General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[DobbyForever]

Ah yeah that’s hard. Especially since he’s been close to covid but not heavily impacted. I really was against getting it but ultimately it isn’t about me. It’s about protecting my family and making sure of A and I come down with it then I’m in a position to take care of him.

ooo that last one looks promising much darker than the others fxed!

It’s just frustrating because honestly I look around at people having 2-3 whose combined income is less than mine. But usually the mom stays home or they leave the kids with family. It feels really unfair but it is what it is. I just know I’ll look back and regret not having a second kid over money. But daycare is 25k a year. I would have to refinance my condo and even then things would be tight.

 

[shaescott]

2 hours later my OPK was up ~0.2 for the ratio (up to 0.66) so it looks like it’s happening. We’ll just have to see how long it takes for the surge to get to a positive OPK.

Dobs that seems frustrating. I’m sorry.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Dobby - Sorry your mom is still not being supportive. I fully get being broody, but obviously money does need to be a factor in this decision, especially if you're going it alone. Really keeping my FX that you can find a prince among all the frogs out there and you can get your 2nd baby soon.

shae - Hopefully your surge comes quickly. And sorry to hear about the disagreement between SO and your mom. Is him not getting vaxxed a deal breaker for you at all? Or are you expecting him to come around once the majority of the country has it?

Re: swaying. I know it's not an exact science, but there do seem to be a lot of success stories out there. Women having 2-5 of the same gender in a row and then finally getting the other. God, I wonder what it's like to have an SO that would agree to that many kids. Some women are just lucky. lol. At the very least, I'm hoping doing things differently will give a different outcome. The boys were conceived on a queen bed, at SO's condo, girl on top, etc. Now we have the king, and a house, and I'm gonna make SO do the work this time. lol

Re: pg together. That would be pretty cool, but at this point, it would have to be a "whoopsie 4th" for me to have that happen. But you never know.

Happy belated Mother's Day, ladies!

AFM, had a bit of a busy weekend. We went to visit MIL (who lives 1.5 hours away) Friday into Saturday. Partly for Mother's Day, but it was also her BDay on Saturday. Then, on Sunday, I made breakfast (eggs, bacon, hash browns, waffles) for everyone, including my mom. I tidied up the garage while Matthew napped and then we got Chinese for dinner. So, mostly just a regular day over here.
I can't quite remember what we were talking about, but SO said something about "If you get pg again..." and then proceeded to talk about finding a different town to live in eventually, which we already talked about. Didn't appreciate the "If", but the talking about it is definitely good.

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae how’s the opks looking today? Fxed!

Pretty awww happy belated Mother’s Day! Idk I mean I wasn’t there for total context, but I don’t know if I’d take if as a “if not when” situation. I think it’s just a guy thing to see it that way. If anything, isn’t this a second or third time he’s made a comment unprovoked? Means he’s thinking about it aaaand it was sweet. He’s making plans in his head for it. I take it as a win.

Thanks I’m just so sick of all these guys and dating. At this rate, God has to literally have my prince show up on my doorstep lol. I think the money bugs me because yes I do struggle. I live month to month. But my lifestyle is a bit above average. I can’t consider myself broke if I’m spending $25 on Starbucks every week or $100/month for various streaming apps plus nearly $200/month on cable. So I’m sure I caaaaan make it work if I can struggle through the daycare years, but do I waaaaaant to? I’ve been privileged for too long

and I know money is fungible but ultimately I’d be using A’s child support to pay for his sibling’s daycare and that’s not what that money is for. I should be spending it on him or things that benefit him or saving it for college/trips/activities he will go to later

 

[shaescott]

Pretty why are you making breakfast on Mother’s Day? Put your SO to work! anyway that’s a cute present from the boys. At least he’s making plans for if/when you get pregnant, I think it makes it seem like he’s accepted it as a real possibility, so that’s good.

