*** March 2019 (testing thread) *** (58 testers, 21 BFP's so far)

[Nima]

Thank you ladies. It took 9 hours before I could see a doctor. After 10 hours I could go home. They even seemed to have misplaced my urine sample I left when I got there. So I had to leave a new.

I’m not bleeding like a heavy period but I’m bleeding. Sometimes I pass clots. I sometimes have like a period cramping but it comes in waves. Mostly around my left side but sometimes in the middle. I have back pain on an off and a headache.

The doctor examined me and saw that I bled a little and then did a vaginal scan.

It showed NOTHING. Not even a gestional sac. My uterus... is empty.

She tried to scan my tubes too and couldn’t see anything odd but since my urine sample resulted in a positive pregnancy test and I feel some pain mostly on one side she wanted to check my HCG. So I’m back in a couple of days to have my blood drawn again.

She suspected I’m having an ectopic but she also told me I could also be having like an early delayed loss of some kind because of the not heavy bleeding and the really empty uterus. I had been bleeding for three days when I saw the doctor.

Either way, I feel my heart is going to break. I feel empty and scared and sad. I’ve never experienced a miscarriage before, but this is awful. All the emotions...

I’m also scared that I have an ectopic.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like it’s my fault.

Today I decided to stay at home and not work because a) I feel so sad b) I’m still bleeding and c) I came home at 9:30 PM yesterday after 10 hours at the ER.

Did you ladies who have suffered a miscarriage stay at home during the time? How long? And how long did you bleed?

I am so sorry for your loss. I have no personal experience but i want to encourage you to take as long as you need and stay home to get better. This is so sad. Hugs and prayers to you

 

[ciz]

Thank you ladies. It took 9 hours before I could see a doctor. After 10 hours I could go home. They even seemed to have misplaced my urine sample I left when I got there. So I had to leave a new.

I’m not bleeding like a heavy period but I’m bleeding. Sometimes I pass clots. I sometimes have like a period cramping but it comes in waves. Mostly around my left side but sometimes in the middle. I have back pain on an off and a headache.

The doctor examined me and saw that I bled a little and then did a vaginal scan.

It showed NOTHING. Not even a gestional sac. My uterus... is empty.

She tried to scan my tubes too and couldn’t see anything odd but since my urine sample resulted in a positive pregnancy test and I feel some pain mostly on one side she wanted to check my HCG. So I’m back in a couple of days to have my blood drawn again.

She suspected I’m having an ectopic but she also told me I could also be having like an early delayed loss of some kind because of the not heavy bleeding and the really empty uterus. I had been bleeding for three days when I saw the doctor.

Either way, I feel my heart is going to break. I feel empty and scared and sad. I’ve never experienced a miscarriage before, but this is awful. All the emotions...

I’m also scared that I have an ectopic.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like it’s my fault.

Today I decided to stay at home and not work because a) I feel so sad b) I’m still bleeding and c) I came home at 9:30 PM yesterday after 10 hours at the ER.

Did you ladies who have suffered a miscarriage stay at home during the time? How long? And how long did you bleed?

I’m so sorry lovely. One of my early losses was about 6/7weeks.It affected me quite a bit emotionally and physically. I needed a few days just grieve the passing.my bleed wasn’t too heavy but did last couple days more and strong cramps. Don’t rush yourself you take as much time you feel you need. We are here

 

[Jft1]

Thank you ladies. It took 9 hours before I could see a doctor. After 10 hours I could go home. They even seemed to have misplaced my urine sample I left when I got there. So I had to leave a new.

I’m not bleeding like a heavy period but I’m bleeding. Sometimes I pass clots. I sometimes have like a period cramping but it comes in waves. Mostly around my left side but sometimes in the middle. I have back pain on an off and a headache.

The doctor examined me and saw that I bled a little and then did a vaginal scan.

It showed NOTHING. Not even a gestional sac. My uterus... is empty.

