Life after Loss Support Group........All Welcome :)

[Andypanda6570]

I'm sorry Kiki that you have been having a rough time. You are absolutley right. YOu need to fix you first and it is only a 30 day supply so hopefully you will be back on the ttc train in no time. Fancy sharing a pill with me? I fancy feeling spaced at and mellow. lol

I have never heard the orgasm theory Kam. I must google it now. Have you got your house sorted? I don't know about the swollen hands thing.

Thanks Jojo. Stop poking the boobs. lol

Hey Mhazzab- I hope the move went well. It can be such a stressful thing. Yay for broadband. Hows you and that little rainbow doing?

Hey Amanda, yes we are going to continue trying this month. Just praying for it to happen and for everything to be ok. I'm a wee bit confused though. OPKs have been negative and I had ewcm at CD11 and 15 and then this morning I kept waking up so didn't really get an accurate bbt reading so I dunno wahts going on. Moan away hun. I know its awful to be sick and you probably don't want to but I bet its hard.

Nikki- the month we conceived both me and OH had a dream that I was pregnant.

Jennijunni- don't worry about not coming in here alot. We will all be here for you when you are ready.

Happy Thanksgiving to you lovely American ladies. I hope you have a good day and don't find it too hard. Lots and lots of hugs and kisses.

XOXO Love you, thanks ..XOXO

 

[KamIAm]

Well... I got the wind sucked out of my sails last night ....

While laying in bed, going to sleep.. my OH drops a bomb shell .... He really doesn't wanna ttc again... He only agreed to it because he knew how much I wanted to.... He says it will be too scary and even brought up the worries of how expensive it would be... and has brought up his age... Says he thinks he really doesn't wants to be an older father .. (He's 45 now).

I am a bit baffled to be honest... He keeps me completely confused on this matter... One day he can't wait, then the next he doesn't want to at all.... So, if I didn't get preg this cycle, looks like I'm out ... Well see... Like I said, he's so all over the radar with this .. Just gonna take one day at a time....

I honestly think it's because he knows I stay sad.. (I don't show it, but he just knows) ... ecspecially with Thanksgiving being tomorrow ... and then Christmas... He is terrified that this will happen again and he says he worries about me , mentally....

Ugh... I just want my Emma ....

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and we are having it at our house for the first time, having all our family here ...without Emma...

I think getting new carpet in Emma's "would have been" room has upset me as well, I hardly EVER go in that room, I just keep the door shut and pretend it isn't there... But while in there working I ran into Emma's clothes and things... When I seen her lil onesie that say "Baby's First Christmas" .. OMG... That definatly done me in.... I hate that we are here girls.... hate this for all of us...

Thanks for listening to me whine and rant.... You girls are the best!

 

[mhazzab]

oh Kelly

You're not the first person who has written this recently, what is it with men, why can't they make their minds up? Grrr. I'm not sure really what to say, other than, just keep talking to him, and explain how much it means to you, to make Emma a big sister. From what you have said, he sounds like a good man, I really hope you can make a decision you are both happy with. Have the docs told you how they will manage another pregnancy for you? Maybe he just needs reassurance?

That must have been hard for you, being in Emma's room, it's so sad. I wish she was here with you too. I think it must be very hard for you guys right now, with thanksgiving tomorrow, I know that's a big family event for you, same as christmas is for us, and I am totally dreading that.

Your little Emma will be smiling down on you all tomorrow, maybe you could do a little memorial something just for her tomorrow, so you feel she is part of the day even though she can't be with you in person, she will be there in spirit. maybe light a candle or something?

I hope the day isn't too hard on you xxx

 

[KamIAm]

Thank you Mhairi!

Yes, He is an amazing man, I'm so lucky to have in my life ... I think he is just scared to death... Lossing Emma was a BIG blow to him.. He's never had children... He was so excited to finally have a baby and get to experience it all.... He is wonderful with my children, I was previous married, their father decided that the family life wasn't for him... But my OH just stepped in and picked up right where he left off... I am very fortunate for that ... One of his "flaws" if you want to call it that.. Not really... LOL... He doesn't just act what his heart tells him... Like I do! Whew, I would throw caution to the wind and have a baby in a heartbeat, I would take that risk.. He isn't.. He has to write it out all on paper and see if it looks like a good move for our family... Complete opposites, guess we compliment each other .. ? ..

I thought about doing something special for Emma tomorrow... Just can't put my finger on what I want to do... I know we'll go out to the cemetery and take her balloons and flowers but just don't know what all I want to do yet..

I'm not having any symptoms like I thought I was feeling last month.. Feel totally different this cycle .. ?? .. I was picking apart every little thing but this time, I hardly think about it... Weird huh ...

