O/T Annoyed by DH's family

[kayp]

Sorry, I've just got to vent and see if I'm being unreasonable here.

When I was put on disability and bed rest at the beginning of my pregnancy, we decided to move in with my husband's parents to try to save money, since I wasn't working. His sisters made comments like, "Why are they having a baby if they can't afford it then? They are making poor life choices." Needless to say, I was TOTALLY offended. Anyway, fast forward a few months...

My baby showers aren't until I'm 34-36 weeks along. I'm a very type-A personality and like things to be organized and not rushed, so my husband and I have chosen to purchase a lot of the things we need for baby ourselves, instead of waiting for family to get them at the shower. Plus, I don't want to wait until I'm 36 weeks along to start washing and setting things up. I'm sure by that point I won't have the energy.

Well, his sisters and some of our friends are freaking out about this saying we need to wait for the showers. They said that people would rather buy the baby gifts than to get us gift cards. We are trying to be nice by not ASSUMING people are going to buy everything for us. Having this baby was our choice, and we want to be responsible and take care of him ourselves as much as possible. We just got married in June, so people just bought us wedding gifts, so we thought we'd give them a break. Apparently they're offended by this...?

People get pissed off if you ask them to buy a gift, and people get pissed off if you DON'T ask them to buy a gift. Jeez, there is no winning with these people.

 

[ashmj92]

OMG i have a like huge problems with FOB's parents. its honestly like so bad. after his mom telling me i should get an abortion blah blah and then being fine with us having a baby i decided to invite her to the shower. & now shes not even coming. & they make snide remarks on facebook about me to him. ugh their is so much! i definitely know how you feel hun!

 

[kayp]

OMG i have a like huge problems with FOB's parents. its honestly like so bad. after his mom telling me i should get an abortion blah blah and then being fine with us having a baby i decided to invite her to the shower. & now shes not even coming. & they make snide remarks on facebook about me to him. ugh their is so much! i definitely know how you feel hun!

Oh no!!! I'm so sorry she said that to you. That's completely out of line and uncalled for. I hope things get better once the baby is here.

 

[Flipsy]

Tell them if thats how they feel then you're just fine not havin ga shower. It's not really done here in the UK

 

[kayp]

Tell them if thats how they feel then you're just fine not havin ga shower. It's not really done here in the UK

That's really what I wanted to tell them, but I'm too chicken. They know I'm not into showers, but they insisted I can't go through this process without having one, as they are very common here in the states. Honestly, I'd rather skip the games and gifts and just have people over to mingle and meet the baby. Since none of my family lives in state, I know they are trying to be nice to make sure I don't feel left out. My sister-in-law is due 2 days before me and she's having showers right before me, so I was trying to cut them some slack, lol.

 

[Flipsy]

couldnt you have just combined them ?

I'd still say look its causing to much hassle lets not bother (((hugs)))

 

[Terangela]

I can understand them a little. It makes it difficult to buy a gift for someone that is buying every thing themselves. It could be that they wanted to buy something for you and you have already gone and purchased it or they had something in mind and you went and bought it already. Especially if they are wanting to buy it for your shower. Honestly you will have time at the end and you do get a burst of energy at the end where you nest. So maybe they are right stop buying until the shower. Not only that your PG will feel like it is dragging in those last few weeks so it will give you something to do.

My dad, brother and SIL are hard to shop for because anything they want they buy... I hate getting one of their names at Christmas! I hate buying gift cards! I like putting thought into a gift and the ability to pick something. A gift card is lame.

 

[kayp]

couldnt you have just combined them ?

I'd still say look its causing to much hassle lets not bother (((hugs)))

My sister-in-law LOVES having a shower, so she didn't want it to be combined with mine. She is much more into it than I am, so she wanted things a certain way. I just kinda let them do their own thing because it makes them happy. *sigh* Oh well. It'll all be over with soon, lol.

 

[3011busyyear]

i fully understand. people keep asking us what they can buy us....but when we say practical things we really need they aren't interested, everyone wants to get the cute show off gifts like clothes, bedding etc, not mattresses and towels hat really add up.
people forget who's baby it is and forget that you and hubby planned this and would actually like to buy the nice things yourself.

 

[kayp]

I can understand them a little. It makes it difficult to buy a gift for someone that is buying every thing themselves. It could be that they wanted to buy something for you and you have already gone and purchased it or they had something in mind and you went and bought it already. Especially if they are wanting to buy it for your shower. Honestly you will have time at the end and you do get a burst of energy at the end where you nest. So maybe they are right stop buying until the shower. Not only that your PG will feel like it is dragging in those last few weeks so it will give you something to do.

My dad, brother and SIL are hard to shop for because anything they want they buy... I hate getting one of their names at Christmas! I hate buying gift cards! I like putting thought into a gift and the ability to pick something. A gift card is lame.

We aren't going to buy 100% of things that are on our registry because, quite frankly, we can't afford every little thing. But, we wanted to get some things now instead of waiting. You know, the practical things. It's driving me nuts to not have anything bought yet, so it'll make me feel a lot better knowing we are making progress. I don't work anymore, so I just sit here all day thinking about everything that needs to be done, so I need to feel productive, lol.

 

[kayp]

i fully understand. people keep asking us what they can buy us....but when we say practical things we really need they aren't interested, everyone wants to get the cute show off gifts like clothes, bedding etc, not mattresses and towels hat really add up.
people forget who's baby it is and forget that you and hubby planned this and would actually like to buy the nice things yourself.

