May wasn't our month so testing in June.

[Ducktales]

hi girls,
Congrats Steph, fab news.
Can anyone help ?

i have been taking agnus castus and today got my positive OPK today
which is either 11 dpo based on counting CD1 as the first day of full flow AF, or 13dpo counting from the day of spotting
not sure what to think
anyway, it is certainly earlier than the usual 16 dpo
not sure if that is a good thing or a bad ???
xxx

 

[Cornish]

LB, rant away, it's what we are all here for. I don't think it matters if you have children, wanting another is still hard, ESP with losses.
Ducktales, I'd count it as cd11 as sure spotting doesn't count, cd 11 is good for ovulation (i think). Sorry I'm not much help!

 

[sthorp1179]

I oved on cd 11 this time and got my bfp, get

 

[LittleBird]

hi girls,
Congrats Steph, fab news.
Can anyone help ?

i have been taking agnus castus and today got my positive OPK today
which is either 11 dpo based on counting CD1 as the first day of full flow AF, or 13dpo counting from the day of spotting
not sure what to think
anyway, it is certainly earlier than the usual 16 dpo
not sure if that is a good thing or a bad ???
xxx

I think you'd definitely be CD11 -- I always start counting first day of full flow. The positive OPK can mean that you'll ovulate in the next couple of days, which seems like it is in line with your ticker. Hopefully the Agnus Castus helped move up your ovulation and will give you a longer LP with no spotting. Fingers crossed that you catch your egg!

 

[Ducktales]

thanks everyone
xxx

 

[hollyw79]

My FS counts cd1 as the day of any first drop of blood- no matter how minor. I think it's definitely okay to count it is cd11- but keep this is mind when it comes to testing.. that it MAY be based off when you actually first started spotting- not full flow. Everyone calculates it different.. I would just keep both dates in mind!

 

[Neversaynever]

Why do all the docs dish out different advice

Bah...stoopidness I say

XxX

 

[CRC25]

Well im cd8 today.... started taking my muccinex to help the cm.... is there a test to see if cm is hostile?? ive heard ladies talk about cm and so fourth... just curious.... I had a really bad time today at my SIL graduation party.... my so called MIL invited my dhs babys mom to bring my stepdaughter and my fn MIL had the nerve to go out and hug her infront of everyone..... keep in mind that no one talks to babys mom b/c she bipolar and cheated on my dh the whole time together... there relationship ended really bad... well guess my MIL has been keeping in touch w/ her.... she is so fake and I just couldnt take it so i let her have it and she told me not today today is sams day... my SIL... and so I said you did this you invited the babys mom and hugged her and caused this mess.....so after me and dh left babys mom came back and came into the party.... keep in mind everyone hates the babys mom..... but she came in and my MIL hugged her again and just hung out w/ her for like an hour... no joke... im so heart broken.. .i feel like ive been cheated on.... then she told my dh lil cousins not to tell me that the babys mom came back and they love me so of course they did and they she had the nerve to talk crap aobut me behind my back.... so my dh works for a family owned business and his dad is his boss... well he cant piss him off . so if his mom is mom then his dad is mad and then my dh wont have a job..... but I heard that my dhs dad was mad at my MIL how what she did and how she handled it behind our backs... and my dh called his aunt and asked her what was going on.... and she said that I have every right to be pissed..... so my dh says to me I know that my mom will never change and I want you to be happy and I dont think you will ever be with my mom around.... so im sitting here crying I dont know what to do... everything had been fine up to this point.. .i just kinda deal w/ his mom but today she really did it.... i told my dh I would never forgive her and she is not welcome at my house or be around my stepdaughter she is a bad role model.... i told my dh if she wants to see my stepdaughter she can ask her mother since they are best friends now.... i hate 2 faced people... maybe im over reacting but when I looked outside and saw them hugging I wanted to bunch my MIL in the face so bad.... she is evil ... even on my wedding day the preacher asked for both our parents blessing to stand by us in thick and thin and my parents both raised their hands and agreed and his mom didnt..... im so hurt right now.... i dont know what to do. b/c its like my poor dh is in this hard place... he needs his job, he cant not see his daughter who i love dearly and she calls me Mommy when she came today out of all those people she ran right to me... made me cry!!! I cried for like 5 mins just holding her..... I cant leave my dh I love him to much and I love my step daughter to pieces.... ladies I need some advice... im a very sensitve person and I really mean no harm to anyone... Im only 25 and i come from a small baptist family and his family is catholic and they are very large..... so i dont know if i just need to grow up.... or what... i just feel like ive been cheated on and my heart aches.... i buy my mil nice presents and we take my step daughter out to eat w/ her them every tuesday so they can see her...... b/c we only have sharted parenting! so thats alot b/c we are never home b/c we are always running...... my dh feels so bad for me and he cnt stand up to his dad b/c he belittles him!! its a really bad situation and im just lost for words right now!! please everyone pray for me well im going to head to bed and hope for a better day tom.....

