General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[shaescott]

Dobs no I definitely won’t be working for minimum wage lol, though SO may be. In that town they tend to pay a bit higher because it’s so close to the MA border and it’s $13.50 in MA so nobody would work in southern NH for $7.25. But my issue is how do people without degrees or trades who have to work minimum wage jobs afford rent? It’s going to be tight for me if I work 40 hours a week so I don’t know how they survive.

Personally not into Thor with the potbelly lol, though I care much more about personality than appearance (as long as they’re not butt ugly, which sounds shallow but we all do it). Steve Rogers is just the ultimate man to me, he’s kind and polite and brave and will sacrifice himself to save others, etc. Thor is a bit... arrogant? Idk. SO has never had a six pack although he’s been going to the gym and his arm muscles are definitely increasing. He’s got IBS so he’s probably doomed to be bloated forever but I don’t mind, I get bloated a lot too. And he’s not too hard so more comfy to cuddle

 

[DobbyForever]

That’s great SO is hitting the gym. My therapists are always like exercise! It’ll make you happy! r_r. Hopefully it’s helping with his mood

me and my damaged picker looove depressed Thor lol. Mostly cuz he’s such relatable feels. But definitely he’s arrogant lol I think he gets better but meh. I’d probably marry Bruce though. Nice guy, super smart, adorable.

im so tired but I can’t nap. I finally converted A’s toddler bed to the full size bed. Just need to find replacements for two missing screws and tomorrow hoping to buy his mattress. A bit annoyed though because as it turns out he will need a box spring ugh

 

[shaescott]

Dobs yeah he’s very into the idea of getting fit and stuff. It’s really important to him that we set a good example for our future kids of eating healthy and exercising regularly so that it’s natural to them, he’s been talking about this lately. However I do worry about him getting too obsessive over it, I don’t want my kids to obsess over calories or their weight, it’s not healthy. Today he was like “not to be rude, but your metabolism is slowing down, your stomach was flat in high school and now it’s not” and I was like bitch saying “not to be rude” doesn’t make it not rude. He was saying it to point out that I can’t rely on my fast metabolism to keep me skinny, I need to work out and eat healthy. But I was still unamused.

That’s so nice about the full sized bed. I have a full XL and so much room!!

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh and yeah I don't know how all of my friends and family make it work. Like my cousin works at a fairly low paying job, she only has her high school diploma. But they have like six kids?! Hopefully the job/rent situation works out.

Re the metabolism comment yikes. Like I get what he's trying to say but yikes. I'm still getting over my ex's comments about my body, so I don't like when guys make any comments about a body. Especially when it's like sure you can put on a few pounds as you develop into your womanly body and changes in metabolism, but unless you're getting overweight to a point then there's no reason for him to say anything. And like you said, you don't want him saying those kinds of things to a child.

$400 for this mattress and box spring, and I didn't even buy a nice one. Literally bought the cheapest option available. Like I so do not have $400 dshauidabsdbsa it was on sale too and delivery was free. $150 for the mattress, $199 for the box spring, and then tax. UGH

 

[DobbyForever]

Random thoughts re donor.

So. If I want to be due around Spring Break, I would need to conceive July. That would work out well because after Spring Break there are only 30 days of school. I'm allowed mat leave for 45 school days. Next year, I will have 32 sick pay days. The nice thing about it is I only have two days to work more than my mom (she is out Friday 6/3 and I'm out Tuesday 6/7). So I may even go back for the last two days of school LOL because we always do super early release and get out at noon. And then when I go back in fall, I would get an additional 10 days if I ever need to call out. That was hard with A because I went back to work the same school year, I had no sick days for when he was sick/hospitalized AND I was on deferred pay for most of my leave. At least next year, I would have enough sick days to cover the whole mat leave and get my full paycheck.

Now the part where it gets interesting. Because I would be doing this alone, I don't have much wiggle room for EDD. So realistically I can only try during the month of July. I want baby 2 before I'm 35, so I'm kind of wondering if I would only try literally 1-2 cycles a year if I want to just toss the towel in now with men and bcp. Like I could just stop DTD or use condoms.

