MAY we all be blessed with baby! May 2013 and beyond (BFFs Seeking BFPs)

[ProfWife]

Congrats on a good report...and a boy!!

I actually went med free today...had two "breakdowns" (crying where I needed my husband to hold me for a few minutes) and a few waves of anxiety, but I managed through it. It's exhausting though. I'd prefer to go med free if this is the worst of it. I was much worse when I was going through the hormonal shift of my first cycle postpartum, but I'm aware of that now. I felt more like my old self today than I have in weeks though. I know every day will be somewhat different...so here we go!

Counseling tomorrow afternoon!

 

[melann13]

Hope counseling went well profwife!

 

[momwithbabies]

Hi, ladies! Just checking in! Hope everyone is doing well!

School starts in a week! Where did summer go??? I know I say that every year!

I had an epiphany today:
PMS and early pregnancy symptoms are exactly the same for me. Bitchy behavior, roller coaster of emotions, tears at silly things, stinging boob pains, cramps, headaches, sleepiness, eating all the time, feeling nauseous, etc. The way to tell the difference is that one stops these symptoms (mostly) with bleeding.

I have spent the last 6 years of my life wanting a 3rd child. You would think I would have learned this sooner with three pregnancies, but nope I timed sex perfectly this cycle and felt shitty the last week and a half (all symptoms above). Bleeding started yesterday. No preggo, but this is my normal.

I'm not bitter because I know the blessings I have are truly miracles, but sometimes I'm so mad for losing this last one. Having been a mother twice, I realize the gravity of my loss. It's been over a year, and I still can't handle going upstairs and seeing the baby blanket I purchased (naively) for our new little one. I said a prayer yesterday begging God to let me let go. But you ladies know that as a mother, I can't.

I'm a happy person and love my family. But some days are just too much.

 

[ClandestineTX]

Oh, momwithbabies, I know how it feels. I haven't forgotten the 3.5 years of failed cycles it took to get here, but don't for a second regret buying a baby blanket. I have a small box of items that I still haven't unpacked and washed from the trips we took while we were still TTC and new stuff I just bought this past one. I think I have held that stuff for so long it's going to be really emotional to prepare it for use by a real life baby. It's unreasonable to expect to let go of a dream like this one easily, but I think that you might be ready to start moving on from the way you were describing your situation. It is hard, but it's healthy. And maybe by letting go of the one you lost, you will create room in your heart and life for something new?

AFM, way overdue for updating my journal (as usual) survived nearly two weeks in Europe, clearing 4-8+ miles per day walking outside in decently hot weather. Bought new things for this kid, will post photos by the weekend! Super hard to get back into the swing of work today (hence the mid-day posting on BnB, LOL).

 

[melann13]

It's been really quiet on here... Will look forward to a journal post Clande.
Momwithbabies, I will not for a second pretend to know the pain of trying for so long. I can only say that I'm sorry you have had to go through this struggle.
School starts 27 days from today, which is horrifying. I feel relatively ready for my courses, not so much for my lofty research goals. Everything takes so much longer at a new place where I don't know where anything is or who to order stuff from. Additionally, I've just been so exhausted that I'm not sure how to function once I teach at 7:40am again (yeah-signed up for that before I was pregnant- DOH!). I'm trying to get the end of the semester in concrete to take that pressure off since I will likely miss at least 1 week of class (and finals).
Have had my share of pregnancy meltdowns this time around, sobbing being overwhelmed and tired and not feeling well. Have been shopping a bit too much (zulilly anyone??), but I think that since this LO was a tad unexpected it's taking me longer to bond and getting little boy things makes it more real- plus I REALLY thought it was a girl, so that's taking some getting used to too. I think if it was a girl I'd feel like I've travelled this route before.
Ok, I suppose I should go figure out where to get oligonucleotides around this joint...

 

[pathos]

I do not remember feeling so tired when pregnant with L. Maybe i was but there was no toddler around, and i could rest and sleep. (and L is half day @ kindergarten)

I had my dating scan, i am 11+3 now. It turns out that my ovulation bleeding was actually implantation bleeding... and i had a very bookish cycle.. cd 14 kind of ovulation, and when i did my pregnancy test i was almost 6 weeks pg. So weird. I still dont get it. I do not know why it took 2 years to conceveive L. Actively ttcing... always late ovulation, pre seed etc. This little bean is a product of coconut oil

Kksy9b... you started to feel at 13 weeks? So soon. But it must be good to have this assurance. I am looking forward to it.

Athena, good luck with the bed rest. Do you carry him often? I am a babywearing freak, but i am slowly abondoning it. Even picking up L from his hair chair is a challange for me. Phew. I needed sleep train L again, while we were on vacation he stayed in the same room, and in the mornings hubby brought him to our bed to get extra 20 minutes etc. i dont know how i will manage a lo with a toddler at the peak of his terrible two phase. It seems that you have no tantrums? Fx

Profwife, i am sorry for what you are going through. I think i had mild emotional storms from time to time. I think my husband had severe pnd. He was always giving me advice, telling me how to do things, observing me and educating me. I had a emcs and felt incapicated and i depended on him heavily during the first month. He became this expert, and started to dictate me, he was even a bf expert. Ay remembering those days gave me shivers, i should hit with a shovel tonight. I think daily intake of dha is still very important. Babywearing and breath/movement detectors helped me greatly. I loved my baby but my husband kind of affected this attachment thing, and bf was not what i imagined.

