Long Term Trying To Conceive Vent Thread

[Kayotic]

I need to get this out somewhere.
My mother had a heart procedure the other day and I took her and sat with her while she had to lay down 5 hours afterwards.
I mentioned something about having to go have bloodwork done to see if I ovulated and she said:
"Why are you guys trying to hard for another one?" and I said "Because we're older, it was always the plan and its pretty much got to be now"
Then she had the freaking nerve to tell me "Well, you already have one. If I had been smarter I would have stopped at 1"
WHATTHEFUCKMOM.

My feelings are still really hurt. For one, I am her 3rd child.
Her situation is NOTHING like mine.
She was first married to an abusive, alcoholic who SOLD my oldest sister and then (with the DR) told my mom she was dead.
She then went on to have another child with him until he went to prison for robbing a bank.
Then she married my father who was almost as bad and abandoned us when I was 4.

My marriage is rock solid. It has always been. We are financially secure. We are stable. We've been in the same home that we own for 12 years. We live comfortably.
How dare she say that to me. How dare she compare her situation to mine. I am not her. My husband is not her 2 ex husband.
God I am still furious. It was all i could manage to be around her Christmas.

In contrast, my mother in law, who has no idea what my Mom said to me, said on Christmas, right in front of my Mom "Well, now you need to hurry up and give me another grandbaby"
She is ecstatic for us. I wish my Mom wasnt being such a bitch about this.

 

[PyrusEK]

I need to get this out somewhere.
My mother had a heart procedure the other day and I took her and sat with her while she had to lay down 5 hours afterwards.
I mentioned something about having to go have bloodwork done to see if I ovulated and she said:
"Why are you guys trying to hard for another one?" and I said "Because we're older, it was always the plan and its pretty much got to be now"
Then she had the freaking nerve to tell me "Well, you already have one. If I had been smarter I would have stopped at 1"
WHATTHEFUCKMOM.

My feelings are still really hurt. For one, I am her 3rd child.
Her situation is NOTHING like mine.
She was first married to an abusive, alcoholic who SOLD my oldest sister and then (with the DR) told my mom she was dead.
She then went on to have another child with him until he went to prison for robbing a bank.
Then she married my father who was almost as bad and abandoned us when I was 4.

My marriage is rock solid. It has always been. We are financially secure. We are stable. We've been in the same home that we own for 12 years. We live comfortably.
How dare she say that to me. How dare she compare her situation to mine. I am not her. My husband is not her 2 ex husband.
God I am still furious. It was all i could manage to be around her Christmas.

In contrast, my mother in law, who has no idea what my Mom said to me, said on Christmas, right in front of my Mom "Well, now you need to hurry up and give me another grandbaby"
She is ecstatic for us. I wish my Mom wasnt being such a bitch about this.

Wow... Honey, you are absolutely right that your situation is nothing like your mom's. For some people, going through traumatic things ruins them. They just can't bounce back, can't be the best versions of themselves afterwards. But for others, it makes them stronger. It sounds like you have taken what you've been through and gained strength and character from it. You've built a wonderful life, and you and your husband should continue doing whatever it is you feel is best for your family.

Most of us want to believe our parents have some mysterious, great wisdom. Sometimes that can be true, but they're still human with all the flaws and weaknesses that come with it. It sounds like your mom has her own inner demons to deal with. You're doing just fine.

 

[Kayotic]

Wow... Honey, you are absolutely right that your situation is nothing like your mom's. For some people, going through traumatic things ruins them. They just can't bounce back, can't be the best versions of themselves afterwards. But for others, it makes them stronger. It sounds like you have taken what you've been through and gained strength and character from it. You've built a wonderful life, and you and your husband should continue doing whatever it is you feel is best for your family.

Most of us want to believe our parents have some mysterious, great wisdom. Sometimes that can be true, but they're still human with all the flaws and weaknesses that come with it. It sounds like your mom has her own inner demons to deal with. You're doing just fine.

sigh. I know. Thats why I deal with it. My husband has said on numerous occasions "I would never talk to my Mom again if she said something like that" but I'm the only kid who talks to her, so I cant abandon her. She has COPD and brain tumors and has run everyone off.

It casued a LOT of problems when my son was smaller. She had stayed with us after a surgery and was insisting on feeding my 5 week old son grits. I told her absolutely not, and she did it behind my back. She is so pushy.
Then, another time when my son was 4, we were driving from Atl to NOLA to see my brother, and she made a very racist comment. I was so furious that once we got to New Orleans, I bought my son and myself Greyhound tickets to come home. So, the racist comments and contradicting my parenting have stopped because I have made those boundaries very clear.