She tried to scan my tubes too and couldn’t see anything odd but since my urine sample resulted in a positive pregnancy test and I feel some pain mostly on one side she wanted to check my HCG. So I’m back in a couple of days to have my blood drawn again.

She suspected I’m having an ectopic but she also told me I could also be having like an early delayed loss of some kind because of the not heavy bleeding and the really empty uterus. I had been bleeding for three days when I saw the doctor.

Either way, I feel my heart is going to break. I feel empty and scared and sad. I’ve never experienced a miscarriage before, but this is awful. All the emotions...

I’m also scared that I have an ectopic.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like it’s my fault.

Today I decided to stay at home and not work because a) I feel so sad b) I’m still bleeding and c) I came home at 9:30 PM yesterday after 10 hours at the ER.

Did you ladies who have suffered a miscarriage stay at home during the time? How long? And how long did you bleed?

Thinking of you x

 

[Positive2019]

Thank you ladies. It took 9 hours before I could see a doctor. After 10 hours I could go home. They even seemed to have misplaced my urine sample I left when I got there. So I had to leave a new.

I’m not bleeding like a heavy period but I’m bleeding. Sometimes I pass clots. I sometimes have like a period cramping but it comes in waves. Mostly around my left side but sometimes in the middle. I have back pain on an off and a headache.

The doctor examined me and saw that I bled a little and then did a vaginal scan.

It showed NOTHING. Not even a gestional sac. My uterus... is empty.

She tried to scan my tubes too and couldn’t see anything odd but since my urine sample resulted in a positive pregnancy test and I feel some pain mostly on one side she wanted to check my HCG. So I’m back in a couple of days to have my blood drawn again.

She suspected I’m having an ectopic but she also told me I could also be having like an early delayed loss of some kind because of the not heavy bleeding and the really empty uterus. I had been bleeding for three days when I saw the doctor.

Either way, I feel my heart is going to break. I feel empty and scared and sad. I’ve never experienced a miscarriage before, but this is awful. All the emotions...

I’m also scared that I have an ectopic.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like it’s my fault.

Today I decided to stay at home and not work because a) I feel so sad b) I’m still bleeding and c) I came home at 9:30 PM yesterday after 10 hours at the ER.

Did you ladies who have suffered a miscarriage stay at home during the time? How long? And how long did you bleed?

So sorry for your loss. Xx

 

[Harmony16]

Thank you ladies. It took 9 hours before I could see a doctor. After 10 hours I could go home. They even seemed to have misplaced my urine sample I left when I got there. So I had to leave a new.

I’m not bleeding like a heavy period but I’m bleeding. Sometimes I pass clots. I sometimes have like a period cramping but it comes in waves. Mostly around my left side but sometimes in the middle. I have back pain on an off and a headache.

The doctor examined me and saw that I bled a little and then did a vaginal scan.

It showed NOTHING. Not even a gestional sac. My uterus... is empty.

She tried to scan my tubes too and couldn’t see anything odd but since my urine sample resulted in a positive pregnancy test and I feel some pain mostly on one side she wanted to check my HCG. So I’m back in a couple of days to have my blood drawn again.

She suspected I’m having an ectopic but she also told me I could also be having like an early delayed loss of some kind because of the not heavy bleeding and the really empty uterus. I had been bleeding for three days when I saw the doctor.

Either way, I feel my heart is going to break. I feel empty and scared and sad. I’ve never experienced a miscarriage before, but this is awful. All the emotions...

I’m also scared that I have an ectopic.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like it’s my fault.

Today I decided to stay at home and not work because a) I feel so sad b) I’m still bleeding and c) I came home at 9:30 PM yesterday after 10 hours at the ER.

Did you ladies who have suffered a miscarriage stay at home during the time? How long? And how long did you bleed?