Momwithbabies, i am very sorry about the way you feel. Now that i am a mother, i can relate to your sense of loss. Otherwise i would probably think, at least you have children... i am still ttcing, if you know what i mean. But you know what you lost, and it is kind of deeper with identified emotions and attachments. But i agree with Clandie's and your approach. Let it go, and create a space. Maybe you can come up with a symbolic ritual.

 

[newbie2013]

momwithbabies, even though I'm not a mum (yet!), I still know the pain of cycle after cycle of nothing. It got me down so badly and because of dh's mental health, I had to deal with pretty much all of that on my own. No one can describe the feeling ltttc. It is draining physical, mentally and emotionally. Even my doctor at my 9 week scan shook his head as he got up and said "Even now, I can't understand why you didn't get pregnant naturally". It is a complete mystery. We each have our own journeys and yet again, I am so pleased that we've all stuck around together since early 2013 to go through it together.

AFM, I'm doing ok. My first trimester was relatively good, except for some minor spotting at 6 weeks and awful heartburn (which continues) and insomnia (which is still there every now and then). I spent most of it away from Dh between both of us travelling at different times. I had my NT scan and it was perfect - best result my doc had seen for someone "my age" - apparently 37 is consider geriatric for pregnancy! Tomorrow, I'm due for my next appointment and scan, which should reveal if bambino is a boy or girl - I've switch my thinking/feeling from girl to boy, but dh is adamant it is a girl. We'll find out tomorrow! Still haven't told work, but I start back next week and my little bump is getting more difficult to hide, so I'll have to come clean first thing on the first morning back.

Pathos, I felt movement at 15 weeks. I didn't realise it at first (first time pregnant, of course), but have recognised it more and more over the last two weeks. This morning, I had a good solid 30 minutes of kicking and pushing - bambino was getting its morning exercise - like its mother should have been... but wasn't.

Great to see this thread is coming alive again... I miss you guys!

 

[melann13]

Yay newbie!! So excited for you to find out!!

 

[ClandestineTX]

I'm excited for you to find out, too, newbie!!! And I wanna know! I knew this guy was a boy, can't explain it, but I knew it.

@Pathos: I know where I will be coming for babywearing tips, now!!! I don't even want a stroller or a carrier. Just a carseat and then I have at home and away from home wearable carriers on my list!

@melann: Against my wishes, I was added to course for the fall (I have never, in eight years, been signed up to teach a fall course). They start Aug 15th, I'm basically teaching the first two weeks and that's it. I can't fathom teaching an entire semester right now.

AFM - still recovering from time change - thinking there is a nap in my future.

 

[athena87]

Pathos he is too independent to be in a carrier and is above the chart in height and I think he was in the 80th percentile for weight, but is very good about holding hands most of the time. You don't realize how much you lift them until you aren't allowed to, he will climb to see me whether it's on our bed or the couch. I haven't decided up he realizes there is actually a baby in my belly, he'll pat it or kiss it and say Benji (Benjamin) or baby, but I'm interested to see his reaction to his brother.

Newbie can't wait to hear boy or girl!

Afm ended up in l&d again late Sunday night/early Monday morning. Was having contractions and they gave me a shot to stop them and I haven't had any since. I'm dilated to a 2 now. I only have to be on bed rest til 36 weeks, but dh still wants me to take it easy once I'm off. I didn't really use a carrier with DS1 but got a k'tan wrap Lo2 because I thought it may be easier to handle both.

 

[newbie2013]

I love it that some of us are back for round two.

Athena - not long now!

Just about 8 hours until my appointment. Dh is super excited. I reminded him last night and asked if he thought he'd be able to leave work in time to be back for the appointment and he looked so mad! He asked me if if seriously thought he would miss this appointment. As i went to bed, he called me over for a kiss - but not for me - for the baby! I got a kiss on my stomach...

 

[ClandestineTX]

I got one of those this morning, too, but after my proper one!

 

[newbie2013]

In the waiting room... I'll tell you guys as soon as I can. Feeling like it's a boy, which would mean we need to start seriously thinking about boys names... got only one that "okay"... Dh still think it's a girl... hopefully we'll know very soon!

 

[melann13]

I found boys names much harder. I don't know why. We adore our daughter's name (Felicity), and it's hard to think of something that's as unique, but yet familiar enough that people know how to pronounce and spell it.
Right now we're thinking Micah. The middle name will be my dad's name. He has no sons and he's kind of my personal hero- military veteran and Bronze star awardee, a very humbly amazing man. He worked with the CIA for years so it wasn't until the last few years that I even knew how amazing he is. (He did his military work before meeting my mom).

 

[newbie2013]

And we're............ team blue! Shit, need to think of a name

 

[ClandestineTX]

Don't fret! We were 100% sure about our girl's name and eh on one for a boy (even though my gut said boy forever) - and we did fine! You have a ton of time - plus check out the baby name wizard (one of my favorite things):
https://www.babynamewizard.com/
The name voyager is neat - shows the popularity of names over time!

Congrats on team blue!!! (And on a healthy babe!!!)

 

[melann13]

YAY Newbie!! Welcome over to the "hesitant BLUE team." I'm still letting it sink in and I've known 3 weeks!

 

[newbie2013]

That's exactly how I feel!

 

[ClandestineTX]

Haha, you "hesitant" ladies need to come to the #momsofboys club that I'm a part of over here!

 

[ProfWife]

Does my heart good to see all of the updates!

Congrats on all the good news so far! :-D