Is The Decision To Have Only One Child Fair?

[xnmd1]

oh Lellow, you're full of debates today

i'm an only child! and i don't mind

i guess when i was about 3 years old my mom asked me if i'd like a brother or sister, and i apparently threw the biggest tantrum she has ever seen. so she said her and my dad decided to wait a couple more years, but when the time came she was 37 (had me when she was 32), and my dad was 42 .. and they decided they didn't want to try any more at their age.

i really had no issues growing up though . and being in OHs house and hearing how loud all his siblings are just gives me a headache.
i don't like being around lots of people all the time, i'm kind of glad i'm an only child.

I do want more than one kid though, i doubt my LO will be the only one.

oh .. i wasn't spoiled rotten either, i swear

 

[xnmd1]

OH and about 2 years ago, .. my mom came to me telling me she thought SHE was pregnant ... turns out it was just the change of life
she was actually horrified at the thought of being pregnant at 50 years old
i told her to buy some damn condoms!

 

[blinkybaby]

I was an only child and I would have liked a sibling in my later life to help me deal with the trials of losing my dad at such a young age, and now my mum is seriously ill, it is a lonely place at times without a brother or sister to talk to who knows exactly what you're going through. So if we can, I would like another child in a few years time.

I don't blame my parents though, I was a surprise pregnancy and my mum is still dealing with complications resulting from my birth 23 years later. She just couldn't have gone through another pregnancy even if she'd wanted to.

xxx

 

[mystika802]

I am an only child and I wish every day that I had siblings. I feel like I am missing out on a relationship you can't find somewhere....something unique. I dont have a great relationship with my parents which doesn't help at all, I have ALWAYS wished for a brother or sister. There is 7 years between my kids and although I LOVE the age gap I often feel like they will both grow up bored not having anyone to play with.
But mostly, in the end, when we are gone, our children need siblings to be there with them.
Not to say being an only child doesn't have some major benefits too, I didn't have to share anything with anyone, when my parents die there is no splitting things up or any of the crap that can come from that. My parents were very dedicated to me only.
When I was 9 my parents started fostering children, when they did that I got a taste of what it is like to have siblings and life got a lot less boring

 

[fluffpuffin]

why should it not be fair?? Kids can make friends and if they have no siblings they will likely be closer to their parents and confide more in them as they get older. It's nice to have siblings, but I don't agree it should be expected of the parents just to have more kids to provide siblings.

 

[ouchwithNo.2]

We had our first in 2004 and decided within a year or so that he would be our one and only.
Number of reasons really, I had a hideous birth, looking back now I reckon I had pnd which I somehow sorted out myself and financially we thought we could offer more to just one child back then. And no, I am not saying children need material stuff, they don't but it helps to be able to afford a child!
Mum kept telling me you cant just have one, he will become lonely, spoilt and a mummys boy. She is one of 6 so how would she know??
So, after 6yrs we decided time for another.
The only thing that swayed us was our sons decision.
He is a happy, confident, outgoing and bright 6yr old and we always keep him entertained at weekends and kids clubs in the summer holidays but he asked why he didnt have a brother or sister like his friends...
We talked about it and he said he really wanted one, we explained that with the age gap they wouldn't really be that close growing up but would be when they were older. That was fine.
Long story short he now has a 7mth old sister (thank god for a girl - think a boy would put his nose out of joint a bit having been daddys boy all those yrs) who he adores, really adores. I know he will always be there for her.
That is another thing, mum always said it isn't just childhood, perhaps when a a parent dies when they are older at least they have someone to share the emotions with who knows how it feels...point taken there.
Still, I think had we remained decided about no more children harry would still continue to be a lovely little boy.
With only kids I think it is important to fill their social life up with friends, clubs and hobbies x

 

[ouchwithNo.2]

I was an only child and I would have liked a sibling in my later life to help me deal with the trials of losing my dad at such a young age, and now my mum is seriously ill, it is a lonely place at times without a brother or sister to talk to who knows exactly what you're going through. So if we can, I would like another child in a few years time.

I don't blame my parents though, I was a surprise pregnancy and my mum is still dealing with complications resulting from my birth 23 years later. She just couldn't have gone through another pregnancy even if she'd wanted to.

xxx

this was exactly what my mum said and after my OH losing his dad this year and having the support of his brother I can understand why and him and his brother aren't even that close

 

[mystika802]

Its always obviously a personal decision and I see why some parents decide on just having one child. And I have friends that LOVE being only children.....I just did not.
I have a close friend, her and her husband are both only children and they think they might only want one child too.

 

[charlotte-xo]

I have a brother who is a constant pain in the arse i actually resent having a sibling lol.!!
joking aside Im only having alfie i dont want another child. He will never be lonely he has lots of cousins and they only live down the street so will always have someone to play with. Im also hoping he will have lots of friends once he starts school.

