General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[DobbyForever]

Aww Shae lol you crack me up. Sorry about the lack of early O, and honestly I think about you every time I test. I'm like losing my damn mind thinking Shae would totally understand this can't it just be a bfp and bfn at the same time flip flop.

And exactly. It seems all these tests seem to have this phantom lines on the testing boards lately. My gyn is humoring me. I have a blood draw at 12:30. I'm a little annoyed with myself because I have an intervention group at 11:10 like why of all days did I pick today?! Ugh. Hoping we get through it super fast and can just move my appointment up a bit.

 

[Flueky88]

Dobby still seeing them especially on the IC.

Shae sorry you have allergy issues as well. They are awful and with the pandemic, I hate having any symptoms. Sorry no early O. I can't believe you are faxing to graduate, so excited for you

 

[DobbyForever]

And I really do appreciate you ladies telling me it's not my fault. I really feel like it is. Like I had one job. But y'all are right.

 

[DobbyForever]

Beta came back at 0 so all is as it should be I guess

 

[Flueky88]

 

[DobbyForever]

Hugs. I’m definitely in my feels about it, but I know it’s for the best so I’ll get over it. I think it wouldn’t bother me so much if I didn’t dream that night that I was pregnant with a little girl, and I didn’t feel pregnant. I’m just grieving a lost reality.

But now I’m on to feeling hurt by my bestie. I was really in the dumps and wanted to talk to someone, and she went off on me. She didn’t understand how I could be anything but thrilled. Then she lectured me about how I can’t have a baby right now or even next year with a donor. And then she lectured me about how if I feel like I couldn’t make alternate choices that I need to tell the boy what happened. And then she asked me if I intentionally missed my pill which really hurt that she thought that. Got to the point where I had to tell her that everything she is saying is fair and valid and I know it comes from a place of love, but I don’t have the emotional bandwidth for it and all I was looking for was a hug and some support.

So now I’m back to maybe everyone is right and I should just be thankful for the kid I have and stop being nuts

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Dobby - Sorry that you're not pg and that your friend was such an a-hole about the situation. But you'll definitely get a chance to have another LO in the future. Can't tell you how many times I had pregnancy dreams before I ever had Alex only to wake up to an empty uterus. You should definitely be thankful for A, but you still have a bunch of time for another. Don't lose hope or give up.

Re: Allergies - Sorry you ladies are suffering. I have a bunch of allergies too (pollen, dust, mold, etc). I'm actually surprised I'm not dying everyday at work. The mask probably helps though. But I think ragweed season (in the late summer?) is my worst time. Hopefully meds will offer some relief.

Re: Bedtimes - I just see posts on FB mom groups asking when kids go to bed and it's like anywhere between 6:30 and 8:30 and I'm all "my 1yo goes at 9 and my 3yo goes at 10." Like, that's not ok. I know that they're still young enough to need about 12 hours, so I'm trying to aim for that. I'll usually get them up at 7:30am for daycare, so I feel like 8 and 9pm are acceptable. Things went well tonight. Alex watched his shows while I put Matthew down and then Alex was laying down with lights out at 8:57. So, I'm gonna aim to make this the new norm.

AFM, THE TALK!!!
I bitched out last night, but finally did it tonight. His initial reaction was "Awwww, man." Like Swiper from Dora. So, we talked a bit. I told him about finances and money savers (ie, items we already have), talked about the kitchen reno we want to do, talked about space in the car. Matthew woke up, so I tended to him. Then talked about ideal timing, daycare, doing clothing swaps for girl clothes, where we'd put the crib in the master for the first year, SO looked up houses in other cities, more finance talking and pretty much ended with SO asking when we were gonna start fighting over names. So, I feel like it went well. The seed has been planned mentally and now I guess I just gotta keep him happy and decide what EDD we'd like based on the start of the next few cycles.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I totally get the mixed feelings. That was unnecessary and rude of your friend. Why would you need to tell the boy about not being pregnant? Like you had a tiny scare but it was a false alarm, that doesn’t seem essential for him to know. Also, I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t have another baby with a donor if you have the resources to do so. While everyone should be thankful for what we have, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong to want more blessings and happiness in our lives. We don’t tell moms of 2+ kids that they were selfish or crazy to have more than one child, so why should people judge you for wanting another child?

Pretty YAYYYY!!! So happy to hear that the talk went so well! At least in comparison to when I try to suggest it to SO lol, he’s like “no, that’s a terrible idea, we don’t even have real jobs or an apartment” and he’s not wrong He still mentions looking forward to kids, he’s just trying to be responsible, which I can’t argue with.
For bedtimes, I don’t know a ton, just that my bedtime as a kid was 7:30. I was actually reading about bedtime routines earlier today and from what I can remember, 7-9pm is a good range to be in since kids tend to wake up at 6-7 am.