Just musing aloud lol. I'm slowly desensitizing my family to the idea of me getting a donor though. They're still not happy, but they at least accept that I want a second child and would regret not having one. They're just hoping I wait until closer to 35 because I can't afford daycare lol.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs yeah he’s always been super nice whenever I complain about my body, when I complained about my stomach a few weeks ago he was like “no it’s fine you’re beautiful” so I think his intention was more “hey this is bothering you lately and I think it’s caused by this and you can do this about it” but the way he said it was just a poor choice of words I think. I told him I don’t want him to make any negative comments about my body unless I’m like 200+ pounds (excluding during pregnancy and nursing, he can’t say shit at all during that time), which I doubt will happen because I’m still slim. My weight has been fluctuating between 132-138 for the past few years now, so it would take a lot for my metabolism to change so much that I would be 200 pounds, especially considering the fact that I’m super sedentary and eat like crap and I haven’t packed on the pounds. I really think my stomach is just a mix of that 20s growth spurt women have where their body develops a more womanly shape and poor eating habits. I only gained 10 pounds after high school. If I was 200 pounds then he can gently bring it up that I’m not being healthy and it’s harming my energy levels and increasing my risk of health issues. He said he’s in agreement with not bringing it up unless it’s that kind of situation (after he’d made the comment and I got upset).

Re: mattresses etc I just bought a bunkie board instead of a box spring yesterday, it was on sale for $64 instead of $100 like usual, it’s just a bunch of slats for support, it doesn’t add height. I realized the slats of the bed frame were a bit too far apart for adequate support of a foam bed.

Re: donor timing, that’s rough. I hope you can figure out something that’ll work for you. It took you a while to conceive A didn’t it? Or was that just due to your ex being on and off about unprotected BD?

 

[DobbyForever]

Awww yeah it's so hard because phrasing in those moments with those sensitive topics is so important. But bright side at least this happened now, so he knows to be more careful with his word choice next time if there is a next time. I mean honestly enjoy it now lol. I miss those days haha. At least if you do ever decide to be more active, it sounds like something the two of you could potentially do together. You can be that annoying cute couple I see jogging together/riding bikes/ hiking lol. It's only annoying cuz I want it hahahaha

Oooo I saw a board like that, similar price because this place is also having a sale rn. I just couldn't bring myself to do it because this is for A's bed and the kid will jump on the bed while singing five little monkeys hahaha like clearly kid you missed the memo of the story

His frame is converted from his crib. I'm a bit worried about height but he's been fine on my bed. I got a low boxspring 5" and his mattress is 8". The 9" box would have made for a better height compared to the frame, but I just could not live with him being that high off the ground. So I'm hoping it's not too much of an eyesore.

It took about 7 cycles with A. It was a mix of my ex being wishy washy (which should have been a red flag but add that to the list of things I ignored lol) and my pcos. It is a worry for me because after A, my period took like a year after I stopped pumping to come back. And even then it was all over the place. It got better once I lost the baby weight, but even then it's still anywhere from 25-32 days. So I would want time off bcp to let my body sort out. And part of me is like well if you try once in July and it doesn't take then you leave it be until next year. And if it doesn't take then, you leave it be another year. And if it doesn't take then, I can look into trying extra cycles because at that point I should be in a slightly better financial situation.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs we started being the annoying couple who hikes last summer but we only hike during summer because it gets cold on top of mountains. The mountain we like has lots of tree cover so it’s easier to stay cool, we did one state park without much cover and I had to tap out, I just can’t handle the heat so I felt like I was dying a bit. We could definitely work out together but honestly he goes to a private locally owns gym that’s super conservative and actually encourages people to not wear masks which freaks me out. At least until my dad and sister are two weeks out from their second shot (which is soon), I don’t really want to be around lots of maskless people. I go to planet fitness. When we move I’m not sure what we’ll do but I’m paying for planet fitness and I can bring a guest free unlimited times so if we commit to going together then we could do that, he just is used to using free barbells, not smith machines, so that’s an issue. Eventually hopefully we’ll switch to a locally owned gym that has legit barbells but right now they’re pretty intimidating for me because I can’t squat a standard barbell with no weights, it’s 45 pounds, I tried once and almost couldn’t get back up. Maybe if I can get stronger at planet fitness to the point where I’ll be able to use those, then I’ll switch.

Re: the box spring, were you scared he’d break the slats of a bunkie board? That’s so funny that he sings that song while jumping on the bed. It reminds me of a when I was a kid and watched Bear in the Big Blue House because that was the first time I heard it, I think. Those shadow puppet people were creepy af though.

