Mid June and July Firecrackers Group Due June/July 2017!

[second.time]

I had a sweet moment earlier: my son could actually feel a kick from the outside. He had the biggest grin and seemed so amazed.

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh my you ladies are making me nervous with these illness stories. My mom is upset my baby will be in daycare at 6 weeks for that exact reason =\

Cat that is so cool! Why the uncertainty? I thought at 20w it was pretty clear, no? I'm glad to hear it's looking like you are getting at least one baby girl . Yay for cautiously announcing

Second time that sounds so lovely!!! Awww I'm glad he felt it

Afm I just ate like 3 days worth of fondue and now I want to explode

 

[PrettyInInk42]

I realy hope you dont think battered women are stupid Pritty? It is more complex than ppl realise and lot harder than we think to get out of that kind of relationship. If it was easy no woman would let her man beat her more than once.
But after all the posts you seem to be treading carefylly and doing what you think is best for you and baby in your situation, that is good. I hope everything goes well
And i have to tell you, I have been envying you a litle since you posted about the outfits you have bought haha. I so want to start buying things!! But we are waiting after 20w scan (today!)

No, I don't think they're necessarily stupid, but I've just never been in a relationship like that. And I feel like I'd notice red flags pretty quickly and make sure to get out ASAP, so I don't understand how some women let it get so bad. But anyway, I know how to take care of myself and a baby. And I still live with my mom, so I know she'll be more than happy to pitch in.

As for the outfits, I'm starting to worry that I might have jumped the gun. The pic I posted on the gender prediction thread had everyone thinking girl, and I really hope it is. However, I posted the pic over at babynub.club and everyone said they couldn't see the nub. The site advertises it's "expert predictions", but I only had one prediction from some woman and she said "just for fun, I'll guess boy". I honestly felt pissed and insulted. I know I only have a 50% chance of it being a girl, but I want her so bad. It would break my heart to have to exchange everything for boy stuff.

And my name is "Pretty", not "Pritty".

 

[Maries_s]

Pretty don't be so sure! I'm sure you're going to be over the moon with whatever you're having. When I was pregnant with my DD I wanted a boy so badly that I refused to think otherwise until the anatomy scan. I even had the theme of the nursery chosen for a boy and if I decided to have a baby shower I also have the theme for a boy. Then the anatomy scan revealed that I was having a girl and I immediately fell in love with my girl. The same day my DH and I bought her the first dress.
However, mom intuition is strong and probabilities that you're having a girl are higher so hang in there!

 

[DobbyForever]

Eeeeehhhh not saying you missed red flags but as someone who was thrown into a wall and had my shoulder permanently injured by my ex before ex, I can tell you in hindsight the signs were there but in the moment I never would have guessed. And I definitely missed a lot of other red flags lol. And I think things work out sometimes like my mom: my dad had a loaded gun to her head during my pregnancy then pushed her through the window leading to my being born in a battered women's shelter but once my mom pressed charges and the RO kept him from seeing me he got counseling and became the world's best husband and dad until he died saving someone's life. So sometimes even if you see the signs you hope they will change. Or people feel too scared to leave or can't financially. But I think, like you said, you have a good handle on what you both need and want to do. So just to you boo boo.

Do you have a thread on bnb for nub theory? Lots of ladies here can predict really well. I just recently got schooled on nub at my nt scan so I'd be happy to look. But I hear you. I have all this boy stuff and really want a boy.

 

[DobbyForever]

Jk I totally already commented on your thread

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Pretty don't be so sure! I'm sure you're going to be over the moon with whatever you're having. When I was pregnant with my DD I wanted a boy so badly that I refused to think otherwise until the anatomy scan. I even had the theme of the nursery chosen for a boy and if I decided to have a baby shower I also have the theme for a boy. Then the anatomy scan revealed that I was having a girl and I immediately fell in love with my girl. The same day my DH and I bought her the first dress.
However, mom intuition is strong and probabilities that you're having a girl are higher so hang in there!