 

[hollyw79]

CRC~ that IS a tough situation. I definitely know I would feel the exact same way if my MIL went and hugged my DH's ex- especially one that treated him so poorly. You have ever right to feel slighted- especially with that whole bit at your wedding- WOW- that's TERRIBLE. Thing is- you unfortunately can't change who his parents are.

I know the way *I* Believe is that when you are married- hands down- YOU - the SPOUSE- come first- hands down- BEFORE ANY OTHER PERSON ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH- even biblically speaking that is how it's supposed to be. I know your DH is in a rock and a hard place 1- bc it's his parents- and 2- bc he works for his dad so he doesn't want to rock the boat. I don't think the job is worth it though if he feels he has to allow you to be treated poorly and disrespected as his wife- as the woman he stood before God and pledged his life to love and take care of.

My ex MIL was *awful*- so I relate - she was drinking and SMOKING in my house when I was pregnant with Eric!!!!!!!!! get this shit- then she DENIED it and lied to my DH @ the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was after ME allowing her to live in our house for 2 years! Let's say there is no niceness that comes to mind when I think of her- not to mention her DUI and having to use my income tax $ to pay for it, blah blah blah- could go on FOREVER. I UNDERSTAND! My ex-dh was SUCH a wuss too- he would NEVER put his foot down. My parents are still cordial to my ex- its RARE that there is any interaction there any more.. but for sure - there is no hugging going on.

I know NOW my DH would defend me if it ever came to that- I highly doubt it ever would -my MIL Now is amazing-she's literally like Paula Deen- super sweet southern lady- so I have seen both sides of the coin.

I think it's important to understand how hard it is for your DH and the position he's in. Have you ever tried sitting down sincerely and maybe going out one on one with your MIL to talk calmly about how you feel .. how much you love her (throw that in for sweetness!) .. how much you love her son.. and how important it is for you to have a good relationship.. but this made you feel x,y, and z. That way YOU have made every effort to improve things there and maybe open her eyes- and you might not be able to- but at that point- you can sit back and know you've made the effort.

Above all- love your DH- don't fault him at all- it's super important to not let it come between you!

 

[LittleBird]

Aw, CRC, I'm so sorry that things didn't go well! I completely understand where you're coming from. I know there are families who keep in touch with the exes after divorce, I truly believe my in-laws would still keep in touch even if DH and I weren't together. On the other hand, my family is extremely loyal to one another. There is no chance of that type of thing happening.

I remember my BIL's GF once got really mad about my MIL because she was talking about his ex and had pictures of the two of them in frames in the house. They talked about it and BIL told his mom to be more respectful of his relationship. So you're absolutely not being unreasonable by expecting her to respect you as her son's wife and her granddaughter's stepmother. You have accepted them all into your life, baggage and all, and you don't deserve to be treated like an outsider. The fact that the ex cheated on your DH and treated him so badly, his mom should side with her son and his choice in marrying you!