Him not wanting to get the COVID vaccine isn’t a dealbreaker to me. It’s more annoying than anything, my mom is much more upset than I am. If he refused all vaccines and didn’t want to get our kids vaccinated at all, then that would be a dealbreaker. Luckily he believes in childhood vaccines, he is not anti-vax. He’s fully vaccinated otherwise.

Dobs I totally get the difficulty really budgeting. I spend money on things I don’t need, I get a LOT of Dunkin’ and I’ve been getting a lot of Starbucks lately too because I like their chai and cinnamon dolce better (Dunkin doesn’t have cinnamon dolce or equivalent). I’m going to need to cut way down on my Dunkin habit. I literally walked 4.6 miles yesterday for Dunkin, luckily we have one on Main Street and my very woodsy road connects to Main Street. I was also in the mood for exercise and my car is in the shop, but like I didn’t need to walk that far lol. My lower half aches today anyway, point was that I’m privileged too and it’s very hard to go down in quality of living/spending habits. I’m used to my mom’s salary defining what we can buy, and I will never ever make that much money. I’m probably going to be starting at $28 an hour, which is under $50k a year after taxes.

Good news all, I finally got my positive at noon today! Catch me trying to get SO to come over

 

[DobbyForever]

OMG Shae you are my hero! I love that you walked nearly 5 miles for donuts! You're amazing. But hey! 50k after taxes sounds like a solid deal to me! I barely pay taxes because of my mortgage credit, but holy f* the amount of s* that gets deducted from my pay otherwise! Like where did all my money go?! And that's not even including health insurance and all that other junk. Just crap my employer takes out.

Yay! So glad that you got your positive! I was low key freaking out for you. That's such a stress. And lol girl I don't blame you. The hormones are real.

Pretty didn't see the pics before! How cute! And omg I love how much the boys look like you!

I just don't know. I just have that nag voice in my head that is like these would be the right timing months... but I know if I do go for donor sperm then I should minimum wait until this time next year if not the year after. That pregnancy scare though was like a kick in my ovaries to wake up because the baby fever is so real. Doesn't help that my other single mom bestie is having baby fever as well. And all my tv shows have pregnancies in them!!! WTF

 

[shaescott]

Dobs oh it wasn’t for donuts, just iced coffee I also got an avocado toast and snackin bacon just because I forgot to eat before walking there and I didn’t want to pass out. I think it’s like 47k after taxes but that depends on if they give me 32, 36, or 40 hours. I think that’s calculated from 40.
I swear whenever I feel extra baby fever everyone suddenly is pregnant, so I feel you there.

 

[shaescott]

No visit from SO today, he was going to come over but then he just got hit with exhaustion. He legit fell asleep on the phone with me. I can’t be mad at him because he clearly wasn’t safe to drive but I’m frustrated because I’m fertile and my brain is like SEX OR YOU DIE

 

[DobbyForever]

Lol even better!

sorry SO was too tired and lmfao I totally know that sex now feeling.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

shae - If he did get into the kitchen, it'd probably be a bunch of F bombs and asking me how to make stuff. lol. Gotta start getting Alex in the kitchen for simpler dishes and then, maybe in a few years, I won't have to make my own mother's day breakfast.
Congrats on your positive, but sorry SO was so tired. :/
And I'm currently making $18/hr, so count your blessings. lol

Dobby - I'm sure you could totally make it work by just reallocating your funds and cutting back on non essentials. But like you said, do you want to? I'm sure you'll come to the right decision for you and A.

Re: If/When. I think it was just a poor choice of words on his part. He's not reneging and he didn't say it with a tone. Still probably just wrapping his head around the idea.

AFM, Matthew has his 18 month appt tomorrow. Gonna get an update on just how chunky this monkey is. lol. Also, probably gonna get some crap from the Dr. We had an appt over the phone last week and she asked what words he's saying. He's pretty much only saying Mama and she said at this age, they want to see kids saying at least 15 words. Honestly, I can't remember when Alex started saying a lot, but I know I have videos of him at 18-20 months still just babbling, but saying definite words by 22 months. I have zero reason to think he has issues or a hearing problem. He's just a little behind, but he'll get there.

