't necessarily indicate that the relationship is in the dumpster. It just means we're old, tired, and rather unhorny atm...lol.

Anyone heard from Keep? M&S?

 

[shaescott]

Flueks so far today I’ve been okay. I just ate a ton though so let’s see how I feel in the next few hours lol

Here’s my shepherd’s pie, I broiled it at the end to make the top all brown (it has paprika on top which makes it look extra brown, it’s not actually burnt or anything). It’s so much like the kind they made at my school growing up Forgot to take a pic until we’d already started digging in whoops.

 

[TexasRider]

Re sex life.... when the kiddo isn’t here it’s actually pretty healthy. A few times a week. But when she’s here or it’s during school year it’s like once a week and sometimes every few weeks. What usually happens is we talk it up like yeah we are gonna do this and then one of us backs out. Like tonight I have a headache and my husband worked on a mower and his hands reek of gasoline no matter how many times he washes them. So he said he was gonna pass cause the fumes were making my head ache worse... i think it’s the weather- we have some chances for rain tonight and it’s all atmosphere junk. Suits me just fine. Haha.

 

[pacificlove]

Jez, I laughed so hard reading your story.

As for sex life, my libido actually went down too since we had L. The first year I did it for him. Recently I have realized that I also love my husband not just my baby and sex is part of my love for my husband. If I don't have it for a while I forget how good it feels until dh makes the advances but weeks may have gone by. He isn't just my babies dad, but a partner with needs that no one else is going to cover but me.

Just my thoughts...

 

[Jezika]

Kit don’t feel bad at all. I’m generally an open book. I personally believe it’s helpful to talk about uncomfortable things, in a supportive environment of course. The guilt/shame re: one night stand thing was a joke, but our sex issue very much isn’t.

I think like PL said, the more you don’t have it, the more you forget how good it is. I like it when I have it and very much enjoyed it the other day, but tbh I never think about it. There are soooo many other reasons that have been around for a long time that would take a novel for me to go into, just some examples being physical hang-ups, feeling tired, elaborate hygiene procedures that take time and effort (I like to be clean when having sex), and post-baby of course it’s even harder because I feel more unattractive, we are constantly busy and tired, nursing is suppressing my libido even further, our toddler has slept in our bed from birth, and we don’t really have many friends or family who have time to help give us some some baby-free time (and I can’t yet bring myself to get a random babysitter). But PL you’re right, DH has needs that only I can give him and I’ve been neglecting that. It’s affected him a lot lately and he’s reluctant to talk about it or agree to do much about it because he’s skeptical anything will change, so it’s been a battle just to even talk things out and agree to trying to sort out some couples therapy. I feel pretty bad because basically it’s all my fault and I wish I could be different, but nothing’s changed over the past many years other than us brushing it under the rug, which has been easy to do because we otherwise get along so well, share the same values. Anyway, I could talk about this forever so I’ll stop.

Shae your s’pie looks yummmm

 

[claireybell]

Do you have any very close friends/Family that would have Tilly overnight or for the wknd? Me & SO went through a crappy dry spell after having Nuala, our sex life isn’t what it used to be after having Riley but i think having children def changes things, an evening or wknd away together & a few drinks to chill out & chatting about ‘when we first got together’ reminiscing etc brings lotsa horny feelings hugs my lovely, relationships are hard

Omg i love Shepherds/Cottage pie, easy to make & its just yummers, Shae yours looks awesome

 

[gigglebox]

Shar i admire how quick you whipped that up! I've definitely had shepherds pie, also have made "healthier " versions with lean ground turkey and mashed cauliflower. Still delicious!

Jez yes definitely seek someone to talk to if it's an issue. As I've learned a million times over, ignoring issues never makes them go away. Note: i still have issues i just try to ignore

I'd be all over doing the sex thing right this second if I didn't have such terrible gas! Omg!!! I guess y'all can mark that in my symptoms list. It's comedicly (is that even a word?) loud.

 

[claireybell]

Lol Gigs! Trumpet butt i like to call it i find the louder mine are, the less smelly, but the quieter ones just stink Lol! Ive had lotsa gas & trapped Wind aswell, joys eh

We sometimes plan to get jiggy aswell Tex & then it goes out the window for one reason or another, usually suits me fine aswell as ive never got the energy for a full sesh haha quickies are better for me

Uhh Riley & SO have a sickness & Diarrohea bug im terrified im gonna get it & il mc.. praying Nuala doesn’t get it either, i had to collect Riley from school just over an hr ago.

