Long Term Trying To Conceive Vent Thread

[Irish_eyes]

I wouldn't ask either. Some people are just so insensitive.

I have had people ask me would I not like children because they know I have been married for a long time. If I knew that about a couple I would definitely not ask that question.

 

[Irish_eyes]

I would love to be open and say things like I can't have kids happy now you know? Or just be straight and tell them it's none of their bloody business.

 

[EmmyReece]

Seriously feel like kicking myself. I've totally messed my cycles up and all because I decided not to take my supplements while we were in turkey so that I didn't have to explain the tablets in my bag at the airport Af is trying to start (I think) and being a pain about it, on/off spotting for the last few days. CD92 and counting

 

[Hope3]

I know what you mean. I wanted to take out my anger about my situation on this woman but couldn't.

Ironically one of the kids I teach asked me the same thing that day. It comes with the territory and I don't mind as much when they ask. Kids can be nosey and in their world all adults eventually become parents.

 

[Hope3]

Seriously feel like kicking myself. I've totally messed my cycles up and all because I decided not to take my supplements while we were in turkey so that I didn't have to explain the tablets in my bag at the airport Af is trying to start (I think) and being a pain about it, on/off spotting for the last few days. CD92 and counting

Sorry to hear. I'm sure it's not your fault. Your body will do what it wants to and that can be frustrating. Sending hugs.

 

[EmmyReece]

Sorry to hear. I'm sure it's not your fault. Your body will do what it wants to and that can be frustrating. Sending hugs.

My cycles were slowly improving, I'd gone from 70+ days down to 43-45 on average, had an odd 31 day cycle and then bam this cycle which is my longest in such a while. I'm so angry at myself

 

[PyrusEK]

I know what you mean. I wanted to take out my anger about my situation on this woman but couldn't.

Ironically one of the kids I teach asked me the same thing that day. It comes with the territory and I don't mind as much when they ask. Kids can be nosey and in their world all adults eventually become parents.

Yep- I was raised [super duper] Catholic and in our world you either got married + had kids or you took on a religious vocation. There was no in between. I didn't even consider infertility to be a thing until much later in life because every member of my large extended family had 3+ kids. Talk about a rude awakening.

Since we have been TTC for over two years, I figured I might as well share the story with my coworkers. I was tired of getting asked when we were going to have kids. I was pleasantly surprised to see how supportive they were and even had three of them confide in me about their own struggles with infertility. It was eye opening to realize that the two who are childless did not choose it.

Infertility is so common. People keep it under wraps because TTC involves sex and very personal (sometimes painful) choices, but I've decided it's important to me personally to be open about it at this point, to let people know what's going on so they can gain more understanding about what the people around them are or may be going through.

We were supposed to do IUI in August, but we had to push it back to next year due to our debt/budget. We actually can't afford to get pregnant right now, but that's not stopping us from continuing to try naturally anyway.

 

[Hope3]

I admire your bravery in being so open. I don't think I could bear the thought of something so painful and personal being the subject of mindless tittle tattle.

 

[PiggieFarmer]

For me, personally, I don't mind being asked if I have kids. The same could be said about "what do you do for a living?" or "where did you grow up?" Those are technically personal questions, but they are really the most basic conversation starters. I figure that if I am too sensitive to tolerate even such a basic question, then infertility has beaten me.

Now if the answer is a dead end or obviously painful, I would hope the inquirer would have the courtesy to change the subject to something else. If not, then I start to get upset.

 

[wannabemummyb]

I don't mind if people ask me, its an interest to people who have kids, what annoys me is if i give a vague answer don't ask me again the week after!

 

[PyrusEK]

I don't mind if people ask me, its an interest to people who have kids, what annoys me is if i give a vague answer don't ask me again the week after!

Yeah... Some people just don't get the hint.

 

[Hope3]

I am so angry I could scream!

I've been reading the details of what happened to that poor little boy in Scotland at the hands of his excuse for a mother. Even the fact that she had a history of mental illness does not bring out any compassion in me.

Why didn't social services do more? Why didn't she get the help she needed? Why is biology so indiscriminate where she gets to have five children she doesn't give a damn about and I'm still trying to conceive one?

It's not fair!

 

[EmmyReece]

Hope3 the woman who used to live next door to me has 5 children (all of them taken away from her), yet here's me and hubby struggling for just 1. I totally get what you mean

 

[gilmore85]

Why do we do it to ourselves!? Getting our hopes up that is, when our bodies clearly love to mess us about.

