Long Term Trying To Conceive Vent Thread

[SadTeacher]

AF is also playing hide and seek. What a bitch.

 

[PyrusEK]

DH and I have started a real estate investing business and we went to the bank to get a mortgage for the house and suddenly I realized that we need money for the closing costs. DH commented that it would need to come from the IVF funds. At first it was ok and then he started talking about down payments and I got scared not knowing for sure if it would work out. Could we stand losing our IVF money and then when we are ready, not have the money.

DH said to me, "If you aren't sure we won't do it. We would have to take from your IVF money." I replied, "Our IVF money." He paused and then looked me dead in the eyes, "YOUR IVF money." I cried. I was in a crappy mood all weekend. Really?? When did this stop being a team effort??!!

GRRR!!

Wow. That's a really crappy thing for him to say. I'm so sorry you're going through that. I've noticed that men can be really disconnected from TTC. (Broad generalization, I know, but it appears to apply to the majority.) Even when they want a child, they don't demonstrate that bone-deep desire we do. They aren't the ones who carry the child, so their job is pretty much done after getting their rocks off. They don't have to think about it, don't have to watch what they eat/drink during the TWW, don't have to analyze their symptoms, etc. Also, I think some men see a sort of glamour in the freedom of putting all their energy into their own lives instead of a child's. It's only when they are actually presented with their own offspring that it hits many of them how much a child means to them.

My husband is generally very supportive, but he waffles back and forth between wanting kids and being fine with not having any. He has other priorities (renovating the house, settling into a new job, etc) but has made clear that if it happens, he'd be beyond ecstatic. I have a feeling if he had to choose between them, he'd put off IVF in favor of redoing a couple rooms.

 

[Mikihob]

If I am lucky enough to pregnant, I would probably post a pic on Facebook and say something like, "After two (however many at that time) years of trying, we finally have a little one on the way." Something so that I can share the baby with friends and family, yet let those who might be LTTC without saying know that I am not just a random preggo person, I worked hard for this. I think if one of my friends posted something like that, the pain that comes with seeing the u/s would be less because they are in the same boat. I don't know about making it my profile pic. I would probably post a baby pic and keep a folder with all the pregnancy pics, but wouldn't change my profile.

 

[madtowngirl]

It's not so much the u/s pics themselves that bother me (although tbh, it just creeps me out that someone posts pics of their insides), but the ones that you run across, and that is how the announcement is made. I simply won't do that. I have too many friends who for whatever reason (no significant other, past infertility and a choice to end the journey, no funds to adopt, etc. etc.) also cannot have children, and I just can't do to them what others have done to me.

Although, I am a little bit catty, and I intend on being sure that the people who have chosen to announce over fb rather than tell me personally (like my neighbor, who I thought was a friend), are told about me in the same way. Sorry, but if you cannot be courteous enough to even send me a message about your announcement, knowing what I've been through, then don't expect any courtesy from me.

 

[madtowngirl]

Ugh! I've been working on sewing projects for the past few nights, and I've had the t.v. on. Of course suddenly I am being bombarded with First Response commercials. Seriously? I so rarely watch t.v., and when I do I have to be reminded that I'm not pregnant? Grrrrrrr.

 

[Kayotic]

I know exactly what cot and everything I would get if I have the chance again

I am the exact opposite! My son had a nursery and never used it one single time. His crib was never slept in, the room never used. If we are lucky enough for #2, we wont even bother with a nursery this time. We'll go straight to a big boy bed when he is old enough.

 

[Kayotic]

I have however thought how I'd behave on fb etc if I ever conceive. I think I would end up shouting it from the rooftops I'm sorry to say, because it has taken me so f@@king long and I would just be so overjoyed.

I am with you. I have my FB set up so people I dont know well are on the restricted list and only see my public posts. Any non-public post I make, those people know we've been trying for 7 years. Its family or close enough friends that it is no secret.
There is only one person I worry about - my friend has been TTC for a long time and her marriage recently crumbled under the TTC stress. They are trying to work things out, but it's not looking good. I will tell her personally before I announce anything on FB.

 

[CareBear]

I will announce on Facebook if I ever manage to get pregnant but my close family and close friends would be told personally first and I know what I would write and I would be making it very clear how long we have been ttcing as a lot if people don't know as they assume I am career driven.

My pregnant friend from work had her baby early hours of the morning so I have got up to the pictures on Facebook and whilst I am pleased for her I'm in tears cause it hurts so bad. That should be me, I should have a six year old by now and maybe even a younger sibling.

 

[wannabemummyb]

If things had worked out for me, I would have been induced this week - due to IR consultant would have induced me at 36/37 weeks. Instead i am having another christmas without being a mum! Plus pcos is being a b*tch post mc
Every day i log into facebook i'm faced with one baby photo or another

I'm starting to feel like giving up

Christmas eve will be four years ltttc for us

 

[madtowngirl]

wannabmummyb I'm sorry.

I can relate. My friend has a daughter now, and every time I look at her, I remember that I should have a baby about the same age. It hurts so much.

 

[wannabemummyb]

Thanks madtown, it's crap isn't it! I should have a three year old (4 in feb) and the baby due nowish. One day maybe!

 

[DBZ34]

I understand the desire to let it all out on fb and do everything to celebrate being pg, because when it happens, I'm sure I'm going to want to shout it from the rooftops. But I know first hand how much it hurts those who are TTC/LTTTC and I just couldn't do the u/s pics all over the place on fb...or the writing about my pg all the time on there. I would never want someone to feel the way I've felt these long years.

