General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[PrettyInInk42]

shae - Woo. Get it, gurrl. lol.
I get what you mean about getting dressing differently for the same temp, but in different seasons. Makes me think of this meme I shared on FB...

10C = 50F, 30C = 86F, BTW. lol
And that's SO. If the temp is double digits, he's in shorts. lol

 

[shaescott]

Pretty lol I saw that on Facebook a week or two ago. Wearing jackets at 86 degrees is absolutely insane, I would die.

 

[DobbyForever]

Hey ladies. Sorry for disappearing. It’s just been a lot, and I’m just drained. Ive been lurking, but I don’t remember much of what’s going on.

Shae, you have had so much exciting news over the last couple of weeks! I’m so thrilled for you and that all of your hard work has been paying off! Also yay for sexy time! Hope the camping trip is a ton of fun! My coworker swears by essential oils. Hope you can find everything you’re looking for that’s both your wants/budget. I still love Nextdoor hahah. Your scrubs are super cute! You’re absolutely gorgeous as well. Ross and TJ Maxx are big amongst my budget conscious friends. They have a really good eye and find some great stuff.

Pretty lol at the meme. Very accurate and funny af. I’m so excited for you to try next soon! Sending lots of pink baby dust. I think it’s super cute that SO took a 7 seater for a test drive. There’s never a perfect time to have another baby, but it definitely looks and sounds like he’s on board. What did you end up deciding for the party theme?

Fluek I know there’s still a lot to do, but I hope you can get into your house in the next few weeks! Hope the sleepover goes well! And aquariums are always a win. That is so tough about the kids though being super loud at night. Hang in there! Hopefully you can get some reprieve soon.

((lots of ranting, sorry)) TLDR: I'm still stressed and depressed about A's speech and ABA and boys and the realization that I'm never getting married.

AFM much of the same. I have to do 30m aba parent training every day for two weeks. It’s annoying, but it’s the only way for them not to drop him as a client. His behavior is much better now that they don’t have three therapists stressing him the eff out at school. I’m already back in 1k debt after borrowing money from my mom. To be fair, $500 alone went to my attorney. I’m trying to relax, but I still feel like I’m running on empty all the time even though A is at school all day.

Re boys. Oh. geez. So I have officially cut contact with The Boy. I don’t miss him, but I miss how he makes me feel. I slept with Zac Efron, and that was disappointing. He really did try, but he had no idea what he was doing. And then it was over in less than 5 minutes. Like literally he kept stopping me and still didn’t top out at 5 minutes. But now I have New Guy. New Guy is 34, works in tech but not an engineer, has a studio in the heart of downtown SJ (annoying parking situation), is tall and handsome and so attentive to me in and out of bed. Never married, no kids. He’d be boyfriend material BUT he’s just as damaged as me. His mom is medicated for bipolar, I’m sure he’s bpd. He definitely has SADS. He has scars from when he used to cut. He doesn’t have a car because he’s lived in DTSJ for 6 years. He had a DUI 8 years ago. So. Many. Red. Flags. He actually is the only guy to give me an unassisted climax without me doing the work.

And all of my friends are like you have to give him a chance. My family is like no you absolutely cannot because with your mental illness genes and his mental illness genes, you’re bound to have a kid with something. So I’m just enjoying the ride and attention for now.

Getting into my usual July funk as well, so all this boy drama is not helping. And my cousin, who already has 7 kids (3 from her 1st marriage, 3 from her husbands first marriage, 1 together) just told me she’s 12w pregnant. Like she will have 8 kids. She and her hubs never went to college! But they go out to eat and they have a house and their kids play sports and how in the heck can they afford 8 kids?! I can’t afford one. dabidgsag.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs thank you
Sorry to hear about the ABA issues and debt. Zac Efron guy has no business looking that good and being that bad at sex I would agree with your family to be cautious about new guy. BPD is no joke, and the resulting dysfunctional behaviors can be damaging to the developing brain of a child since they learn from the adults around them. Past issues with depression and self harm is one thing (I’ve got that past myself) but unless that BPD is under control and not affecting him or the people around him, I’d be very wary. It’s not his fault he has a mental illness, but you have to look out for you and A first and foremost. I’m sorry you’re having a rough time with your cousin being pregnant again. Idk how she affords that many kids either. Happy for her (as long as she’s happy) but it’s still hard when other people are getting what you want. Not sure what that last word was supposed to be but I interpreted it as “the big sad” for some reason lol.

