Long Term Trying To Conceive Vent Thread

[Moma Ali]

hi girls, not sure if this is a rant or just a realisation that really hurt but a friend made a point in a conversation earlier that for some reason never hit me before (guess because its something id never personally consider obviously so have never thought about, in fact I try hard not to think about) but they stated thay couldnt understand why fertility treatment isnt free because its a 'non nessacery lifestyle choice' but abortion is free

my clinic alway made me uncomfortable with masses of opt in abortion support posters and mixed waiting areas (like its not cruel to make us watch the women how are throwing everything we want away) but I honestly never thought of how unfair it is that we are getting charged for our so called 'lifestyle' choice which we had no say in because its an actual medical problem (just non life threatening) and they arent getting charged for there non medical 'lifestyle' choices because they didnt bother to prevent properly and cant be bothered to commit... surely either BOTH should be free or NEITHER should be free

 

[tommyg]

I presume you are talking NHS, I'm not saying its right or wrong but abortion in the Uk is never done as a "lifestyle" choice it is only done on medical grounds mental or physical health.

Although it does seem very insensitive to have both clinics sharing the same waiting area.

 

[DBZ34]

I'm kind of over women who pop into my LTTTC boards with their "I just wanted to tell you my story of how I got pregnant"...If I wanted to hear success stories from random women I haven't heard of before, I'd go to the LTTTC BFP thread or something.

The people who give me hope are the women I've been getting to know over the long years I've spent TTC and watching them go on to have their babies and their rainbows. These are the women that keep me going and make me believe, even the ones I know just because they are BnB friends with one of my BnB friends.

Random lady from who knows where? Not even helping a little bit. It feels more like someone rubbing their pregnancy in my face, especially when they aren't a part of the group or the conversation and they just randomly decide to pop in and tell me about how they got pregnant. Nevermind when they pop into multiple groups I'm a part of and I have to see it repeatedly. Seriously, I'm over it. Ugh.

 

[wannabemummyb]

dBZ34 - I couldn't agree more. It really annoys me - especially when they say they were lttcer said! If they were they would know how hard it is! Your right it feels like they are gloating!

 

[Moma Ali]

I get that too, I get annoyed when they pop up to say

'people told me to relax, I tried for 4 years and then I stopped trying and must of relaxed because now im pregnant so relaxing does work'

I have actually been there and been pregnant against the doctors odds twice now, both times happened to be cycles where we werent trying that cycle but do you know what that proves... NOTHING - it was a damn coincidence as we have had many, many, many cycles like that and we didnt even start to worry until 2 years in (plus I had 3 years with my ex too where I was ntnp) so if it was just about 'not stressing and relaxing' I would of had more than a dozen pregnancies by now

its basically the same as going into the loss support telling someone 'just dont stress and you wont miscarry anymore because it worked for me'

just increadibly stupid and insensative

 

[CruzinMomma]

Hi All,
I am tired of explaining to people how I could be married for 8 years and still have no children. I especially hate the "why don't we just adopt, get a surrogate or do foster care, as if those options were any cheaper than the IVF we couldn't afford?

 

[Moma Ali]

Hi All,
I am tired of explaining to people how I could be married for 8 years and still have no children. I especially hate the "why don't we just adopt, get a surrogate or do foster care, as if those options were any cheaper than the IVF we couldn't afford?

I hear that sort of thing from my non-maternal animal rescuer friends when they talk about infertility, they have some wierd view of adoption like you just walk in a pick the one you like and sign a form just like they did with their dogs and cats

they dont seem to grasp that its hard and expensive and effects lots of peoples lives - this isnt oliver twist, you cant/dont just visit a work house and say ill give you x amount for that one then take the child home

 

[Annie36]

Hello,

I'm new to forums and am not sure where I should post a question but am hoping that you ladies could help... has anyone had any experience using the Stork Conception Aid?

Thanks in advance x

 

[Moma Ali]

im tired of waiting... grrr

this is not even fully baby related but im sick of waiting for everything, my life is spent waiting - waiting for letter, waiting for phone calls, waiting for other people to be free

I applied for IVF 9 months ago in person so I know they got the forms and they still havnt replied - I could of had a baby in that time

as of today though im waiting on like 6 confirmation emails for things and nothing, not to mention 8 packages that where ordered 2 months ago that still havent arrived... just plain sick of it, I make a point in life to always be on time because its DISRESPECTFUL not to be and to make people wait but no othet person/company seems to offer the same respect back

 

[Moma Ali]

well seems a bit better, 2 confirmations have since come through... sometimes a good complain is all it takes to get stuff moving but im sick of the stress
sorry for the rants

 

[nobump]

One year ago today I was recovering from EC from my second IVF. It failed. Not had energy to go through a third cycle. Had severe menstrual bleeding up until May when I had an op to remove a fibroid. Turned 40 this year, didn't respond well to stims. Thought I was starting to come round to life with no kids. But anniversaries of cycles....

Please tell me it will get easier.

 

[nobump]

Why do folk bring babies into the office unannounced.

