Long Term Trying To Conceive Vent Thread

[DBZ34]

We are officially giving up. Thank you all for your support over the years; we just can't do it anymore. We're honestly exhausted. We send much love and baby dust to all of you and hope to adopt from here. Our story is here: https://www.thisbodyofwork.com/blog/2016/1/25/bodyloveandinfertility

I loved your blog post. It's beautiful and so real and...just thank you for putting it out there. So many people just don't get it. I'm sorry that you're exhausted and have been through so much.

 

[hmmohrma]

Been ttc my second baby for 23 months with 3 losses and it's just taken its toll, I feel well and truly defeated!

Also absolutely sick to death of hearing 'just relax and it will happen' and 'at least you have one child'. No I'm sorry just relaxing won't help because I have medical issues that make ttc harder like pcos and anovulatory cycles and now in pretty sure I may have low progesterone which I why I can't sustain a pregnancy. And yes I'm am more than aware I have a child and I know I am extremely blessed as it took me 5 years of heartache before I was blessed with him, but that doesn't mean losing my other pregnancies should be any less devasting, it doesn't mean that I shouldn't have a need inside to want more children for my son to have a sibling and our family be complete! I really am ready to punch someone in the face with their shitty advice! Rant over...

I am so with you on being tired of advice. Yes, please tell me how I should relax so I stop having miscarriages. Really, I know you don't mean to say, "You're killing your babies," but come on, people! It is hard not to read it that way. After over a year of this, I just tell people straight up, "That is not our issue, and what you are saying is not helpful but does make me feel like crap!" Especially not being a parent yet and listening to all of my in laws and other people with all of their unplanned, easy pregnancies... I have faith it will eventually work for us, but I do not think I will ever have an easy or calm pregnancy.

 

[nobump]

Big bang no longer a child free zone. One less chill out / destress program. Oh and they just had an accident!

 

[Myshelsong]

Big bang no longer a child free zone. One less chill out / destress program. Oh and they just had an accident!

I was just saying this to my husband. Nothing on tv is safe for me anymore! Everyone just hilariously gets pregnant right away or my accident after one time of not using a condom! Like seriously wtf I hate everything right now

 

[wannabemummyb]

Big bang no longer a child free zone. One less chill out / destress program. Oh and they just had an accident!

Yep, I thought the same!

 

[Tink80]

Truly just want to give up. Feel so angry. Feel so numb. As soon as I'm sure I'm out, some tiny piece of hope bubbles up and grows into something big enough to let me back down again. Tired of this game. Tired of hoping. Screw it all.

 

[Nikky86]

Yeppp i feel the same way everyone around me have kids or pregnant i have stayed away from my friends anybody with small kids because no one understands and all they can say is calm down have hope one day just pray Relax blahhh

at first i though my problem was i didnt ovulate so im ovulating and Nothing
this is just Unbelievable

 

[Myshelsong]

I hate you pregnant lady that tried for only two years as I sit here at five and another negative.
I know I shouldn't because you are also a ltttc lady and I know how horrible it feels, but I have the serious jealous hatred right now.

 

[amanda1235]

I hate you pregnant lady that tried for only two years as I sit here at five and another negative.
I know I shouldn't because you are also a ltttc lady and I know how horrible it feels, but I have the serious jealous hatred right now.

I totally hear ya. My best friend is also ttc, and I'm silently praying every month that the doesn't get pregnant. I just can't help but hate everyone who is pregnant or has a baby. Oh, and i just found out I have yet one more issue (lining) that could be preventing me from getting pregnant.

 

[still hopping]

My new sister in law who just got married after a two year relationship was saying the other day that they may start trying to have a baby... If she gets pregnant before I do I will crumble... I have been in a relationship with my husband for almost 18 years, married for 8 and TTC for 7... I am the person who is going to provide the first grandchild in this family... you are not taking that away from me!!!
I love her, but what she just said made me so angry and scared at the same time... I can't control how I feel about it... It's so horrible to feel this way!!