 

[shaescott]

So I started spotting last night, super light, barely there but just enough to notice a difference in the CM color. Last cycle I spotted from O-1 to O+1. My OPK wasn’t even elevated this morning (or yesterday) so I don’t know if it’s a sign that it will be elevated soon and I’m about to have my surge or if it’s nothing. I haven’t had sex to cause bleeding or anything.

Honestly part of me really hopes it means I’m about to get my surge because I had CD10 sex and I’m CD13 right now. The other part of me is a little nervous. But I start my job in 9 days, it’s not like I have nothing lined up, and I’ve been taking prenatals for ages now. I would be okay, and I would be thrilled, just super nervous because it’s always been ingrained into my brain that pregnancy is a bad thing for me because I’m not old enough, I’m not ready, etc. I don’t know if that anxiety will go away at some point when I’m more established or if I’ll always have it tbh. When I took Plan B I was as nervous as I was taking a pregnancy test in high school, which seems ridiculous considering I’m a whole ass adult with a bachelors degree, an RN, and a big girl job about to start. I still can’t believe I have a degree and am an RN though, it’s so wild to me, I feel like I’m still 14 sometimes.

Has anyone else experienced this when they became pregnant or started trying, where they got nervous when the chance of pregnancy became real or they found out they were pregnant even though they were an adult and had a job and would be fine having a kid etc?

Also, if I ovulate by CD15, do I tell SO that there’s a chance of pregnancy, or do I not say anything to not stress him out (since there’s always a chance we’re not as fertile as we think) and if I do end up pregnant, then tell him? I’m not sure which would be better, I’d like his emotional support during the TWW if there’s a chance but he’s already so stressed and I don’t want to add to that unnecessarily. I can get emotional support from my best friend, it’s not like I’d have nobody. And she’s cool with me getting pregnant now that I’ve graduated college lol so she won’t yell at me as much. Thoughts?

 

[Flueky88]

Pretty that's pretty accurate. I know that 0°C is freezing point but other than that, my knowledge of how they compare is limited. Anyways, I'm really hoping that next cycle is the one for you and you conceive a baby girl

Dobby, sorry things are just a mess right now and you have acquired some debt. Hope that all works out soon and you get some time for you to "breathe". So hard being a mom sometimes and even more so if your support system isn't there or limited.

I don't really have any words of wisdom but

Shae I don't recall spotting around O, maybe hormones a bit funky from plan B still? I do recall having a fear of being pregnant as an adult even after graduating nursing school. I think I took a few tests even when married to DH before we were ttc. Actually thought I was pregnant at one time and when we found out I wasn't we were actually disappointed so we realized we were ready to ttc.

I also lean on the fence of not telling unless you get a positive test if he's stressed. If it's bfn, then you didn't worry him unnecessarily. I don't feel like it's deceptive imo. I actually did the same with DH with E. After we dtd(it was early morning), I had a weird feeling I was going to get pregnant. Took an opk later that day, it was negative but fairly close to positive. By dating scan I must have Od the day before. I didn't tell him until positive test and even then, I had devoted about waiting until it was darker I'm case I had a chemical. I decided to tell him though because 3 or 4 days later we were having S's 1st birthday party.


AFM, FIL working on porches, septic was approved and he covered it up. It does have to be hooked up to the house still though. FIL thinks he didn't do that because it was raining at that time. The blocks should be done the week of the 12th. Longer than I'd wanted, but just have to accept it as it is. Not much accomplished this week as weather was not good, rainy. Hoping either the 15th or 19th we can have building and zoning issue us the certificate of occupancy.



