Moving over from the ttc after loss thread

[GI_Jane]

6 hours at night, that's fantastic bobster-very envious! Did he do it again? Maybe this is the start of some restful nights for you.
DH and I don't share a bed anymore and I miss him.

Bobster, can I ask if you stopped changing him at night? The HV said as part of routine to only change their nappy if you think they've done a poo at night otherwise leave them be and just feed if needed- have you been doing this? I still change him when he wakes up for a feed.

We are doing the day/night distinction thing but don't think he gets it. To be honest he sleeps 100% of the time in his buggy carrycot downstairs and I sleep on the sofa- its just become convenient with getting his bottle ready and is more comfortable to sit there if he won't settle. I think the first challenge for the routine will be to get him sleeping in his crib upstairs during the night hours- good tip about warming the sheets.

Mastitis is much better but my milk has dried up, I feel pretty upset and guilty about the BF. When I was pregnant I had so wanted to do it exclusively for the 6 months or even a year. Didn't bank on having a prem baby and never thought big knockers with flat nipples would add to the problem...oh well.

Starting to feel quite down recently and not feeling like I want to go out. Might be time to get back on the anti depressants now I'm not BF.

Greg didn't have his jabs in the end- I turned up but because he was 1 day short of 8 weeks they wouldn't do it. Felt bad as DH had taken the afternoon off work to be there.

 

[MrsPhez]

Aw Jane, don't be too hard on yourself hun. I think there are so many mums that want to BF but things happen that are out of your control, please don't blame yourself in any way OK? I wasn't BF and my brother was and I'm far cleverer than him hehe! And I didn't have any sickness or problems when I was a kid. It's difficult when there is so much pressure (intentional or unintentional) and from yourself. You're being a good Mum!!!

So 28 weeks just passed. Measuring right on track which took me by surprise as my bump is enormous but glad all is well. Had a chat with mw, epi v natural. I really want to try it differently this time and get out of hosp asap but as we all know, we can't plan these things. Will leave it till the last minute to decide I think.
TMI alert. My constipation is like nothing I have ever experienced. It kinda just gets stuck. I was on toilet for at least half hr earlier, scared the postman was going to knock with a Christmas delivery. More water needed I think. Any other tips?
Will pop in soon, keep up the good work yummies! Won't be long till I'm the only one w/o a baby, that's cool though. I already have my little darling Dexter who is being moved up to the next nursery class because he's so far ahead of his classmates! Hmm, or is that they just need more space?! Nooo, suely not, but then I am biased, he is a clever cookie!

 

[mackjess]

Hi ladies. Sorry I've been MIA. I had my review and it wasn't good. First time in my professional life (13 years) that I didn't get the highest possible rating! Super bummed and trying to do better at work. That being said, my boss did say I was still one of his top performers, just that last year I didn't work to what he had come to expect from me. So at least when I'm tired, miserable, sick and prego I still did better than most. Most of the time I did BnB was when I was at work last year, so I'm trying to cut down on that. I always read up on you when I'm pumping, I just really suck at phone typing but I swear I'm staying caught up and rooting for you!

And Jane, I just HAD to chime in. The last few months you've been posting about Greg, the stress of him being so little and in NICU, painful hand expressing and pumping and him getting tired out nursing, etc, I was WAY impressed with how you were doing. And I'm not just saying that. I had a full term, wide awake hungry baby and my milk came right in with no work, and I still BARELY kept breastfeeding. I swear, the only reason I didn't quit was because I was too tired to figure out how to make a bottle. I really really really think you did an AMAZING job, and I'm not just saying that because I'm partial to the awesome ladies on this thread. You truly did an awesome thing for him and gave him a great start, especially because he was early. DO NOT for a second beat yourself up for it. I seriously would not have been able to do it. Kudos to you.

Phez and MLM, still dying to meet your princesses! I think we need to see some new pics of Jack and Greg tho, don't you?

Super busy with the baby, but it is a glorious exhaustion. Sorry I don't post more, but omg it is nonstop the second I get home from work til I go to bed. We took him to see Santa last week. I was bouncing in line because I was so excited!

 

[bobster]

Sorry to read that you're feeling low Jane. I second what Mack says, you are doing an amazing job. The fact that you're worrying so much shows what a good mum you are. You've given Greg the most important part which is much more than a lot of people do. He will be absolutely fine on formula. I have been thinking I would like to switch to formula too soon as I want my boobs back! You can't help getting an infection, please don't be hard on yourself.