I'm sure I'll be happy if it's actually a boy, but the future is never promised and I want a few kids, but this could possibly be my only one and I'd just really like a girl. I've been looking at pics and videos of my nephew when he was a baby and thinking "how could I not love a boy just as much?" I keep flip flopping between "it's ok if it's a boy" and "if it's not a girl, I'm gonna curl up into a ball and cry for a week". Sorry if this makes me sound like a huge asshole. I just like to plan and be in control and have things go my way. The fact that I have no say in all of this makes me anxious.

 

[DobbyForever]

Pretty, everything you said is my thoughts exactly and you are not a huge asshole. Gender disappointment is a real thing. And yeah, most women overcome it but some don't. I see it as grieving the loss of a dream and that does not make you an asshole at all.

 

[second.time]

I went through some gender disappointment with my first son. It makes me feel a little terrible to look back on it now but it was an honest reaction. For a while I would feel really jealous towards women who had girls and would feel a spike of sadness whenever I saw little baby sundresses or thought about my own childhood, all my Anne of Green Gables books and "girly" things. I'd wanted a girl so badly!

I don't know when exactly the gender disappointment vanished, but it did at some point. It just stopped seeming important because I loved my son so much. Maybe when I pictured "son" I saw a generic stereotype of a little boy. Instead my son is so distinctly himself: curly red hair, wacky sense of humor, loves making intricate maps and marble mazes, corrects me when I sing the wrong song lyrics. He's such a perfect kid for my life. So getting to know your own kid as an individual does help heal your gender disappointment.

I remember how lonely and upsetting and guilty I felt over my gender disappointment. I was even afraid I'd have it this time. Maybe I had some mild disappointment for a few days, but this baby boy just feels "right." I'm really happy about it now, maybe because I'm just so excited to meet this person.

 

[Maries_s]

What Dobby said ^^^ you're not the only one who likes to have everything under control and plan ahead. I'm a control freak and get your point. I even have to deal on daily basis with stress and anxiety because I always want to have everything plan. I'm surprised that I haven't had any of this urges to run and buy things for baby yet. When is your anatomy scan?

 

[lesondemavie]

Pretty - My mentor really wanted a girl, but she had a boy, and she only wants one kid so that's that. She said she was really disappointed when they found out, but she loves her little boy so much and she's such a great mom. Now she goes around wishing girls on everyone else . I don't have strong feelings either way, so it's hard for me to relate, but I totally get that if you do disappointment would be a normal feeling. It doesn't mean you'll love your baby any less!

I work in homes and unfortunately have seen a few abusive situations. In the last situation we unknowingly became a part of, they lived in his home and she worked for him...so he literally had all the control. She also had no family nearby, and they lived out in an area without many services. She tried to leave a few times with her son, but ultimately always went back. Not every day is bad in those relationships, and all the abuse gets paired with a lot of other loving stuff too. When she left, she had no place to live, no job, and every day was tough. She finally did it though. She's been out for a month, and there's no sign of her going back. Despite all the bad, that house was still home, and her son tells us he misses home every day. Feelings get all mixed up together, and the human mind is capable of some amazing mental gymnastics. It's hard to understand, because it looks so simple from the outside looking in, but it's not. Glad that you seem to have a good handle on things, and I know you'll do whatever you feel is best for you and your baby. Best of luck, and we're here for you

