General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[Flueky88]

Gigs I'm sorry it wasn't the news you wanted but I'm glad she explained. I agree an almost 1 in 3 chance is too high for me to risk as the consequences are too great.

Snow, I think it's supposed to mainly be rain now for us. Sadly I haven't paid attn but ppl haven't acted like snowmaggedon is coming

Dobby I've been debating a pillow for V. I let her have a blanket and she uses it as a pillow. As long as it isn't adult sized and fluffy I think it'd be okay.

 

[gigglebox]

Jez -- it's both. I really want the vag birth but I am also terrified of c sections. Especially after the last one. And maybe even moreso I am terrified about recovery. I had such a rough go last time...

Dobs I would be amazed if there isn't some sort of "low suffocation risk" pillow already invented. That woukd be what I'd look for. Lev doesn't have one but he sleeps face down. He does have a large fleece blanket though, but has proven he can pull it off his face easy.

Fluek they're calling for 4-8" here...

 

[Flueky88]

Gigs I also wanted to say it's understandable to have those feelings. A girl at work and a girl I used to work with had boys first and both are expecting a girl. I have had a few pangs of jealousy.

 

[gigglebox]

Jealousy is a rough emotion to deal with, especially when you're 100% aware of it! But I also know that we'll be totally smitten with our kids an unable to imagine life any other way if you recall, I was REALLY hoping for another boy at the beginning!

In GOOD news, I got amazing sleep last night! I was only up twice, maybe three times top, to pee and then feel back asleep pretty quick. I did het a RLP attack but eh I'm basically used to them by now I feel rejuvenated today. Heading soon to the new shop to help start painting

 

[Jezika]

I hear ya, Gigs. Jealousy sucks, but I think it’s better to be aware of it and sort of embrace it despite all its aversiveness instead of just have a lingering sense of bitterness that you don’t quite understand. As for vaginal births, I understand it’s something many women value so much. Though also interesting how in some countries it’s considered very negatively, like the kind of thing only poor women have to go through. I think it’s also easy for us to get stuck on the sense of loss of something we never had the chance to experience, and to perceive it as far more impactful on our lives than it really is. It’s okay to feel sad about it though, and perhaps to trust that other than random occasions where you’re reminded of it and feel some sadness, your mind will be completely occupied with other things. As for recovery fears, that’s very tough for sure. I think at the very least you know what to expect, and it’s probably the worst, so you very well may be surprised by how much easier it ends up being. I also imagine planned c sections to afford a lot more care and planning in surgery which may aid recovery too. I know you know this and it may not change how you feel, but I know a lot of women (IRL) who’ve had a very positive planned c section and even saw it as pretty much stress-free conpared to going into labour. I have no doubt at all that your experiences with a planned c section would be significantly better than your previous ones — those circumstances were horrible and quite frankly traumatizing! I’d be surprised if you WEREN’T affected by them!

Shit gtg but sorry for the rant. Have fun painting and try to stay away from the fumes!!!

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Gigs - I'm so sorry for how you're feeling about having to have another C-section and not having a girl. I have similar fears and I'd totally feel the same. Everything you're feeling is normal and probably more heightened cuz of the extra hormones in your body right now. Just do whatever you need to make peace with this and hopefully it'll all be worth it when you're holding that new baby.

Dobby and Jez - I'd like to join you in the "Bitter Brigade". It's probably my middle name. lol

Re: pillow. Alex likes to rub his face on them when we're putting him to sleep on our bed, but even if he had a big boy bed, I'd still try to hold off on a pillow for as long as possible.

AFM, took another test this morning. Still negative. I'm calling it. This cycle has been a bust. And I'm so pissed. I tried multiple times to get stuff going with BD, but he wasn't having it. I can't get pg by myself and it's annoying. Once AF gets here, I can use a EDD calculator to get an idea of when the baby's BDay would be, but it'll probably be Really late Oct/early Nov. We already know kids born Oct 27 and Nov 6 and if I miss Halloween cuz I'm giving birth, I'll never forgive the kid or my body. So, I'll probably have to wait another fuckin' cycle that'll take us into Dec. It took 2 cycles to get pg with Alex, 3 with this last one. I hope that trend doesn't continue. Ugh, I'd love to stay in bed and be depressed and dramatic, but SO wouldn't know how to take care of Alex.