Hope you all are doing well ..... Xxxx

 

[jojo23]

Awe Kelly hun im so sorry!! what a bombshell!

but it def sounds like he's just unsure, maybe he's saying this because he's afraid of seeing you upset again in case anything did go wrong(not that it would!!!) men are such funny creatures. theres no way of us all getting over christmas this year, i keep passin little babys first xmas stuff in town and almost bawling at the sight of them cause i would be buying them now for Lily! all i can say is we're all here for you no matter what hun and we know all our angels are together this year and santa will just have to pay them a very spacial visit in heaven!!!!

happy thanksgiving hun, sending you so much love from Ireland xxxxxxxxx

 

[Hellylou]

Ah Kelly, well you know I know exactly what it feels to hear that from the OH and it's horrible. I really wish men would just think before they start airing their fears and worries in this way. My husband completely destroyed me by saying what he said, but has since backtracked and really it was just because he was scared of the unknown. Honestly, I could have seriously done without that! He pulled the rug out from under my feet when I was doing so well, and thought he was somehow being sensible.

But, the consultant appointment made a big difference to him. Hearing from a professional all the miraculous things they can do to help in future is exactly what men need - they are practical. They like to plan things out and fix stuff, and get completely spooked when something happens that is completely out of their control. It knocks them for six, and they don't particularly relish the idea of being there again, so I do think a professional input may help here.

My best friend was hilarious about it when I told her about my OH's 'decision'. She was outraged, and basically said "well, it's not his call to make, and you just need to go ahead and get pregnant - he'll come around eventually" I mean, it wasn't very sensible, but it did cheer me up hearing that.

I hope thanksgiving is bearable for you all. I know like Mhairi said Christmas is going to be a bit tough for us. Do something lovely for Emma, I am sure it will help xxxx

 

[blav]

Wow, I just had a similar conversation to this with my OH, only fortunately, we're still on the same page about TTC in January.

I think what everyone else has said about your OH's fears are true. He doesn't want to see you hurt, knowing that he can't fix it. However, 45 isn't that old...my OH is 40! People are having kids older now, and there is nothing wrong with it (just tell him he's still a young stud or something, ) It sounds like he is on the fence in some ways, so I hope he comes around when he realizes how much you want a baby and how much he truly does too.

As tough as the holidays will be without Emma in the house, she is still with you and watching over her family! I hope you decide on something special to do in her memory (wish I had a good idea for you).

 

[dnlfinker]

Your husband loves you so much, he does not want ypu to get hurt! Try to be patient, he needs a little trigger that might change his mind. Something like holding a baby or a great time with you Dd . Its ok for him to be scared but i would not call it quits yet. Another thing to consider: i always heard that when couples dont concentrate on getting pregnant and just enjoy, its exactly the time when miracles are bond to happen.Maybe it does not seem so right now, but it could be a sign!

Little update from me: i caved in yesterday and tested. I think on day 25 , ofcourse bfn!
I looked at the chart and only yesterday the implantation was suppose to happen, who knows. I am not looking for signs because thats where dissapointment comes in, but yesterday i had some kind of pressure down there which could also be a sign of an ugly red head comming around. I took 3 sticks with me, 2 of which is gone! Leaving third last one for sunday before leaving our vacation. I was so tired and frustrated at work, i just needed to go away. When we lost our liitle girl, i started work after 4days.

I hope everyone is doing well! Its hard to write from here because the connection is bad!

All the best to you!

 

[jojo23]

sorry to change the subject hun but have to have a little moan and im here by myself so its either talk to myself or write it down here lol!

i am so uncomfortable all day i think i have a uti or somethin, have pain in what seems to be my kidneys...or left kidney to be precise. and an ache in my lower tummy i feel terrible and couldnt get an app until tomorrow with my doctor. i have a little discharge also tmi girls sorry!! and as i said im all on my lonesome until tomorrow so feeling a little sorry for myself. im downing the canberry juice as we speak and just had a nice warm shower hoping it might ease off but nope still in pain! hope a uti is all it is and not somethin more serious.

thanks girls feel better after letting that out lol xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[KamIAm]

Thanks girls for the pep talk ... I do feel better... I'm an easy fix (for the moment) ... LOL...

Jojo, I have heard getting UTI's is very common during pregnancy's ... I never did but I hear they are quite uncomfortable, poor thing... hate that you are alone ... Wish I was a wee bit closer LOL .. I can't wait til you pop in and see your doctor tho, just cuz I'm gonna be a nervous wreck over you girls LOL ...

Thanks again for all the kind, supportive, perfect words friends ....

 

[Andypanda6570]

Well... I got the wind sucked out of my sails last night ....

