It's really not that bad! I swear!

[JackiePed]

Dear New Moms:
I've decided to write you this letter as you near your EDD in order to dispel the ugly rumor that having your baby is going to make you fall apart and turn into a crazy woman.

This simply isn't a fact. Occasionally, it happens, and nobody should feel badly for that. I'm not saying it can't. There are, of course, circumstances like PND that make what I'm about to say untrue...and I'm not discounting that.

But for the MOST part....

When people tell you you'll never have any time with OH anymore... NOT TRUE. My husband and I have two kids, ages 4 and 5, and we still don't feel like we 'don't get our time'. Our children have always had normal bedtimes, we take time for date-nights... we feel just as connected as we always have.

When people tell you you'll be a crazy-woman with no sleep.... NOT (necessarily) TRUE. Your sleep will be interrupted by baby. If you're lucky, it will be a few times a night. If you're unlucky, it will a few times a night x10 But... your body will adapt. You will fall back asleep. You will have nights where you're frustrated and don't want to wake up... but you're not doomed to walk around a zombie. You find ways to make it work. Take naps when LO does until they are no longer waking up so often, etc...

When people tell you it's impossible to get out of the house.... NOT TRUE. Have a diaper bag filled at night and ready to go. Give yourself extra time. But yes, you can get out of the house. And yes, once you're out of the house, you can enjoy yourself. And you will. I took my first LO everywhere with me.

I guess....Just take people's well-meaning 'advice' with a grain of salt. Having a baby does not have to turn your life upside down. It does not have to be a time in life where you 'grin and bear it' as the 'ultimate sacrifice of a mom'.

Having a newborn was one of the most peaceful times in our life...both times so far... EVEN with a colicky 2nd baby and a 15 month old who needed us, too.

Get ready for the best time of your life...

Jackie

ETA: P.s. When people tell you "You'll never have your body back...it's just part of the sacrifice.. but it's alllllll worth it for your LO...."... well, I want to smack them. Pregnancy is hard on your body. Yes. And at first, it won't look the same. And it will (unless you're one of the blessed, blessed lucky ones) take some work to bring it back to a body that you feel good about. But if you're unhappy with your body after baby, some hard work will bring it back. I swear. You won't even notice your faded stretchmarks... they just become something that's there... they fade... and if you eat right and work out, you can look just as hot as you want to-- if that's something that is worrying you.

 

[Amy31]

Thanks for that. It is good to hear the positive. At our antenatal class a mum came in with 10 week old baby and gave a really positive experience of labour, breast feeding, being a mum etc. She looked great and I really appreciated someone telling us the good points of being a mum.

 

[Mamoosca]

This is a great thread. I'm sick of people butting in and trying to put a downer on the birth of our first baby.

All I hear is 'you'll never get any sleep', 'you won't have time to do anything you enjoy', 'you'll wish you were back at work' blah blah.

 

[NicolaWynne]

Yep it cracks me up when you hear people like "OMG your NEVER going to sleep again" or "OMG you will be skint for the rest of your life!!!!!" or "OMG your life is over"

I just think wtf? Seriously? If that was true the human race would be extinct by now. And if it really is so terrible, why the hell do we reproduce? Sometimes more than once in our lives?

Especially when you hear it coming from someone who has children, it makes me think, wow, you resent your child so much, you make me feel sick...

 

[Sini]

Lovely post I get a lot of "your life is ruined" comments, but I just ignore them. Life is what you make of it - kids or no kids!

 

[lisa1980]

Hah - I've literally just posted in another thread about how I've suddenly got all scared this week but this has made me feel SO much better.

Honestly, it's so rare to have someone tell you something positive about having a newborn - all I ever get is the old 'you'll never sleep/wash/relax/enjoy life/see your husband again' routine

Thanks SO much for this - very reassuring for a nervous first-timer

Lisa x

 

[JackiePed]

Yeah, I'm not really sure why people like to paint it in such a negative light. I mean, I'm not saying that my babies were robot-Stepford-babies... esPECIALLY not my second one...but you just.....deal. And they're so sweet, you don't dwell on it.
I remember frustrated nights, but I don't remember it taking over my life. I guess I saw those things, like my son being colicky for the first 4 months... as isolated parts of a whole. Sure...it totally sucked when screamed in my ear and wouldn't sleep... but those were snapshots out of an entire life with a sweet new little guy in our family.

Sure, hubby and I got ermm... 'interrupted' from time to time... but again.. snapshots. Not our whole life.

 

[NicolaWynne]

I think one of the worst was last time i was pregnant, this girl in my office (who for the record was an absolute weirdo) was like "OMG your going to HATE being pregnant, your gonna get SO huge and uncomfortable" I was like yeah and...? Thats pretty much tough, if you want a baby you have to go through with that...

I can remember feeling so embarrased for her thinking, if some poor woman who had fertility problems/couldnt have children, actually heard what she was saying, she probably would have had a slap across the chops!

 

[JackiePed]

Good point Nicola! And it's true.... I pretty much dread pregnancy...but hey-- it's what I have to do to get that little sweetie.

 

[leigh5tom]

I can count loads of people who have told me allthe negative stuff, like being always tired, depressed, no time or OH etc etc and then this one nice lady asked me when I was due and said 'your life is going to really start in February, congratulations you'll love it' and it really was so nice to hear :') thank you for this post Jackie xxxx

 

[JackiePed]

^^ Awww. Leigh... more people need to say that to us. What a nice thing for her to say! And it's very true!

