Long Term Trying To Conceive Vent Thread

[JJKCB]

I think im going to post this even though its the most insane thing ever and I know how horrible it sounds but...

am I the only one who feels jealous of the dozens of people every week who have chemical pregnancys etc...?

at first I convinced myself all these people where just willing to see lines (the can you see the line post at 2dpo where everyone goes 'yeah, hun congrats' and your staring at it like a magic eye wondering if your blind because you seem to be the only one who cant see it)

yes I know how ridiculous it sounds I mean it must be horrible to get your hopes up but at least then you know you CAN get pregnant, where as im starting to feel like ill never see that BFP again - its such a ridiculously stupid (and oddly nasty) thing to be jealous of but its watching people get to be a mam or getting to be pregnant again even if its just for a day or a week

now I look mental so im going to hide out elsewhere

 

[Regalpeas]

JJKCB, I admire your candidness. The trauma of chronic infertility has us all thinking things we would have never thought in our most healthiest states of mind.

I think the hard part about all of this is not knowing. The waiting and the doubting. Month after month. Year after year.
When will it be our turn? You hear success stories. You keep the hope only for it to be deflated by AF, something the FS said, the newest FB status "I'm PREGNANT!!!...sike it was a game or such and such awareness month", or just a bad day.

Simply put, this ish aint easy. It's maddening. Most often it's just unfair.

 

[Yammas]

JJKCB I totally agree about not being able to see lines it makes me feel bad because I don't want to say I cant see anything or Im tilting my screen hoping I can see what everyone else does.

I dont even bother with fb anymore it keeps bugging me that I have notifications but I know ill go on there and see a scan pic or announcement.

 

[PiggieFarmer]

Posted by a friend on Facebook:

"It's the quiet moments, the ones that fill your heart and steal your breath, that make motherhood so tremendously fulfilling. Beauty lies in the seemingly mundane. I could not be more thankful."

... and my gut reaction is, shall we say, less than charitable. Would it be wrong to reply with "quit reminding me of what I can't have"? I guess it would be.

 

[JJKCB]

facebook I can handle but went to pick DS up from school and their was a woman (one of the kids aunties or big sisters I think) screaming and running up to everyone saying 'they've had it, they've had it, its a boy, 8lb 6oz, its a boy, its a boy'...

WTF love, I dont know your or your family and believe it or not the world is not as excited as you are so please stop yelling in my face - I really normally happy for people but I was just minding my own business and didnt expect to be shouted at by some nutter ive never met about such a personal thing

p.s - her voice is as shrill and annoying as her nephew/brother who has nearly deafened me by screaming next to me twice before... maybe they just dont realize how annoying and loud they are

 

[Regalpeas]

You'd think after 42 bfns they'd get easier, but some how I feel awful. I have to learn to accept it instead of fighting it.

 

[PyrusEK]

I am pretty certain we missed ovulation this month. I'm not sure how I feel about it, because I sort of knew and didn't even try to BD. I think I've given up. Not completely, but for a while. I'm not even worried about it. I'm so focused on training for this 5k (which terrifies me) and trying to lose weight that I don't have enough room in my head for TTC.

And now, all of a sudden, when I finally feel liberated from the constant running commentary in my head about never even seeing a BFP, my husband jumps on board and says he is really interested in figuring out what's going on and fixing it. Why now? He was all about just waiting to see what happens, and he was totally fine with it if we ended up never having kids. Now he's all into it, and I'm not. Why can't we ever get on the same flippin page?

I bought an OPK for the first time and intend to start using it next cycle, simply because he wanted me to. I know it will probably be a good thing because when I am finally ready to go to a fertility doc, we'll have more data to utilize. I just don't even care right now. I want to forget about TTC for the next year or so because keeping on with it is way too painful. I'm sick of the disappointment.

 

[PiggieFarmer]

Why can't we ever get on the same flippin page?

FWIW, my husband and I also have our interest levels in this "project" changing regularly. We are sometimes in sync, but certainly not all the time!

 

[JJKCB]

finally thought I had found some sort of pattern in my last 9 cycles (after the randomness of the earlier ones)

short, medium, long - short, medium, long - short, medium, long

short at: 27, 26, 25 (going down)

medium at: 31, 32, 33 (going up)

long at: 35, 37, 38 (going up)

this cycle should be short to follow the pattern but just ended on 32 - completely out of the pattern

back to the drawing board

 

[JJKCB]

'guess whos got a bun in the oven' - right on facebook and its yet another joke where they pretend its everyone else fault for having a dirty mind and not just a 'look at me' post

+ the school run is now full of everyone cooing over the new baby, think I was the only one that didnt rush over or look in the pram - they invited me to look but I was already juggling my own child so just smiled and kept on walking, they may think im a mardy cow but I dont even know you - got it sounds bitter, if it was a kid on the bus it would bother me I would just smile and be polite but it feel shoved down my throat

 

[madtowngirl]

Those jokes aren't funny, and I have never understood why people think they are clever when they make such jokes. I would never wish infertility on anyone, but I wish those women would at least have one iota of compassion for those of us who suffer from it.