Dobby - Wow! What a story for your family, and so glad your dad was able to get help and find his way. My father would never ever hurt my mother, but he was physically abusive to my brothers and me (my sister somehow escaped it but still has some emotional scars). I never understood why my mom just let him hurt us. I didn't even really realize that not every home was like mine until I was in college really, although I started to figure it out in high school. I was so mad at him for so long. I wanted nothing to do with him. I won't go into details but things finally came to a head with my youngest brother (I had graduated college and was off on my own by then), and my dad went to anger management classes and talked to someone about everything and came to realize that he was wrong. You see my dad came from a similar home, and never learned any other way to discipline children or cope with anger. My grandpa was probably even worse than him. I remember the day that he called and apologized for everything. We have an amazing relationship now. We run 5ks together and talk about the world. It's so great when people can get the help they need and find a better path. I worked things out with my mom too. She had her own history and background and eventually apologized as well. I have to admit I am still a bit skeptical of having my children stay with grandma and grandpa. He hasn't had a kid in his home since he found his way, and I'm a bit nervous that old habits die hard. I guess we'll have to just be clear with him, and see how it goes.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Maries - Sat. March 4th, when I'm exactly 20 weeks. I could've booked it anytime between 18 and 20 weeks, but I decided to wait til later in the hopes that things would be more developed and it'd be easier to count fingers and heart chambers and tell the gender. Now I'm kind of kicking myself to waiting so long.

 

[Maries_s]

Maries - Sat. March 4th, when I'm exactly 20 weeks. I could've booked it anytime between 18 and 20 weeks, but I decided to wait til later in the hopes that things would be more developed and it'd be easier to count fingers and heart chambers and tell the gender. Now I'm kind of kicking myself to waiting so long.

Times really flies! Hang in there, did you remember when we all wanted to pass the first trimester?

 

[DobbyForever]

Leso Well, funny story about my mom's pregnancy with me. My mom is Thai and they are very into ancestors and superstitions and dreams. So right before my mom got pregnant with me, she had this dream where she was in her father's homeland but everything was dry and barren. She fell to her knees and began to dig and dig in search of water, but instead found a ring with a beautiful ruby on it. She picked up the ring, and as soon as she put it on the land turned green and bountiful. So she wakes up and tells my Yai (grandmother) who then calls up all her dream interpreter friends, and they all agreed that the dream was my ancestors telling my mom that she was going to be pregnant with a girl, and that her pregnancy would be some of the hardest months of her life and she would have to endure great pain. But once I was born, her life would be full with happiness and wealth. Which is crazy because A- she found out officially a few days later that she was pregnant despite being on birth control, B- I ended up being born premature in July with the birthstone ruby, and C- her pregnancy was really crappy, but her life really did turn totally picture perfect (minus my dad dying of course) after I was born.

But yeah my grandfather on my dad's side is bipolar, and 3 of their 5 children were bipolar. So he experienced a lot of physical and emotional abuse, but he never stopped loving his parents. He did run away from home at 15 and became emancipated though. But I know a big reason of why was his dad telling him that he needed to get my mom in line because, like me, my mom has got some sass to her lol. It is crazy how things seem so normal and acceptable and then you go out in the world and realize that it's not supposed to be like that.

I'm sorry to hear things with your dad were like that, but also glad he is working on it and that you haven't given up on him. I totally understand you being wary and wanting to have clear guidelines. My grandfather almost hit me once, and I sent a clear message to him that if that happens again I am an adult and I have zero obligation to keep visiting. Learned to park my car in front of their house so they couldn't block me in. So definitely having clear boundaries and maybe it would help if your kids had a phone that can only call and receive calls from you?

Pretty Agreed I hope the time flies by! I thought the wait between nt scan and this week's appointment would drag, but now that I'm two days away I feel like it just flew by. Fxed you get your little girlie.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Maries - Sat. March 4th, when I'm exactly 20 weeks. I could've booked it anytime between 18 and 20 weeks, but I decided to wait til later in the hopes that things would be more developed and it'd be easier to count fingers and heart chambers and tell the gender. Now I'm kind of kicking myself to waiting so long.

Times really flies! Hang in there, did you remember when we all wanted to pass the first trimester?

I spent most of my time worrying about MC in the first trimester, so that kept my mind occupied. lol. Now I'm worried about telling people, hiding my bump for a while, and making sure kiddo is healthy.