E had her 1st tooth start popping above humping this week. Sleep hasn't been on that good stretch we had last weekend. Maybe one day I'll sleep again.

Think I'm going to work on baby books now.

 

[shaescott]

Flueks I used to have the tiniest bit of spotting around O day when I had the IUD, not sure if it was O day or right before or after because I wasn’t temping, I just know it was mid-cycle. I haven’t had it the last few cycles except last cycle, and I’m pretty sure I O’d CD16 and I spotted CD15-CD17.

Good to hear that I’m not alone regarding the fear of being pregnant. Like, I want to have a baby, I want to get pregnant. I’m still scared of it, because it’s a big deal.

I texted my best friend and she also agreed that I should wait for confirmation of a test prior to stressing him out about it. Glad to hear that others have done it that way.


Sorry to hear about the delay with the new house, I hope there are no more delays. Poor E, I bet that tooth is bugging her. Hopefully when it comes through she’ll get better sleep.

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae lol the last bit wasn’t a word. It was just me hitting the keyboard in aggravation I know you already decided, but I’m also team don’t stress him out unless there’s a positive hpt or you really think you’re pregnant. I was TTC and still freaked out. Like yes, I came on here and went on and on about how thrilled I was. But I panicked! And I was 27, been in my career for five years, made a decent salary with a partner (granted deep down I knew he was full of it) who made over 6 figures, and I owned my condo. Nobody ever feels totally ready. Hell, I still have days where I put A to bed and I’m like wtaf who thought I was ready to have a kid and how the actual f* am I making this work day to day lol. Totally normal. I do think the plan b wonks things out.

Fluek second Shae. I’m sorry about the delays and hopefully the weather clears up so things can get moving and grooving. And sorry about the tooth. Hopefully comes through and everyone is back to regular sleep soon. Yay for baby books though!

AFM believe it or not I have a boy update. So The Banker and I had second date. Why he even wants to talk to me about I basically told him I was obsessed with The Boy and my only interest in him was warm fire vs hot flame is beyond me. But he was nice. He remembered when A naps, so he picked a time that worked for nap time. Picked a restaurant that was close to me even though it’s 25m-30m each way for him. We sat about 2 hours, he paid even though I ordered stuff twice as expensive as him because I got wine and he didn’t. He asked to kiss me in the like oldest chivalrous way possible. Not a bad kisser. But like. DASIDASHUOFAGSUFGHAIDHASUHD He lights up when he talks about his 9 month old goddaughter. He can give me 85% of what I need. So naturally I just don’t feel anything. I also don’t trust me. Like he’s 35. Why are you not married if you’re so great? But idk. I get good guy vibes from him and good stepdad vibes. Ironically the only reason I went out with him today was because I’m on a SEVEN DAY period. They’ve been 1-2 light days with maybe 1-2 spotting days since I got on the pill. This is like 1 day of spotting, 6 days of the heaviest and clottiest bleeds since I can’t remember when, and 2 days of spotting. So I was supposed to go see my booty call today, but I had to cancel because I’m still spotting. And I was like maybe God is literally trying to tell me to just go out with Banker and stop putting it off. I feel like this is a cosmic test, and I’m failing.

Oh and my bro moved to Cleveland for med school. My stepdad just bought him a basically new Honda CRV. My mom is hella pissed because she's mad about the inequity. And I tried to explain it to her that being petty and depriving the twins of stuff isn't going to change anything. I want them to have nice apartments and have a car and not have to worry about tuititon. Like I will do anything to make that happen for A, even if it means I have to take on some debt. Just because she got suckered into screwing us over doesn't mean that the boys don't deserve it. And then I cried cuz I miss my baby brother. Even though I just saw him less than 48 hours ago lol.

