Lucky thread

[CherylC3]

What are all you lovely ladies up to this weekend?? I'm having a quiet one after having the apple bobbing last wk lol...xx

 

[fletch_W]

Haha Apple bobbing. Told dh about that last night and he thought it was genius

Were en route to Chester so excited for the zoo tomorrow )

 

[Tawn]

Shellie & Bailey, there must be something in the planetary alignment because I couldn't sleep last night worrying about how we might not be able to get pregnant post-ectopic. A friend on FB announced her pregnancy, and she is due a month and a half after I would have been due, and DH and I dtd for the first time since AF just finished and I just started freaking out wondering if that was my only chance and it is gone now. It is so hard to be positive sometimes, especially as the time goes on.

So this morning DH asked me what was wrong and I had a huge cry and told him how I worried we couldn't get pregnant after the ectopic and that seeing my friend announce on FB and knowing my cousins are starting trying soon and worrying that it will be hard if they get pg before we get pg again--and he gave me a hug but then it went south quickly.

Please, try not to judge DH too badly, but I had to get this off my chest and I don't have anyone to talk to about this kind of stuff. After a quick hug, DH said he was worried about me being clinically depressed over this, that he didn't understand why I was still crying over it after so many months and worrying what will happen to me if we don't get pregnant over the next couple of months (that it will just get worse and worse).

I tried to explain that I was just going through a normal grieving process, and that takes time, but I was pretty offended at being told I am depressed just because I cried over the worry that we can't get pg again after EP--which I think is a pretty natural emotion. So then it turned into a big fight, where I told him he didn't know how to be supportive and sympathetic when people are sad etc etc. I tried to tell him that everyone here on BnB has their moments too, and it is a totally normal way to feel and how p*ssed off I was that he would make me feel irrational or crazy over feeling that way....... sigh.

I know that after stepson was born, his ex had postpartum so badly she went crazy--literally went off in a shoe shop knocking things off shelves and shouting at store clerks in a rage so badly the shop got shut with her inside and the police were called and she was shipped off to a mental institution for 3 months while a very young DH was left alone with baby. It scarred him very badly and because of it he strongly associates me being sad with a potential for clinical depression. But I am one of those people who needs to express negative emotion to get it off my chest--like releasing a poison.

DH is amazing in almost every other way, but I really wish I could just be sad about something without him worrying in the back of his mind if I am going to fall apart completely one day. We talked about it afterwards, and he said he'd try to be more understanding when I am seeking solace and comfort, and I know he will try because he really does care (that is why he expresses these concerns) But I wish I had someone to talk to about it who could just listen--all of my close friends and family are 5,000 miles away and the friends I have here in the UK are too new to talk to about this kind of heavy stuff.

Jeeze, sorry for the novel, but I guess this was my way of getting the poison off my chest. It makes me all the more appreciative to have you ladies to go through these things with.

 

[CherylC3]

Hey Tawn I think men deal with it and get over it very quickly, I hide my emotions to my dh and put on a brave face Hun... U will get ur baby I kno how it feels it's hard to stay positive xxxx

Fletch hav fun a the zoo. Xx

 

[CherylC3]

Hurry up OPK pls be pos, I kno for a fact it will go pos this wk cos dh is Bach shift

 

[Mummy_2_One]

Tawn, my heart is just breaking for you honey. I know exactly how you must be feeling. I love my DH with everything that I am, but he too just does not get this whole TTC thing the way we women do. He's grieved over our losses in his own way, I know, and I know he wants another baby just like I do, but he's so 'together' with his emotions and doesn't understand how 4 months later I could still be consumed with sadness over the loss of what should have been our second child. He's told me more than once that I need to 'talk to someone' about it, but he doesn't seem to understand that I want to talk to HIM, without felling like a crazy person or a broken record.

I also have 2 friends in my mums group who are pregnant and due within a WEEK of my first due date, so that's been hard to deal with, and I did distance myself for a while.

The only thing I can say though lovely is hugs, I honestly believe that God knows our hearts deepest desires, and that He knows better than I do what is going on in my body, and that when the timing is just perfect and our new forever baby is 'available' from the right combo, we wil fall again and will never having met that prefect baby wonder what life would have been like with any other child.

We didn't experience losses before DD was conceived, and I don't know what it's like to have an ectopic but I do know that we waited 9 months to fall with her, and were told that we probably wouldn't be able to conceive naturally at all (and I've now been pregnant 3 times naturally). My point being, it was a difficult wait, but since her arrival I have never wondered about what a different baby would have been like, or wished she had come sooner. And it wil be like that for you too - I just know it. xx

 

[Tawn]

Thank you girls so much.

Mummy, I am so glad to see you back on here and I couldn't have put it any better. Some of your post, I swear I could've written myself. Thank you so much for your kind words it helps just to know I am not the only person who feels this way and I am not "crazy" for mourning the loss of not only a baby, but also a dream.

I took some quiet time to myself and took a shower and got cleaned up, and am trying to shake it off. I know eventually we all will get the rainbow babies we want so much, when the time is right.