 

[I_AM_LIVID]

I grew up in a full house (one younger brother and three older step sisters who I absolutely adore. My poor brother, growing up amidst raging women). We fought, argued, yelled and screamed at each other over the most mundane stuff... but I hand on heart wouldn't have it any other way. We had lots of fun playing games in the house and even today when my siblings and I reminisce, we all agree that we had a fantastic childhood mainly because we had each other.

So, to answer your question... I don't think it is necessarily unfair on the child as such, but I think when sibling relationships work, it is an experience and bond like no other. And because of it, I always told myself I would have at least three if finances allowed it. I've lost one, I have two, I think it is safe to say I'm done (but feel free to ask me again in a couple of years. Things could change and I might be planning another).

Anyway, I'm used to a noisy house with us arguing over who should mop the floor in the bathroom after a messy bath together. I don't think my sanity will allow it any other way.

 

[ILoveShoes]

I'm an only child - I love(d) it! I'm very close to my mum and dad, and I when I was growing up, I didn't want for anything. I had lots of hobbies (and consequently lots of friends) and we lived in a nice house, and had nice things. My parents were not rich by any stretch of the imagination, but because there was only me, I never wanted for anything (not in a spoilt way!). It hasn't done me any harm either! I'm very personable, and get on well with most peoPle.
I'm glad I didn't have to share my parents with anyone!
I only want one baby aswell; I don't think it's possible for me to love anyone else as much as I love my DS. Plus, if we only have one, he can have whatever he wants. If we had more than one, we would struggle financially.
I hate the implication (not on here btw) that I'm mean for only wanting one child! The number of people who've said to me that "DS needs a playmate" is untrue! FIL actually said it to me 8 hours after I gave birth...!

 

[angelic_one]

I've decided that I'm only going to have one child...for a good long while at least, until Emily is a lot older, but I do still feel slightly guilty about it, my childhood would have been much worse without my brother and sister, and they're still my best friends to this day. I'm just going to make sure I do everything I can to make sure she has people to share her childhood with. My best friend from when I was little has a one year old and she's pregnant again, and my boyfriend's cousin has a baby a few weeks older than her! It's a good start!

 

[KittyVentura]

I have 4 siblings. We all have different dads and were raised by a single mum on benefits who really doesn't have a maternal bone in her body (and is a heavy drink and drug user). It would have been fairer on us all growing up if she'd only had one child. Having a shit mum didn't bring us closer, we all fought like cat and dog and are not close now. That said though, we were never encouraged to get along.

I think there's arguements either way but I don't think either is more or less fair. Depends on the parents and cirsumstances.

I will be having siblings for Fin however xx

 

[Lellow]

Personally i found giving birth really traumatising, its not somethin i discuss to be honest but it haunts me to this day...So as much as i really want more than one, the possibility is that i might just have Aymen and no more if these feelings dont simmer down in the next couple of yrs.

But who knows whats in store..

 

[lucy_x]

i wouldnt say it was unfair but i wouldnt want Amari growing up to be an only child.

But then I have siblings, how would i know how it feels to be an only child, hell i may have prefered it

 

[louandivy]

Although at the moment I reaaally am happy with one child, I just couldn't do that to Ivy. Maybe its because I grew up with such a big family and its an alien thought to me, but I think about how much fun I had with my sisters and I couldn't bear to think that Ivy will spend her childhood without a little buddy always there to gang up on me with When my dad died, it would have been a very lonely experience if it was just me and my mum, I would hate to think that would happen to Ivy when she's older. Obviously I don't think its the most terrible thing to do to a child, but for me, I would be very upset with myself if I didn't give Ivy siblings in the future.

 

[andbabymakes3]

I am an only child (well, I have two step sisters from my dads second wife but they only came into my life once I was in my 20's).

I loved being an only child. I had all the love, attention and time I could ever ask for and I never once wished I had a sibling.

The only time I felt 'alone' was when my mum died, purely because her husband at the time was an absolute arse and didn't do anything - so I had to organise the funeral and everything that goes with it, which I found hard. And when I was in the most raw stage of grief, having someone there who was experiencing the same might have made things a bit easier.

My step sisters fight ALL the time. They are 42 and 37 respectively. FOB and his sister haven't spoken for almost 2 years. They are 35 and 39. Quite frankly, the thought of having to deal with that kind of crap at my age is a bit tiring

There is nothing unfair about only having one. I was a very happy only child, Holly will be a very happy only child.

 

[XfairyhopesX]

No, i have a brother who i played with, and are still v v good friends with, i have a mother who was an only child and HATED it. She was lonely jealous of friends with bros and siss, she said to me i had to make her a promise i would never have an only one (under certain circinstances mabe unavoidable obv) but i wouldnt ever only want one, i think siblings playing tog looking out for each oth is lush xxx

 

[bbyno1]

I would love another child and i would love Aliyah to have a little brother or sister. I have one sister and we arnt that close but i know if i need someone to talk to i can go to her.
She made my younger days so much fun and i loved having someone to play with 24.7 x

 

[Seity]

I think it would be very unfair to have a baby you don't want just for the sake of a sibling.