 

[xlouloux]

I am so FED UP of the constant comments about me "needing" to have children now that I'm 25! People have gone from asking if I want them to telling me that I should have a couple by now, thanks very much society. My body deals with enough stress on it's own.

LTTC has been and probably will the most enlightening journey ever for us. How considerate I am now when approaching the subject with other women makes me proud that I have learned so much.

Just the other day my Mom told one of her younger friends who had just given birth a couple of months ago not to have any more children, I asked my Mom why she said that, as she may not have been able to have any more children. My Mom simply laughed it off, but when she spoke to her again she apologised to the lady, and it turns out she only has a very small chance of conceiving again. The lady then said she expected comments like that and just accepted it, how sad is that?

More of us need to be taught about infertility at a younger age, how to broach the subject with health professionals and to be taken seriously and discuss it openly, I did not learn one thing about infertility at school. We should think before we speak, many times I've had to hold my own out in public from comments that mean no harm, but do more harm than good. Once a month I will sit and cry, my heart will break all over again but I will restart, refresh and carry on living with HOPE.

Sorry this turned in to a mini rant.

 

[tammym1974]

I'm tired of listening to an office full of coworkers talk about their kids....CONSTANTLY. Every one in my office has kids except for me and one other girl and she's in her early twenties.

Really tired of being reminded about what I can't have.

 

[clara_nb]

Thanks to everyone who has shared their thoughts, grief, anger, jealousy, and hope. Reading through your posts has made me feel so much more normal for having such mixed (and often negative) emotions when I hear of friends, family, and others getting pregnant. Women in my family seem to get pregnant when their husbands sneeze on them (except my mom, who had secondary infertility with me). My sister and cousin both conceived on their first try (with her first, my cousin wasn't even trying). I'm almost 30, so it seems like everyone around me is having a baby (or has several children) right now. I have been TTC for over a year and I know that that isn't long compared with some of your stories...

I am in a same sex relationship which means we always need to rely on a third party to conceive (whether that's super expensive fertility clinics, or the known donor we are now working with). We have to travel in order to meet up with our donor or to receive IUI treatment. It has been expensive and frustrating. Again, I know many have it worse than we do. Earlier someone talked about constantly being asked when she would be starting a family, and how upsetting that is. I definitely understanding that, but what is more upsetting to me in many ways, though, is that people just assume we won't have children so they don't ask us when we're going to start a family (although my sister got asked constantly at my age).

I want to be happy for the people in my life who have gotten pregnant or now have kids. I know we are still hopeful that our day will come. I want to be an awesome aunt to my nephew but my heart breaks a little more every day and I need to find ways to stay strong...

 

[DBZ34]

Sometimes I look at pictures of my in-laws with my niece on fb and I can't help but wonder if they're thinking that she will be their only grandchild...I'm worried she might be the only grandchild if things don't turn around for us.

I guess I still have years before I'm at the "advanced maternal age" stage but I've been at this for years. When will it be my turn?

 

[MasonsMommy11]

I don't know where else to turn. I was on here a few years ago (end of 2012?) when my husband and I were trying to conceive. Well here I am, still, no baby, no bfp, nothing. Nada. Zip. I've been on and off again about whether I worry about getting pregnant. It's been about 3 1/2 years since we started to "try", which was a combination between actual trying and ntnp. But I go to pick my son up this evening from his biological father, and he tells me that him and his girlfriend are now 6 weeks pregnant. What a shocking blow to my self esteem. I try for 3 years, and I get absolutely nothing. He tries for 6 months (or less, I didn't ask the details) and poof, magically pregnant. I am a Christian, but a very loose one, if that makes sense. I'm new to my religion. But this just makes me feel like whoever is up there has got it out for me. My 5 year old keeps asking when I'll get a baby in my belly and how much he wants a brother or sister. And now this, and I feel horrible, and angry and frustrated. And all I feel like doing is crying and I don't know how to cope right now and I have no friends, or family really, that I can turn to. My husband doesn't understand. He's mad that my ex gets to have a baby and he doesn't, but he doesn't understand the deep down raw emotional stab that that is to me. I'm currently in my living room crying my eyes out while he's snoring away inside our bedroom. And I don't know who to turn to. I'm just incredibly upset. I've been struggling with my thyroid for a little over a year now, and I have it under control, and I've lost weight, but obviously not enough. and GRRRR.