It appears I am going to have to tell her to keep her opinions about my reproductive choices to herself before I explode.

 

[JJKCB]

not being rude but yes I would say that to the midwife lol, if you havnt experienced something you cant accurately describe it... its obviously not your fault but its the same when a man tries to tell you what a period feels like - it always feels like people are putting you down when they say its like 'pooping' it is very much a completely different feeling (unless you poop from your front in a straight line reaching up to your rib cage) and im yet to meet any woman who had a natural birth who has ever compared it to pooping

I've never compared it to pooping, but I have compared it to gallstones! In fact, I had gallstones WHILE laboring. (and my whole pregnancy and 10 months after birth) and I can not tell you which is worse. They're both up there in level of pain.

yep, Ive had kidney stone and sepsis of the kidney twice which I would say is much worse (pnumococcal septicemia of the kidney is so bad I would even wish it on Hitler ) but then child birth is the second most painful experience I think (out of the illnesses ive had)

 

[JJKCB]

Wow... Honey, you are absolutely right that your situation is nothing like your mom's. For some people, going through traumatic things ruins them. They just can't bounce back, can't be the best versions of themselves afterwards. But for others, it makes them stronger. It sounds like you have taken what you've been through and gained strength and character from it. You've built a wonderful life, and you and your husband should continue doing whatever it is you feel is best for your family.

Most of us want to believe our parents have some mysterious, great wisdom. Sometimes that can be true, but they're still human with all the flaws and weaknesses that come with it. It sounds like your mom has her own inner demons to deal with. You're doing just fine.

sigh. I know. Thats why I deal with it. My husband has said on numerous occasions "I would never talk to my Mom again if she said something like that" but I'm the only kid who talks to her, so I cant abandon her. She has COPD and brain tumors and has run everyone off.

It casued a LOT of problems when my son was smaller. She had stayed with us after a surgery and was insisting on feeding my 5 week old son grits. I told her absolutely not, and she did it behind my back. She is so pushy.
Then, another time when my son was 4, we were driving from Atl to NOLA to see my brother, and she made a very racist comment. I was so furious that once we got to New Orleans, I bought my son and myself Greyhound tickets to come home. So, the racist comments and contradicting my parenting have stopped because I have made those boundaries very clear.

It appears I am going to have to tell her to keep her opinions about my reproductive choices to herself before I explode.

that sucks... some people just dont know when to stop themselves, its good that you MIL is supportive though

 

[JJKCB]

just read a piece claiming its common for women to have selective reduction (the abortion of a twin) after taking clomid

why take clomid if you dont want children???
why fight for something then throw it away???

I see absolutely no logic in this

most pregnancy will selectively reduce naturally if viability is a problem so thats not the reason, I just dont get it


p.s: also would this not increase your risk of miscarriage of the other fetus, seem likely if you killing one you expose the other to risk in the process - why try hard to get pregnant and then deliberately risk losing it?

 

[madtowngirl]

I read an article recently where a guy and his wife were angry because they did IVF, transferring 2 embryos, and both implanted.

They just did the 2 embryos to increase their chances but they didn't want twins, and were mad about it.

...really???

 

[JJKCB]

I read an article recently where a guy and his wife were angry because they did IVF, transferring 2 embryos, and both implanted.

They just did the 2 embryos to increase their chances but they didn't want twins, and were mad about it.

...really???

I would love twins or triplets etc... as long as I was having a baby/babies which is what im trying for

some people seem ungrateful for the gifts they get in life

 

[JJKCB]

another vent is people trivilising secondary infertility and I found an article earlier that sums up (better than I can) the harder part of secondary infertility:

Infertility is, in all its forms, a most private, hidden anguish. Nobody wants to discuss the finer points of their reproductive system in public. And the desire to have a child can, if thwarted, be so overwhelming that just a glimpse from a car window of someone with a BabyBjorn can be enough to produce such a flood of tears that you have to pull over. How can you possibly articulate that level of pain to the casual inquirer?

People who have suffered primary infertility tell me that the only way they can get by is to avoid everything and anything to do with babies. But for the secondary infertility sufferer, this is not an option. You are confronted on a daily basis at the school gates by pregnant women, people with babies, large families squashed into multiple buggies. School drop-off becomes a terrible tableau of everything you want but cannot have.