Really, I don't even understand why she'd invite the ex! If it's her daughter's day -- graduation party -- what does that have to do with the ex! I understand, she wanted your stepdaughter there, but that could have been arranged in a more appropriate way, for sure! It sounds like she's just one of those people who thrives on drama and doesn't care who gets hurt. My in-laws can be like that from time to time too. I'm sorry you're feeling betrayed and hurt by what's happened. It totally sucks. But it sounds like your MIL doesn't have the best judgment -- everyone else sees the ex for who she really is, why can't your MIL understand why it's not OK? Then, she talks about you after you leave with the cousins. Not cool! She really had a record-setting bad day!

Family business issues are hard, too. My DH has a day job at his cousin's company, and it can get messy. I think if it's coming between you and your DH, maybe the two of you can talk about what options he has to change jobs. I don't know if it's a possibility, but it is nice to make your own way in life and not have to compromise your beliefs because you're worried about how that might impact your livelihood. Your DH sounds like he loves you and wants his family to respect you. Even his dad sounds like he understands the situation and wants his wife to STFU. But you guys don't want to feel like you have to bow down to her unreasonable expectations -- she needs to respect your marriage, or she needs to stay away.

I think this could be an opportunity for the two of you to talk about what you really want in the future. If he can break free from the family business and the two of you can focus on having a healthy marriage separate from your MIL's drama, then I think you could have a very happy future together. He wants you to be happy. But even if that isn't an option for now, and you have to continue to have contact with her, I would definitely put up a wall with your DH and keep her out. She doesn't deserve to get in between the two of you! Sure, be civil whenever you have to run into her, but don't talk to her, don't open your heart up to her, because she doesn't have your best interests in mind. I have had my own issues with my in-laws and I think after this many years that I love them, but we have to be careful about their involvement in our lives and our children's lives because they do things that cause problems from time to time.

A few years ago, DH and I were having some problems and his parents' problems were adding up on top of that. I had a long talk with my pastor about how I felt like I needed to cut them off. I am a very black or white person. There is no gray area with me. But he said that I don't have to jump to the extreme of cutting off contact and walking away from that relationship. If something is happening that I think is bad for my kids to be around, I can pack them up and head home and explain why I'm doing it, and I can be consistent about my expectations. But that doesn't mean I keep my kids separated from them forever. I'm not sure if that makes any sense to you. I have a history of ending relationships abruptly in my life and I think that my mind immediately goes to the extreme choice, but there is a middle ground that could work for you, too. I'm not saying that you need to grow up, just that I had an experience that might apply to what you're dealing with right now and ease the pain a little. Plus, I'm almost 10 years older than you, and I only started looking at things with my in-laws in this way in the past couple of years. So if you figure it out this early, you're way ahead of me!

In my case, my in-laws have an abusive relationship and their drama spills out over everyone else in the family. They've done a number on all their boys, my DH is the only one who's married, but his brothers both have commitment issues and infidelity is a HUGE problem in their family. So I want to protect my kids from learning those bad lessons and I want them to have a better way of dealing with their loved ones. But I can't cut them out of our lives, nor would I really want to. I can tell them if they're acting in a way that is not good for my kids to witness and leave. I can explain to them that it's not OK to yell or curse at one another. If they choose not to respect that, then I'm taking the kids home. And we'll have to work through it before they're coming back! Shoot, I can even use their bad behavior as a learning experience for my own kids. "We don't talk to one another that way." "Your grandparents made a mistake by saying those words." Whatever. I just don't have to pretend like everything is OK and let them teach my kids bad things. Know what I mean? I'll pray for you, and hopefully you will figure out the best way to deal with them.

As for the hostile CM, my FS did a "postcoital" test where she scooped out some CM (she's doing this during my ultrasound appt. on Wed. too). She looked at it under the microscope and can tell whether the sperm is able to travel through the CM or looks like it's getting stuck. I think if it's getting stuck, that's considered hostile. That's why we have a "homework assignment" the night before or the morning of the appointment, to get some spermies in place so she can see them on the microscope.

 

[Cornish]

Morning ladies, will read these properly later as getting confused with abbreviations! Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you crc and hope all gets sorted.