I haven't kept a track of anything in while, didn't take a mental note of when my best fertile days would be (even though i recognise the signs when they appear now) or even take note of when my last period was or would be due (yet again can just tell when shes going to make an appearance). That was until this month, (TMI alert!) had two days in a row where i woke up rather damp down below, now i have heard that could be one of the many 'signs'. However that was only for two days, I also had other 'signs' mainly feeling queasy and faint and extremely bloated. Then when I finally think my torment of symptoms is over as my period arrived it only lasts for 1 DAY!!!!



Very confused and thoroughly annoyed!

 

[nobump]

Went to see the gymnastics today. Took my mum. Wee bit of escapism. On day five of DR. But lady behind had two kids with her. Ok but youngest must have been 2 or 3. To young to sit through 3 hours of gymnastics. I really didn't want to here ba ba black sheep over and over. Poor thing was asking for her buggy she wanted to sleep.

 

[DBZ34]

Wanting to be bitchy and snarky about the "only trying for one month, this is hard" nonsense, but realizing that I don't want to be *that* infertile woman. But, I am totally turning into that woman... Stop the ride, I want to get off now.

Also, seeing pictures of the baby bump I'm going to be up close and personal with in October all over fb. I'm so happy for them, but so sad for me and I have no idea how I'm going to deal with it in person. Let's just hope I'm preggo, so I can just focus on the happy.

 

[sammyttc]

I have had so many people as of late specifically email *ME* photos of their babies, or ask me to come visit the little one. I just want to scream that I don't need any more reminders of what I can't have. I do love wee ones, but right now I find I just need distance to prevent more heart ache...

 

[wantbabynow]

Hello Ladies, this is the first time I'm posting on this thread. I'm going into my second year of trying for baby 1. I've been reading some of the comments which made me laugh (that never happens on any other thread), the girls at work are very supportive but always say the same thing "it will happen, stop worrying" they just don't understand. Does anyone have any good techniques to deal with the anxiety - I wake up in the middle of the night or I the supermarket on in my car with this sinking feeing that I am fooling myself by being happy with no children. I am really struggling with t anxiety every month. At first I used to fight with my husband over not marrying me sooner when I was younger and how he robbed me of my child baring years!!! But I wasn't ready then either (I'm 32, he's 33 been together for 8 years just got married last year,) and soon realised that was making the problem even worse. Now the anxiety is manifesting itself as pure lonely sad depression, sitting on the stair crying into my hands and wailing when no one is listening -please girls give me some coping mechanisms; don't know how much more pain I can take.

 

[PiggieFarmer]

please girls give me some coping mechanisms

I haven't figured out anything to completely dull the pain, but the closest I have come to is "keep busy" or "always have something to look forward to." Lately for us that means travel... we seems to always have a trip to somewhere interesting planned.

For a while we didn't make long-term plans (especially travel) because we might be pregnant, now we have a policy of not letting the (unlikely) possibility of pregnancy get in the way. Like I said, it doesn't solve the problem, but at least our lives aren't completely on hold while we work through this.

I hope that helps...

 

[madtowngirl]

Hello Ladies, this is the first time I'm posting on this thread. I'm going into my second year of trying for baby 1. I've been reading some of the comments which made me laugh (that never happens on any other thread), the girls at work are very supportive but always say the same thing "it will happen, stop worrying" they just don't understand. Does anyone have any good techniques to deal with the anxiety - I wake up in the middle of the night or I the supermarket on in my car with this sinking feeing that I am fooling myself by being happy with no children. I am really struggling with t anxiety every month. At first I used to fight with my husband over not marrying me sooner when I was younger and how he robbed me of my child baring years!!! But I wasn't ready then either (I'm 32, he's 33 been together for 8 years just got married last year,) and soon realised that was making the problem even worse. Now the anxiety is manifesting itself as pure lonely sad depression, sitting on the stair crying into my hands and wailing when no one is listening -please girls give me some coping mechanisms; don't know how much more pain I can take.

I agree with PiggieFarmer, the best coping mechanism I've found is to keep busy, and not plan my life around the possibility of pregnancy. It's always going to be in the back of your mind, but you shouldn't let it put your life on hold. All that will give you is regret.

Also, try and set aside some time to do something special with your DH. Don't make it ttc-centric. It's important to keep working on your marriage, because lttc can put a tremendous strain on your relationship.

Good luck, and use this forum as a place to let out your frustrations. It is an amazing place for support.