 

[Catalyst]

Second - that is amazing DH has not been able to feel yet, I have tried but they always stop when he puts his hands on. I cant wait for my boys to feel my younger has been puting his hand on my belly now and then and always says he felt a kick, even before I felt one haha

Dobby - the uncertainty was from the baby not cooperating with the doc She talked about hard to see with one of them, not the other so we recon that one is rather positively girl haha but the other.. hmm.. So the twin was like stretching, head down and feet hight up, not curled up like most of them are haha And it was holding its legs so close together that she had hard time see what was between them hahaha. But she gave it another try and then said what she thought she saw, but like I said she said she could not say for sure 100% what the genders are. So I feel like 8 weeks to next scan is so long time! and not sure if I could get a private one earlyer.

Sorry Pretty I just misread it. I think it is normal do be disapointed if you have prefrence of what gengder you want. But I think you would get over it and when you have had some time would be just as excited. To tell you the truth I realy realy wanted a girl this time, when they said two babys I was omg.. it would be so me to have two boys then when I want a girl so bad. So I have tried to prepare myself for not having a girl and that I would maby get upset at the 20w scan. When it came closer to it I was so excited for the scan, to know the genders but the last 1-2 days I started to worry if something might be wrong. So after the scan and when she said she could not tell for sure I seriusly concidered to ask my DH to toss the envelope! I just was sooooo happy when I came out to have seen my babies and so happy everything was like it should be, I at that moment realiced that I didnt realy care for the gender, prefered girl yes, but main thing was that it was healthy (and I know we all wish that and say that). So I am sure, what ever your scan will show you will be ok with it I am sure you will be an amazing mom, to both boy and girl.

 

[Gagrlinpitt]

I can relate to that feeling as well. My husband is so sure we're having a boy, and up until about two days ago I thought I was totally on board with that. However I have seven nephew's and only one niece and because of that I think deep down I am really hoping were having a girl. All in all though as long as our baby is healthy and happy thats all I truly can ask for.

 

[DobbyForever]

Ooo ic cat well I think it is just lovely you get one girl for sure. And as the solo girl in a household of boys, I can say I loooooves it. I'm the princess and the only princess buaha. But two girl twins is cute because they are bffs. My twin brothers were soooo close growing up because they could go everywhere and do everything together. As they aged, they had some activities apart but a lot they did together.

I want a boy bad hehe one more day until I know . Hopefully I will be so mad if baby crosses legs

 

[Weebles]

Catalyst, congrants on your probable pink bundles! I wasn't given a 100% on mine either, I don't think they really do with girls just in case.

Pretty, I went out and bought little girl clothes before I found out too. I kept the receipt just in case but maybe you made the purchase because of a gut instinct.

Doby, I hope you get news of a little blue bundle tomorrow!

I definently had a preference for a girl and it made me feel sooo guilty. People were always asking me what I was hoping for and I hated that question. Of course we want healthy babies first and foremost and the ultimate goal is to raise a child but there are differences between the two. You will still love and celebrate the life of your child but it's natural to grieve the loss of the experience of raising a particular gender, at least in my opinion. I ended up getting my pink bundle and believe it or not, I still feel guilty when people say oh I'm so glad you're having a girl or you got what you wanted or something like that. I think maybe it's because I already have a boy? People are weird, someone has even said oh good, you don't need to have any more now. I love this baby because she is mine, not because she's a girl. Having a gender preference has nothing to do with love.

 

[second.time]

Weebles, I'm sure raising a girl won't mean you love your son any less! A lot of people have gender expectations. I hope you can move past the guilt and just enjoy the fact that you'll get to raise a daughter as well as a son. That is special, regardless of people's insensitive comments.

I'm grateful nobody has made those comments to us yet, about needing to try again. We only want two and that doesn't change no matter what the gender. Anyway my grandfather came from a family with eight brothers, so if I tried for a girl I suspect I'd end up with a family of a dozen sons.

Dobby and lesonde, I'm sorry you both experienced these things in your families, but I'm glad you're so resilient. It sounds like things have gotten much better. It's amazing to see families learn and grow and change, even after difficulties. It's good to be reminded of how much hope you can have for stronger relationships in the future.

And dobby, I'm so excited now to see whether you're having a boy!