LTTTC # 1 w/o Assisted teammates needed!!!!

[Titi]

Hi Yomo,

I agree completely that everything happens for a reason-and you are right, I know it's hard for a lot of LTTTCers to here that phrase, but I find it does really help me to trust that. I have found, over the years that so many things that happened to me at first that I thought were bad turned out to be GOOD-and vice versa! Without seeing the big picture down the road, you never know.

That is one of the things I am trying to focus on right now...........what am I meant to be doing in the meantime? Like I said in an earlier post-there must be a reason we don't have baby yet-and I feel like I need to find the reason instead of putting all my focus into TTC.......

I basically generally still have a pretty good attitude about this whole thing, and life in general....what gets me every time is the hormones at the end of my LP. I always get super sensitive/emotional for a few days near the end of my cycle. I could find anything really to get more upset about than normal but I guess it always focuses lately on the TTC thing b/c it is always coinciding with another cycle.

DH really eased my mind last night and was so sweet, bless him. We saw pg pics of a relative on FB that got their BFP right away and was drinking at 4-5 mo. pg. It just reminded me of that same old pitiful "why not us?" feeling, and I teared up and shared that with DH. I said, "What are we going to do?"

He said, "We just keep trying until we get pg". I said, "What if we CANT get pg? At our ages we can't just try for a decade and then find out it can't happen?" He said, "Sure we can"-so matter of factly that I said, "Every time now I see another pg lady, or a bean or a baby, I want to cry. Doesn't it hurt your heart too like that?"

He said, "I don't know-I guess so, maybe a little bit, but its really fun trying, too.".

That was the part that blew me away. Its really fun trying???? He really thinks that way??? I was like, What??? Seriously????? I thought that BD was the worst part of it! That you get worn out by the BD part/SOD, etc....."

He said, that of course he gets worn out by the end of BD but that he loves the fact that we are trying to make a baby and the excitement and wonder that it could happen any time........Isn't that crazy? Sorry for the long post-but I wanted to share that. Here I was thinking I needed to take a break soon as this can't be good for marriage all this LTTTC all the time, and thinking he hates the BD sex the most b/c it is so planned and rigid in the timing/position/lubricants, etc. etc. and I was so wrong-

 

[Whitbit22]

That made me cry it is so sweet. Im actually thinking about giving up or going back to NTNP because of my Dh. One minute hes on board and the next hes in left field! You're so lucky. Im o'ing and my Dh is fishing! Lol

I just want a family! Im frustrated...

 

[Titi]

Don't lose hope Whit-One of the reasons I didn't know my DH felt like that is b/c he never seems as excited as me-esp. when it comes to BD. I really feel like I have to remind him all day long I am OV and wait for him to finish whatever else he is doing and then drag him into bedroom. The month I had my transvag ultrasound which happened to show a ripe follicle (so exciting for me as who knew if I was even making eggs before that) he was not able to BD at ALL that cycle for one reason or another.

 

[Whitbit22]

Aww.. It seems like if I try to remind my Dh he wants to even less! I really dont know if we are falling apart or what! I am starting to get really upset even though Im trying not to. Ill try not to give up yet.

 

[Jaimie2Eyes]

Aw Titi - I just LOVE what your husband said in response to your concerns. I had that same conversation with DH a few weeks ago, after his SA, and he said "it isn't the end of the world if we don't have a baby". That rubbed me the wrong way. But i'm an optimist and he isn't so...I donno - I just feel like it is too early to be saying stuff like that. But I understand because I have been pretty obsessed the past few cycles and I think he just needs a break from my constant focus on it. And he wants reassurance that even if we don't get pg I am still happy with him and our marriage. It is just tough because at this age you feel like you time is running out to just keep trying and hope for the best - and you have no idea how to cope if trying doesn't give you what you want. I really dig what you are saying about whether or not it is "our turn" vs. just having faith that there is a divine "plan" and we just have to trust in that. TTC is teaching me LOADS about that duality!

Whitbit - it is very encouraging to hear that you've been able to take breaks. I often wonder if I'll be able to do that because like Titi - I just don't know if I can keep doing this every cycle.