In other news, I'll spare you the long story, but we were talking about various ways of labeling his belongings for daycare and SO suggested instead of a name, put a phone number, so it's easier to contact use if it's lost and so you can use the items for more than one kid. He then jokingly back tracked and was like "not that there'll be anymore kids to use them". Maybe I should give him a few days to himself so he'll see how serious I am about this.

 

[claireybell]

Pretty - blokes really know how to shoot us girls down re more kiddies, my SO was the same & adamant that no more after our first 2 but he came around in the end & was completely diff when i was pg again soon after my mc, he kinda welcomed it more, im sure your SO will be the same

Gigs, im glad the new Dr you saw was much nicer, having had 2 planned csections & the other off when i was in labour, the planned ones are so more relaxed, the theatre staff are fab keeping you relaxed if your edgy. I was more nervous this time around but they kept me at ease, the recovery is def easier when its a planned csection. An elective does sound like the safer way for both you & Myles, im sorry you wont get to experience a Vaginal birth, ive always been bitter about that aswell, big hugs hun

 

[gigglebox]

I think it’s also easy for us to get stuck on the sense of loss of something we never had the chance to experience, and to perceive it as far more impactful on our lives than it really is.

I know it's kind of like, hey, so you can't push a baby out your vag, you can still have a baby. No big deal...but it's not just the absence of that experience. It's the ramifications of the alternative. I may have long term effects from my blood transfusion from last time. I definitely had (possibly have) long term, if not permanent, issues with my bladder after having a catheter in for such a long time last time (due to blood loss, I wasn't allowed to walk because I was having trouble staying awake at times and they were afraid I'd collapse if I walked; then when I did get it removed I was so swollen I couldn't pee ao back in it went). I've suffered nerve damage both times (no feeling in my lower stomach), but fortunately have seemed to mostly recover from it, however the possibility of permanent damage is there. The more scar tissue there is in utero, the higher my chance for trouble conceiving, miscarrying, and complications with an achieved pregnancy (placenta being near the scar can cause major issues, rupture has a higher chance of happening even if you don't go into labor, etc). If I knew I was done with kids I wouldn't be as upset but since #4 isn't off the table, all this stuff automatically taints future pregnancies.

But who knows, hopefully you're right and cb is right in that this birth will be a breeze by comparison and will change my perspective on c sections. I have heard these mystical stories of women able to walk around the same day as surgery so who knows!

Pretty, i say just go for it this month. In the scheme of things it's no big deal t have a birthday close to others. And no guarantees as to when baby will be born anyway...you may go into labor early and still end up at that same timeframe.

 

[claireybell]

Gigs i def think the issues you sadly suffered after your csection last time was because it was an emergency one, they literally have to rush to get things in place before its done.. esp with the catheter & being swollen ‘down there’, i still have numbness (from Nuala & Riley) in my lower tummy now - just above my scars, its a weird tingly numbness, i def reckon your recovery will be much better this time around, the Placenta being near the scar is an issue with any subsequent pg after a csection, as long as its more than 4/5cm away from it all should be ok & they usually follow up with more scans like i had

 

[claireybell]

I have to share, i follow the Labour Ward at the Mat Hospital where i had my babies & each month they post the figures of all babies delivered & their names they posted Decembers & Haydens name is the first name at the bottom of the Christmas tree

 

[shaescott]

Gigs I’m sorry that the chance of rupture is so high. I have to agree with you that it’s too much of a risk to attempt a VBA2C with this new information. But it definitely sucks because of all the complications that can arise from c-sections (which you know all too well) and of course the loss of that experience. Hopefully Myles stays in until the elective date and everything goes much smoother than your previous births.

Pretty hm I feel like guys are often like that about having another kid, but if you’re feeling hurt or worried he doesn’t want more, do you feel comfortable talking to him about it? If so, I would say it’s a good idea to discuss it with him. Is the reason you don’t want to try next month just that you risk missing Halloween? It seems like a lot that you’d never forgive your baby for missing one Halloween, but of course how much importance you put in a holiday is your choice/viewpoint and if it’s that important to you it’s reasonable to wait. I’ve just never heard anyone have that issue before. Either way, fx’d that your SO puts out more during your fertile times whether you decide to try this next cycle or the one after.

CB aw that’s so cute that they have that infographic. Are the big names ones that have multiple babies with that name? Also the baby on a cloud is so sad, is that miscarriages or stillborns?