I change Jack if I can obviously smell a dirty nappy but don't check otherwise until morning. His wee smells of popcorn (weird I know!) So if I smell a poo or wee I'll change him. I can see the idea behind leaving them if it's just a wee but I don't want him to get a sore bum... maybe you could try it though and just make sure to put loads of cream on before bed.

Jack woke up every 3 hours again since the 6 hour stint so must've been a fluke might start bathing him every night from now on to set a routine. Just seems a lot of baths for a young baby. What do you think?

Jane why don't you bring the carrycot upstairs so you can sleep with hub again? Sounds like somethings got to change as you don't want inconveniences like bottles coming between you both. At first Dan slept on sofa and I missed him too so I know how it feels. He's now back in bed so I do night feeds as quietly as possible. It's great that Greg is sleeping on his own and not relying on you cuddling him to sleep. It should make the transition into his crib easier. Jack has the first bit of sleep in his basket but then sleeps in bed with us as he doesn't settle as well after that.

I think the tiredness can make us all feel more blue sometimes. Hope your meds kick in soon and things start to feel better. As everyone keeps telling me, 'it won't be like this forever'. Hope they're right!

 

[GI_Jane]

Thank you Mrs Phez, Mackjess and Bonster for your words, it's what I needed to hear- so easy to be hard on oneself.

 

[GI_Jane]

I'm really committed to doing the routine and taking him upstairs to feed/bed at night but DH takes care of him up until 11pm/midnight while I get some sleep and despite me saying please settle him in the crib I always find them downstairs on the sofa with the TV and all lights on and i dont want to risk moving him and by the time he wakes for his next feed at 2 or 3 am i think i might aswell stay put downstairs as the night is nearly over. DH is beginning to annoy me. He just doesn't want to give Greg his bottle upstairs.

I don't want to criticise DH but I've said it over and over- have you ladies got any advice on how to deal with this tactfully? I get that DH is tired and wants to wind down in front of the tv but it ruins what we are trying to achieve.

 

[MrsPhez]

I'm really committed to doing the routine and taking him upstairs to feed/bed at night but DH takes care of him up until 11pm/midnight while I get some sleep and despite me saying please settle him in the crib I always find them downstairs on the sofa with the TV and all lights on and i dont want to risk moving him and by the time he wakes for his next feed at 2 or 3 am i think i might aswell stay put downstairs as the night is nearly over. DH is beginning to annoy me. He just doesn't want to give Greg his bottle upstairs.

I don't want to criticise DH but I've said it over and over- have you ladies got any advice on how to deal with this tactfully? I get that DH is tired and wants to wind down in front of the tv but it ruins what we are trying to achieve.

Hmm, difficlt one. I'm not very tactful it has to be said. Sounds like he should put Greg's needs before his own though but saying that, I believe it's still early days to get into a proper routine and you should just enjoy being with them when they're so tiny. Dexter barely napped till 4 months and was up till 10-11pm. And they're awake through the night for feeds. Not sure where I'm going with this but think routines become easier when they're weaning and can sleep for longer periods. I have forgotten everything aaagghh! Maybe just ask DH what he feels is important at this stage of Greg's life, tell him what you do and go from there with a bit of compromise from both sides. Sorry hun, waffling on...

 

[GI_Jane]

Thank you mrs phez and you are right, it is a compromise. I did talk to DH, he said he thinks we're being too hard on ourselves and Greg (see a pattern here?) and he is right. HV said routine to start from 12 weeks (4 weeks away yet) so he said not sure what benefit Greg would get starting now. I do respond to Greg's needs on demand, would just be nice to be back in my own bed rather than the sofa but it is convenient right now.
I need to take a chill pill.

Liked the Santa photo mackjess, I want to take Greg to see him too- one for the album. Will you take jack bobster? Mrs phez- is Dexter excited about Christmas, he must be old enough to know what it is now?

And well done mackjess on your work review- god knows how TTC, being pregnant and then going back to work as a mum would affect my performance. Did you go back to work on a part time basis?

I must admit with not BF, it's nice to be back in regular supportive bras.

Have a lovely weekend everyone- DH let me get 7 hours sleep and suddenly everything seems better

 

[bobster]

Glad you feel a bit better Jane. I don't know what to suggest either. Could you get a tv upstairs for Dh to wind down in front of? Or could you bring the carryover upstairs after Greg's fallen asleep in it?