I think when it finally happens for me, I'll do the 'after however many long years, we've finally been blessed with a miracle, due whenever I'm due' thing...and then I'll create a separate group/page for the people who want updates (and I'll make it clear that I'm not going to be making updates on my regular page). I'll do my celebrating there...and all my whinging about pregnancy.

I couldn't do it on my regular fb page. I know for sure that I have friends who are struggling with TTC and there's probably some who I don't know about. I just couldn't rub it in their faces like that.

 

[DBZ34]

I should have a 1 year old...my niece is only a couple of weeks behind where my baby should be and seeing her is so hard. I'm hoping the feeling fades in the future....

 

[wannabemummyb]

I should have a 1 year old...my niece is only a couple of weeks behind where my baby should be and seeing her is so hard. I'm hoping the feeling fades in the future....

Sorry to hear that. I'm hoping it fades too, but i'm not sure it will even if we are blessed with our rainbows x

 

[PyrusEK]

I found out that my insurance is going to start covering infertility in 2014, so I made an appointment with a fertility specialist. I was feeling very optimistic, but then DH and I had a frank discussion about what we are and are not willing to do. Even if medication/hormone therapies do not work, he is completely against any kind of "aggressive" treatments like IUI or IVF despite cost no longer being a factor. I am torn because I half agree with him, but the other half of me is terrified of never having children. Neither of us ever wants to adopt or use a surrogate.

All I can do now is pray that we either get pregnant naturally or that the FS can shed some light on what the problem is and how to correct it with less invasive therapies.

How is it that a young, seemingly healthy couple can't make a baby?? This is so incredibly frustrating.

 

[SadTeacher]

With you there Pyrus! Sucks.

I went to the docs this morning for the check up on second round of Clomid. As I keep bleeding throughout my period for no known reason, and am getting cramps and pain for five days before my period, she's suggested a break from the meds to try and figure out what's wrong. I've been having this for a year now and gutted that I have to stop clomid for what will probably be another invasive procedure that will come back negative.

I've been poked and prodded up my vajayjay more times than I've had hot dinners in the past year. At least if I was a prostitute I'd be making some money.

 

[tamithomas]

I found out that my insurance is going to start covering infertility in 2014, so I made an appointment with a fertility specialist. I was feeling very optimistic, but then DH and I had a frank discussion about what we are and are not willing to do. Even if medication/hormone therapies do not work, he is completely against any kind of "aggressive" treatments like IUI or IVF despite cost no longer being a factor. I am torn because I half agree with him, but the other half of me is terrified of never having children. Neither of us ever wants to adopt or use a surrogate.

All I can do now is pray that we either get pregnant naturally or that the FS can shed some light on what the problem is and how to correct it with less invasive therapies.

How is it that a young, seemingly healthy couple can't make a baby?? This is so incredibly frustrating.

I'm so sorry Pyrus. My ex was the same, totally against medical forms of conceiving besides hormones and stuff like that. Makes me happy we never got to the stage of ttc in our relationship because I'd be very frustrated considering it's like holding a steak back from a lion and telling the lion to be happy with a mouse instead. It's not fair for you.

Wish you the best and sending you lots of

 

[DBZ34]

I found out that my insurance is going to start covering infertility in 2014, so I made an appointment with a fertility specialist. I was feeling very optimistic, but then DH and I had a frank discussion about what we are and are not willing to do. Even if medication/hormone therapies do not work, he is completely against any kind of "aggressive" treatments like IUI or IVF despite cost no longer being a factor. I am torn because I half agree with him, but the other half of me is terrified of never having children. Neither of us ever wants to adopt or use a surrogate.

All I can do now is pray that we either get pregnant naturally or that the FS can shed some light on what the problem is and how to correct it with less invasive therapies.

How is it that a young, seemingly healthy couple can't make a baby?? This is so incredibly frustrating.

I know how you feel! My DH was the same way for so long and I was so so frustrated because it wasn't happening for us and more aggressive treatments looked like our best option. After our appointment with the fertility doctor (came back unexplained), who discussed our options and chances with us, DH was somehow convinced to give IUI a try (I think the statistics won him over somehow). I mean, I talked to him for months about it and all it took was one hour long appointment to win him over.

Up until then, he was adamant that he wasn't going to do IUI/IVF....so there is hope. Of course, he wanted to give it a good go for a few more months before he gave in and agreed to schedule the IUI appointment, but that was fair enough.

So, hopefully, the same will happen for you. I think men need more proof that things won't necessarily happen on their own before they're ready to think about further options, where as we are all about doing whatever it takes.

Good luck!!

 

[PyrusEK]

Thank you for the commiseration and support, ladies! I really appreciate it.
SadTeacher- Your comment about hot dinners made me LOL. Sad but oh so true.
Tamithomas- That's a perfect analogy.
DBZ- I hope he does change his mind if we get to that point. That's awesome that your hubby did.

I'm "scheduled" to O in the next few days. I keep daydreaming of conceiving on Christmas Day. If I stay positive, it will happen, right? Because that really works. A bunch of random people with no fertility issues giving advice can't be wrong...

 

[madtowngirl]

Merry Christmas to me, AF just showed. :: I'm so upset.