Howdy Yomo!

Titi - what you said about the pg lady with the gorgeous bump sitting right next to you totally cracked me up. Yesterday I accepted the fact that I am a baby and bump magnet - they seem to run into me everywhere i go! seriously - where can I go where there are NO BUMPS and lovely, chubby little babies? they pull on my heart and drive me crazy!! And what are we supposed to do with this time in our lives that we assumed would be filled with pregnancy and babies? There must be something more meaningful than longing and obsessing over our cycles? Perhaps the lesson is how to cope with the longing but also living in the present and appreciating what we have, even when we keep thinking about what we don't have.

woa - got all deep on y'all, didn't i? tee hee

 

[Titi]

Aww.. It seems like if I try to remind my Dh he wants to even less! I really dont know if we are falling apart or what! I am starting to get really upset even though Im trying not to. Ill try not to give up yet.

Are you able to have a sit down talk with him proper? Maybe tell him its hard as women not to focus so much on what we want when it comes to ttc but that you really want to know how HE has been feeling?

My DH doesn't share ANY of this without serious prompting. And then it takes him a while to figure how he feels. But once he does he is really open about it. What I have learned, for him anyways-is that he doesn't want to just feel like "a sperm donor". If we only had sex for BD as SOD he would not be a very happy guy. I have to really make sure to give him extra special attention during the non-fertile time to make sure he feels like I still "want him" for all the reasons we used to have sex before TTC.

Also-I think there is truth to the fact they want to feel like we are still happy with our lives with them-either way. My DH wants a baby so bad.........but also unlike me, he is really enjoying all the things we are able to do childless right now b/c in his mind he is sure it's going to happen so why not enjoy our alone time before its gone? He REALLY does not like to dwell on any negative or the possibility of it not happening.

 

[Titi]

Aw Titi - I just LOVE what your husband said in response to your concerns. I had that same conversation with DH a few weeks ago, after his SA, and he said "it isn't the end of the world if we don't have a baby". That rubbed me the wrong way. But i'm an optimist and he isn't so...I donno - I just feel like it is too early to be saying stuff like that. But I understand because I have been pretty obsessed the past few cycles and I think he just needs a break from my constant focus on it. And he wants reassurance that even if we don't get pg I am still happy with him and our marriage. It is just tough because at this age you feel like you time is running out to just keep trying and hope for the best - and you have no idea how to cope if trying doesn't give you what you want. I really dig what you are saying about whether or not it is "our turn" vs. just having faith that there is a divine "plan" and we just have to trust in that. TTC is teaching me LOADS about that duality!

Whitbit - it is very encouraging to hear that you've been able to take breaks. I often wonder if I'll be able to do that because like Titi - I just don't know if I can keep doing this every cycle.

Howdy Yomo!

Titi - what you said about the pg lady with the gorgeous bump sitting right next to you totally cracked me up. Yesterday I accepted the fact that I am a baby and bump magnet - they seem to run into me everywhere i go! seriously - where can I go where there are NO BUMPS and lovely, chubby little babies? they pull on my heart and drive me crazy!! And what are we supposed to do with this time in our lives that we assumed would be filled with pregnancy and babies? There must be something more meaningful than longing and obsessing over our cycles? Perhaps the lesson is how to cope with the longing but also living in the present and appreciating what we have, even when we keep thinking about what we don't have.

woa - got all deep on y'all, didn't i? tee hee

It's okay to get deep-we can all help each other find meaning in our waits.

Being a bump magnet is funny. DH started a game with me, I think to try and lighten those situations (albeit not a very nice game)......called "Fat or Pregnant??" This is what he now whispers to me every time we spot a bump........but he does it other times to-to raise my spirits-like if we see a guy with a really big beer belly.
Sometimes I am just obsessed with the bumps and stare-I mean-I can't imagine what it would be like to have one. Other times, it isn't so good. Once after a few drinks on cd1 I burst into tears in Target. Maybe I need to get over this before I'll be blessed with a bean!