SO: "Ok, we can have one more baby."
Me: ...

XD!!

 

[shaescott]

Pretty ah dang re: your SO’s lack of cooking skills. My SO isn’t exactly a gourmet chef lol but he can make Mac and cheese and scrambled eggs okay, he can make more than that, he just doesn’t love to cook so he avoids it, but he will if need be, and when I’m cooking and he’s present he helps out (mostly because I’m slow at prep and he’s hungry). I sometimes forget that not everyone does that, so I should really count my blessings there. Neither of my parents really cook. I grew up on chef Boyardee (which I’m not knocking, I still love that stuff). I like cooking but hate cleaning. And I’m not a fan of the amount of time prep takes me, I am a slow chopper lol. I want to get one of those mandolin slicers that also does cubes. Anyway. Any chance of teaching him how to cook? Or does he have no interest/no time? Sounds like a good idea to teach Alex in a few years!

Are you in Canada? Just curious about the minimum wages and stuff compared to here. In MA it’s $13.50 but in NH it’s the federal minimum of $7.25. Most places in NH near the MA border pay $10+ just to be competitive though. But it’s annoying how little above minimum wage CNAs and EMTs make, they get like $15 an hour. The wage system here just sucks. In comparison I’m very thankful for $28. But then my mom starts looking for a new job and gets an offer for $140 and I’m like “cool, I will never be able to give my children anything close to the quality of life that she gave me” at the same time I probably sound super spoiled lol (I can’t even argue with that, I’m super fortunate), and I know that $28 is a lot more than a lot of people are getting, so I’m definitely thankful that I can make more than minimum wage with nursing. People make due with kids with far less so I know I’ll be okay, I just have to learn to budget far better than I ever have in my life. It’s just nerve wracking because I’m in this huge transition period, I’ve never paid rent, I’ve never been my own provider. Also I can easily spend $50+ at Dunkin a week so I need to get that under control.

Re: Matthew, I have no qualifications or experience to speak on the normality of having one word at his age. If Alex was the same and has caught up nicely, then it would make sense to not be concerned. My sister didn’t speak in full sentences until 2.5 and my mom was all worried because I was under 2 when I did, but she caught up nicely, no delays. All kids develop at their own pace.

Did he actually say that? If so, yayyyy!!! Love that you’re prepared lol.


Dobs thanks. My ovaries demand a sacrifice

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Oh, he can cook to a certain extent. I think it's more a matter of being unsure about timing and temperatures. I know he can make Hamburger Helper, and can even "jazz it up" by adding onions. But he makes Kraft Dinner in the microwave. I honestly haven't seen him make much cuz I take it upon myself to do the cooking. He's all "I can follow instructions", but then I'll had him a package of Uncle Ben's Fast and Fancy rice and he's like "what do I do?" Read the back and do what it says. Same with pasta. "How long do I cook it?" See that the bag says. He watches a lot of cooking videos, but then never really makes anything. lol

Ya, I'm in Ontario and minimum wage here is $14/hr. I know the cost of living is kinda re-donk, especially for where we are, the GTA (Greater Toronto Area). SO's 600+ sq ft 1 bed, 1 bath was bought in 2014 for 236K and he sold last year for 474K. And we got our 3 bed, 2.5 bath townhouse for 647K. Also, gas is presently 130.9 a litre. That's 484.3 a gallon.

And no, he didn't say those exact words, but I'm ready to go regardless. lol

 

[Flueky88]

Shae that's awesome about your wages. Also, I'm dying because when I graduated as an RN the starting wage without shift differential was $18/hr. I live in a less wealthy state though and we don't pay state taxes. I'm not sure what starting wage is now but I know our HH nurses don't even make $28/hr (technically they are paid per visit but the have an hourly equivalent).