 

[LiSa2010]

crc

I don't think you over-reacted in any way... that was really rude and disrespectful of your MIL. just reading how your MIL acted towards the ex and how she treats you says a lot. your MIL sounds controlling and I bet that she told DH not to go ahead with the marriage but the fact that you are married to him also says a lot. he may not show it at times but I think he sides with you but at the same time it's like he needs his parents approval... I think you and DH need to talk about how you are feeling. I am so sorry you having to go through this. this should be a happy time for you and DH to be planning for your own little one.

I hope you are feeling much better.

 

[Mrs. J]

So many BFPs!! Congrats ladies!!!

CD 22 and no ovulation yet, hopefully soon! Anyone else ovulating late? I'm soo impatient!

 

[Cornish]

Hello mrs j, I'm on cd16 and hoping to O in the next couple of days, you are very patient to be on cd22, I think I'd have been throwing the toys out of the pram by then. Ate you using opks? I have not got on with them so regular dtd it is!x

 

[Mrs. J]

Yes I'm using the OPKs twice a day. Nothing but negatives! I did ovulate on CD 24 last month, but I was hoping to O much earlier this month as my cycles are starting to get shorter. No such luck!

 

[Cornish]

Should be coming up in the next few days then!!x

 

[CRC25]

CRC~ that IS a tough situation. I definitely know I would feel the exact same way if my MIL went and hugged my DH's ex- especially one that treated him so poorly. You have ever right to feel slighted- especially with that whole bit at your wedding- WOW- that's TERRIBLE. Thing is- you unfortunately can't change who his parents are.

I know the way *I* Believe is that when you are married- hands down- YOU - the SPOUSE- come first- hands down- BEFORE ANY OTHER PERSON ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH- even biblically speaking that is how it's supposed to be. I know your DH is in a rock and a hard place 1- bc it's his parents- and 2- bc he works for his dad so he doesn't want to rock the boat. I don't think the job is worth it though if he feels he has to allow you to be treated poorly and disrespected as his wife- as the woman he stood before God and pledged his life to love and take care of.

My ex MIL was *awful*- so I relate - she was drinking and SMOKING in my house when I was pregnant with Eric!!!!!!!!! get this shit- then she DENIED it and lied to my DH @ the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was after ME allowing her to live in our house for 2 years! Let's say there is no niceness that comes to mind when I think of her- not to mention her DUI and having to use my income tax $ to pay for it, blah blah blah- could go on FOREVER. I UNDERSTAND! My ex-dh was SUCH a wuss too- he would NEVER put his foot down. My parents are still cordial to my ex- its RARE that there is any interaction there any more.. but for sure - there is no hugging going on.

I know NOW my DH would defend me if it ever came to that- I highly doubt it ever would -my MIL Now is amazing-she's literally like Paula Deen- super sweet southern lady- so I have seen both sides of the coin.

I think it's important to understand how hard it is for your DH and the position he's in. Have you ever tried sitting down sincerely and maybe going out one on one with your MIL to talk calmly about how you feel .. how much you love her (throw that in for sweetness!) .. how much you love her son.. and how important it is for you to have a good relationship.. but this made you feel x,y, and z. That way YOU have made every effort to improve things there and maybe open her eyes- and you might not be able to- but at that point- you can sit back and know you've made the effort.

Above all- love your DH- don't fault him at all- it's super important to not let it come between you!