 

[clara_nb]

MasonsMommy, I can definitely relate to how you are feeling. My ex from way back now has two kids with his new wife (in addition to the child he had when we were together). It seemed to magically happen for them, too.

Having someone to talk to is so important and I hope you find support through forums like these. I'm not sure where you live, but is there an affordable counselling service (or do you have benefits through insurance/work)? I have seen a counsellor to share some of my feelings because no one in my life (except my mom) can relate to how I'm feeling (or wants to listen to it over and over, lol) and I've found it helpful.

Have you talked to your dr about the length of time you've been trying to conceive? This could be especially helpful if you are over 35, but even if not, he or she might be able to help (although you have probably been down that road). I am also assuming you have checked out sites for tips -- I found those helpful too (although I'm still TTC so they clearly haven't done the full trick for me). For example, I had no idea that most lubes are mildly spermicidal and that PreSeed (or natural oils etc) are the only safe lubes while TTC.

Sometimes it helps just to have people to vent to -- so vent away!

 

[VanillaSugar]

I've never in my life wanted to slap a person so hard in my struggle with LTTTC, like I wanted to slap my friend's new friend, who BTW lives across the street from me.

Not only does she judge my husband and our marriage, but she somehow manages to say every possible wrong thing to say to a person who has been LTTTC.

"When I had my baby---"
Yes. Thats right. You have a baby. Remind me again, why don't you?
"I totally understand how you feel. It took me 7 months to get pregnant!"
You're kidding, right? Are you trying to make me hate you?
"Maybe you're just not meant to have a baby."
Every fiber of my being is restraining myself from slapping you.
"It will happen naturally if you stop trying."
You're right. I should just stop right now, and I'm sure I will be blessed with a child that falls from the sky into my arms.
"It's because your stressed."
You, ma'am, stress me out.
"Are you not worried if you and your husband have a baby at this point, it won't be healthy?"
Are you not concerned for your health while saying that to me?
"You're young though! Don't worry about it!"
Oh yeah! You're right! Imagine how much more harder it will be when I'm older!

She even requested that I stop trying to have a baby, till I'm "good with" myself. Like, what? What does that even mean, and how dare you!?

I've spoken to this woman 3 times and I hate her guts. I'm not sure how I manage to keep myself smiling and nodding my head through her BS. Last night I told my close friend I can't stand her new friend and that she's insensitive. My friend had the nerve to defend this person, saying she is just really open with her feelings. There is open, and then there is entitlement. This woman is so high on her horse she assumes her opinion and thoughts mean something to me when it comes to mine and my husband struggle to get pregnant for 3 years, AND that she somehow "understands" and knows it all, and thus has a right to talk to me about such personal issues.

 

[PrincessTaz]

I've never in my life wanted to slap a person so hard in my struggle with LTTTC, like I wanted to slap my friend's new friend, who BTW lives across the street from me.

Not only does she judge my husband and our marriage, but she somehow manages to say every possible wrong thing to say to a person who has been LTTTC.

"When I had my baby---"
Yes. Thats right. You have a baby. Remind me again, why don't you?
"I totally understand how you feel. It took me 7 months to get pregnant!"
You're kidding, right? Are you trying to make me hate you?
"Maybe you're just not meant to have a baby."
Every fiber of my being is restraining myself from slapping you.
"It will happen naturally if you stop trying."
You're right. I should just stop right now, and I'm sure I will be blessed with a child that falls from the sky into my arms.
"It's because your stressed."
You, ma'am, stress me out.
"Are you not worried if you and your husband have a baby at this point, it won't be healthy?"
Are you not concerned for your health while saying that to me?
"You're young though! Don't worry about it!"
Oh yeah! You're right! Imagine how much more harder it will be when I'm older!