AFM I’ve noticed my appetite is weird lately. I just can’t eat much in one sitting. I still get hungry but I can’t eat much at once. I went to a sushi place for dinner and after a miso soup and a tartare appetizer I was full, I had to bring my rolls that I’d already ordered home. And my mom made pancakes this morning and I could only eat half a pancake. Yesterday my dad brought me to a diner for breakfast and I basically drank my juice and ate my bacon and then was full, I had a few bites of my home fries and toast but I was pushing myself. It’s weird. I normally eat more than this. Perhaps my stomach has shrunk over this vacation with my somewhat erratic eating habits. I’ll see if I can get myself back up to normal amounts of food with regular dining hall eating.
On the bright side, I haven’t had nausea the past 2 days I think.

 

[gigglebox]

Hmmm shae that is strange. Maybe you do have mono or some illness affecting your diet...

Thanks ladies for your thoughts on my situation. I'm just trying to take things as they come at this point. Although now I'm wondering if I should move my surgery date up to try and ensure I get a dr I want...

Cb that graphic is such a cute idea. The angel babies make me so sad, but that is very sweet of the hospital to include them.

Also I can't believe someone actually named their kid "Renesmee" i mean i'm a twilight nerd but not that much...

Speaking of books I finished the Hunger Games series. I am now open for suggestions on what to read next! Maybe something in the fantasy category...or something funny.

 

[pacificlove]

Gigs some really good points have been made. I still don't have feeling in the skin under my scar either but oddly enough the muscle does so I can definitely tell when getting touched. Scar still isn't flat either. Nerves take a long time to heal that is of they do.
I'd definitely book the elective C-section with the doctor of your choice and voice loudly that you are not done having children. Tell her to go in knowing that you definitely will be having a 4th (even if that isn't true )

Shae, odd... Maybe time to see a doctor and start doing some tests?

Cb, that is so sweet!

Pretty, men can be so dense.. is he the type of guy you can have a heart to heart with?

Afm, picked up our new furniture today! There were a few hickups (yeah, 2 weeks and they could not get our "order" complete in the same location). So big uhaul truck, driving to 2 different locations 1 1/2 hours apart and now a Happy wife at home although sore in the pelvis since it was us unloading on our own. Can't take a step without cringing. We were going to stop when I got sore, but it just hit all of a sudden .
New bed frame still needs to be assembled tomorrow. However we already realized that the bedroom is barely big enough... hopefully our next home is a little more accomodating to our new "adult furniture" as i call it. And I told DH when we buy and move again we better have help with all the furniture we now own! It's heavy!!

 

[shaescott]

So I was on the toilet and checked my CM and there was a tiiiiny little speckle of blood in it. I’m 8 dpo. I thought maybe I scratched myself somewhere in there but I went over everything twice and got no more blood at all. But the blood was red, not pink or brown. Idk man. I don’t want to worry cuz the mirena never failed me but a friend of mine did get pregnant on this IUD (kyleena) so... I’m probably fine though.

And then I laid down for a while, and (TMI) sharted myself. It was just a little bit, thank god, didn’t even get on my underwear, but ewwww. Then I had diarrhea of course. Fun. Meant to be going to bed, but instead I’m on the toilet. Fun.

 

[gigglebox]

Shae it sounds like you're sick! I hope all the odd symptoms pass soon. Not sure on the spottung but pregnancy wouldn't be my first conclusion given your bc has not failed you yet, but no harm keeping an eye in things and using a cheapie test to reassure yourself if need be. I have definitely been guilty of that before when i was on bcp (and guilty of the hint of disappointment at a negative test ).

Actually true story and I've never told this to anyone--when I picked out my wedding dress, part of my process was selecting a gown that I may be able to alter to accommodate a growing baby bump I was hopeful! We weren't planning on kids yet but at that point I had stopped bc and we were just using pull out. Then I learned hubby is a bit of a pull out master lol

Got married in may and pregnant in June though!

Pl yes at my next appointment I am going to have her write in big bold letters in my chart that I am not done with kids! I also want the surgeon to check previous scar tissue location and make note of it as well...just in case and just so I know. It's a bit odd having no clue where I have scars, ya know? I also need platelets checked again. The last dr commented they're stable but low...but they haven't been checked since 34 weeks and with an increased risk of paralysis I want to be on top of that!

Congratulations on your furniture! Hopefully I'll be following in your footsteps shortly. My couch should be here on Wednesday, so no matter what happens with timing of baby the couch will be here when I get back from the hospital

Did you say you got a new mattress, too? Do let us know how your first sleep on the new set up goes! Sorry it was such an adventure getting the stuff.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Gigs - Wow, so much to think and worry about. Definitely keeping my FX for you for a safe delivery and for #4 down the line. And thansk for your advice.
Re: books. SO is suggesting "The Wheel Of Time" series by Robert Jordan. There are 14 books though. I kinda liked the "Size 12 Is Not Fat" series by Meg Cabot. i think I only read the first 3 books though and there are 5. Maybe look for autobiographies by comedians?