When I think back to that time, I recall an almost constant sense of grief. Every 28th day represented another failure, another loss. All around me my friends were having their second and then third babies. My son looked at his classmates with their siblings wistfully, he wished with every birthday candle for a brother or sister and one day he asked, "Can you play tig on your own?"

 

[PyrusEK]

another vent is people trivilising secondary infertility and I found an article earlier that sums up (better than I can) the harder part of secondary infertility:

Infertility is, in all its forms, a most private, hidden anguish. Nobody wants to discuss the finer points of their reproductive system in public. And the desire to have a child can, if thwarted, be so overwhelming that just a glimpse from a car window of someone with a BabyBjorn can be enough to produce such a flood of tears that you have to pull over. How can you possibly articulate that level of pain to the casual inquirer?

People who have suffered primary infertility tell me that the only way they can get by is to avoid everything and anything to do with babies. But for the secondary infertility sufferer, this is not an option. You are confronted on a daily basis at the school gates by pregnant women, people with babies, large families squashed into multiple buggies. School drop-off becomes a terrible tableau of everything you want but cannot have.

When I think back to that time, I recall an almost constant sense of grief. Every 28th day represented another failure, another loss. All around me my friends were having their second and then third babies. My son looked at his classmates with their siblings wistfully, he wished with every birthday candle for a brother or sister and one day he asked, "Can you play tig on your own?"

We are LTTC #1, and it's exactly as described in that first paragraph. But I can imagine that secondary infertility is its own kind of hell. It's not trivial at all. It's just different because now instead of just wanting it for yourselves, you want it for your child too. It seems like that may even make it harder to go through.

 

[JJKCB]

im sorry I seem to be ranting a lot at the moment and this one is not even baby related so sorry just need to rant somewhere

been with OH 6+ years and had our son pretty quick, 3 years ago picked an engagement ring (were talking and planning but OH never officially proposed or anything so dont have a ring) - well my mam got engaged on new years eve and asked me to be MOH but then today she showed me her engagement ring and shock horror its the one I picked its pretty unique (tiny, pink with little diamonds on white gold never ever seen another like it) its the only one I ever like (the one) and now ill just be the girl that copied her mother

its not on purpose, they didnt know I had it picked but what are the bloody chances - great minds and all that but it just feel like another thing ive wanted so long and been waiting for thats been taken from me

plus the side annoyance of my mam announcing to everyone once again that of course I wont have another child because that would be stupid and shes couldnt cope with another grandchild (why would that possibly be stupid??? and of course how selfish of me to have a child on the off chance she might baby sit 2/3 time per year at her own request )

glad I got that out... and breath

 

[madtowngirl]

My appointment with my ob/gyn is finally only a few days away, on Tuesday.

And the weather forecast is calling for a cold snap. We're talking windchills around -50F. I'm going to be so angry if it really gets that cold and places close. I get that it's a public health issue, but SERIOUSLY MOTHER NATURE??!?!?!?! Cut me a friggin break!

 

[Quantea]

Dear MIL,

Yes, we know everyone in the family is talking behind our backs about why we haven't had a baby yet. Yes, we know that you really want grandchildren. Yes, we know that parenthood is a unique experience, you do not have to preach about it every day. And no, I am not going to explain myself to you or provide you with concrete reasons why your grandchildren aren't here yet. However, here's a clue! Inviting yourself to our house without asking if it's ok, and then staying here for more than 3 weeks just so you can brag to your friends about your long stylish holidays is not helping with the TTC part, especially since you just overstayed your welcome over 2 of my cycles.

Sincerely yours,
Your DIL

PS: The next time you send your son and my DH away so you can corner me and tell me I am getting old for children (at 30!!!) and need to have myself tested for fertility, I will seriously go ape**** on you. Really? You don't say? You and I know that you may think it. You may talk about it behind my back. But you are not allowed to use underhanded techniques so you can preach about it to my face when it's in fact my sad reality.




Wow, that felt good!

 

[Hope3]

Not so much a vent just feeling a bit sorry for myself.

An in-law is 4 months pregnant. She announced it on FB a few weeks ago.

Initially I was really pleased for her. When I saw her last she was asking all sorts of questions about what I'd been through with my m/c and all the fertility tests I've had. I didn't know she was pregnant at the time so when I found out I felt kind of betrayed. I thought why ask me all that stuff when she was already pregnant? She led me to believe that they were thinking of trying soon, not that it already happened.

Anyway, as you can imagine she's all excited and talks about her pregnancy all the time on FB. I want to be happy for her but it just reminds me that nothing is happening over here with me and I feel resentful.

