General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[shaescott]

Dobs we haven’t yet, I’m waiting for the job to be totally official.

Pretty I’ve heard some about a shortage, pumps with signs saying they’ve got nothing. Haven’t seen it here but also haven’t looked, I haven’t needed gas recently.
Re: Matthew, you know your kid best. If he seems to be at the same place Alex was at that age and you’re not worried, that’s cool. How’s his mobility? I’ve heard if they have really good mobility they often have delayed speech but that could be wrong lol.
Glad you got to have a productive day!

AFM I’m a hormonal mess because I’m ovulating today and SO will not give me the goods (aka sex, even protected). I was pissed because I brought him beer like he asked and made him Mac and cheese because he hadn’t eaten all day and researched shit for him about this car he wants (again) and he was like “k now that I’m done with all the stuff I need to do, no sex or cuddle time for you, I’m going to bed, bye”. He’s stressed and exhausted and I know he has the right to say no even if he wasn’t but it’s so frustrating. He’s been saying no so much lately, the times we’ve done it he kind of just gave in. I just want to feel wanted and I don’t. I got new lingerie last week that I thought was cute that had embroidered butterflies on it and he was like “butterflies remind me of innocence” and “I gotta say, I don’t like this one” which f*cking hurt and then he said he was about to fall asleep so can we stop, we’ll do it in the morning. I said okay. Then he wouldn’t do it in the morning. Or the afternoon. I had to beg him for it in the evening. I’m just so sick of it. We’re in our 20s, this should not be a f*cking problem. We’re not even married and we don’t have kids, how the f*ck do we already have like no sex life? I’m just having a hard time. I bawled on the drive home. I think it’s made worse by the fact that I’m ovulating, my brain is wired to try to get sex right now so it’s harder to deal with the rejection (although I haven’t taken it terribly well the million other times he’s rejected me, I haven’t bawled while driving home before).

So yeah, not thriving.

 

[Flueky88]

Pretty you aren't a bad mom for waiting and it's only waiting for 3 months. Hope his language explodes over the next few months

Ah yes prenatal visits actually ended up same as usual for me well other than wearing a mask. Children weren't allowed but I never brought V to my prenatal visits with S. DH was allowed but I only had him go to US appts.

Shae I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time in your relationship. Do you feel like there is something more to things? Has he had anymore help with his depression?


As for gas shortage. Yeah people around here are panic buying and therfore creating a shortage. Multiple gas stations without gas. I did fill up from about halfway as I was nervous I wouldn't be able to find gas when I needed it. Pipeline is back up so hopefully people will calm the f down. Gas prices jumped $0.20 and more because of things.

 

[DobbyForever]

Lol Pretty such a mom thing to do to use your child free day ti be ultra productive. It’s such a stress relief to not have the kids and get stuff done, but also why we’re always tired.

re speech, not a bad mom at all. You know your situation better. I have this conversation all the time because I’m really open with people about his ABA and speech. I get asked all the time why I decided to evaluate him. End of day, I wanted services. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have fought to hell and back for them. So if you don’t want services, and everyone I talk to never does, then why give yourself the headache of the eval process?

re gas no shortage here in the sense of can’t find it BUT prices are up about 40c a gallon. Was about $3.80ish last month and this month it’s $4.40ish. Filled up my tank yesterday, wasn’t even technically empty but getting close. Nearly $55

Shae I was going to ask how you are feeling emotionally being that this would be the first cycle since your iud was out that you haven’t had bd that could, in an unlikely but still plausible way, lead to a pregnancy. I just didn’t want to put emotions in your head, but I was a bit worried. Sex is one of the top five reasons people divorce though. So be careful. But also be sure to separate your true frustration vs baby hormones, which sounds like you recognize a lot of your feels are from o hormones. Hugs. Sorry though. Vent away here if it helps

afm I’m in sex limbo too lol. TB didn’t finish last time he was here. I faked it because I felt bad. We had tossed out the idea of getting together tonight/tomorrow, but i propositioned him and he hasn’t replied. Which is usually how he gets when he’s overthinking things again. And I’m super in the pod because I’ve been doing some research on how to expand our living room horizons haha so I’ve got sex on the brain

 

[shaescott]

Flukes he’s on meds now but I think they may need to be increased, they’re just not cutting it. He’s got another issue that messes with his sex drive (don’t want to get into it) but it’s partially his own fault and he keeps choosing to make the issue continue/worsen so I get pissed about it considering he knows how high my sex drive is and he keeps messing his up.

That’s a rough price jump. Hopefully things go back to normal ASAP.