 

[fletch_W]

Af is here. I'm done with ttc its too heart breaking. I'll be taking a week out completely and then only on now and again. I'm sat drowning my sorrows drinking biggest alcoholic drink. You ladies are so strong and such an inspiration but I can't pretend that I'm okay anymore. It's getting me down too much all this disappointment and the last thing you ladies need is me bringing you down.

I wish you all, all the baby dust in the world and lots and lots of stickiness when you get your rainbow babies. You are all so amazing. Xxxxxxx

 

[baileybubs]

There is something in the air at the mo. everyone is feeling so awful and I really wish I could make a wish and all you lovely ladies will feel better.

I know it's really hard to stay positive ladies but it will happen for us, one day we will all have out rainbow babies and all this pain and trying and waiting will be worth it all.
You are all so strong and brave and i am blessed to have had all your support.

Please don't lose faith ladies. You are all such wonderful people and deserve every happiness and you all WILL get pregnant soon with your sticky beans!! I KNOW you all will, I don't think it, I KNOW it!!!

 

[baileybubs]

So sorry that the witch showed fletch I really am.......do everything that you wouldn't be able to do whilst pregnant and tell yourself that this is the last month you can do it coz August is your month!! July has been a big barrel of crap for this thread and I'm having words with the universe now and demanding it changes!!!

The sun has come back to the uk and has brought our luck back with it!!!!

 

[baileybubs]

And Tawn it is perfectly natural to feel the way you do and I'm glad your dh listened to you in the end. Like you said it wasnt just the loss of your baby but if a dream too. I have cried to my oh that I think I'll never get pregnant again. I call my womb the "inhospitable environment" and that it won't let any egg implant and that when one does miraculous manage to my womb somehow manages to mess that up to!!
But them I remember that I have the worlds most perfect oh who loves me more than anything and that together we can do anything.
He also doesn't get why I still get so upset but men don't have the physical link to the baby like we did.
And I think that even years from now I will still cry just as I do now for my little Lillie.

Hope you are feeling ok hun. And everyone else on the thread too, massive hugs to you all.

August will bring change, I just know it xxxxxxxx

 

[baileybubs]

Ive just realised that I wrote "I really wish I could make a wish" lol, I talk some crap to you ladies don't I?' hahahaha!!

 

[ShellieLabTek]

Tawn, I too had that argument with OH a couple of times. He seems to get it some days, others not so much. He says its ok to talk with him about how I feel about it, but sometimes he says I should be over it by now, which then makes me more upset and not want to talk about it with him. He also says he doesn't want me to get the way he was after his father died, and how he let his grief control him for years. But then he'll turn around and say it wasn't a person who died so I can't know real grief. I think our men just grieve it all differently then we do and they don't get it when we grieve it our own way. That it wasn't a semi-formed foetus inside of us that died, it was our child, along with a life time of endless possibilities and dreams that died.

I didn't end up buying OPKs yesterday as I ran out of time doing other things I had to do before I went to work. Hopefully I can grab some today. I just have creamy cm, so I don't think I've missed the boat yet. According to FF I won't be entering my fertile phase until Tuesday. But practice makes perfect! I'm gonna go now take a shower, shave my legs, get myself all nice and pretty for when OH comes home!

Sorry AF got you Fletch. Big hugs! Next month will be the month!

 

[CherylC3]

Aw ladies all round today..xx

I'm so sorry fletch pls don't go, I kno how u feel b4 I got my BFP last time I was so disheartened by ttc hope ur ok

Bailey how are u Hun?? 2 ww dragging in for u? August will be a better month. X

Shellie I've just done tht had a bath and shaved all my bits for hubby..

Still neg OPK tho but getting there hoping to hav a positive tomoro.x

Tawn hope ur feeling better. Xx

 

[Bumpblues82]

aww fletch sorry af showed up xx cant wait to see all the bfps soon from u all xx

afm im ill and not preg ill sore throat and just feel totally drained! had to phone work and take the day off x hope you are all well xx

 

[CherylC3]

It's been quiet in here tonight. X

 

[baileybubs]

I thought I'd have pages to catch up on!!! Just finished another 14 hour shift!!

Had weird uterus feelings again, it's like tight stabby pains but not very painful. As well as ovary ache!!

My BIL and SIL are over at my in laws (we live across the road lol) not seen them since she was 6 weeks pg and now she's 24 weeks and I can't face going over there to say hi. I've got a good excuse though with being shattered from work! Also I only know they are there coz of there car, I can just feign ignorance lol, no-one told me they were visiting lol!!

Went dizzy a couple of times today but think that was just exhaustion. Can't wait til a week on Tuesday and if AF hasn't shown I will be testing!!!

How is everyone else today? Xx

 

[Bumpblues82]

im off to walk in centre tomoz i think my tonsilitis is on the way back :/

 

[baileybubs]

Aw bump, wrap up in a duvet and do nothing hun x

 

[Bumpblues82]

i had a really bad dose of tonsilitis just before i went for my biopsy in may and ended up in hospital with a really high temp i couldnt get down and pulse was racing i was put on really strong antibiotics right in the middle of my uni exams i really dont want that to happenagain so gonna get it sorted straight away x