 

[Titi]

OH-PS Jaimie. I forgot to mention that the SA results were probably the lowest time in our TTC for DH-although he still says "It is what it is" and "not a big deal-just do what you can to fix what you can". I think he was really really hoping we just hadn't caught the eggy yet and I think it is really hard on their male egos to think that they are the problem. He kept insisting for a while that he thought the lab waited too long. I know he didn't really believe it, as his health was crap, but he kept saying it.

 

[Whitbit22]

Oh my!
Jaimie- I think we all must be bump magnets! I have seen more bumps and women with babies on hips this week than ever! I try not to let it get me down too bad but its hard!
Titi- That bump game is really funny! Its good to be able to laugh about it once in a while. And I guess maybe I need to work on communication. Sometimes I just assume he understands what I mean. I guess we all have our own interpretation of things! So I did tell him I was O'ing, although I assumed he knew that which was bad of me! I apparently confuse him.. I told him we needed to Bd before I O, but he took that to mean we shouldnt do it WHILE I was O'ing! Bless his heart. I guess I need to try to chill out and stop getting my panties in such a wad! I feel awful.

I've been trying to give him extra love but things are a little weird at the moment. Dont think he has adjusted to my new attitude just yet but hopefully he will come around. Thank you ladies for your support! Today has been such a rollercoaster of emotions! One minute we are wrestling around and the next minute we are mad or I am crying ugh. He said I was a crybaby and I called him insensitive and explained I was very emotional and feeling misunderstood and then we BD'd! Weird, hope the rest of the day is better!

 

[Jaimie2Eyes]

Aw whitbit - I really feel for ya. I didn't realize until ttc that some cycles, my ov window is just like pms. I get very emotional and uptight and sometimes I piss my DH off so much that he has no interest in BDing, which pisses me off even more! It is a vicious cycle. I hope you are able to find some ground and take it easy on yourself. It took me a while to realize that I need to be in it for the long haul and can't get on such a roller coaster every cycle.

Titi - I am especially impressed that your DH was able to turn his lifestyle around after feeling so low after the SA. That is incredibly tough on their egos, isn't it? And I hope you don't worry about missing that one cycle after the imagining of your follicles - if they ripened that time I'll be they ripen every time - whether a dildo cam catches it or not

 

[Jaimie2Eyes]

Doh! I meant to put a rofl guy after that last sentence but hit submit instead! I didn't realize those cams existed till I got on bnb and now I love to say that cause it cracks me up. Hope you don't mind!

 

[Titi]

ha ha dildo cam!

Yes-I agree Whit with Jaimie-I actually JUST realized that at the beginning of my fertile period I am all peachy and at the end I am kind of a beeyotch!! I can really relate to pissing of DH so that he is not feeling very sexy toward me and then the poor guy is the bad one if he doesn't want to bd at ov, ha ha.

Whit-DH & I are REALLY close-bestest of friends and it has taken me a DECADE AND counseling (2 years before & during engagement) to actually learn how to communicate with him. I am also really guilty of assuming he knows what I am thinking/feeling & where I am coming from and I have really only recently learned that he needs everything spelled out. And spelled out clearly at that-make that spelled out clearly several times, lol.

Also-when I had something on my mind I would want to talk right NOW-and DH never did. That would piss me off and I would literally chase him around the house demanding he listen to me-and he would just shut down. The therapist suggested we "schedule" a time to talk about something. That was really hard for me at first, b/c DH would sometimes say, "okay-how about tomorrow night after work?" ARGH I want to talk NOW!!!! But what do you know tomorrow after work when he was ready we'd sit down without any distraction and he would give me his full attention, and had time to think about the problem and how he felt in between. It works wonders. It's still really hard when I have something on my mind and DH jokes, "make an apt." but it works good for us.