I'm so sorry to hear that Millhaven. It really is the worst feeling. But I encourage you to grieve how you want, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. When I Mc, I didn't take any time off work, I was actually at work when the bleeding started and then again when I got the call about my HCg dropping. But that's just me, it was hard to concentrate, but I pushed through it. I bled for exactly 10 days, and then got af about 5 weeks after bleeding had started. I will be thinking of you in this difficult time, it is not your fault, there is nothing you could've done to prevent this, these things just happen! Hugs to you!

 

[Suggerhoney]

I'm so sorry @Millhaven that you are going through this. My whole heart goes out to you. I've 3 Misscariges in total 5 weeks 6 weeks and 10+4 weeks so I really feel for you.
Take all the time you need and please dont blame yourself. I blamed myself and it put me in a very dark place for a long time but I've learnt now that it was nothing i had done. Sadly these things just happen. Its heartbreaking.
Sending you lots of love and hugs. Your in my thoughts

 

[MissDoc]

I'm so so sorry Millhaven. I've had two and thankfully they were early, but gosh do they suck. It may not be helpful for you, but the stats always comforted me. That early MCs don't make you less likely to successfully conceive and carry next time. That about 80% of these are due to genetic abnormalities, and as terrible as it sounds I told myself that was better, to end it early and naturally versus having an ongoing pregnancy with a major genetic disease that is likely incompatible with life. It felt more merciful for it to end on it's own early. This pregnancy occurred within two months of my last loss, and this one is going well so far, so I don't think my losses have disrupted anything.

But goodness, you DESERVE to take as much time as you need. I looked at some support groups, even joined the pregnant after recurrent losses thread once pregnant again. Talked to friends who had experienced it and went on to have beautiful successful pregnancies. And just tried to tell myself it was better this way (although I know that's not everyone's take on it).

Big hugs to you, friend.

 

[Mum42crazy]

I’m so sorry, my miscarriages where difficult and different, the first came away by it’s self I bleed for 5 days then went on to have a normal AF, my second with the twins was different because the sacs where still attached so they have to keep scanning for a week to see if any heartbeat/or baby appeared but it didn’t so I had to have a clean out it was awful having to wait all day till it was my turn and in the end I had to stay over for the night, but I bleed only for a few days..... that hit me harder because once I came to after, I felt “better” the pregnancy hormones that had still make me feel pregnant before I went in had suddenly gone .... so sore boobs/sickness/tiredness just went... it was weird and it made me so sad... take the time you need .... I needed a few days of rest and than got on with it, but I still struggle with the loss sometimes!

 

[Tishybabe]

@Millhaven I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I’m praying for your recovery and that you’ll be at peace with your next steps once healed.

 

[co_fostermom]

Oh @Millhaven I am so terribly sorry for you. Stay home as long as you need. I was actually supposed to start a new job the day I had my miscarriage, and though I didn't know I had already passed the sac, when I went in for my ultrasound the next day my doctor couldn't find anything and it was so incredibly heartbreaking. Either way, I was honest with my soon-to-be boss, which was definitely awkward at first, but he was completely understanding. I didn't have to go in again for a week but my job was also part time. A miscarriage is a medical emergency just like any other. Your body will need time to recover.

Take it easy, be kind to yourself, don't be afraid to ask for help. I thought I wanted to be alone and I have one friend who knew better but also is an incredible listener so she was exactly who and what I needed to be around in the days after my miscarriage was confirmed. It's so hard. There's no easy way around it.

Know that I'm praying for you tonight. I'm with you. Also IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. You did nothing wrong. You did nothing in the past to deserve this and you will do nothing in the future to deserve this. This was out of your control and you couldn't have stopped it or prevented it. I am so sorry.

 

[Millhaven]

Thank you ladies for your support.