Dobs I had O-5 but that’s quite unlikely. Except... my temp didn’t jump today like it was supposed to. I did read that OPKs are more reliable for timing of O, the sustained temp rise just confirms it and it’s possible for it to be off by a day. Hopefully that’s all it is and I didn’t just fail to ovulate. I’d be so pissed.

Sorry about the limbo with the boy. :/

 

[shaescott]

In good news bad news today...

Good news, SO bought a new (used) car to replace his 220k mile Honda minivan that sounds and smells like an antique car. It’s his dream car, a Dodge Charger 5.7L V8 Hemi RWD. It’s like a muscle car but it’s a 4 door so it can accommodate car seats if need be, and it counts as a sedan for insurance purposes (so it’s way cheaper than a 2 door). Wish us luck with him learning how to use RWD in New England winters lol.

Bad news, there was a wet area on the drivers side floor likely from a backed up sunroof drain hose, and he asked the dealership Wednesday to open up the area to let it dry so it wouldn’t grow mold. They didn’t. Now there’s mold, and he’s allergic. He just discovered this AFTER paying $14.5k for the car (which was actually a fair price considering all the bells and whistles it has). Worse comes to worst, MA has a good lemon law that if there’s anything seriously wrong you can return it within 30 days for a full refund. But we’d like to avoid that, so I’m getting up early tomorrow to go to his house and help him fully assess the issue and try to kill the mold before it gets worse. I’ve read vinegar is actually better than bleach because bleach only gets the top layer and vinegar penetrates well. If anyone has experienced car mold and has advice, please let me know.

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh yikes. I'm so sorry about the mold! That's absolutely insane that they didn't just air it out! Like come the eff on, how hard is it to roll down a couple windows?! I had a mold issue in my carpet because A likes to splash water and my bedroom carpet runs right up to the bathroom door. I didn't have a chance to dry it before it just smelled RANK. I think I ended up using a mold spray and doing an overnight baking soda then hit it with vinegar then went over it with a carpet cleaning solution then aired out the room for two days. It either worked or I've just gotten used to the smell HAHAHAHAAHAHAH

Re sex that is hard. I have no advice. Other than you really don't want to be fighting about sex for the rest of your lives, and it's only going to get more complicated post kids. So whatever you two need to do to come to a good solution and compromise, sooner is better. Hugs.

Re temp. That's odd but hopefully you get your clear rise tomorrow. I've also read about the temp jump being delayed depending on time of O.

Re gas it is what it is. I doubt it'll drop down even if things normalize. Just missing my prius right now hahahahah

Re TB he's working like 14 hour days and then he goes on a vacation, so despite my attempts to get properly laid before he leaves it looks like I'll be out of luck for a few weeks. SIGH lol and the other guy. I forgot what nickname I gave him. He resurfaced, and I just hit him with the 100% truth and this dude is like I really like you and I think you have great insight in what is going on and, if you want me to, I can wait for you to stop having feelings for this other guy. We can build our friendship first. And I'm like dbasuildasiubduasbdadusabjk why can't I spark with you?!

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I’m honestly wondering if it’s going to do a slow rise after today’s temp. I know it’s a thing that can happen. I’ll just have to keep temping to find out.
We ripped out the carpet on the affected side and it’s been thoroughly sprayed down with vinegar. Fingers crossed.
Sorry about the nice guy with no spark :/

 

[DobbyForever]

Hope it works! How long do you think until you know for sure?

I could learn to love him. I know I would. But like... I don't see why I can't have the spark I have with TB but with a guy as nice as Nice Guy. Like TB is beyond just the toxic fear driven spark. And I know all the psychology says that lust/infatuation/sparks are not a good basis for relationships, cue all my exes as examples. And NG with his warm fire is really the way to go. Also he got major points because apparently my best friend, in her drunken state, was literally trying to get him to come over and DTD with me at her house. And he was like I'm not coming over there while she's drunk nor am I going to entertain this conversation with you. So as disappointed in my friend as I am that she tried to basically tried to you know what me out, I'm not shocked lol but kudos to him for being a good guy.

Cue rant: It's insane how in sync we are. It's like we imprinted on each other. Like when I move, he moves. It's like watching two people dance, but we're just synced in everything. Like literally I have time stands still, out of body experience. It's just this intense feeling of completeness and euphoria, and I honestly can't think of the last time I felt that way if ever. And of course there was boundary crossing with TB again. He says he expects work to go back to normal soon, and I'll be happy to see him back to his usual self with more time. And I'm like so the reason you said you just wanted casual whatevers is work, so are you trying to say we can go back to actual dating? Or are you just saying crap that pops up in your head without thinking about its implications? Obviously it's the latter. Idk. I'm glad that he came over and saw my table with like three bouquets of flowers, two jewelry boxes, and a box of chocolate and commented on it. I'm like DAMN STRAIGHT people love me! Lol

 

[Flueky88]

Shae hope the vinegar works. Sorry they were so shady about things at the dealership.