Re: height, I thought about a box spring to increase the height of the bed because the platform bed where the mattress sits is only 10 inches off the ground. However, I plan on getting a 12 inch mattress and that’ll be 22 inches, and I measured my sister’s bed and it’s 23 with the mattress, and I don’t think hers is too low. So I decided to go with the cheaper bunkie board. As long as I don’t have to squat lower than parallel to my knees to sit down, I should be fine. My current bed is 26-27 inches so it may be a bit of an adjustment but oh well, add that to the list of changes I’ll need to get used to.

Re: conceiving A, ah I see. We all ignore red flags, maybe partially because nobody is perfect so anyone could have some kind of red flag behavior, and that doesn’t automatically make them toxic or unsafe. When you’re in that situation it can be hard to distinguish between imperfections and truly toxic behavior. It doesn’t matter how many people tell you it’s bad (like us over the years), you have to realize and decide that for yourself, that it’s too much to be acceptable. Some people never do, but you did. Give yourself grace.
I hope your cycles decide to regulate soon. If not, hopefully you can work around that. Mine are still not regular and this is cycle 4 off of the IUD. Maybe they never will be. Hard to know. Anyway, seems like a decent plan to only TTC in July until you’re in a better financial situation.

AFM I got some clothes I ordered in the mail yesterday and I realized that uh... I do need to work on my bloating tendency because I looked like I was in the 2nd trimester in some of those dresses. I blurted my face just in case someone who knows me sees the pic and they think it’s a legit baby bump lol

I had actually eaten healthy yesterday so I guess I just get bloated in general. Maybe I should go back to taking digestive enzymes to assist in reducing bloat.

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh wow! That’s interesting that they actively encourage it, especially when people will be all breathing hard and heavy. Hopefully he continues to stay safe, and definitely feels much better once everyone in the fam has that second shot. And awww I mean I hate gyms but plenty of other ways to be active together. That’s so funny to me that you have to consider weather for hiking. I’m so Californian.

dude. The shadow puppets are hella freaky. And yeah just afraid he’d break it. His new thing is this like ground pound thing. So nope lol

for sure. I try not to be hard on myself because he really did slowly and systemically break me down, I’m just glad having A and protective mom mode really snapped me out of it. I don’t think my cycles will regulate, but hopefully consistent enough because gosh these vials and gender wash are expensive! I’d hate to insem and then not O! I do hope that your cycles regulate though. It’s not fun having them be wonky esp if you’re tracking O. The headaches

oooo does that help? I also bloat like crazy no matter what I eat. I usually just don’t care but sometimes I’m trying to look cute lol. And blur away. It’s the internet. You don’t owe us your face or an explanation.

afm still just struggling to keep up with work. About to catch a nap. Speech got moved to tomorrow. I should put laundry away but I am so freaking tired

 

[DobbyForever]

In other news, talked to a mortgage agent and I may actually qualify for a loan up to 700k. So with a down payment of 200k, I can look to buy a place for 900k. There’s a super cute 2 bed/ 2 bath house in my childhood neighborhood that just went up yesterday listed at 888. There’s no way I’d get it especially with both a loan and selling contingency in this market. And it’ll probably end up going over list anyway. But my mom said I can move into her place while I sell/buy. So I’m going to at least start the preapproval process. Go from there. But it’s definitely a “do you want the house or the baby?” situation lol

 

[shaescott]

Advanced warning: I am a bit tipsy while typing this

Dobs lol I forget that people in other places don’t really have 4 seasons like we do in New England. But yes, we can’t go during winter. Not only would it be like 20-30 degrees out, trying to hike up ice covered rock does not sound like my idea of a good (or safe) time. It only stayed consistently in the 70s starting this week, previously this spring it’s been 1-2 days in the 70s and then back down to the 50s. But my god, I swear the pollen is so much worse this year. I’m taking Flonase and I have been for like 2 weeks, and I’m still having some symptoms break through. Especially itchy eyes.

Im glad to hear that you’re trying not to be hard on yourself. I’m also very glad that your mom mode kicked in in this situation.

I would reply more but my brain is drunk and trunk to fall asleep di

Morning edit: it seems I fell asleep before hitting post. Love that for me.

 

[shaescott]

Continued reply:

Dobs honestly I don’t know if the digestive aid helps, I didn’t use it enough, but apparently it works for some people. Though considering how much time I’ve spent on the toilet today, that big bloat belly may have also been big poop belly I hadn’t been going much lately, so makes sense.