AFM super stressed about finishing school and having to be a real adult with bills. I’ve been searching FB marketplace to see what I should expect for variety/number of options when I look seriously. You can find a mamaroo swing for under $100 which is a steal, although I’m more interested in the mamaroo bassinet. I can buy a lot of stuff used, that doesn’t bother me in the slightest (as long as it doesn’t reek of cigarettes etc), but one thing I have to get new is a mattress, a used one is gross in my opinion. So I’m stuck with a budget of max $500 for a king sized mattress. If anyone has recommendations, please let me know.

 

[DobbyForever]

Pretty that's so exciting!!! I love that you were able to talk out the details like Shae said. It's one thing to nod along or say ok, but for him to be chill having that conversation is huge! Super excited for you to start TTC. You said you'd like an April due date if possible? And the bedtime makes sense. I mean as long as they're getting enough sleep and you're getting enough you time then meh. A goes to bed at 7pm and wakes between 5:30-6:30, and then he's still napping about 1.5-2 hours in the afternoon. He'd totally stay up later, but I need the mental break at the end of the day so eff that lol.

Shae belated sorry about the allergies. A and I are right there with you. I haven't walked the dogs in two weeks because by the time we get halfway down the block I'm in tears. Re kids: keep in mind you'll have a baby shower that can take care of some of those first baby needs, there's tons of stuff on Nextdoor even for free, have you looked into a consignment or secondhand store? We have one right by the mall here. Saw a basically new HALO for like a quarter of retail price! Chico strollers. I'd make a Nextdoor for a ritzy area and scour the free section lol. I get so much great free stuff from the Palo Alto/ Menlo Park area haha. As for adulting, it sucks but you got it! It's not that bad. Promise. I just got my mattress from ikea. We're not big mattress people. The Boy had an amazing mattress. I've always slept on cheap, firm mattresses.

Re a second kid. Everyone in this area is judgey. I'm judgey. But so I probably would have said the same things to her just maybe not after she said that she's really upset. Like there's a time and a place for a lecture, yesterday was not it lol. I'm feeling better today. I'm still upset because I still feel sick to my stomach, but it's probably just stress from the whole situation. But I almost lost my breakfast this morning.

Re telling the boy. Yeah I mean I told him straight up in the beginning that I wanted to wait until I was on birth control for this exact reason. I know if I get pregnant that I'm not in the position to have a second kid, I want the American Family Dream, but on the flip side if something happened then I'm also not a child and having a child now I wouldn't be able to emotionally make any call other than to have it. And sure I missed one pill due to poor planning (I'll just take my pills to my mom's even if I plan to come home that day), but the pills did what they are supposed to do. I don't see why I have to stress him out (and potentially lose my booty call lol) over my anxiety because realistically it was all in my damn head.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I’m very not used to that level of judgey people say New Englanders are assholes, but we’re kind assholes, we’re just not nice. Does that make sense? Like we don’t do the superficial nice as much but we’re meaningfully kind. My best friend lectures me all the time, but I’m not in a good place to be having a baby and she just wants me to be in a good place first. And I agree, being upset should really indicate that it’s not time for a lecture. Like do I kinda judge my high school classmates who had a kid within 4 years of graduating high school? Sometimes, yes. There’s really not many of them. But why on earth would I care if a grown ass adult past college age had another child with a sperm donor?
I don’t think you’re obligated to tell him that you’d keep a pregnancy if one happened, he shouldn’t assume that you wouldn’t and if he did that would be on him for not asking. If it happens, then yeah you have to tell him, but he can’t get upset about you keeping it when he never clarified otherwise. And exactly, it was all in your head, it wasn’t real, there was no pregnancy, so no need to stress him out.

As for baby showers and getting used stuff, I don’t know how many people would actually buy me gifts, and there’s some stuff you absolutely have to buy new. So I kinda feel like if I can get some things used (that can be used) for less money, it’ll help me get more of the new things I need via the baby shower. My thought is strollers, swings, gliders, other nursery furniture, etc could be bought used if in good condition. That way I can save the money for things that need to be new like mattresses, breast pumps (I ain’t using someone else’s titty suction cups), car seats, etc. I have the same thoughts with apartment stuff. I’ll buy used furniture and a new mattress. Maybe I can get used dishes/glasses. I already have king sized bedding luckily, so that’s set. I worry about used couches/gliders with the risk of bed bugs, so I’ll have to be careful with that. We don’t really have ritzy neighborhoods around here lol so that’s probably a dead end.

A bit annoyed today because last cycle I started having my LH rise today, but nothing so far. It didn’t turn positive until the next day though (which would be tomorrow) so we’ll see what happens. My LH rises can be fast or slow, it varies, so it’s a guessing game.

 

[DobbyForever]

Yeah to be fair I’ve never hear that NE people are a holes but I did find it odd that nobody waves or makes small chat. I once told a lady her dog was cute and she pulled it close and glared at me. Like I’m not trying to steal your dog crazy lady. The bay is annoying because it’s so superficially woke but it’s... it’s interesting

sorry about the lh. Hoping you get a positive opk soon always frustrating waiting on that spike

 

[shaescott]

Dobs like nobody waves at strangers? Yeah we don’t do that. I’m honestly not sure why one would do that unprompted. We awkwardly smile at each other as we meet when walking in opposite directions if we make eye contact. I went on a trip down south and at a rest stop someone said hi to us and I was very confused and asked my mom after if she knew him she said no, this is the south, people do that here. I’ll make small talk in elevators occasionally or in long airport lines if the people next to us seem friendly but for the most part we don’t do that. But that lady with the dog was a bit excessive, it’s a dog, everyone likes dogs, it’s not abnormal to compliment a stranger’s dog.