 

[abster]

Found you Titi! Hello girls. I met Titi on the tinseltots thread back in November (it started early) and decided to follow her over here.
We've been having nightmares ttc #2 - #1 turned up after 2 cycles so I didn't even get as far as working out when I was ovulating or doing temps, bd'ing on demand etc. To say that second time round was a shock is a huge understatement - I knew I was hugely lucky to get pregnant straight away first time, but talk about going from the sublime to the ridiculous!
In November I started going to a chinese medicine centre; having acupuncture, taking herbal medication (first pills and now dry herbs which I boil and make into tea) and changing my diet according to my diagnosis. It's really improved things for me and I'm slowly getting towards being able to get pregnant - my diagnosis is kidney yang deficiency, spleen qi deficieny and cold uterus (chinese medicine is very different to western medicine - when I first heard my diagnosis I was foxed!). To recover from these I've been having acupuncture and meds but have also had to give up wheat, dairy, processed food in general, caffeine, coffee (even decaf) to name but a few - it's made a huge difference to the way I feel and my health in general but it's not a quick fix so I'm ploding on. I won't mention it again unless anyone's interested (I'm a little evengelaical about it) but if you think you may be, there's a wonderful book called The Infertility Cure, by Randine Lewis, and she makes far more sense of it than I can. Or you could check out my thread, The Really USeful TCM Thread.
So that's me - hello! - and I'm on CD2

Sorry, I can really ramble!
Abi x

 

[Titi]

Hey Abi I'm so glad you found us. I will really enjoy being in a thread with you again. And one where you wont have pestery pg symptoms popping up all the time, lol!!!

I added your name to the front page-let me know if you want me to put anything by it.

Right now we've just been discussing how we are coping/how to better cope with the "waiting" period and the changes in our relationship with our spouses after LTTTC-ways to deal there too.

Thanks for stopping in!

 

[abster]

What you said about learning how to deal with your DH and get him to talk about things is really interesting. Sounds like it works well adn might work well for us - but isn't it annoying that we have to adapt to them rather than the other way round?! Grrr! Could do without the confrontations so it may well be worth trying.
To be honest, we dont' really talk about TTC much. OH did a home sperm test and tells me he's fine, and I tell him when we need to do it and when my period arrives (although this month, on Qing's recommendation, I've made an effort to really enjoy the sex, thinking about it beforehand and getting myself ready whilst waitign for him to come to bed, if you knwo what I mean, and I remember what it's all about now!).
Abi x

 

[Titi]

Yes-to both Whit & Abi-I have to tell DH when OV time is and when it is time to BD and I've told him time and again I would love it if he'd keep track (my cycle is so dead on!) and TOOK ME to bed when I was OVing............

Abi-I don't know what it is, but past the first BD I have NO sex drive. And by the end of BD both of us are just going as fast as we can. I have often wondered if it would help if I was truly enjoying it but I do really struggle toward the end of my fertile period. We have resorted to some additional "toys" but it is still really hard. I'm up for advice-although I like the thought of thinking about it etc., beforehand.

 

[Whitbit22]

Titi- that appointment thing is a really good idea! My Dh shuts down too, and easily. Its so frustrating. I will try that next time. I turn into super beeyotch during O too, to say the least. I dont really get PMS. I know what you mean about the sex drive.. Ive been considering ordering some Maca next cycle, but I also wanted to try EPO so idk. Funn how Im planning for the next cycle already!

Loling at the dildo cam thing!

Hi abster Ive seen some of your posts you've got a good head on your shoulders! also read a few of your entries about the acupuncture. Sounds interesting!

 

[Titi]

I do the maca and also a liquid extract I get at whole foods called Female Libido.......they seem to help but I only take them until ov though.

 

[RebaRezzelba]

Hi Titi

My signature says it all but will type out for easy copy & paste action!!!!

31.5 yrs old (DH 35yrs old)
TTC #1 since Jan 2008 (28+ months)
DH tested - sperm above normal range
Me - bloods all fine
Treatment - acupuncture (kidney Yang deficiency & cold Uterus)
Diagnosis - unexplained (awaiting HSG & LAP)

Oh and as for BFP announcements I really dont mind cos if you have been trying forever then I love to hear of people finally getting one cos it gives me hope that It will happen for me one day!

Thanks
R

 

[Titi]

Thanks for the input. I also like ltttc bfps!