I’m sorry you’re struggling with work. Have they said anything about next year being remote or not? I feel like you might have mentioned that already but I can’t remember.

Do you own the condo or rent? If rent, I’d say definitely go for the house. But if you own it, idk, is there a specific reason you want a house instead?

AFM not a ton going on here. We (SO and I) put the new (used) car back together (aka the carpet and front seat and inner trim went back in), took us a good few hours. He finally got the license plates and registration so he got to drive it yesterday.

I’m still waiting for the Board of Nursing to authorize me to take the NCLEX. I sent in all my paperwork last week so hopefully that process goes relatively quickly.

It looks like SO and I may have a roommate when we get an apartment. One of his friends really wants to move to that area and can’t afford rent alone, so he asked if we’d consider renting a 2+ bedroom with him and splitting the rent and utilities etc 3 ways. SO was crazy stressed about the money thing and previously didn’t want to talk about it because it stressed him out so much but it seems the idea of having another person help pay rent has made him considerably less stressed. The friend is a pretty quiet guy, SO has known him since middle school, he’s nice, says he isn’t messy and is happy to help with cleaning/upkeep of the apartment. If we run into issues we may have to set some rules, like “please don’t have your loud friend over all the time or when I’m sleeping” but otherwise things seem okay. I’m a little sad that I won’t be able to walk around naked in my own apartment but to reduce the financial strain, I think it’s probably worth it.

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae omf you’re funny gave to respond later because through a series of atypical and bizarre events, this lady backed up into my car. Really sore in my back and neck so at the doctor getting it checked out

 

[shaescott]

Dobs oh geez, I hope it’s just some harmless soreness and you’re totally okay. I also hope that lady has insurance and they pay for all the damages.

AFM I weighed myself today and I’m now pushing 140 with clothes on, 139.8 naked. I ate a good amount over the past few days but yikes. Idk how to motivate myself to go to the gym though, because it’s 20 minutes away. There’s nothing closer that’s nearly as cheap. Looking at my stomach makes me want to go in general, but I don’t want to encourage negative self talk and negative body image, so I don’t really want to use that as a motivator. Any tips appreciated.

 

[DobbyForever]

Thanks. My back is still super sure, but it’s just typical post collision spasm. I would take a muscle relaxer today but I want to go to an open house with my mom. Maybe after. This is what I get for trying to be nice and get donuts for my coworkers. I sent everything to my stepdad though, and he’s going to handle them. Last time someone drove into me, he got me like 3.5k? I don’t feel bad cuz the insurance company pays it. But this was like whether she pays or her insurance, it’s absolutely ridiculous that she hit me and at the speed she was backing up like who slams on their accelerator to back up?! I’m clearly still pissed lol.

Re motivation. I got nothing. I’d say bright side summer is here, so hopefully it’s nice enough to walk and hike. What made a huge difference for me was walking my dogs just 20-30m every day. There’s also this fun thing my girlfriends and I do together. 30 day challenge. It’s like guns, buns, and abs. You do it each month. Only takes about 5-10 a day and you can break it into sets or just fit it into your day. I usually do it in the morning otherwise I lose motivation. If you want at home workouts (be it everything from no equipment to minimal to a cycle bike) honestly the Peloton app has a wide range of workouts. And even though the teachers won’t necessarily talk to you (they do shoutouts for milestones in a live class) it’s still motivating and you can see the playlist/choose classes with music you enjoy. I think the app runs $16/month? They probably do a free trial.

one important thing I learned is that it’s ok to eat healthy or workout because you want to change your look. As long as you’re not aiming for an unhealthy standard with unhealthy behavior and not doing it for anybody but yourself. I’m sure you look great, but I’m not living in your body. If you know what I mean.

re roommate I know a lot of young couples who have a roommate. Usually they ditch them once their finances are better or they get married/have kids. Because at some point you have to accept that you are building your lives and your family, and everyone stresses about money. But it could be a great stepping stone to help you ease into that new stage of life without the added pressure of making rent. Ultimately, I know you two will make whatever decision works best. Plus at least the roommate wouldn’t be a stranger. Although that could be a perk or a downfall lol depends on the guy

yay for getting the car back together! Hopefully you get news from the nursing board soon.

we’re supposed to go fully back in the fall. I’ll believe it when I see it lol. The district is trying to get students 12-18 vaccinated before then and with Pfizer trying to get it approved 2 and up by sept i have a feeling we will go fully in person. They are going to offer a learning academy, but idk how they choose teachers for it. And I think I’ll just go back to work anyway.