I took a week off from work and it felt good. Just doing nothing and mend my heart. When I got back to work, I told my colleagues. My boss was very supporting and understanding and so was another one of my colleagues. The third one had experienced a MC herself but kept asking me questions and telling me things regarding my MC (note: this was like a week and a half after the MC so all emotions were still really fresh). Things like:
- "did you trip?"
- "Are you sure you didn't trip? I did before my MC"
- "it's maybe because you got sick"
- "I saw you taking a aspirin, that's why"
- "it's maybe because you didn't rest", "it's maybe because you stressed"
- "it's maybe because you lifted heavy"

I told her that I already felt sad and like it was my fault so I didn't want to think about why it happened because the damage was already done. Then she told me "you're still young (I'm 29 and have been TTC #2 for like 9 months but she doesn't know that) so you can wait and rest. It's a good thing to rest and wait after a MC. You don't want to get pregnant right away. You're extremely fertile now but wait. You have all the time in the world to wait. If you try right away and get pregnant again the baby will be born with defects or there will be a MC again". I felt sick to my stomach. That's none of her damn business.

A couple of days later she saw me putting on my Tula toddler carrier around my waist (my daughter sometimes fall asleep on our way home from preschool and wants to sit in it). She then told me, in front of a parent who was also picking her kid up, "it's because you carried your daughter in that". "No, it's not why" I told her. "Yes, it is". "No, it's N O T" I told her in a stern but low voice.

The day after I asked her about it and told her she made me feel sad when she said these things. She just told me how she cares about me and that she understands I felt sad because she also felt sad when her MC happened. "Yeah, but you kept asking me questions about why it happened, that made me feel sad and like it was my fault". "Yes, I understand that you had those feelings, it's natural to blame yourself after a MC, I know I did. And you shouldn't carry your daughter, it's not safe because that could cause a MC." "No, it didn't happen because of that plus I use an ergonomic carrier". "Yeah, but it could cause it. You should be careful and think about what you do. I want you to be safe and I wish you the best".

Sigh. If she also had a MC, she really should know WHAT and WHAT NOT to say to someone who just had one. My other colleagues said things like: "let me know if I can help you", "I'm so sorry for you loss, I hope you feel better soon", "you should take as many days off as you'd like" and "let me know if you want to talk about it".


Anyhow. I updated the first page. I hope it's correct...

 

[co_fostermom]

Aw Millhaven it sounds like your colleague is feeling very guilty and shameful herself and clearly hasn't gotten over her MC and is definitely projecting those feelings onto you. And I agree with you, having had a MC myself, I'm super surprised she would say things like that. The most hurtful thing I heard was my mom telling me I should consider a surrogate right after my miscarriage. She said pregnancy sucks but the end goal is kids. Well, yeah, but just because you think pregnancy sucks doesn't mean I don't want to experience it. Some people are just difficult people. The miscarriage WAS NOT YOUR FAULT and nothing, no revelation after the fact or anything can change that. If there's a way of avoiding that colleague, I would. She's what I would call a toxic person. You need to heal emotionally and recover physically. Your choices to try again and yours and your partner's only. No one else's.

 

[Suggerhoney]

I'm sorry Milhaven but everything that person said to u is a load of tush.
IT WAS NOT AND I REPEAT IT WAS NOT URE FAULT.
Sadly and esp in the first trimester MC are very very common.
And there is nothing we can do to stop them they just happen alot. I've had 3 Misscariges and they are heartbreaking and someone saying things like that to you is not going to help in any way at all. It's really insensitive.
Maybe like co foster said she is still hurting herself and feels like she was to blame somehow. But I think she shouldn't be saying those things to you esp after it's still so new and not long happened.
Please dont blame yourself hon.
Also if u want to start trying again that is totally ure choice. Womon that have MC do go on to have a normol healthy pregnancy and baby. I'm one of them womon after my 2 early losses I started trying strait away once the the bleeding had settled and got pregnant within a few months and those children are perfectly healthy with nothing wrong with them.
I just wanted to to send u a huge hug.
Some people just dont really think b4 they speak. Hugs and love to you hon