I talked to my dh today and we both agreed that we need to talk to his mom... she is leaving for disney world this weekend so we figured we will just wait til she comes back or later this week.... he told me this morning that all he wanted was to be married to me and have a baby w/ me.... made me cry so I just feel so heartbroken that his mom did that all behind his back and then hugged her twice and invited her in.... my dh is just blown away that his own mom would do such a thing to him..... I told him that the bible says when he marrys me he leaves his parents and his job is to provide for me and my step daughter and if hes not willing to stand by my side thru this tell me now so I can move on and he said that I need to talk w/ her and figure this out.... either she likes me or she doesnt.... its like i dont need her and we dont need her to watch my stepdaughter but when my dh was w/ his ex she has a kid w/ someone else and my mil would watch the other kid all the time.... i think she thinks if shes close w/ the ex she will get to see my stepdaughter more than she does w/ us..... which usually is twice a week and we only get her 2 times a week when it isnt our weekend... I cant really win w/ her and she is very irrational and blows everything out of control.... my dh thinks she is bipolar no joke... i told him that i will not have a relationship w/ her and he needs to stand up for our relationship and explain to her until she can be nice to both of us then we are going to keep our distance for awhile b/c we think its in the best interest of my stepdaughter.... i just cant believe she hugged that bitch infront of me and then did it again and invited her in.... i know my dh ex from along time ago and shes not all there either so i know how she processes things.... now my mil and her will be best friends and that hurts my feelings breaks my heart and makes me super jealous.... but my dh is like i dont want her or to be w/ her or I would be... my mom can have her!!! but i need to know so I dont share certain information w/ her.... so im keeping my distance and taking it one day at a time... sorry I had to rant and rave to feel better.... my parents dont even go around my dh family bc his mom is straight evil..... and he knows it.... im just glad him and his dad are talking and things are okay makes things easy at his job.. his dad told him to talk to his mom and that i needed to talk to her too... but im too upset to look at her.... i just need time to let things cool down but as of right now.... its a very hostile relationship and i dont want to be apart of it and my dh understands b/c he knows she hurts my feelings.

Well im cd9 today so we are going to bd tonight and then the rest of the week to butter him up and ask if his mom can make him smile like that!!! haha I crack myself up. thank you for your response means alot

 

[CRC25]

Aw, CRC, I'm so sorry that things didn't go well! I completely understand where you're coming from. I know there are families who keep in touch with the exes after divorce, I truly believe my in-laws would still keep in touch even if DH and I weren't together. On the other hand, my family is extremely loyal to one another. There is no chance of that type of thing happening.

I remember my BIL's GF once got really mad about my MIL because she was talking about his ex and had pictures of the two of them in frames in the house. They talked about it and BIL told his mom to be more respectful of his relationship. So you're absolutely not being unreasonable by expecting her to respect you as her son's wife and her granddaughter's stepmother. You have accepted them all into your life, baggage and all, and you don't deserve to be treated like an outsider. The fact that the ex cheated on your DH and treated him so badly, his mom should side with her son and his choice in marrying you!

Really, I don't even understand why she'd invite the ex! If it's her daughter's day -- graduation party -- what does that have to do with the ex! I understand, she wanted your stepdaughter there, but that could have been arranged in a more appropriate way, for sure! It sounds like she's just one of those people who thrives on drama and doesn't care who gets hurt. My in-laws can be like that from time to time too. I'm sorry you're feeling betrayed and hurt by what's happened. It totally sucks. But it sounds like your MIL doesn't have the best judgment -- everyone else sees the ex for who she really is, why can't your MIL understand why it's not OK? Then, she talks about you after you leave with the cousins. Not cool! She really had a record-setting bad day!

Family business issues are hard, too. My DH has a day job at his cousin's company, and it can get messy. I think if it's coming between you and your DH, maybe the two of you can talk about what options he has to change jobs. I don't know if it's a possibility, but it is nice to make your own way in life and not have to compromise your beliefs because you're worried about how that might impact your livelihood. Your DH sounds like he loves you and wants his family to respect you. Even his dad sounds like he understands the situation and wants his wife to STFU. But you guys don't want to feel like you have to bow down to her unreasonable expectations -- she needs to respect your marriage, or she needs to stay away.

I think this could be an opportunity for the two of you to talk about what you really want in the future. If he can break free from the family business and the two of you can focus on having a healthy marriage separate from your MIL's drama, then I think you could have a very happy future together. He wants you to be happy. But even if that isn't an option for now, and you have to continue to have contact with her, I would definitely put up a wall with your DH and keep her out. She doesn't deserve to get in between the two of you! Sure, be civil whenever you have to run into her, but don't talk to her, don't open your heart up to her, because she doesn't have your best interests in mind. I have had my own issues with my in-laws and I think after this many years that I love them, but we have to be careful about their involvement in our lives and our children's lives because they do things that cause problems from time to time.