Also, my parents were far from rich, I'd say we were the low end of middle class. I'm don't feel bad about what I didn't (possession wise) have during my childhood. I had a mom that loved me more than I could ask for and even at times deserved (I could get real nasty with my attitude towards my mom). I get wanting more for your kids/future kids but being loved, fed, having shelter, quality time and access to medical care is what really matters.

Pretty omg he came around fast!! So excited for you

The boys are so cute, they are growing so much. V had a speech delay. She wasn't saying as many words as she should per age for awhile. I think she's on track now. In any case she's come a long way. S is much more advanced than V was at the same ages.

Dobby, it can be really hard to sacrifice some things. I know that once we get moved into our place and are making mortgage payments I'm going to have to adjust some things since I'll be handling to bulk of our bills. I think main one will be eating out 2 to 3x a month. I already cut done grocery bill by shopping Aldi's for most things.

Also, baby fever is the pits. It's hard when it hits and it's not really an option at the time.

 

[DobbyForever]

Pretty lol re SO in the kitchen. I was just thinking at what age can I trust A to safely make me eggs lol. He was trying to get in on dinner last night, but it makes me nervous.

re speech ultimately you have to trust your gut. My unsolicited professional judgement is that A also only had about 5 words by 18 months. I’d have him evaluated. Worst case, the SLP says he needs early intervention, which honestly all kids benefit from. Best case, they say he doesn’t need anything. But I’m a huge fan of early intervention. There’s such a huge difference in A’s expressive speech since he started consistently having speech therapy. It’s a headache and time consuming, but it’s great. And confidential. You don’t have to tell anybody if you don’t want to.

Love that you’re getting baby making stuff!

Shae hey as long as as he cleans up when you cook, good deal to me! Don’t worry. You’ll figure out a good budget once you’re on your own.

Fluek definitely. If it was all extra stuff I wouldn’t hesitate, but my job doesn’t have healthcare. I did get a letter from Kaiser saying I may qualify for federal aid to lower my premium, but I doubt it. But my bills alone each month are $5k and then daycare is another $1800-2200 depending on 4 vs 5 Tuesday’s in the month. CS basically covers daycare, and my income covers the bills with just enough money to squeeze through the month. The problem is when I get hit with these ABA copays (staring at a $600 bill right now, just paid $900 back in March ) or special occasions or interest from carrying months of missing child support on my credit card. Like $150 every month because I still haven’t gotten my money from sept to dec. ugh

 

[DobbyForever]

Also it’s much easier to qualify a younger kid for services and honestly the services are better. Services in public schools, here anyway, is a complete joke. And if he qualifies you don’t have to agree to them. Generally though most kids get to enough expressive skills by kinder that it’s just a pragmatics issue. I just now I’m declining speech service in school (it’s always a pull out service) so I wanted him to get it now

 

[shaescott]

Pretty my dad is totally like that, he asks how to make the pasta and it’s on the box that’s insane for such a small house, wow. And please tell me you don’t mean $484 per gallon, it’s $4.84 right? Please tell me it’s $4.84.... it’s ~$2.80 per gallon here...
I would agree with Dobs that an eval can’t hurt. My sister had early intervention for her walking, later we learned she has EDS so that’s probably why she had issues but she learned to walk and move properly and had no issues by the time she started school. I’d come home from school to her stepping over pool noodles lol.

Flueks oh wow. In New England $28 is kinda low for a hospital nurse, but at least in NH there’s no state income tax. It’s before shift differential but I’m planning to do days, so no differential. In NH 2 bedroom apartments are generally $1500 or more. It also has one of the highest utility costs in the country. So that’s an oof.
I’m okay with my kids not having a super luxurious life, as long as they have a roof over their head and food on their table and plenty of love that’s all that matters. I just know how much fun I had being able to go to Disney every few years and other fun vacations, and while I definitely didn’t get whatever I asked for (I’d sometimes get a no just asking for gum from the checkout line), I had basically unlimited books, my mom is super into reading so she never said no to a book. I won’t be able to do that which is frustrating. It’s hard to shift from upper class to lower middle class. We lived like upper middle class so I always thought we were but as I recently learned, technically by salary we’re considered upper (which is weird to me since we don’t have crazy nice things and I still have $72k in student loans). I worry about how much student loans my kids will have if I have this much :/

Dobs lol he used to be a dishwasher, he cleans up better than I do. He hates it, but he does it. How has A been doing in general with his speech? Any full sentences?