She even requested that I stop trying to have a baby, till I'm "good with" myself. Like, what? What does that even mean, and how dare you!?

I've spoken to this woman 3 times and I hate her guts. I'm not sure how I manage to keep myself smiling and nodding my head through her BS. Last night I told my close friend I can't stand her new friend and that she's insensitive. My friend had the nerve to defend this person, saying she is just really open with her feelings. There is open, and then there is entitlement. This woman is so high on her horse she assumes her opinion and thoughts mean something to me when it comes to mine and my husband struggle to get pregnant for 3 years, AND that she somehow "understands" and knows it all, and thus has a right to talk to me about such personal issues.

Omg I want to slap her for you! Slap her over and over and over again! I don't understand how people can be so insensitive, I mean is she stupid or something?! I'm so sorry you e had to deal with her insensitive comments and down right rude suggestions, can't believe your friend would even try and excuse that behavior. I'd just have to tell her outright she needs to just shut the "f**k up!'

 

[wannabemummyb]

My friend who has a lovely 6 month old asked how we are getting on trying - when I almost broke down in the restaurant (while holding her baby) to tell her we'd had two miscarriages in the last 6 months, her reaction was that I should just get drunk and get jiggy as it worked for her. I hadn't told her before because she was pregnant during one and I waste ting to be sensitive to her, and not make her feel awkward! I pointed out that getting pregnant is only half my issue - not losing it once I was a major factor and getting drunk to conceive will be indifferent!

 

[Firefly Skies]

I am so FED UP of the constant comments about me "needing" to have children now that I'm 25! People have gone from asking if I want them to telling me that I should have a couple by now, thanks very much society. My body deals with enough stress on it's own.

LTTC has been and probably will the most enlightening journey ever for us. How considerate I am now when approaching the subject with other women makes me proud that I have learned so much.

Just the other day my Mom told one of her younger friends who had just given birth a couple of months ago not to have any more children, I asked my Mom why she said that, as she may not have been able to have any more children. My Mom simply laughed it off, but when she spoke to her again she apologised to the lady, and it turns out she only has a very small chance of conceiving again. The lady then said she expected comments like that and just accepted it, how sad is that?

More of us need to be taught about infertility at a younger age, how to broach the subject with health professionals and to be taken seriously and discuss it openly, I did not learn one thing about infertility at school. We should think before we speak, many times I've had to hold my own out in public from comments that mean no harm, but do more harm than good. Once a month I will sit and cry, my heart will break all over again but I will restart, refresh and carry on living with HOPE.

Sorry this turned in to a mini rant.

This is exactly why I am now very open about TTC and how long we have been trying. I've actually been trying for so long that people have forgotten that I started in the first place, or they think we stopped trying. Which, I'll admit that I personally am not attacking it with the same vigor that I once was, but I'm still hoping.

My mother is coming to see me this summer. One of my more crass coworkers actually said to me, "Maybe you'll have some [[wink]] good news to tell her? You want to make her a grandmother, don't you?"

I just cooly responded, "Well I've been trying to make that happen for the last three years; I don't think it's up to me anymore, is it?"

It doesn't even upset me much anymore, it just boggles my mind how people can be so thoughtless about that subject. Another coworker took it upon herself to say, "Well there's still hope," followed by all this information about adoption. While I feel like she meant it with good intentions, I don't think it's appropriate to bring the subject up so heavy-handed. There's a difference between: "Are you guys considering adoption?" and "Well it looks like conceiving is hopeless for you, so here's all this information about adopting because that's probably your only option."

But I just stay calm, and try to say things that will make people think about how they word things the next time they say something.