A few years ago, DH and I were having some problems and his parents' problems were adding up on top of that. I had a long talk with my pastor about how I felt like I needed to cut them off. I am a very black or white person. There is no gray area with me. But he said that I don't have to jump to the extreme of cutting off contact and walking away from that relationship. If something is happening that I think is bad for my kids to be around, I can pack them up and head home and explain why I'm doing it, and I can be consistent about my expectations. But that doesn't mean I keep my kids separated from them forever. I'm not sure if that makes any sense to you. I have a history of ending relationships abruptly in my life and I think that my mind immediately goes to the extreme choice, but there is a middle ground that could work for you, too. I'm not saying that you need to grow up, just that I had an experience that might apply to what you're dealing with right now and ease the pain a little. Plus, I'm almost 10 years older than you, and I only started looking at things with my in-laws in this way in the past couple of years. So if you figure it out this early, you're way ahead of me!

In my case, my in-laws have an abusive relationship and their drama spills out over everyone else in the family. They've done a number on all their boys, my DH is the only one who's married, but his brothers both have commitment issues and infidelity is a HUGE problem in their family. So I want to protect my kids from learning those bad lessons and I want them to have a better way of dealing with their loved ones. But I can't cut them out of our lives, nor would I really want to. I can tell them if they're acting in a way that is not good for my kids to witness and leave. I can explain to them that it's not OK to yell or curse at one another. If they choose not to respect that, then I'm taking the kids home. And we'll have to work through it before they're coming back! Shoot, I can even use their bad behavior as a learning experience for my own kids. "We don't talk to one another that way." "Your grandparents made a mistake by saying those words." Whatever. I just don't have to pretend like everything is OK and let them teach my kids bad things. Know what I mean? I'll pray for you, and hopefully you will figure out the best way to deal with them.

As for the hostile CM, my FS did a "postcoital" test where she scooped out some CM (she's doing this during my ultrasound appt. on Wed. too). She looked at it under the microscope and can tell whether the sperm is able to travel through the CM or looks like it's getting stuck. I think if it's getting stuck, that's considered hostile. That's why we have a "homework assignment" the night before or the morning of the appointment, to get some spermies in place so she can see them on the microscope.

Thank you for your response and we decided we are going to wait and talk it out and let her know where we stand together... we are taking this one day at a time... dh told me today he knows its his mom and we will handle that. he cried and told me that he was sad we lost the baby and he wants this so bad thats why we are having the IUI this month!!! sometimes it takes a fight like this to make you see what you have... maybe i was taking dh for granted and i need to respect him more for all that he does! I love him and dont want to loose him. so im cd9 today and we are going to start the bding tonight and I started the mucinex on cd7.... so getting things ready! how have you been ??? have you started the bding marathon yet?

 

[CRC25]

Hey! so is it ok to start bding before the iui... i go for the sis on wed and follicle check on thursday. and thurs.... the f/s is going to determine my trigger date and then schedule the IUI too so not real sure when it will be just want to have some spermies in there waiting!!

 

[hollyw79]

I'm glad you and DH talked No matter what- never let it compromise your marriage. It's hard- but important!

As far as the IUI and bd'ng- I'll tell you how we did it both times. In Jan- My OB said it wasn't necessary to abstain- whereas in April- my FS said to abstain for 48 hours before the IUI. Wellll- we didn't abstain AT ALL in January and got pregnant. We had sex 9 days straight. What happened in that cycle- I got my positive OPK @ 3pm- I dragged him RIGHT THEN AND THERE to bed- and .. IUI was the next morning around 11am- so there was only 19 hours in between. And - it worked Sperm count was 37 million post wash which is decent.

This time- we DID "sorta" listen to the FS and abstain JUST the night before- so definitely not 48 hours- IMHO that's too long- so we like 5 days in a row prior to the the trigger shot- the night of the trigger shot- we abstained- & the next morning we had the IUI. I didn't have a LONG 36 hour window though from trigger to IUI- it was only 20 something hours. We had 59 million sperm post wash- even better.

I think since your DH has stellar numbers- I would try and just give it a 20-24 hour window of abstaining- like if you know your IUI is on a Friday morning- try and have sex Thursday morning- but not Thursday night- does that make sense??