While laying in bed, going to sleep.. my OH drops a bomb shell .... He really doesn't wanna ttc again... He only agreed to it because he knew how much I wanted to.... He says it will be too scary and even brought up the worries of how expensive it would be... and has brought up his age... Says he thinks he really doesn't wants to be an older father .. (He's 45 now).

I am a bit baffled to be honest... He keeps me completely confused on this matter... One day he can't wait, then the next he doesn't want to at all.... So, if I didn't get preg this cycle, looks like I'm out ... Well see... Like I said, he's so all over the radar with this .. Just gonna take one day at a time....

I honestly think it's because he knows I stay sad.. (I don't show it, but he just knows) ... ecspecially with Thanksgiving being tomorrow ... and then Christmas... He is terrified that this will happen again and he says he worries about me , mentally....

Ugh... I just want my Emma ....

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and we are having it at our house for the first time, having all our family here ...without Emma...

I think getting new carpet in Emma's "would have been" room has upset me as well, I hardly EVER go in that room, I just keep the door shut and pretend it isn't there... But while in there working I ran into Emma's clothes and things... When I seen her lil onesie that say "Baby's First Christmas" .. OMG... That definatly done me in.... I hate that we are here girls.... hate this for all of us...

Thanks for listening to me whine and rant.... You girls are the best!

Aww Kell, maybe he will come around, To be honest my husband doesn't want to either but he said he will do it for me, cause I told him it is the only thing that i feel will make me better. He said we are 40 our oldest is 20 and he really does not want to start over, I know it is wrong that I am forcing him, but I don't care, hope things work out with hubby..I love ya

sorry to change the subject hun but have to have a little moan and im here by myself so its either talk to myself or write it down here lol!

i am so uncomfortable all day i think i have a uti or somethin, have pain in what seems to be my kidneys...or left kidney to be precise. and an ache in my lower tummy i feel terrible and couldnt get an app until tomorrow with my doctor. i have a little discharge also tmi girls sorry!! and as i said im all on my lonesome until tomorrow so feeling a little sorry for myself. im downing the canberry juice as we speak and just had a nice warm shower hoping it might ease off but nope still in pain! hope a uti is all it is and not somethin more serious.

thanks girls feel better after letting that out lol xxxxxxxxxxx

Aww I hope you feel better, maybe take a trip to the doc just to check things out? I am thinking of you..XOXOOX

 

[Nikki_d72]

Oh Kelly, that just made my heart drop, reading your post about your hubby not wanting to TTC. After reading your other post though I think it's clear that what Helen said is more than likely dead right - he's a practical guy, a fixer and this was something he couldn't fix and it would terrify him. Also for it to be his first experience of biological fatherhood must have been terrifying and I wouldn't be surprised if he somehoe thinks it's something to do with him, given that you have kids already from your 1st hubby. That would be very untrue and totally ridiculous of course but men have strange brains and you know how we all like to blame things on ourselves, eh? I really hope that he comes round for you, I'm sure he will - let him write his lists and come up with a great answer eventually. I think hearing what the docs have to say does sway it lots for men too - it's what changed my DH's mind too.

I'm also hoping that the no symptoms may be a good thing for you hon, it often is for many ladies!

I hope thanksgiving goes smoothly for you, I love what you're doing for Emma. I'm so sorry the room being re-done has been so sad for you, sorry I didn't realise it was Emma's room you were doing or I wouldn't have made the carpet jokes, sorry hon.

Jojo, I hope you are OK and get tested for that UTI soon hon - they are rotten and important to treat. Till your appt, keep drinking lots of water and cranberry juice (unsweetened though), even though it won't cure it, it will keep it in check and flush your kidneys out. It's more than likely what you have, rather than something serious, they are very common in pregnancy, try not to worry. They are only a problem if they are left for ages and ages I think.

AFM, well I tested this morning, as per instruction (in fact I hardly slept I was so anxious to test) and........

BFN. Poo.

Thought so, I'm just psyching myself out again, I'm going to do my own head in doing this every month. I'm so stressed about it, I so want to be pregnant by Christmas and it now looks like DH's job is finishing up (he's self-employed) this Dec and there is no work around here at the moment, so he may have to go away to work Mon-Fri in January. How the h*ll are we going to fit in TTC if he's not here most of the time?!!! Keep everything crossed for me ladies, I need some freaky luck now!

Hope everyone else is well, thinking of you all, always xxx

 

[Hellylou]

Sorry about the BFN Nikki, that sucks. Sending some crazily potent for next cycle, and hoping the work keeps coming in for OH to keep him at home for plenty of more important work

 

[collie_crazy]

Yay for BFP dreams Nikki - I had a BFP dream the cycle I conceived. But Boooo for the BFN... still early though and things can definitely still change. If OH goes away would you be able to travel and do the naughty? LOL I'm sure you will work something out IF you need to.