 

[Hope3]

I felt weepy and emotional today as my church seems to be full of babies at the moment. I couldn't get out of there fast enough when the service finished.

Then to top it off a few minutes ago I opened my email to find an invitation for a baby shower. Great timing!

 

[CareBear]

Person from work is on maternity leave and we are getting updates through another person and she has been in to visit twice. Baby was born 7 weeks ago and she is bored. Arghhhhhhhhhhh I hate it I would give anything to be on maternity leave with a baby and other people just do not seem grateful at all.

 

[madtowngirl]

I cannot STAND pregnant women/women with young children who think they are so damn entitled to everything on the planet. I've been literally pushed out of the way by some pregnant woman with her belly because she wanted to look at an item that I was looking at.

Then today, my husband and I were out from lunch, and here comes this family with 8 billion little kids trying to take over the whole restaurant, grabbing chairs from tables without asking, and pushing people out of the way with their diaper bags/giant backpacks, and then not even so much as offering an "excuse me," to the poor soul they just knocked over.

Meanwhile I'm just hoping that someday I'll get my bfp.

 

[Yammas]

I hate people like that there was a queue in a shop and this woman insisted on trying to jump the whole line past other ppl with small kids just because she was pregnant Im sorry but if your not ready to drop any second you can wait like everyone else. That and ppl using prams as battering rams one woman even stood and argued with a bus driver forcing him to lift her pram onto a bus when its not designed to carry them the pram took up the whole aisle so no one could get past if the bus were to crash baby couldve gone through the window but she couldnt wait 5 mins for another bus.

I could go on all day I dont expect any special treatment I just want a LO.

 

[JJKCB]

I got no special treatment when pregnant with my DS and in general dont expect any but I did learn some people are ignorant c**ts (especially teens) and you become much more aware of it (and not just to you but to others as well)

I was 7 months pregnant and on the bus and it was packed with teens (14/15/16) during the school holidays and then there was:

me (7 month pregnant and clear huge bump)
a little old lady (must of been 80 and very frail)
and a man with a broken foot in full cast on crutches

all stood in the aisle because there was no seats and not one single person offered any of us a seat for the hour long journey (and trust me that's the day I learned standing on a bus when heavily pregnant is very painful... the g-force every time the bus starts to move feels like its trying to rip your bump clean off you) and even though there where 4 priority seats they where full with healthy kids f*cking around with their mates and the bus driver just didn't care

I also a couple of month ago saw to middle aged women (50s id say) kick up a huge fuss about being asked to switch seats on a half empty bus (they would have to move a whole row back ) so a 6 month pregnant woman could sit next to her sleeping small child in the pram bay

and a non baby related one... my mam is a quadriplegic, she uses a full electric mobility chair and require a special adapted car with electric ramps but more time than I can count 'old' women (about their 60s) who seem perfectly fit and healthy (can definitely walk that's for sure) have kicked off about our 'inappropriate' use of disabled bays because my mam is 'too young' to possibly need one and they are OAP's so deserve it more (I kid you not its a very common thing we have had said to us)

some people feel entitled in general it has nothing to do with pregnancy, I bet the same people are rude to people constantly you are probably just more aware of it because when ttc your more aware of pregnant people in general

 

[Yammas]

I didnt mean any offense I dont mind giving up my seat if someone else needs it Ive seen a man make a woman and her sleeping child give up their seat on a packed bus when id argue he was fine standing

I agree there are plenty of ignorant people was just replying to pp thats why they all refer to pregnant woman and mums.

 

[JJKCB]

I didnt mean any offense I dont mind giving up my seat if someone else needs it Ive seen a man make a woman and her sleeping child give up their seat on a packed bus when id argue he was fine standing

I agree there are plenty of ignorant people was just replying to pp thats why they all refer to pregnant woman and mums.

oh no offense taken darl just shining a light from both sides, sorry if it seemed aggressive just ignorant people annoy me so I get wound up when think about it lol

I think we should all stand up more to ignorant people its the only way they will learn they are spoiled brats lol

 

[Yammas]

No not aggressive just thought id clarify hun I know Ive been tempted to but knowing my luck itd turn into a bigger deal then needed and im not a confrontational person (though I wish I was at times) so just give a loud tut or sigh and shake my head lol

 

[madtowngirl]

Just read the most enraging article on Yahoo (that should have been my first clue not to read it) about how some half-baked study indicates that 25% of miscarriages are preventable.

Thanks for putting the blame back on me. As if I didn't feel horrible enough about my loss and subsequent IF.

If you see the article, don't read it. It's poor science, at best, and mc-shaming at worst.