 

[DobbyForever]

O.m.g. My neighbor threw the loudest party until 3am. I’m surprised nobody called the cops. I just didn’t want to be that neighbor who calls without talking first but I wasn’t about to get up either lol

Cut ties with DTSJ boy. He flew off the handle then tried to blame me for his unhealthy communication. Old Dobby would want to fix him. New Dobby does not have time for that.

 

[Flueky88]

Shae you'll have to.let us know how opk is today.

Dobby, well I'm glad he showed this side now and really proud of you for knowing it is not your job to fix him.

Banker guy sounds interesting. That's nice that he actually listens to you. Curious to see how this goes

Also sorry about the family drama and loud party. Did it make it for A to sleep?

Thanks guys, definitely hoping no more delays for a multitude of reasons.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs sorry about all the guy troubles. That’s too bad that your stepdad is leaving you out of financial help compared to the twins, but true that preventing them from getting help would be bad as well.

Very negative OPK today so I guess the spotting was just random. CM is mostly creamy so I doubt that it’ll be positive tonight. Will continue to monitor lol

 

[PrettyInInk42]

shae - A little tardy to the party over here, but I also agree with waiting for progressively darker BFPs before saying anything. Also, I remember when I took a test ad found out I was pg with Alex. I was lowkey freaking out. I was 28, living at home, SO had told me on multiple occasions that he didn't want kids. But I was also trying to remain calm until I was out of 1st tri. The fear of MC was always there though. Either, it's probably super common to be freaked out by a BFP even as an accomplished adult.

Flueky - Keeping my FX that things go smoothly and quickly from here on out. And I hope E is going ok with her tooth coming in.

Dobby - Good for you for realizing DTSJ was seriously messed up and leaving. Really hoping that things continue to go well with the Banker and that "like" you have can grow into something stronger. You deserve a good guy. And sorry about your new debt. Do you have a game plan to get out of it ASAP?

Re: Celsius vs. Fahrenheit. SO's grandpa one time explained it to SO's (American) stepmom. 10C is cool, 20C is room temperature, and anything about 30C is too hot for you to care about. lol. I will say, when it comes to weather, F is probably more exact, when when it comes to boiling and freezing points, C is so simple. Water freezes at 0 and boils at 100. 32 and 212 are so random.

AFM, feeling kinda blah right now. This weekend was too short. I really didn't get out of the house except to take Alex to soccer for 45 mins. Matthew was warm to the touch both days, but wasn't actually registering a fever. He was super clingy, which was both sweet, but not really his norm. I'm worried I'll get a call from daycare tomorrow saying I need to pick up both kids and keep them home. Some additional daycare charges came out of my account on Friday and put me $300 in the red. I also apparently owe the government $4100 and have been dragging my heels on setting up some kind of payment plan. On top of all of that, I went to take the kids into the backyard this evening and there was a decent sized dead rat just a few steps from the door. I was able to get rid of it, but I was freaking out the whole time. Gonna give the patio stone a good scrub tomorrow cuz there was some blood. CD25 for me presently, and I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open.
Good night all. Happy 4th of July.

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae interesting about the cm and opk. Have the temps been back to normal since the plan b?

fluek thankfully A is an iron sleeper lol. If they woke him up or kept him up, I would cuss them out so fast

pretty that’s stressful. Hopefully whatever it is that you’ve seen the worst of it. Totally feel that dread of holding your breath and hoping daycare doesn’t call. Sorry you weren’t able to get out much this weekend and the money owed to the government. And the rat! That’s crazy!

Thanks ladies! DTSJ popped off again yesterday, and we got to the point of text me one more stupid s* and I’m getting a restraining order. Not my monkey, not my circus. Really does make Banker look so much more attractive.

re debt nope I’m hoping that my stepdad can at least get me 4K from the car accident. I think I got 3.7 last time, and I wasn’t injured. I have my third PT appointment in two weeks, and I still have pain/ can’t work out. If he gets 4K, I can at least pay my mom back. I know between now and December, I get $1800 from that child tax credit. I may take on a stipend position next year that pays $1k in December and 1k in June. Tax season always helps, in Feb I should get 2k back. Basically the plan is tread water and pray for a miracle once A is in school/no more private therapy services, things won’t be tight. RN, on a 5 week month I only have $950 after bills/daycare are paid. And $600 of that goes to gas and therapy alone.... once he’s in public school full time, esp if he is at my school or I can get someone to watch him for an hour if he ends up going to my hometown then I’ll have 2k to work with each month.