This is a meme known as the “awkward white people smile” and it’s incredibly accurate, we do this to strangers and people we don’t know well, it’s what I was referencing above:


When masks go away eventually we can go back to making this awkward face of acknowledgement at each other

 

[DobbyForever]

Asked my mom if there’d ever be a time that she’d be ok with me having a donor child and she basically said no so I’ll be throwing myself a pity party today

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae your post was a much needed smile lol

 

[shaescott]

Dobs why does your mother get to tell you that you can’t have a child with a donor? You’re an adult. She’s your mother, she’s supposed to support you in your choices. It’s not like you asked her if she was okay with you doing heroin. If my mom told me she wasn’t okay with me having a baby at any time ever I’d tell her that’s unfortunate, I don’t care. I love my mom and respect her advice and life experience but there are lines you don’t cross and refusing to accept your adult child having a baby, even through unconventional means, crosses a line.

I’m glad my New England social culture post made you smile

 

[Flueky88]

Bahaha yeah most people are friendly in the south. I don't usually talk to strangers though, but have sometimes. I'm introverted though.

Dobby sorry your friend was anything but kind. You didn't deserve that or need that. I think there is no need to tell the boy either.

 

[shaescott]

Flueks it definitely wasn’t everyone in the south but it like never happens up north at all so a few people felt significant lol.

Dumb post about clothes lol:

I bought this outfit online today (I dress like a college/20s girl as we can all see, which makes sense because I’m both lol) and just gotta say, I’m praying that it fits my boobs because the chest area looks small reviews said to size up if you have more than an A-B cup so I did, I got a medium instead of a small. I’m a 32DD-DDD which isn’t that big because it’s a 32 but I have to get large bikini tops (except in misses sizes) to get enough coverage (aka not feeling like my areola is 2 mm from being visible). Also large bottoms but that’s because hips. It’s weird because I’m a 6-8 in jeans. Anyway, I’m just hoping it’s enough and it fits right. I hate shopping online for this exact reason, I can’t try stuff on. But dressing rooms are closed anyway due to COVID so not like I have much of a choice. Luckily returns are free but I hate returning stuff I got online, it’s such a hassle. I got a bunch of other stuff too, all summer clothes, I’m just most worried about this one because the others have more stretchy/loose tops and this one has zero stretch. Prayers for correctly fitting clothes much appreciated I bought a bikini that doesn’t have ties which stresses me out because sometimes a large top will fit my boobs but be too big for my band and I tend to get bottoms with strings too. I’ve got large bottoms without ties before and it was fine but agh the top. I’m also hoping the bottoms will hit in a good spot that doesn’t accentuate my hip dips, high waisted bikinis/underwear makes them super obvious so I avoid them. If they land in the right spot they disguise them. Referenced bikini pictured below.


Okay that’s enough of my rambling, just keep me in your fashion prayers I usually live in a t-shirt and jeans so I’m trying to look cute over here.

 

[DobbyForever]

The Bay is fake af but we talk to strangers. I'm like 3/4 of a bottle deep lol so excuse me. But honestly idk what I would do without all of you ladies


Shae I always vote going down vs up on lingerie those situations so I hope that it works out! usually I vote going up but with lingerie I have always regretted getting a M vs S. I always get the M based on the sizing chart but I need the S. Or I get M because my bottom is an M but my top is a S and nope. Always wish for intimates I got the small. Just my two cents. Sending all the fashion prayers

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I’ve found the same with lingerie, I often do better with a S than a M even though my hips are M. I’ve bought 2 Ms, one fit (the cups were still a little small actually), one was huge on me. Otherwise I get S and sometimes it’s small in the chest so reduced coverage/spilling out occurs but SO does not at all mind that if I sized up it would be loose in the waist or something else so I stick with S. Interestingly enough, it’s been different for swimsuits for me. Mediums often give me double butt/cause an indent. The reviews said it runs a little small so I stuck with the large, I always check the reviews that mention height/weight/measurements and what size they got, pics of them in it to judge how it fit them, etc. If it was a brand that ran bigger I’d size down but this one tends to run small, especially in the chest.

Also, not trying to overstep here, but I just wanted to check in about the alcohol. I know you’ve had trouble with it in the past and had tried to quit or cut down to just like one drink. I’m not judging you in the slightest, we all have pity parties and many of us get drunk during them, but since you’ve spoken in the past about drinking too much causing issues, I wanted to see how you’re doing/what’s going on

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh this was a bad pity party I had the whole bottle when I only intend to have a glass I sent a dirty pic to TB and bitched out my friend yup it’s all sorts of no bueno over here TT