Is there anyone who is in there 40's ttc?

[lillyJ]

Hi lillyJ please don't apologise this is wonderful news congratulations

thankyou MrsP, Minimin and everyone I am ok


Madeline xx

awwww thankyou Madeline xx

 

[Garnet]

I'm 42 and expecting my fourth baby... i waited 11 years to try for this baby and wouldn't change my decision for anything

Wow congrats ,did u take any supplements or do u have any tips ?

Thankyouuuu i had been taking the pill since my youngest son was born, and stopped taking it in July last year... i think being on the pill so long made my periods regular and gave me a predictable 28 day cycle, so i started taking my temperature every morning and charting that and i also bought ovulation testing strips... apart from that i didn't do anything & else by the end of October i fell pregnant after only 2 regular periods i was overjoyed and amazed to find out i was actually pregnant in November

Congrats, we like to hear success story. Keeps us going for the baby goal.

 

[Tititimes2]

Madeline- I am so so sorry

 

[Madeline]

thks tititimes2

i hope you are doing well

no change here no sign of this mc yet.......

Madeline xxx

 

[lunamoona]

hi garnet, desperado, buttterfly, never2late,deco

thks so much for sharing your experiences w me i know it is very personal. I was in my 6th week so hopefully it will be just a heavy period. Butterfly I am so sorry you had to go through such a painful experience,I feel I can be braver somehow knowing that you made it through and kept trying thank you I am so sorry you had to have a D&C never2late. I can't believe you went through it twice at 10 wks Garnet you are awesome.

I hope i get some warning signs before it happens I guess I should carry something around with me.

Fingers crossed the soy will do it this month Desperado

Madeline xxx

So sorry you are going through this

I don't post much but have recently gone through the same thing and I was very fearful of what to expect. I was 6+5 and for me it was just like a period with some extra clots, no more painful and bleeding from start to finish was 7 days. I did pass something that looked like a small sac around the size of a large pea ( I couldn't help but look for it).

My next AF was only about 3 days later than usual but was the same as it usually is. Ever since I have had mild but noticable twinges from my ovaries, but my scan showed that they looked fine.

All the best

 

[Madeline]

Hi lunmoona thankyou for sharing this personal experience with me. I am so sorry for your loss I am apprehensive but I know it will pass. I just wish it would be over. Y2 days ago my progesterone levels were 42 and I am not sure how low they have to get for this whole thing to start or how long that will take. I am really keen to move on and start trying again. I may feel differently after it happens I guess just wait and see..

Madeline xx

 

[Garnet]

Madeline,
If it does not pass within the next two weeks, I would see a DR. Because of infection. Some women don't pass it naturally. You may need to take a pill to help you pass the fetus. My friend's body would no pass so she needed medical intervention. Best wishes.

 

[Madeline]

thks garnet i didn't know that..I will make sure i get in touch w my gyno next week to discuss options if the mc doesn't happen soon.

Madeline xxx

 

[EastCoastGal]

Hi Ladies,

Please forgive me for jumping in, and if this is not the right place let me know, but I am curious about your husbands/partners/etc. I am 33, but Dh is 44 and we've just had our second m/c in a very short span and of course I consulted the internet and scared myself about all the problems that can happend when the father is over 40 (including higher rates of miscarriage). Has this been identified as a problem for any of you? For those that have had children in your late 30s/early 40s, how old was the father?

Thanks in advance.

Oh, and to add a positive story with you all, my boss delivered twins (no fertility assistance) last year at the age of 42 (cusp of 43 as she likes to say). The girls are now a year old and doing beautifully. Good luck and God bless to all.

 

[Madeline]

hi eastcoastgal my partner is 43 and his sperm test result was fantastic. So far no negative comment from the gyno on his sperm.

I am sorry for your loss.

I am expecting my first mc atm and I have been thinking about the issue of genetic abnormality and reading about it myself...at least on the facts it seems that very very few successful conceptions which harbour genetic abnormalities escape the bodies notice in the first 12 weeks. if the mc is 6 weeks or earlier then the view seems to be random genetic error and could happen to anyone. 7 - 12 weeks mc age is identified as a factor with 30% the sperms responsibility. However for approximately 40% of mc's during this time there is no solid evidentiary explanation. For 60% of mc's during this time evidence suggests chromosomal abnormality where age is a factor. The methods for determining causes of miscarriage are still primitive though.

What I have read suggests that at least 1 mc should be seen by women in their reproductive lives as just part of the reproductive process. I don't know though... I am struggling w this experience perhaps I will feel differently when it is over.

I hope you are successful soon Certainly the odds are they say in your favour now

Madeline xxx

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[Madeline]

hi everyone

Here are some quotes on fertility and age I thought you could find interesting ;

"According to Dr. Kutluk Oktay, a reproductive endocrinologist at New York Medical College-Westchester Medical Center, who studies fertility preservation and diminished egg reserve, the rates of “spontaneous pregnancy” might actually be higher, since lower stats are often influenced by studies with women experiencing fertility problems. A healthy 43-year-old woman could expect her chances of conceiving naturally to be closer to 3 to 5 percent during a given cycle, he argues."