Wooks, havent heard from M&S in quite a while on here, Keeps pops in here n there for a goss & catch up though

 

[kittykat7210]

I feel like our sex life has been better since having eves, we just had a midday quickie whilst eves was napping! And we had sex yesterday as well... we had an initial lull because my bleeding went on forever, but hubby’s libido has greatly improved the last few months and I’d say we have sex at least 3 times a week... we didn’t even do that before eves!! I don’t know what has changed but I’m really happy about it

 

[gigglebox]

Ohhh kit that will serve you well for ttc'ing number 2!

Awww cb poor guys hope you don't get it but if you do it's unlikely to cause miscarriage, more likely you will just be extra miserable because you can't take any good meds whilst preggers! Fx it doesn't get you!

I'm feeling pretty icky myself right now not sure if morning sickness is finally kicking in or i've got a bug myself. Guess i'll find out if it continues...i also had terrible sleep last night (thanks Levin!) so that may be a contributing factor.

 

[kittykat7210]

Ohhh kit that will serve you well for ttc'ing number 2!

Awww cb poor guys hope you don't get it but if you do it's unlikely to cause miscarriage, more likely you will just be extra miserable because you can't take any good meds whilst preggers! Fx it doesn't get you!

I'm feeling pretty icky myself right now not sure if morning sickness is finally kicking in or i've got a bug myself. Guess i'll find out if it continues...i also had terrible sleep last night (thanks Levin!) so that may be a contributing factor.

Haha I know! I sort of want one now but hubby wants to wait a while which I get, he wants a proper gap (he says he wants at least a 4 year gap ) but I’m hoping to get it down a bit!

Sorry about the sickness kicking in I know how much that sucks!

CB you won’t miscarriage from a sickness bug, I threw up every meal (and even if I didn’t eat) with eves from 5-18 weeks honestly, you will be fine

 

[bdb84]

Gig- I found out the gender of my first 2 at 16w and then with DD2 I found out at 14w. At that early of a gestation, "legally" (for lack of better word) he could only say up to 85%. I asked how confident he was and he said, "while I cannot tell you 100%, I've been doing this for 20 years and I feel more than confident telling you to start buying pink". I know that at the same place they will give 'up to a 95%' guestimate at 15 weeks, and then 100% at 16 weeks. All of that to say, I'll probably end up waiting until 16 weeks anyways just because of how our schedule works out

Jez- your story made me LOL.

With my ex-husband, whom I was married to for 10 years, we did not have strong sexual chemistry. He was very horny and always wanted it but I never initiated and could do without. I always enjoyed it when we would do it, but it was never what I knew sex could be. I hate putting it like that because I feel like I am insulting him. He was good at what he did and was very giving in the bedroom, but I also fully acknowledge that, had we never accidentally conceived DS (just 3 months into our relationship), our relationship would have been short lived. He was my rebound guy coming out of my college relationship. He had been a friend before then and was there for me when my ex broke up with me. Instead of dealing with the pain of the breakup, I hopped into a new relationship with him.

I don't regret giving him a decade of my life. He was good to me (up until the last two years) and gave me three beautiful babies and he's an excellent father to them. We have a great co-parenting relationship and I love his new girlfriend because she is kind and loves my kids. My kids love her, too. I think this is how it was always supposed to be.

My relationship with DH (remember we are only engaged; it's just easier to call him DH) is still very new of just 2.5 years, so I still get butterflies when I'm with him. Our chemistry is so strong and I cannot get enough of him. I would jump his bones daily if he had the energy (he works in the heat day in and day out), but we still have a very active sex life. I never felt this way with my ex-husband so it makes me feel positive for our future as I do attribute our lack of chemistry to the demise of my first marriage.

Anyways, sorry so long.

 

[mwel8819]

Shar i admire how quick you whipped that up! I've definitely had shepherds pie, also have made "healthier " versions with lean ground turkey and mashed cauliflower. Still delicious!

Jez yes definitely seek someone to talk to if it's an issue. As I've learned a million times over, ignoring issues never makes them go away. Note: i still have issues i just try to ignore

I'd be all over doing the sex thing right this second if I didn't have such terrible gas! Omg!!! I guess y'all can mark that in my symptoms list. It's comedicly (is that even a word?) loud.

Haha!!! My sex drive is up as well.

 

[shaescott]

I wrote this whole huge post last night and then fell asleep before posting it. Ugh.