 

[Pielette]

What a lovely thread and I agree completely. My beautiful boy is 2 weeks old and he's the best thing that ever happened to us!
Yes we're tired, of course we are, but we help each other out and I think Noah is starting to stay a bit more awake during the day than the night. We're still getting time as a couple, we snuggle up in bed while he's asleep and I'm pretty sure certain aspects of our life will come back rather soon (without wishing to give too much information!).
I hate it when people say your life will be over. It won't and it isn't for us! It's a huge change and you have to adapt, but it is amazing and I wouldn't change it for the world. And I'd go so far as to say that now that I have a baby with my husband, I am more attracted to him and more in love with him than ever. EVER. There is nothing as incredible as the bond you get when you create a life. My little one is the spitting image of his dad and when they were both snoozing this morning in exactly the same pose, I have never felt so blessed in my entire life.

 

[aley28]

One of my Facebook friends posted a while back about having 'baby fever'. Almost every last one of the comments on the post were of the nature, "Naw, enjoy being childless while you can. Once you have a baby, you forget what its like to shower alone." And, "But why would you want a baby when you can sleep through the night right now without one?" And, "I haven't eaten a warm dinner since I had a child. I can't believe people actually want this."

In my experience?

My husband and I have plenty of time together. Our sex life resumed at its normal pace at 6 weeks postpartum. I get plenty of sleep (when I'm not pregnant) and have done since DS was like 6 months old. My house is actually cleaner since having a child than it ever was before. I showered alone until recently, when I needed to squeeze every last second of sleep out of the night that I could and stopped getting up before my son.

It feels WEIRD when I go out without my son. As soon as I get out of a car, I open the back door of the car to unload him from his car seat. When he's not there, I feel empty. He and I go out a lot (or we did, when I could drive comfortably ).

Anybody who tries to convince you that having a child will ruin your life... needs to be smacked and forced to say that in front of their children, in my opinion. If those people don't appreciate their babies, I can think of a hundred other women/couples who would GLADLY take over their "suffering".

In the first couple of weeks, yes, you're going to be tired. Babies don't sleep for very long at a time. Your routine gets disrupted. But, as I recall with DS, by the time he was 2 or 3 weeks old, I was adjusting pretty well to the interrupted nights and the sleep deprivation fog started to lift. Yes, I ate quite a lot of my dinners cold at first... but once I learned how to feed him with one arm and eat with my other, I did just fine. And I never resented him for that... my baby's need to eat was ALWAYS more important than my desire for sleep, food, or a long hot shower. It still is.

Becoming a parent really is the best thing that has ever happened to me. People who feel otherwise are ungrateful, sad, little people.

 

[JackiePed]

Pielette... I felt that way too, about my husband... I was surprised at how much closer we became, rather than the opposite. Pregnancy had been hard on us, as intimacy became a sticky topic, and we were both hurt and frustrated as the pregnancy went on. I was terrified we'd need counseling or something, and thought "Everyone tells me it'll be WORSE when baby comes!! " I wondered if I had married the wrong man, even.

But it wasn't. A peace washed over us... a different purpose... and suddenly the little things didn't feel so big anymore. and I was crazy about him. (Still am ) Having two toddlers at once (they're only 15 months apart) WAS a bit chaotic for awhile... but it was short-lived. They grew out of that phase quickly enough to make us think we can handle another one now

 

[lollipop92]

Thanks for this post, it's nice to hear these positive things coming from someone who has been there, done that and got the t-shirt! I didn't truly believe it could be all that bad as people say in most cases but it's nice to be reassured anyhow, thank you! xx

 

[pumpkin613]

Thanks for this! I hear a lot of negative comments about how I'll never sleep, eat, have any time for hubby and I or how I will be tied down to a couch holding and feeding my child. I chose this knowing that sure, I'll get a little or a lot less sleep, my meals might not be piping hot, but I will eat, my relationship with my husband won't be all naughty all the time, but I'm not going to suffer and neither will he. We went into this with our eyes wide open, and I'm really upset about the negative stigma that comes along with having kids! How is it that they are "such a joy" but yet "such a huge pain in the ass"?!?! I can't wait to meet my little man! Honestly, I haven't slept well in over 4 whole months, so at this point I'm thinking "bring it on!!!" At least I'll be able to roll over without very literally waking up hubby to beg him to roll me over to my other side or taking 10 minutes to crawl out of bed in the morning!! I have friends who say their sleeping patterns were worse when they were pregnant than when they had their babies. I hope I'm that lucky.

I chose to be a mommy! Sure I feel like a huge hypocrite sometimes complaining about how uncomfortable I am during pregnancy, because I wanted to be pregnant so bad. But if this is what it takes to get my little one, so be it!! I'll be uncomfortable, as long as I know he's safe! I just could never look at my child as something that is just another obligation that deters me from having my own life.

 

[jewelia]

Thank you!

 

[ashlee23]

so glad uve posted this, all ive heard is how i wont have time to do anything n will never be myself again due to lack of sleep.
posted on my fb about lookin forward to wen i can go back gym n dance classes (im still workin out but not to same extent) and got about twenty replies tellin me how il be Too tired to every go again and that it wont matter anyway cos il never get my figure/tummy back etc etc. felt so depressed xxx

 

[JackiePed]

Argh. Ashlee don't listen to them, that is NOT true!!
I don't know if people say that to make themselves feel better because they aren't ready to get back in shape... or if everyone just seems to buy into that stigma, but it's NOT true!!

When I finally decided to get back in shape, I did it in three months. No, not three months after having my baby... it took me a few years to decide I needed to get serious. But once I decided to do it, I started in JAn and reached my goal in April (and promptly got pregnant the following week! )

This is embarrassing, because the first picture is pretty bad... but here's living proof... this was after two kids, and working full time. And.. you can see from my first pic... pregnancy hadn't been kind to my body (nor had I... apparently!) so I didn't start off like some of those lucky girls who just 'get their body back' magically.

 

[FM_DJ]

I love you Jackie! Thank you so much for the encouragement. It helps hearing good things.