"Dr. Richard Paulson, a fertility specialist at the University of Southern California Medical School, agreed there was a lack of data of natural conception for fertile women over 40. He said he’d heard so many anecdotes about 43-year-old women getting pregnant on their own that he estimated the number could be much higher."

"The second factor is that such statistics are averages. They might include the woman who underwent premature menopause in her mid-30s as well as Fertile Myrtle who reproduced well into her 40s. Every woman is different, and she should never rely on these figures to make important fertility decisions. Paulson says “... we just don’t know how many 43-year-olds are getting pregnant naturally in the privacy of their own bedrooms.” ( "Reille Hunter Beat the Odds" by Sarah Elizabeth Richards Health & Science 2009)

There is so much negative generalisation online re women's fertility in the 30's and forties I thought it was important to point out that they just don't have the research to back it up and further that many of the comments come from fertility specialists engaged in IVF who arguable have a conflict of interest on this issue.

I wonder myself how different this experience of TTC would be if we were allowed to approach it as though it was perfectly natural and we could be as relaxed about it as anyone else....


Madeline xxx

 

[Jax41]

Nice reading Madeline, thank you

Just goes to show we should stick up a finger up to the stats bodz, bc in reality they don't have a clue!!

 

[Garnet]

Yes there are women out there getting pregnant in their 40,s. Duh.. if I were a OB that is where I would specialize in.

 

[Madeline]

you know I think the gyno I have is like that. While she gave me the standard stats, she was seemed to turn her nose up at them. She was more interested in our particular situation. I think this is how they should all operate rather then on the basis of gross generalisations for which they have no solid research.

The media runs with it and then it becomes a fact. The other day one of my closest friends said " well it is a miracle that you got pregnant isn't it?' he is gay btw, I only mention this because it is the kind of thing a thoughtless queen would say lol I said with a totally straight face - "no, it would be a miracle if you got pregnant' lol


Madeline xxx

 

[Desperado167]

you know I think the gyno I have is like that. While she gave me the standard stats, she was seemed to turn her nose up at them. She was more interested in our particular situation. I think this is how they should all operate rather then on the basis of gross generalisations for which they have no solid research.

The media runs with it and then it becomes a fact. The other day one of my closest friends said " well it is a miracle that you got pregnant isn't it?' he is gay btw, I only mention this because it is the kind of thing a thoughtless queen would say lol I said with a totally straight face - "no, it would be a miracle if you got pregnant' lol


Madeline xxx

Perfect response

 

[malagueta]

you know I think the gyno I have is like that. While she gave me the standard stats, she was seemed to turn her nose up at them. She was more interested in our particular situation. I think this is how they should all operate rather then on the basis of gross generalisations for which they have no solid research.

The media runs with it and then it becomes a fact. The other day one of my closest friends said " well it is a miracle that you got pregnant isn't it?' he is gay btw, I only mention this because it is the kind of thing a thoughtless queen would say lol I said with a totally straight face - "no, it would be a miracle if you got pregnant' lol


Madeline xxx

Perfect response

Thanks for the post Madeline and agree, perfect reply to a not so sensitive question...!

I think there are just a lot of preconceptions out there not backed by robust data, about women over 40 TTC. When I last saw my gyno couple of weeks ago he started to suggest that the 'safest' way for me to go about it (since I am 40 in October aka old??) is to (if I reaaaally want) to TTC naturally for a max of 6 months and then go for assisted reproduction methods. This was his conclusion and just like that, without even having a clear picture of my fertility (given that I have a cyst on my ovary and according to him until that goes away I won't have clear hormonal results). My reaction? I pulled a face and told him that I was more than comfortable waiting for 6 months and that I thought that conceiving naturally was not as difficult as he tried to portray it!

I did not tell him this but my grandmother got pregnant when she was 45 and I am pretty sure that if everyone looks at his /her own family will find similar stories of women conceiving and giving birth to perfectly healthy children in their 40s. Isn't it? So yes, science simply does not know about how many women are actually out there pregnant and deliverying babies despite decreased fertlilty after 35..!

Have a good weekend everyone !

xxx

 

[Spoomie]

Hi again ladies, been lurking but not posting for a while. Madeline, very interesting discussion.

I have mentioned several times over the months that I actually believe our grandmothers' generation was, in some ways, far better placed for conception later in life. I think it was quite commonplace 50-60-70 (!) years ago for women in their forties to be pregnant, the only difference is it was most probably their 5th+ child, while for most of us it is not. They seemed far better at conceiving up to the menopause! They were blissfully ignorant of the stats with which we are constantly bombarded which tell us that it is a virtual impossibility and, in truth, they were undoubtedly NOT trying as hard as we are to get pregnant and were therefore not stressing about it in the same way with temping, OPKing, CBFMing, softcupping etc etc (!!!) (gggrrr, how we hate that old 'Relax and it will happen....' chestnut!).