When she was told about an upcoming night out and ask if she was drinking again. She noted she was back on just after giving birth. Yeah for you.

 

[MissCassie]

Finally came round to telling my sister about me and my partner doing ivf. And that we are on our second cycle and how heart breaking it is when it fails. She said to.my best friend "its all too draining"

So I regret even telling her now..

 

[CareBear]

I want a baby, want did I do to deserve this! 8 years infertility and counting, might even have been longer surely I've suffered enough? Please let me have a miracle

 

[lady124]

Hi All,
I am tired of explaining to people how I could be married for 8 years and still have no children. I especially hate the "why don't we just adopt, get a surrogate or do foster care, as if those options were any cheaper than the IVF we couldn't afford?

.... Or a substitute for that matter... Why did they decide to have their own children instead of adopting... Nothing wrong with adopting or trying other ways, but i'd love to have the opportunity to carry my own child

 

[CareBear]

So this isn't really a rant but I don't want to start a new thread. I'm slightly obsessed with watching Tom Fletcher's (from mcfly) wedding speech, particularly at times I'm feeling low or anxious because whilst it makes me cry it's also so beautiful. Anyway whilst watching it tonight (because I have some serious anxiety going on) I realised that not being able to get pregnant isn't just about not being able to get pregnant and not having my own bioloigical child, it's more. I won't get to have my child christened, I won't get to celebrate or commissarate exam results, or see them go to prom or see them get married. There are so many events to grieve and this grief will last for the rest of my life.

I have come to accept that at 36 years of age and having been ttcing for 8 years and possibly longer I am highly unlikely to get pregnant, I am not at peace with it. I accept it but I hate that reality. Crafting a life with no children when you are surrounded by couples having children and a family is all you expected to have is not easy. People think it is, double income no no kids seems great those outside but they don't experience the pain I carry on a daily basis.

I often say to my oh that I will be one of those woman who finds themselves unexpectedly pregnant at 40. I think that is my subconscious hanging on to one last hope. And whilst I would be ecastic at final being pregnant I have to say that it would also come with some amount of trepidation now. I have health issues which have flared up this year which adds to that but I think terror would acompany my happiness a lot more now than it would have had a fallen pregnant when we started trying. The older I get the harder I think it would be to change my mindset seeing as I have had to spend the last couple of years telling myself I won't have children. I would also be classed as a high risk pregnancy and would be at higher risk of things like downs. Whilst I would not love my child any less these are things that have to be taken seriously.

I have deviated slightly off point, I realised tonight you have to grieve and it's not just about grieving no pregnancy and no child, it's all those events you don't get to experience and my heart breaks because you take it for granted that it would happen. You don't think it won't until you find you can't get pregnant.

 

[Arohanui]

Last week a stranger in a pub asks me how old I am and if my husband and I have children, then lectures me about how fertility decreases at 35, tells me getting pregnant is easy (all you have to do is have sex on the right day - he knows because his wife works in sexual health and fertility) and asks me how I could be so selfish not having any children yet at my age. A STRANGER!

 

[Moma Ali]

been gone a little while but just had to vent somewhere... 4 of the worst people I know just gave birth recently

where is KARMA? this just isnt fair anymore

1. these include the girl who harrassed me for no reason, tried to distroy my life (even commited identy theft in phoning places up pretending to be me) and tried to get my son taken off me claiming im abusive (which was found to be a completely unfounded complaint) and has been arrest 3 times for domestic violance including glassing her fiance in the head

2. my alcohol addicted neighbor who has been arrested multiple times for drunken assalt and im certain is a domestic abuser from what I can unforunatly hear from his house, I had to get a no contact order from the police to get him to stop threatening me and my family

3. a girl who had an affair got pregnant then ditched her kid with the grandaparents to go live a party lifestyle all the while while slagging off the girl whose marraige she ruined's children for being disabled and claiming only bad parents birth disabled children (the most rediculos crap I have ever heard) and has now done it all again with someone else

and

4. a girl who has never been in a relationship for longer than 3 months, had her first kid at 16 and has been pregnant 4 times to different men and everytime she gets dumped threatens abortion, adoption, suicide/murder etc... shes very unstable and has serious issues, I actually feel very sorry for her but she needs to learn getting pregnant wont make a man stay with her, shes still only a child really (still in her teens) but these life choices dont just effect her theres now innocent children stuck in the middle of her drama's

why can they have children with ease???
all of them have legitimate issues either anger or emotional but they pop out children easily
Its not fair, they all have multiple children and they treat them like crap... ITS NOT FAIR

 

[Moma Ali]

some one I know just posted a fake pregancy announcement as a 'joke'... WTF is wrong with people???

im angry and hurt and going to run out of 'friends' if I keep having to delete people

 

[nobump]

I work with a mixed age team. A few in the team have have children, some planned child free, others are young. Mid to late twenties. Often talking about when they plan to have a kid in a few years. I want to shout at them things not be that simple. It can take years or not happen at all. But then again they maybe the lucky ones... and I wasn't.