 

[shaescott]

Pretty sorry to hear your weekend was bleh and that you’re having financial issues. Happy late 4th! Wait do you guys actually do something for the 4th considering you’re not American? I wouldn’t expect Canadians to celebrate it lol. Or are you just saying it cuz you know me and Dobs are American and you’re being sweet lol

Dobs my temps have been back to normal since I got my period. Pretty sure my cervix isn’t high yet, I’ve been using a different toilet than usual in a cramped trailer bathroom so I can’t be sure, I’m feeling in a different position than usual, if that makes sense. But I may be approaching the fertile period considering I nearly cried today because I straight up told SO I want a baby right now and he shut it down, I mean he wasn’t mean at all, just said that we’re not financially ready and he doesn’t think he’s mature enough yet. I’m pretty sure no guy is truly mature enough to raise a kid but whatevs. But he’s right that it’s not the smartest move. I didn’t expect him to say yes, but it was worth a shot lol.

I can’t remember who DTSJ is?

I’m sorry about the money troubles, but I’m glad to hear that it’ll be better once he starts in public school full time.

AFM just got back from vacation in Maine. It honestly wasn’t a very relaxing vacation, it was 6 people cramped in a small camper, and even extrovert me needed some alone time by yesterday afternoon (I just put in ear plugs and took a nap lol, I felt better afterwards). Then on the last night the waterproofing over the beds started to fail and water was dripping through, the end of our bedding was soaked and I felt it drip on my head, so SO and I got to sleep on the couch thats back cushion comes down to make the other half of a very small bed. They expected this would be the last trip for the camper anyway, it had a lot of other issues that are too expensive to fix. On the bright side, we got to see a lumberjack show, explore a busy harbor town with lots of shops and cafes, climb a very steep mountain on a whim, stand by the (very cold) ocean, and drive around a national park seeing the beautiful landscapes.
I’m quite proud that I climbed the mountain so here’s a stock photo of what the side of it looks like so you can see how steep it was and just how terrifying the thought of slipping and falling was

And here’s a more zoomed out photo I took with the mountain in the distance, from the start point of the trail.

I saw it when we were entering the national park and was like “there’s no way I’d climb that” and about an hour later I was climbing it because turns out you don’t need any equipment, they have iron bars to grab on to and step on to help you up the tall rocks, and SO’s brother wanted to do it, so I was like “screw it” and I’m honestly so glad I did, it was super out of my comfort zone (especially since I’m afraid of heights) and I honestly rocked it. I honestly found it more scary looking at it from a distance than when I was on it. SO found it much more scary when he was actually doing it and realized he had not actually conquered his fear of heights I got a wood sign with the name of the mountain on it at a souvenir shop because I decided I deserved it lol.

 

[DobbyForever]

I assumed Pretty said it because of us lol. I celebrate everything, but I definitely very loudly and obnoxiously remind people that while I do love me some bbq and fireworks and drinking and Murica! In 1776 who was really free? Wasn’t my ancestors!

awww sorry about the baby fever. Hugs. Glad that at least the temps are regulated.

DTSJ is damaged. May have previously been referred to as New Guy? He texted again today and is blocked. I’m not here for that.

honestly I can still charge stuff. I’d be more upset if I had to stop his therapy because I had no way to pay for them.

those pics look so serene! I’m glad that you stepped out of your comfort zone! And sounds like lots of fun activities despite a few hiccups. And hey! I know you said this is the longest you’ve spent with them so yay relationship milestones!