Dobby, sorry you aren't getting that spark with NG.

 

[shaescott]

Dogs do you mean you’re in sync with The Boy or Nice Guy? Yeah you could learn to love him, but you shouldn’t start out not feeling anything toward him, if he feels like a friend and nothing more and there’s no attraction, it’s not fair to either of you to start something. You deserve someone you’ve got a mutual spark with, and so does he. However, if the issue is that there’s no butterflies but he makes you feel happy and safe and warm inside, I wouldn’t worry so much about the lack of butterflies.

Re: timeline, honestly idk how we’d know the mold was actually dead. It’s not like the discoloration will just go away. It’s probably best long term to replace the whole carpeting but we’ll see what happens.

Flueks thanks, they were really unwilling to negotiate, super annoying.

 

[DobbyForever]

Synced with TB. I just feel so drawn to him. And I told NG literally everything and how going out with him again isn’t fair to him. But he insists on waiting and trying. Which I get because I am everything he was looking for. But I know if I lean into him, no matter how safe and secure I would feel, if TB asked to see me I would want to see him. I’ve never cheated on someone before, but I know I’d dump NG for TB if given the choice. So dating him because I don’t have a choice to be with TB seems so cruel. Especially since I’m still sleeping with TB and we’re still boundary crossing. Idk. I didn’t outright tell NB that I’m still sleeping with TB. I hinted at it and I think maybe he got it. Idk. Such a tangled mess. But I’m actively having to tell myself I’m not in love with TB but I’m pretty sure I am

 

[shaescott]

Dobs ah okay. I was gonna say if you felt synced with NG maybe there’s potential there but no, if you know you would leave for TB (or anyone else) and/or you’re just not emotionally attached to him, it’s not fair to either of you. That poor man needs to stop waiting and find a woman who has a spark with him. Kinda reminds me of the sons “The Way I Loved You” by Taylor Swift about how her ex was wild but she loved him and felt stuff and her current bf is nice and polite and does everything right and she’s just not feeling anything for him at all.

FF gave me crosshairs for my gradual temp rise, yay!

 

[DobbyForever]

Yay for crosshairs!!!!

Yeah. Honestly, I only want to be with TB. He’s the standard I measure everyone up to, and nobody is coming anywhere close. Basically TB is to me what I am to NG I just feel like maybe God is testing me. Like here he has presented me with a toxic choice and a healthy choice, and I need to prove that I can make good choices before he sends me my prince. But obviously I’m not making good choices

 

[PrettyInInk42]

shae - He walks fine, can run, goes up stairs and even down stair pretty well. Climbs up on anything he can. So, ya, I'd say his mobility is good. lol
Sorry that you and SO are having sex drive issues. That makes me think of SO and me in our early 20's. I was always trying to bang and I got shot down a fair amount. He was pretty moody back then too. Like, male PMS or whatever. He's since admitted that he would sometimes get pissed off for no reason. So, probably just his hormones still sorting themselves out. Hopefully uping your SO's meds will help. And, of course, discussing where to go from here.
That sucks about he mold. Hopefully you got it all and he can enjoy his dream car.

Dobby - I used to listen to LoveLine years ago and, on several occasions, I heard Dr. Drew tell someone their "picker" was broken. Like, they would get into bad relationship after bad relationship cuz some trauma in their past was drawing them to the wrong people. I get wanting to feel a spark, but all of us want you to with a good guy so bad. NB sounds sweet and respectable and not deterred by your past. I feel like you owe it to yourself to give this a shot. And you never know. He may be amazing in bed and make you forget who TB even is. lol. Just my 2 cents.

AFM, AF showed up yesterday. FX this'll be my 2nd or 3rd last cycle until I get pg.
Had another productive day today. Got the tires swapped on the car and, when I got home, I was just gonna move a couple things to make some space in the garage. Next thing I know, I've been in there for over an hour, moved a couple shelving units from one side to another, organized some things, packed stuff into boxes, and now there's a lot more open floor space. I'm slightly fighting to keep my eyes open. lol
I also ordered some stickers that look like tiles from an online store and they arrived on Thursday, so I spent most of the night applying them in the kitchen and it looks so much better. Still a crappy kitchen that needs a reno, but at least it's a little nicer to look at for now.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I agree with Pretty that some people have a tendency to choose toxic people or get into relationships that won’t be healthy and it’s a pattern. I know someone who’s had a bunch of toxic relationships and is now in one with someone who treats her well and it kinda makes her uncomfortable because she’s so used to the toxic behavior that it’s almost comforting in a weird way. I don’t know that you should try things with NG if you have zero interest but it’s possible you have no interest because he’s not toxic.