Jenni - dont worry abou not posting often Remember we are here for you.

Kelly I am so sorry your OH is being awkward about TTC. Steven said the same thing - one minute he did, the next he didnt. I guess like us they are just scared about the future and what can happen. I'm sure if you give him time and explain to him he will understand. I said to Steven that the minute I found out I was pregnant with Emily I became a mum and now that she is gone I am still very much her mum but I needed to have a baby here with me to mother also, because without it I felt lost, like I dont belong anymore. After that he understood - and then BFP! Its going to happen for you too - I know it Love you xxx

PS I like Mhairis idea of having a little 'thing' for your angels on thanksgiving

Oh Jojo BIG HUGS I hope the docs can give you something tomorrow to make you more comfortable. Not quite the same but I had horrid heartburn yesterday and was on my own I wanted to cry so much from it. I was so pathetic it felt so much worse because my OH was working till late

Andrea how is the sickness now?

Well I had my 3rd appointment with psychologist this morning and she was lovely as usual. I felt so ill before it I very nearly cancelled but I'm glad I didnt know. I will be sad when my appointments with her finish.

6 days till scan

 

[Andypanda6570]

Yay for BFP dreams Nikki - I had a BFP dream the cycle I conceived. But Boooo for the BFN... still early though and things can definitely still change. If OH goes away would you be able to travel and do the naughty? LOL I'm sure you will work something out IF you need to.

Jenni - dont worry abou not posting often Remember we are here for you.

Kelly I am so sorry your OH is being awkward about TTC. Steven said the same thing - one minute he did, the next he didnt. I guess like us they are just scared about the future and what can happen. I'm sure if you give him time and explain to him he will understand. I said to Steven that the minute I found out I was pregnant with Emily I became a mum and now that she is gone I am still very much her mum but I needed to have a baby here with me to mother also, because without it I felt lost, like I dont belong anymore. After that he understood - and then BFP! Its going to happen for you too - I know it Love you xxx

PS I like Mhairis idea of having a little 'thing' for your angels on thanksgiving

Oh Jojo BIG HUGS I hope the docs can give you something tomorrow to make you more comfortable. Not quite the same but I had horrid heartburn yesterday and was on my own I wanted to cry so much from it. I was so pathetic it felt so much worse because my OH was working till late

Andrea how is the sickness now?

Well I had my 3rd appointment with psychologist this morning and she was lovely as usual. I felt so ill before it I very nearly cancelled but I'm glad I didnt know. I will be sad when my appointments with her finish.

6 days till scan

I feel better, just still a little congested and icky,,
Can't wait for your scan!! I am SOOOOO excited

 

[KamIAm]

Nikki.... Thanks Hon' for the much needed pep talk ... Oh and hey! No worries about the carpet joke, I didnt think anything about it... After Emma's loss we changed it to our home office so technically it is the office carpet we replaced, soooo yes... its fair game!!!

Hate you got a BFN... It's still early tho right ???? Still have chances this cycle right?? Sorry, can't remember what dpo you are at...

Thanks Andrea for the chit chat as well.... I think he will come around... Think he just had a moment of panic... He is a major fixer...Nailed that right Nikki... When he can't have full control of a situation like that ... ugh ... he's not a happy camper ... He's the protector... and he couldn't save her , or me from this madness of grief.... I know they have to be getting tired of me having my ups and downs... I am starting to feel a lil guilty about that... This Friday will mark 8 months , feel like I should be making more progress... Oh well, baby steps...

Amanda, can't wait to hear about your scan!!! super excited!!!!

Mhairi, hope your getting plenty of rest, with the move and all... Take care of you and that baby

I am truly blessed to have you all in my corner

AFM and my crazy monitoring ..or lack of I should say .... I am not having many symptoms still... The swelling in my hands and fingers went away this morning and hasn't been back since ... Maybe had something to do with me moving furniture?? The only thing I can report is gas and cramping ...cramping is usually on my right side , hardly ever on my left .. ?? Nothing else to report ... We'll see ... I'm only 5-6dpo so have a while to go still ...

 

[mhazzab]

Hiya, just popping on here quickly before I head out to work to say Happy Thanksgiving to my wonderful American friends. I hope the day is not too hard on you xxxxx

 

[MummyStobe]

Happy Thanksgiving from me too. All of your angels will be with you today, sharing their thanks that you are their mummies xx

 

[dnlfinker]

Happy Thanksgiving to everybody!

 

[collie_crazy]

Happy Thanksgiving folks

Going for dinner with the in-laws tonight - they still havent been told about our rainbow and dont plan on doing so until after the 12 week scan at least so hoping I am not too ill at dinner!