Is The Decision To Have Only One Child Fair?

[xnmd1]

I think it would be very unfair to have a baby you don't want just for the sake of a sibling.

excellent point

 

[AP]

Some people cant. Some people wont because of previous experiences.
I dont think its unfair at all. When Alex was born and after everything we were told, I honestly thought we would never be able to chance having another baby

 

[bubbles123]

Yes. Every baby should be wanted and if you just want one you just want one. It's not selfish at all. My brother tormented me throughout my childhood. He's OK now he's in his 20's but I wouldn't have missed him when I was younger! So not all families and siblings get on anyway. My hubby has 3 sisters and only speaks to one now. So having lots of siblings is no guarantee of a close family.

 

[Mrs Mayhem]

I have a brother who I adore, as kids we would fight and stuff but now we are quite close.
I'd like LO to have a brother or sister at some time in the near future, but am yet to talk hubby in to it but it won't be just so LO can have a sibling, I just always wanted two children.

 

[Kitten-B]

I'm an only child and have always hated it. Have no first cousins either so I never really had anyone to play with on Christmases etc growing up

Didn't know any difference but I really really always wanted a brother or a sister. Hate the idea that i'll have no family once the generation above is gone. Obviously now I have my own family but it's not quite the same thing.

Even though I've had some moments of doubt as LO is such hard work and I have no idea how we can afford another, we will definitely be trying for two!

x

 

[DivaSatanica]

I'm an only child. I do have half-siblings, but I live in Canada and they live in N.Ireland with our dad.....so there isn't a typical sibling relationship.

I hated it. Surrounded by adults all the time, I didn't relate to children my own age. My mum was a single mum, so working a lot and no money to get me involved in activities to help with the social issues. Christmas morning opening presents, Easter morning egg hunts......were all done alone. Of course my mum and grandparents were there, but no other children.....no camaraderie between siblings.

As an adult, my mum and step dad moved to the other side of the country, so I'm alone really. I have an aunt.....but its not the same. After my first child was born, my husband at the time said he wasn't sure he wanted another. I told him I'd divorce him unless we had at least one more.

I completely understand that there are many reasons that someone may have for only wanting one child. I'm not disputing those reasons at all I'm simply giving my experiences.

 

[Tacey]

I'm an only one, and while I don't hate it, I still think about siblings I could have had, and what my life would be like if I had them. Perhaps selfishly, the idea that I am solely responsible when my parents get older is scary. It will no doubt be difficult when they die to have nobody to reminisce about my childhood with. I know that I want Alice to have siblings.

Having said all that, I don't think my parents were being 'unfair' to me. They just chose a different path. Who's to say it wasn't the best one for me? We al try to do what is best for our families as a whole.

 

[babyblog]

I don't think it 'unfair' to have one child. The child will hardly suffer dire conseuqences as a result and many siblings grow up hating each other. I think other factors are more important-does a family have enough money to have a second, does the family have enough time to spend with more than one.Surely that's more important?

 

[MissRhead]

I have 1 half brother who is 5 years older than me. And he made my childhood hell, and tbh I wish I was an only child. I know that might sound horrible but that's my thoughts. I obviously know not everyone feels this way but under the circumstances that's a nice way of putting it! I'd love to have another baby one day but I don't think I will because I don't want kameron having a sibling. x

 

[sarahxx]

i would have hated to have been an only child. when i was younger i was really close to my little brother and when i got a bit older i got really close to my older sister. there was a time when i didn't get on with either of them and would have loved to have been an only child, but looking back now i know i would have had a very lonely childhood without them. However, I do think anyone can make their own decision and i don't think that it would be selfish to only have one child. especially for children with cousins close to them in age, they have all the interaction and learn to share with them so they do not necessarily miss out on anything. I do think it's selfish when people say they won't have another baby 'because they could never love them as much,' that's such an odd idea, how could you not have enough love for more than one baby?

 

[LankyDoodle]

Some may not think it is fair to plan for an only child; but I think it is unfair to plan for more than one child when you don't have the resources to support more than one comfortably. If people thought more carefully about whether they can comfortably support the children they have, half the problems I deal with through my work, probably would not exist! I also think it's a bit unfortunate to say that only chn will suffer as there are people who physically cannot have more than one child, however much they long for that second child; how must that make them feel?