I just bought a book about sleep training and in that it advises not to change nappy through the night unless it's a poo. It says they are absorbent enough to keep them dry. I find if I use pampers it does keep him dry but cheaper brands don't as well.

Jacks 10 weeks this Sunday. Going to try to start the routine of bath, feed, bed from tonight although it might be a bit too early.

Mack that Santa pic is so cute! Was he ok or did he get scared? A lot of kids find Santa scary don't they. I must say your Santa looks very genuine. I hate it when they have young thin Santa's. Will try post a pic of Jack soon. Laptops knackered so I'm on my tablet which is a pain.

Have a good weekend ladies x

 

[GI_Jane]

Wow 10 weeks bobster, gone so fast!
We've been trying the nappy trick since HV mentioned it to me, Greg definitely falls back to sleep quicker after a feed- let me know how it goes with the bathing before bed. Greg screams through his baths so don't think it will work for us as a pre sleep soother.

Would you recommend the book sleep book bobster?

Greg finally had his 8 week jabs this morning- it was so upsetting when he cried.

Had mild period pain last couple days, think it will start soon and might explain my changing moods.

DH is on Greg duty tonight so time for bed- bliss

 

[bobster]

Enjoy your rest Jane. No such luck here. Jacks got hiccups in his Moses basket and looks wide eyed. OH is in the front room waiting for match of the day to come on. He's been so aggy all day I've hardly put him down. Got a sling called the caboo carrier which I'd recommend.

I feel your pain with the jabs. It feels awful doesn't it. Dont worry if his poo's are more watery after as apparently its normal (i worried). Hope he's ok.

Will let you know about the book as not read much yet.

Have you tried putting a hot flannel over him in bath? Jack used to hate it too before we did that.

Argh I need a whole nights sleep! Hope its not long now.. day one of the routine done!

What is baby massage? Do you massage in a particular way and what so you use on the skin when you do it?

 

[bobster]

Jane did it turn into full af in the end? I felt really down and emotional the other day. Had mild af pains and some brown spotting mixed with ewcm but nothing since. Feel ok now. Weird. Our bodies will probably be trying to get into a cycle again.

Jack had a green Poo earlier! Strange. Do you think this is normal or would you call the Dr?

 

[GI_Jane]

Af didn't show- I was so convinced it would. Sounds like your body is attempting to ovulate?

Hmm not sure on the green poo- if that's not normal for him and nothing's changed with the feeding then I would ask the health visitor about it. Greg poo is currently dark green but we've just changed his formula to an easy to digest, lower lactose one and green poo is a known side effect.

Will let you know on the baby massage, due to start in february as course was over subscribed.

I haven't bathed Greg in almost 2 weeks! His jabs made him quite miserable and I didn't want to upset him more given how much he hates it. Thanks for the tip about flannel, I will try when we bath him ths weekend.

How is introducing the evening routine going? I asked the HV about frequent bathing and she said its fine to do it but only with plain water so not to dry their skin out. Think over Xmas while DH is off work for 2 weeks we may start to introduce a couple of evening baths and see how we go- build it up gradually to a routine of bath, bottle, bed.

Are you all ready for Xmas? I have gregs outfits planned for our family gatherings over the holidays-be nice to get him out of sleep suits, that's mainly what he's in day and night. Does jack have 'day' clothes?

My hands are so dry and chapped from washing of bottles and hands all the time. Looking forward to DH being off so he can give me a rest. Has your oh got much time booked off?

 

[bobster]

Not a grear deal of time no. He has a week in January though which will be nice. Does your hub have a good amount of time?

Get some good hand cream Jane. My hands are already dry and haggard from washing/gelling so much at work.

Hope I'm not ovulating as dtd the other night. Relying on bf delaying o for a while but should probably start thinking about contraception just in case. Have cramps and spotting periodically now but seems too soon to get af back. Have you thought about contraception much? Will you still be trying for no.2 quite soon?

Don't think we have a baby massage group around here. Did you google yours? May have to youtube it.

Jack stays mainly in sleep suits too. We have put him in outfits for occasions (dungagrees or trousers and tops) but when we're out in the pram I put a snow suit over a sleepsuit so he's comfortable. We do have day and night sleep suits though. I use all the plain white ones on the night and jazz it up during the day.

Routine going well. He's enjoying his baths more. He just hates getting out! Good idea to phase them in slowly. I got the flannel idea from Mack and it worked. I'm dreading jacks next set of jabs, they're just awful.