Pretty it’s good to know we’re not alone with this issue, thank you. I’m glad you were able to be so productive. Those tile stickers look awesome, I didn’t know that was a thing! I might have to try that.

AFM crazy tired so going to bed, night

 

[DobbyForever]

Pretty that’s great that you got more stuff done! And I absolutely love that you’re just a couple cycles from trying! Love the tile! I didn’t know that was a thing until I moved in here. The previous owner had some up. Unfortunately they put theirs up to hide some drywall damage while selling but I finally got that fixed.

Oh my picker is definitely off lol for a multitude of reasons. It’s been off since college, and a topic of many a therapy sessions for over a decade. I can put up with him being a workaholic over the other compromises I have to make for other people. Like honestly the only thing wrong is that he won’t commit to dating me. Pretty big thing to be wrong though lol. He’s not a bad guy, he’s just not ready to be dating. Like if he was awful, it’d be so easy to just up and go. Or if he didn’t come over and so clearly have feelings. Last time he actually told me he missed me. Not the sex. Me. Idk. I’m clearly not ready to let him go though

the issue with NG is I don’t know if I’m pushing him away because I don’t like him, he treats me well which makes me uncomfortable because everyone sh*ts on me all the time, because I’m head over heels for TB, or it’s that I don’t really find him attractive. I do know if I date him it’s entirely to fill a void for the emotional connection I don’t get to have with TB. I also worry that I’d date him for A. I know he would be the type of guy to adopt A and treat him like a biological child. But I don’t want to end up miserable like my mom. Granted my stepdad is an also kind of an a** but idk. NG would be an endgame. And I don’t want to be in the endgame with him =\. It’s like why would I want Hawkeye when I can have Vision? Even if neither of them are Captain America.

 

[DobbyForever]

Thanks for putting up with my essays. It helps me process my thoughts to write them. I appreciate y’all listening but also caring enough about me to root for the good guy in this

 

[shaescott]

Dobs well there’s not much you can do if you know in your heart you don’t want NG to be endgame. He’d want to be endgame, and he deserves someone who wants to be endgame with him too. Yes, he’d be a great partner and a great stepdad to A, but connection really matters, and the other good things can’t override a lack of connection. I’d definitely pick Vision over Hawkeye, but I’d prefer to hold out for my Captain America if I had no feelings for Vision. Steve Rogers is endgame. Also I process things with my essays too, don’t worry, your essays aren’t nearly as long as mine

AFM yesterday my mom said it was fine to start seriously looking for a bed frame now (we’re just waiting for all other furniture until a lease is signed) and I found a solid oak platform bed on FB Marketplace for $70, the cheap wood platform beds start at $300 new so I thought it was a great deal. It has slats so it shouldn’t need a box spring or anything. Smoke free home and everything. So I contacted the guy yesterday afternoon and we ended up going to pick it up at 4 pm lol, so now I have a bed frame. Yay! Less yay: all the apartments that went for $1500 or less are no longer listed so I get to pay $1700 a month for a 2Bd1Bth in an area where the minimum wage is $7.25. Fun. If it was an area where the wages matched I’d be less annoyed about it.

Car update: we may have been mistaken about it being mold. It was soaked and discolored blue and yellow so we just assumed it was but there were no splotchy mold patterns the way you normally see them, I didn’t see anything like that at all. Also SO is allergic and he didn’t get stuffy in the car at all, he normally gets stuffy crazy fast. So we’re thinking we can just dry it out and put it back in and everything should be fine.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

I would take Thor over any of them. Even with the belly. Always preferred a keg over a 6-pack. lol

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae great score with the bed! Sorry about the apartment situation. Hopefully you won’t be working for min wage though. And that’s so crazy! Our in n out (fast food burger place) pays $18/hour and offers benefits. But I don’t know what 2b1ba apartments go for round these parts. Any who you’ll have two incomes and hopefully you both can get more than min.

haha Pretty I agree. But analogy wise I was going for my prince showing up and shocking everyone with his worthiness lol. I’d take Thor over Cap too haha. I like the look of a six pack but they’re so hard and blah it’s like doing it with a statue. No thanks.