 

[PrettyInInk42]

shae - No, we don't celebrate it. We have our own "birthday" on July 1st, but it was pretty subdued this year between Covid restrictions and all the dead native children they've been finding buried in unmarked graves at old residential schools.*
Sorry your vacay wasn't the greatest, but good for you for climbing the mountain even though you were scared.

Dobby - I feel you on being excited to get A into regular school to save money. I'm looking forward to that with Alex too. haha
When will you find out if your stepdad was able to get you a settlement?

*I know you guys have/had residential schools, but I dunno if things were run the same as they were here. What little I know is that back in the day, the government decided to take Native kids from their families and send them to schools to learn "how to fit into society better". i.e., lose all their culture, customs, traditions, and all that. They put the Catholic church in charge and it's all just really sad. Lots of physical assaults, sexual assaults (resulting in babies they literally threw into incinerators), psychological assaults, and literal murders of thousands of children. At the present time, they've searched 7 out of 504 schools and found 1505 children. The country is totally in mourning. -.-

AFM, the hits just keep on coming. Ordered a comforter set several days ago. Got a notification that it was delivered. SO went outside to collect it and it wasn't there. Contacted the seller and they said to wait a few days and if it hasn't arrived, contact them again either for a replacement or a refund.
In better news, I was able to get my 2nd shot appt moved from September 25 to this coming Saturday. And the daycare never called me about Matthew.
Also, can't remember who asked, but we have decided to do a pirate theme for Alex's BDay.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs fair enough re: the 4th. I think of it more as freedom from the British as a country aka independence rather than freedom for Americans in general. People of color were still slaves who couldn’t vote/had no rights and were literally considered 3/5 of a person, and women could be legally beaten and raped by their husbands, couldn’t vote, couldn’t have leadership roles, couldn’t even wear pants… I say this knowing full well that you’re a teacher and very aware of all of this anyway, my overall point was that the 4th is not about freedom for all Americans, it’s about freedom for America to become an independent country, and we really shouldn’t act like the 4th indicates general personal freedom.

Ah, New Guy. Okay, I’m pretty sure I know who you’re talking about now lol. Sorry he got all dramatic and had to be blocked.

Pretty I heard about the residential school thing on the news. So sad. Sorry to hear about the package. I’m glad your shot got moved up and that Matthew didn’t get sent home.

 

[shaescott]

WARNING super gross/insect

I think I may have just found a baby deer tick on my LABIA. I saw a tiny thing sticking out that wasn’t how it normally looked and I thought it was a speck of dirt or something and I went to scrape it off with my nail and it wouldn’t budge. I had to give it a good tug to get it off. It was so tiny it was hard to tell if it was actually a tick or just a scab or dirt or something, but I *thought* I saw tiny little legs. I should’ve kept it to look more closely later but I didn’t think of that and tossed it, it’s so tiny I’ll never find it. Now I’m debating calling my doctor in the AM to see if she wants me to take doxycycline. Also, I’m just super grossed out by the thought of a tick anywhere near my vagina.

ETA: I also woke up with a sore throat this morning and SO’s brother started developing a cold during the vacation so I’m worried I caught what he had. My cough has been worsening a bit throughout the day. If I’m sick for Monday I’m going to be super upset, I can’t miss orientation and I can’t go with cold symptoms, even if it’s not COVID. But honestly it’s hard to know because the vaccine isn’t 100% and SO’s brother didn’t get it.

 

[shaescott]

So my mom is having my NP call me in a dose of doxycycline to be safe. Also, I got paranoid about my symptoms and had a rapid COVID test done, thankfully I’m negative.

 

[DobbyForever]

Pretty omg wtaf?! That's crazy! So sad Re the settlement, I don't think the insurance company can settle anything until I'm done with physical therapy because whatever they pay has to take into consideration the pain and suffering and medical treatment. So it's gonna be a minute. And right?! Honestly makes me worried because if I don't have number 2 by the time I ship him to school, idk if I can convince myself to go back to financial stress.

bbl have a meeting thought I could finish before it started lol