HOWEVER, the 3-5% is still salutary and backed up by my own expereince; I fell pregnant with relative ease at 39 (after 2 previous mcs followed by a concerted 6 months of focused 'trying') to go on and deliver my DS at 40. I was last pregnant at 42 after about 10/12 months of very specific and targetted bd but alas that pregnancy ended in a 12+ week mc and since then we have tried in vain for 17 months at the now ripe old age of (just!) 44. It is with a heavy heart that I now acknowledge the boat has sailed without me, but the point I'm making is that I was described after my last loss as 'obviously very fertile' by my Dr to have been pregnant four times in my life (despite the fact I have just one beautiful son, clumsy to have lost so many babies!) and my history demonstrates that it is indeed increasingly difficult to catch the golden egg. Regardless, I hope that many of you manage to do just that xxx

 

[Garnet]

Hi again ladies, been lurking but not posting for a while. Madeline, very interesting discussion.

I have mentioned several times over the months that I actually believe our grandmothers' generation was, in some ways, far better placed for conception later in life. I think it was quite commonplace 50-60-70 (!) years ago for women in their forties to be pregnant, the only difference is it was most probably their 5th+ child, while for most of us it is not. They seemed far better at conceiving up to the menopause! They were blissfully ignorant of the stats with which we are constantly bombarded which tell us that it is a virtual impossibility and, in truth, they were undoubtedly NOT trying as hard as we are to get pregnant and were therefore not stressing about it in the same way with temping, OPKing, CBFMing, softcupping etc etc (!!!) (gggrrr, how we hate that old 'Relax and it will happen....' chestnut!).

HOWEVER, the 3-5% is still salutary and backed up by my own expereince; I fell pregnant with relative ease at 39 (after 2 previous mcs followed by a concerted 6 months of focused 'trying') to go on and deliver my DS at 40. I was last pregnant at 42 after about 10/12 months of very specific and targetted bd but alas that pregnancy ended in a 12+ week mc and since then we have tried in vain for 17 months at the now ripe old age of (just!) 44. It is with a heavy heart that I now acknowledge the boat has sailed without me, but the point I'm making is that I was described after my last loss as 'obviously very fertile' by my Dr to have been pregnant four times in my life (despite the fact I have just one beautiful son, clumsy to have lost so many babies!) and my history demonstrates that it is indeed increasingly difficult to catch the golden egg. Regardless, I hope that many of you manage to do just that xxx

Yes some of us can get pregnant but to have healthy pregnancy is a diiferent story huh. Hopefully one of us succeeds in this thread. This is my hope for everyone.

 

[Madeline]

Hi malagueta the more I read about what lies behind the statistics routinely quoted about fertility in 30's and 40's the clearer it becomes they are speculative guesses. Conception and pregnancy to term is a complex process with inbuilt failures. While age is a factor it is one of many and the absolute effect of age on fertility is recognised as small.

I think we should each treat this as an individual journey and take it one step at a time. I think this is what I am going to do. My first attempt has resulted in a mc and all the evidence indicates that this is a normal part of reproductive life. So we will try again and reassess as we go.

Hi Spoomie sorry for your losses

Hi Garnet we will keep trying and we will succeed

more then anything I think it is important to go with the flow and not focus too heavily on statistics just take care of ourselves, eat healthy and exercise and think positively and optimistically and have fun trying

Madeline xxx

 

[Donna210369]

Hi ladies, sorry not posted for a while, have felt so low after losing our baby girl to Edwards syndrome (3rd mc in a row). But was interested to read Madeline's piece about fertility stats and wanted to write.

I have always been healthy and 'fertile'. At 23 I got pg within approx 2 days of coming off the pill. At 38 I got pg within 6 months even though dh was away at the crucial time for prob half of them. Both these resulted in healthy pg's.

I'm now 43 and have had just had another v early mc/ chemical pg this week. I have now fallen pg 4 times in 16 months but all of these have resulted in mc. I am sure its my age and that these are hard boiled eggs, but am quite sure there is the elusive 'golden egg' in there somewhere and am not prepared to give up yet.

No one except the fertility clinic have ever referred to my age as a problem. My mw at last booking in appointment told me I was not old, she had booked a lady in who was 52 and it was natural pg! The fertility clinic have always scared me regarding my age, but then they see ladies who go to them who have obviously got a fertility problem, they dont see all the women in their 40's who have got pg naturally with no problems. In a way I wish I'd never gone to them because it has just made me paranoid now but dh and I aren't going to give up yet.

We are considering donor eggs but at least it's an option for the future should the natural process not work out. A friend at work has just had a baby at 44 naturally, so it does happen. I work in a hospital and almost all of the staff I have spoken to about my situation tells me of someone they know who was older than me when they had healthy baby, so keep on going girls and thanks Madeline, all these things are encouraging xx