 

[bobster]

Is everyone full if festive cheer? Got all your presents bought and wrapped?

I am wondering whether to get Mil and fil something else. We've got them one present each but they go mad on presents at Xmas and they've bought jack so much since he's been born. What the hell do you buy the inlaws?! always find it so difficult... OH thinks one gift is fine but I feel we need to make more effort... Do you gals have these problems?

 

[GI_Jane]

We've been using condoms- its a bit of a passion killer. I should probably think about going on the pill or something.

Before Greg was born, DH was all for having another one straight after but now the reality has hit I think we may not have another for some time if at all. The whole prem baby, SCBU/NICU experience has not worn off yet.

How long will you wait before trying again?

Did sex feel different? It did for me but I wonder if that is psychological- haven't had anything up there since Greg came out.

How many hours is jack sleeping a night with his routine? We are having a nightmare with Greg now- HV said he is gaining weight too quickly so we are drawing out his feed and reducing volume and he just cries and cries and won't sleep. The new formula has made him gassy too- its just awful right now so we've put off starting the routine like we had planned.

We are starting to get all festive, we don't have any food for the big day yet but we have the presents- nothing wrapped yet though.
Parents in law are hard to buy for but i usually buy for my family and DH does his.

I'm sure you don't need to get your in laws something else; they like to spoil their grandson and as long as they know you appreciate all they have bought for jack then I'm sure that do not expect anything.

Where are you spending Xmas day?

 

[bobster]

Yes sex did feel different. It felt sore like it was rubbing against a scar. I think it must have been grazed up there. It did start to get easier after a while though. We've barely done it (twice I think) since before jack was born. I've lost my mojo with the tirednesis.

I can imagine how you're more worried about thinking of having another. It must have been such a scary experience. Did they say anything about future pregnancies? Hopefully next time won't be the same.

You're right about inlaws. I just have a thing about people not havig much to open. It makes me really sad!

Jacks routine seems to be working. He's having a bath about 7, then a bottle (6oz or so) then bed by 8. He tends to fall asleep during his bottle and then we'll put him in his basket asleep. He's getting about 5 hours at the beginning of the night and then sleeps on/off until 6ish in our bed. its definitelly better since we've been putting him to bed earlier. I bf him during night as I'm too lazy to get up and do a bottle and we tend to fall asleep together so lose track of time.

I'm surprised they are telling you he's getting too much milk. I'm not sure i trust these charts. Surely if greg wants more its a good sign that he's growing. As he was prem he's got more growing to do hasn't he. It's really diffcult as you don't want to go against a hv but could you ask a second opinion? If he's more unsettled because he's hungry its not going to help you either. How much does he weigh now? Jacks head measurement jumped up loads of centiles so I worried but hv said he is ok making me question the value of the charts even more. Its such a trial an error isn't it. Wish there was a manual to suit all babies!

Christmas will be busy visiting both families. What will you be doing?

 

[GI_Jane]

Bobster I am very envious that your routine is going so well - well done. We are on night 2 of introducing a routine to greg and we have him sleeping upstairs in his crib now at night- a big achievement for us. Hopefully as time goes on he will start to sleep through.

Your tip about hot water bottle to warm up sheet works wonders.

Unfortunately flannel trick for bath didn't work. We've even had him go in the bath with DH and he still screamed. We keep the room warm and toasty, I just don't think he likes having his bits out.

Feeling stressed about feeding since HV comments and I have asked another HV about it and she backed up what the first one said. They rung today to check on me and we will go for weighing on 27th dec to gauge how our new approach is going. It is so much harder to settle him when he's after food. I've had to give him water just to fill him up- the water does help with his constipation so is not all bad. I bet if I was BF they wouldn't be telling me to hold off feeding him. He's 10 weeks and 9lbs 10 oz. how much does jack weigh?

 

[mlm115]

I don't know anything since I haven't had a baby yet, but it does sound odd that they would tell you to withhold food from Greg, especially seeing as he was a preemie. Hope everything gets figured out.

Just wondering what you ladies actually used from your hospital bags- specifically clothing wise. Did you wear any of your own stuff or just stick with hospital gowns? I'm getting my bag together and have a bad tendency to overpack.

 

[mlm115]

Also, here is my bump at 34+2! Not feeling as uncomfortable today, I'm thinking she must have dropped a bit. I know she is head down, and I definitely have the urge to pee all the time from the pressure!