Mini recap of the lost post:

After dinner I did have some gas pain, lots of passing gas, ate raspberries and had acid reflux and more gas. Lovely. Wasn’t overwhelming though, it was very bearable.
Mentioned it to my mom yesterday and she said it could be
A) Some kind of IBS/IBD
B) Atypical pancreatitis, which my sister had

 

[gigglebox]

Shae might be worth investigating, or if nothing else modifying your diet to see how that affects things.

Bdb i think your story is great. I love your blended family and how well everyone gets along.

 

[Jezika]

Bdb I also love your blended family and how everyone gets along. The things you said about DH1 kind of reminds me of my relationship. The only difference is that I’ve had a surprising number of relationships before DH, several of them super passionate sexually and emotionally m, and my libido has eventually decreased in every single case. Some people think it must mean I haven’t found the right person, but I suspect it’s just how I am, and if that’s the case, it would suck to give up on a marriage because of it, only to discover when I’m an older adult that it wasn’t the relationship that was a problem after all. That being said, I do wonder whether it means we are ultimately doomed, because of course DH wants a more active sex life and I *can* have a very high libido, just never beyond X years into a relationship. DH and I have discussed an open relationship, because we truly do love each other and make a great team in other ways, but I think we’d need to try some other things first and also improve the foundation of our relationship before that’s ever raised seriously even as a possibility.

I was going to comment on something else now but forgot.

But the other thing I was going to say was that STRAIGHT after I wrote my post last night, DH initiated and we ended up having sex. It was nice and we was cuddlier after than he usually is. I’m a bit more hopeful this has given him the confidence to initiate more, and for me too, and that we can go back to at least sporadic sex.

Oh, I remember now. CB we can’t really leave Tilly with anyone overnight because she still breastfeeds to sleep and through the night. Plus the whole bedsharing thing makes it more difficult. Also there’s no one who could really do that except my mum, but she lives quite far away.

 

[Jezika]

Oh, I forgot to add to my already long post that our sex last night was unprotected. He did pull out but I’m slap bang in my fertile window. I guess I’m on the right thread for this situation (ha) but hopefully it’ll be fine, otherwise I’m f******ed.

 

[bdb84]

Jez- I absolutely would never advocate throwing away a marriage that is otherwise fantastic. It really does seem like your husband and you deeply love each other. I think it's entirely possible to be happy within the confines of a low drive relationship but *only* if both parties are content, if that makes sense. My ex was my best friend and I loved being with him, but I always felt like something was missing. I now know that my drive was suppressed because I did not feel for him the way I should. But that's just me and I really hope I'm not coming across as implying your marriage is the same. I truly feel your marriage can thrive so long as your DH and you are both open and honest about how you feel and you both have to be willing to make sacrifices if you find the other isn't happy with the status quo. I do believe you both are on the right track.

 

[Jezika]

Ah you never came across like you were suggesting it wasn’t going to work out! Sorry I came across like I thought you were coming across like that, ha. It’s just interesting to think about. I agree, pretty much anything in a relationship is totally fine as long as both partners are truly okay with it and no one is getting hurt. He is hurting though, so that definitely means we have big things to work on. And for my part, even though I’m content, I know that we should be feeling a much stronger emotional connection, but we haven’t cultivated it in a long time (also mostly my fault, I feel, but also made worse by an inability on his part to vocalize the hurt it caused) so it’s not surprising it’s not there.

That reminds me of a therapy podcast I listened to recently (it’s called Other People’s Problems, in case anyone’s interested). The therapist said something like: men often need the sexual connection to come first before the emotional connection can develop, whereas women often need the emotional connection to get the sexual one, which is why heterosexual couples are often at an impasse. I can totally see that happening in my relationship. Put simply, I’m sad (deep down) that he’s not more affectionate with me, doesn’t seem keen on spending time alone with me etc., which makes me less inclined to want sex, and he’s sad (deep down) that I don’t seem to want sex, which makes him less inclined to be affectionate and want to spend time together.

 

[gigglebox]

Ahhh the ol' catch 22! I think this describes me and hubby to a T early on. My friend was trying so hard to hook us up, but I was not interested in him at all because we had not connected emotionally. He was pretty ready to bang it out The second I offered, but was too shy to initiate. At some point we had a moment alone at a party and discovered we both had a love for nine inch nails. That's when things clicked for me, I've started pursuing him, and we hooked up before we were officially a couple...and then we were like rabbits the first 3 years lol. Definitely slow down after we had kids but I feel like we still have a healthy relationship in that department. But I can totally see the physical vs. emotional point!