So it is a case of individual circumstances. If you can comfortably support another child, then yes I believe a child will benefit from having siblings; if you cannot support more than one child comfortably then no, they will not. I also think it's about the efforts people go to, to socialise their chn, regardless of sibling status, that matters.

 

[XfairyhopesX]

Jut because some chilldhoods have been unhappy siblingwise doesnt mean that your LO will be the same situation they could be v v loving, sharing xmas's etc etc me and my bro fell out all the time you just grow out of it xx

 

[Lost_Plot]

I think the grass is always greener no matter which side of the fence you're on.

I'm one of 4 and the eldest I didn't get on with my family that well until I moved out at 19 we get on well now as I'm 60 odd miles away. Living at home was extremely claustrophobic. However I'm sure if I'd been an only child I'd have wished for a sibling.

 

[xolily]

i was an only child until the age of 15 and it suited me just fine.. there is 15 years between me and my sister and 18 years between me and my brother so i can't see us ever being close don't get me wrong i love them to bits but it's never gonna be a kind of support network. then again, my whole family are really close, cousins, grandparents, aunties, uncles.. and i'm extremely close to my mum aswell. xx

 

[Lyndz]

I was an only child till my mum had my half sister when i was 13, so i spent my childhood alone. I really wanted a sibling and i do feel like i missed out. I couldn't have just one child, i wouldn't want Bella to feel lonely like i did.

 

[marie73]

I'm an only child and have been helped enormously by my parents over the years. I was never spoilt as my mom and dad always instilled a sense of value in me but there is no doubt that I would not have been as fortunate with the help they have given if I had a sibling. As a child I had several close friends who were also only children so I never felt I missed out but as I've got older I've wished that I had a sibling just to share difficult things with i.e. when my dad was unwell I would have appreciated support at that time for my parents and myself. I also agree with some of the posts that there can be an awful lot of pressure placed on an only child to achieve and I expereinced that to some degree. I feel very strongly that I want a brother or sister for my lo as she has no cousins close in age etc. but that's not the only reason - I can't imagine not having another baby in the future.

 

[XfairyhopesX]

thats exactly how my mum was when she lost her dad at 56 (she was 30) she felt noone understood and she had noone to share it with xx

 

[Novemberbabe]

I don't see it as unfair. Some siblings grow up despising each other. Just because you're siblings doesn't mean it'll be all happy families.

Surely you can't miss what you've never had, therefore growing up as an only child you don't know anything different. I know plenty of only children who are very happy and don't want or need a sibling.

 

[aob1013]

I don't see it as unfair. Some siblings grow up despising each other. Just because you're siblings doesn't mean it'll be all happy families.

Surely you can't miss what you've never had, therefore growing up as an only child you don't know anything different. I know plenty of only children who are very happy and don't want or need a sibling.

This ^

I don't think it's unfair at all, some siblings bloody hate each other.

 

[OmarsMum]

I have 3 younger brothers but I never felt like having siblings. They'r added responsibility to me. I've never been close to my eldest brother who's 18 months younger than me, my other brothers are 8 & 15 years younger than me & I feel like I'm their mother not a sister. My brothers were also not so close when they were younger & they didnt do much together when they were kids because of the age differences.

I feel like that too. He is 8 and i'm 21. When i go home to my mums we never 'play'. I'm more interested in how he is doing at school, helping with his homework, what his friends are like etc... I worry about him more I think cos of the age gap. when my mum tells me things like someone has been horrible to him/leaving him out etc... i get so angry and upset like a mother would.

I wouldn't have it any other way though. i love him to bits x

I also love my brothers, I'm 32. the youngest two( 25 & 17) are living with us. They are great with Omar, but they'r sooo dependant on me. Even my 30 yrs old brother who's married with a baby still depends on me. His wife considers me as her sister as she doesnt have sisters & I really like her. She's 6 years younger than me & she's very close to me.

I want a brother or a sister for Omar, but I'm emotionally not ready because of my birth experience. This is why I honestly dont know if we'r having another one. We were planning for 3 before having Omar, but now both of us are not sure.