 

[DobbyForever]

I'm so glad that I don't have to deal with water. Ish. My HOA pays for the water, sewage, and garbage/recycling. But my HOA fees are $400/month, and I only paid $200 every other month for that. I know they do other things (landscaping, pool maintenance, blah blah), but ugh.

He's doing well. I wouldn't go so far to say full sentences, but he's starting to use a few three to four word phrases. His echolalia is getting really good. He's singing so many songs (this time last year he'd maybe sing one word out of a few songs vs now I can't even count how many songs he sings along to from start to end) and loves to quote movies. He's "reading" several books like Brown Bear and Little Red Hen and Pete the Cat I Love My White Shoes. Last year, we were using PECs for requests and now he's very clear in what he wants and says the titles with 2-4 words. He loves naming people and characters and saying hi to strangers on walks or when we're out to dinner. I feel like I'm starting to understand more of what he is saying. There's still a lot of babbling and most things are approximations. He just started saying a few verbs, which is one of his next goals. And he's trying to put the final consonant on some words. Most of the progress really hit once we took that parenting class for families with ASD and speech delay then immediately getting him into once a week with the head of the Ped Speech dept. He's in 2-3 room right now, and he's still "behind" his peers in there but not so much that it's causing issues like last year. He actually has a couple kids that he consistently plays and reads with. He knows his letters, can count to 20, and his colors. Generally, feeling so much better about kinder next year. I think if we can keep up with the speech therapy until then we'll be in good shape. And if he does better with kids a year younger than him, I'm not opposed to holding him back in kinder if I really need to. I would prefer not, but I have plenty of friends who stayed back a year and flourished.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs yikes, I despise HOAs. Most apartments in NH include heat and hot water, though not all. Also probably snow removal and stuff.

That’s so great that A has made so much progress! I saw a first grader who barely knew the alphabet and didn’t know any letter sounds just due to poor education previously. He made a lot of progress over the semester I saw him. He still stayed back I think but the improvements were huge.

 

[DobbyForever]

Have you and SO started looking at places? I forgot how soon after graduation you wanted to move in

 

[PrettyInInk42]

shae - Ya, that would be $4.84. Buuut I'm just realizing that's in Canadian funds. *looks to Google* It's $3.99US. I heard that there's a shortage in some states and people are literally filling plastic bags with gasoline as a way of stocking up. :/

Dobby - That's so great about A's progress. What are some of the books they use to teach him reading? The ones you listed above, or other one? To the best of my knowledge, the only word Alex knows and recognizes is his name. Would really like to give him a little head start before JK.

Re: speech therapy. So, the Dr didn't really say much else about it. She asked again if I wanted her to submit a request to a local centre and I said I'd rather wait cuz I'm sure his word will come soon. She suggested I come back at 21 months to see if it's improved at all. Honestly though, as much as this makes me sound like a bad parent, I'm probably just gonna wait it out. I feel bad taking time off of work and SO isn't involved enough to answer most of the questions they'd have. I see a lot of similarities between him and Alex, and Alex is doing fine. So, I'll make a conscious effort to work with him going forward, but he's probably fine.

In other news, Matthew is still in the 99th percentile for weight and head circ, but down to 80% for height. As I was leaving, I asked about how prenatal visits are different now and it seems like it's mostly over the phone and requisitions sent over email and all that, so that's fine by me. I ended up having the day off, so I took advantage of being childless and cleaned the foyer, hallway, dining room, put a big pile of clothes away in the bedroom, went to Costco and Walmart, and washed SO's car. And then made breakfast for dinner. Chill days are nice, but sometimes, being productive is good too.