I own my condo. I have neighbors on both sides. They aren’t obnoxious, but I hate that I can hear them. I don’t have a yard, which is hard on A and the dogs. The $400/month in hoa fees for a crappy hoa that does nothing. Even though the house I’m looking at is a down size in bedrooms, it is an upgrade because we’d have a yard and A and I wouldn’t have to share a bath. It’s also just down he street from my job. So A’s neighborhood school is rated higher and closer to my work (our current school is 3/10 and up the hill opposite from work). But being so close I think will help make the case for him to go to my site. It’s easy access to the freeway I take to get to my mom’s, so it’d cut that travel time by about 10-15m. So even though we live in different cities, she could pick A up every day after school (we only have half day kinder) and take him to my house because it’d be single story/the dogs could be in the side yard. Then she could drive home (it’s counter commute). The only downside is I know this neighborhood. It’s not amazing but I know what to expect. That neighborhood I haven’t lived in since I was a child and it’s definitely on the border of sketch city. Usually sketch city doesn’t pour into this community because of the way it’s designed (kind of like how East Palo Alto issues tend to not flow into Palo Alto). Also, I’ve built about 200-250k in equity in my condo over five years. So the idea of going back to no equity and starting over is scary.

work is just typical f* report cards are due the year is ending stuff. I’m not working this summer because they still aren’t finding gen Ed summer school. 12 school days left, going to do my report cards next weekend.

oh TB texted me last night and said he misses me haha

 

[DobbyForever]

I think the best thing with motivating is to pick one small exercise and commit to it? Versus seeing the huge overall goal of one I have to change this this and this?

but honestly nothing motivated me until my heart rate went up lol

 

[shaescott]

Dobs yeah I generally back up slowly at least at first to check for other cars if I can’t see all my sides. That was dumb of her.

I’m concerned about using aesthetic motivation because of my history of body dysmorphia and eating disorder, working out and barely eating to make myself lose weight until I was very obviously underweight, because I saw myself as fat. I suppose I could avoid that by aiming for a lean muscular physique (not bulky though) rather than just skinny. I quite like the butt I’ve gained since gaining some weight, and I don’t want to lose fat and lose it really, but if I can replace it with muscle I’m down for that.

I swear to God HOAs are the bane of everyone’s existence. A house with a backyard and better school sounds pretty good.

Oh lord The Boy *shakes head*

 

[shaescott]

Oh also re: roommate, yeah it definitely wouldn’t be forever. Eventually we’ll want to buy a house and start a family.

 

[DobbyForever]

Yeah that’s hard. But I think focusing on it being about building muscle tone vs skinny/fat is a great mindset.

And yuuup HOAs suck. bad drivers suck too

sounds like a good plan! Is the increase in price on a two bedroom though going to be worth it split three ways vs a 1 bedroom or studio split two?

So apparently new rule is I am tax exempt up to 250k profit regardless of whether I buy or not, so i wouldn’t be as stressed to find a place within the tax year or if in a year or two I find a guy and we want to look for something in the 1.5-2 mil range cuz I could just hang on the the money. My mom and brother and I are having dinner tonight to talk about maybe me moving into where he is now since he’s going to go live with my mom. Just stressing out because I have to register A for kinder in a year. A perk of moving to my mom’s duplex is that I could potentially lie and use her address to register A for school in a really good district hahaha and I wouldn’t have to worry about needing someone to drive across the bay to pick him up/after school programs/what to do if I can’t get him in my school. But I did also finally start decorating my house so I don’t completely hate it anymore lol. I just don’t know what to do.

Yeah he’s on vk with his friends so part of me is like it’s cute cuz he’s texting me 100% just cause vs trying to get laid lol. That’s be another benefit to moving to the duplex, it’s literally a town over from him. Butttt downside the bedrooms share a wall and it’s so small that we could never have loud bd lol

 

[shaescott]

Dobs we were actually looking at getting a 2 bedroom before for extra space lol (SO is an introvert), so if I could find a 3 bedroom that would be awesome but they’re harder to find, so it would only be if it was a similar price to the 2 bedroom and if we could actually find one. The price increase isn’t very much, we’d definitely still save money having the roommate.

I’m sorry about the house dilemma. I hope you and your mom and brother can work out a good plan! The shared wall thing is unfortunate haha.