i think my hormones have kicked back in, there is a programme i watch on tv called hospital 24/7 and its about the university hospital in Cardiff where i go. not sure if you guys get it or not, well anyways last year one of hannah's friends from school shelly passed away from cancer, she was only 16 and all the kids were pretty devastated, well i put this programme on tonight and shelly was on it and it was showing her the day she passed aaway and what her family have been through since, they only live down the road from us, well i know this sounds silly but i look at shelly and it must be an age thing but i can't help but recognise that teenage look i that makes any sense and my heart just breaks having a teenage daughter the same age, for a child to pass away from such a cruel illness is a terrible thing, i am sat here blubbering as i type and i don't know who i am crying for, is it for shelly? or is it for LM? like i said to matt, parents who have lost a child have a look in their eyes, something changes within them and they are never the same again, i see it on the pictures of me when i was holding LM and i just saw it in shelly's mothers eyes too. its like something inside shatters and it can never ever be fixed again and its that pain that you see, and if you have lost a child you can recognise it in other parents too, it breaks my heart that there is nothing we can do to stop this from happening. sorry for the morbid post but i needed to get that out as i am hurting. matt bless him took one look at me, knew what was coming and ran to the shower, pg hormones and grief are not a good combo lol.xx