CB - That's kinda neat. So, the bigger the names, the more babies got that name? And that's kind of a sad stat about the stillborns, I'm assuming.

shae - I've never been one to rock the boat, especially with him. I mean, we're bigger parts of each others lives than we were 11 years ago, but we don't live together, we aren't in a proper relationship (he's never even asked me to be his GF), and he's never said he loves me. It just seems like it's easy enough for him to cut ties. And I wouldn't be one to come bang on his door everyday for child support or anything. As for Halloween, my house is "that house" in my complex. I do several pumpkins, put a large, inflatible cat on the lawn, play creepy music, fake spider webs, black light, the whole nine yards. People expect it and I want to be able to give it to them. Plus, I want a home birth, so if it falls on that night, it won't be a very peaceful experince. Then there's gonna be my mom's giving me crap for carrying pumpkin in my condition. Halloween is my favourite. But ya, dealing with close birthdays is also a pain.

Hope your stomach rights istelf soon.

PL - I dunno. Probably, but I can't bring myself to yet. Good to hear you finally got your furnitaure.

Nothing new with me.

 

[gigglebox]

Pretty, hope I don't come off harsh but is this the type of guy you want to grow a family with? Someone you can't necessarily talk to, who hasn't said he loves you, that doesn't sound too committed long term, and who you don't trust to take care of your son when you need a mental break?

Without going into details I have just found out some close family members are planning on splitting up. There are two very young kids in the picture...I am just thinking what's best for kids right now. I suspect dad has completely regretted the second one and I think may resent him (an "oops" baby). So i'm a bit touchy on bringing kids into shaky relationships right now...sorry if I'm overstepping.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Gigs - Well, I could do a lot worse. Ideally, all my kids will be fathered by the same guy. And it can take so long to get to truly know someone. I wouldn't want to get with someone and then eventually find out they're a pedo or abusive or whatever, after it's too late. I don't ever want my kids to have a stepdad. I'd rather be single forever.

We're probably fairly stable right now, but old habits die hard. And I think we just had different life goals. I wanted kids and a marriage and a house. He probably wanted a comfortable living situation, maybe with companionship, but definitely no kids. So, we're just compromising now, I guess. We both want a house, I want the kids, he wants a dog. I just want some normalcy and for him to understand that there's also a time crunch for me cuz I'm 30 and chromosome and fertility issue are gonna become more of a concern. We've already had one messed up fetus and I'm not even in the "high risk of down syndrome" range yet. And the age gap with our first two kids is getting bigger everyday.

 

[DobbyForever]

Pretty I was pretty vocal about SO in our group. I don’t beat dead horses. But I echo gigs. I fully empathize about being single forever or wanting your kids to all have the same dad and settling. Trust me. I cried all the way home today thinking about all those things.

Now my situation is different because abuse was involved. But you have to ask yourself are you being fair to yourself? Are you being fair to your kids? Because you are modeling to them. You are modeling a complacent, loveless, uncommitted relationship that (and i’m sorry to be an a**) involves one partner TTC without the other. I am all for it takes two to make a baby and he clearly knows you are not on bcp, but he didn’t sit down and say let’s make a baby right now. Do you want Alex to grow up and treat women this way? Do you want him to grow up and have women treat him that way?

But the only people who understand a relationship are the people in it, so end of day you have to do you. Just my two not asked for cents.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

That's true about only people in the relationship really understand it. And I'm not getting offended by anyone's comments. I'm probably not portraying him totally correctly. And we're pretty good, most of the time. I'm (/we're) just going through a rough patch right now. The last pregnancy wasn't "real" for him cuz he never saw a bump or saw movement. But I'm the one that was already planning future birthday parties, figuring out how to decorate a new bedroom, anxiously waiting to hear a heartbeat on the doppler, trying to keep it together that day at work, and spending hours on toilet and nearly passing out from blood loss or whatever. I realize that's my fault for not sharing all this with him. I just get my mind set on something (having my first two LOs 23 months apart, having a baby in Sept 2019, having a baby in 2019, period). So, I'm just working towards that goal as best I can and that fact that he's not giving me what I want is not sitting well with me.