I felt even worse today as my period is due any minute and today she revealed the sex of her baby. I couldn't even bring myself to like her post.

To add insult to injury earlier today I went to the local park for a walk, not thinking it was going to be full of parents out with their little ones. I really want a family and it's so hard to stay positive.

 

[Hope3]

Dear MIL,

Yes, we know everyone in the family is talking behind our backs about why we haven't had a baby yet. Yes, we know that you really want grandchildren. Yes, we know that parenthood is a unique experience, you do not have to preach about it every day. And no, I am not going to explain myself to you or provide you with concrete reasons why your grandchildren aren't here yet. However, here's a clue! Inviting yourself to our house without asking if it's ok, and then staying here for more than 3 weeks just so you can brag to your friends about your long stylish holidays is not helping with the TTC part, especially since you just overstayed your welcome over 2 of my cycles.

Sincerely yours,
Your DIL

PS: The next time you send your son and my DH away so you can corner me and tell me I am getting old for children (at 30!!!) and need to have myself tested for fertility, I will seriously go ape**** on you. Really? You don't say? You and I know that you may think it. You may talk about it behind my back. But you are not allowed to use underhanded techniques so you can preach about it to my face when it's in fact my sad reality.




Wow, that felt good!

She probably thinks you're holding out on her just to spite her. I hope she backs off.

 

[JJKCB]

Dear MIL,

Yes, we know everyone in the family is talking behind our backs about why we haven't had a baby yet. Yes, we know that you really want grandchildren. Yes, we know that parenthood is a unique experience, you do not have to preach about it every day. And no, I am not going to explain myself to you or provide you with concrete reasons why your grandchildren aren't here yet. However, here's a clue! Inviting yourself to our house without asking if it's ok, and then staying here for more than 3 weeks just so you can brag to your friends about your long stylish holidays is not helping with the TTC part, especially since you just overstayed your welcome over 2 of my cycles.

Sincerely yours,
Your DIL

PS: The next time you send your son and my DH away so you can corner me and tell me I am getting old for children (at 30!!!) and need to have myself tested for fertility, I will seriously go ape**** on you. Really? You don't say? You and I know that you may think it. You may talk about it behind my back. But you are not allowed to use underhanded techniques so you can preach about it to my face when it's in fact my sad reality.




Wow, that felt good!

I would of gone mental and said that (especially the overstayed part) if you dont tell her she will never know shes out of line

 

[livluvlaf]

Not sure if anyone feels the same , but I feel bad that my baby wants a child soooooooooo bad right now and I just don't know why we can't have one I cry ALOT. when I start my period, after buying pads, after he leaves for work. Its like an actor who can't get the part the worked soo hard for.... Very frustrating ( almost depressing .

 

[PyrusEK]

Dear MIL,

Yes, we know everyone in the family is talking behind our backs about why we haven't had a baby yet. Yes, we know that you really want grandchildren. Yes, we know that parenthood is a unique experience, you do not have to preach about it every day. And no, I am not going to explain myself to you or provide you with concrete reasons why your grandchildren aren't here yet. However, here's a clue! Inviting yourself to our house without asking if it's ok, and then staying here for more than 3 weeks just so you can brag to your friends about your long stylish holidays is not helping with the TTC part, especially since you just overstayed your welcome over 2 of my cycles.

Sincerely yours,
Your DIL

PS: The next time you send your son and my DH away so you can corner me and tell me I am getting old for children (at 30!!!) and need to have myself tested for fertility, I will seriously go ape**** on you. Really? You don't say? You and I know that you may think it. You may talk about it behind my back. But you are not allowed to use underhanded techniques so you can preach about it to my face when it's in fact my sad reality.




Wow, that felt good!

Your MIL sounds like a piece of work. Kudos to you for being able to put up with her! I really want to smack any person who has the audacity to comment about age and fertility to any woman. Really?! What woman has her head buried so far into the sand that she doesn't already know all about it? We've been hearing about biological clocks our entire lives. It grates my nerves when people step over that boundary, good intentions or not.

 

[livluvlaf]

Okaay is it bad that I've made excuses to get outta hanging with a pregnant friend? I'm really happy for her, but it makes me sad when everyone's rubbing her belly and our other friends, with kids, all have a connection with her and then there's me

 

[tamithomas]

Really Maxi (grocery store)? Moving the tampons into the same isle as the baby stuff right in front of the diapers instead of keeping them in the pharmacy area? Woooow, cruel is not even the word for it Way to punch bellow the belt.