Yeah, exactly. We have a few things that people got us that are "cute," but no one has gotten us anything practical. Not to say they won't, but at this point in time, they haven't. I still really appreciate their thought and effort, but we need things like bottles and burp cloths.

 

[smashley]

Since you have a registry, just direct them to that, and they will know exactly what you haven't bought yet. I completely understand you wanting to take care of what you can yourself. I'm the same way.

Also, my family always says they are going to do something and they never do. I just don't ask for anything and expect to take care of everything myself. People can always buy diapers if they don't know what to buy for a shower.

 

[jojo2605]

Sounds to me like you can't do anything right! I'm from the UK so don't really get the whole baby shower thing anyway, but I too wouldn't want to wait until almost the birth to buy everything I need. Besides, I would rather give giftcards than get someone something they may have ten of already or won't need etc. I can understand people like to buy for the baby, it is fun, but they could buy a little something as a gesture and give you a giftcard which you oculd spend on what you actually needed.

 

[kayp]

Since you have a registry, just direct them to that, and they will know exactly what you haven't bought yet. I completely understand you wanting to take care of what you can yourself. I'm the same way.

Also, my family always says they are going to do something and they never do. I just don't ask for anything and expect to take care of everything myself. People can always buy diapers if they don't know what to buy for a shower.

Yeah, we couldn't possibly buy every baby product offered, so there will still be tons for them to purchase. I think maybe I'm that way because my Mom always says she will do something and never follows through. I can't tell you how many birthday and Christmas presents are "in the mail" for the past 25 years hahaha.

 

[kayp]

Sounds to me like you can't do anything right! I'm from the UK so don't really get the whole baby shower thing anyway, but I too wouldn't want to wait until almost the birth to buy everything I need. Besides, I would rather give giftcards than get someone something they may have ten of already or won't need etc. I can understand people like to buy for the baby, it is fun, but they could buy a little something as a gesture and give you a giftcard which you oculd spend on what you actually needed.

I agree with you, but I guess not everyone has that same view. I guess that's just how the cookie crumbles. I'm trying to stay grateful and push my annoyed feelings aside.

 

[jojo2605]

Sounds to me like you can't do anything right! I'm from the UK so don't really get the whole baby shower thing anyway, but I too wouldn't want to wait until almost the birth to buy everything I need. Besides, I would rather give giftcards than get someone something they may have ten of already or won't need etc. I can understand people like to buy for the baby, it is fun, but they could buy a little something as a gesture and give you a giftcard which you oculd spend on what you actually needed.

I agree with you, but I guess not everyone has that same view. I guess that's just how the cookie crumbles. I'm trying to stay grateful and push my annoyed feelings aside.

Hun you know what, it's the start of many situations where a baby is involved that you just eventually learn to ignore what other people say/think. People have too much to say for themselves nowadays. I wouldn't dream of sticking my nose in to other people's business like some people feel the need to! Chin up hun and do what you feel is best for your little one and your OH, your new little family!

 

[smashley]

Since you have a registry, just direct them to that, and they will know exactly what you haven't bought yet. I completely understand you wanting to take care of what you can yourself. I'm the same way.

Also, my family always says they are going to do something and they never do. I just don't ask for anything and expect to take care of everything myself. People can always buy diapers if they don't know what to buy for a shower.

Yeah, we couldn't possibly buy every baby product offered, so there will still be tons for them to purchase. I think maybe I'm that way because my Mom always says she will do something and never follows through. I can't tell you how many birthday and Christmas presents are "in the mail" for the past 25 years hahaha.

My dad is like your mom. lol. Usually his bday or Christmas gifts arrive 6 months later if at all. I'm not a spoiled brat or anything, and I do appreciate when they give me gifts. I've just learned not to expect it.

 

[kayp]

Sounds to me like you can't do anything right! I'm from the UK so don't really get the whole baby shower thing anyway, but I too wouldn't want to wait until almost the birth to buy everything I need. Besides, I would rather give giftcards than get someone something they may have ten of already or won't need etc. I can understand people like to buy for the baby, it is fun, but they could buy a little something as a gesture and give you a giftcard which you oculd spend on what you actually needed.

I agree with you, but I guess not everyone has that same view. I guess that's just how the cookie crumbles. I'm trying to stay grateful and push my annoyed feelings aside.

Hun you know what, it's the start of many situations where a baby is involved that you just eventually learn to ignore what other people say/think. People have too much to say for themselves nowadays. I wouldn't dream of sticking my nose in to other people's business like some people feel the need to! Chin up hun and do what you feel is best for your little one and your OH, your new little family!

You're right. I guess I had better get used to it! Thank you

 

[kayp]

Since you have a registry, just direct them to that, and they will know exactly what you haven't bought yet. I completely understand you wanting to take care of what you can yourself. I'm the same way.

Also, my family always says they are going to do something and they never do. I just don't ask for anything and expect to take care of everything myself. People can always buy diapers if they don't know what to buy for a shower.

Yeah, we couldn't possibly buy every baby product offered, so there will still be tons for them to purchase. I think maybe I'm that way because my Mom always says she will do something and never follows through. I can't tell you how many birthday and Christmas presents are "in the mail" for the past 25 years hahaha.

My dad is like your mom. lol. Usually his bday or Christmas gifts arrive 6 months later if at all. I'm not a spoiled brat or anything, and I do appreciate when they give me gifts. I've just learned not to expect it.

Ugh, yeah, I totally know how you feel. Luckily my father was the one that raised us, so he's a good man. I've just recently tried to have a relationship with my mother, and she's already pulled the "I've mailed some things for the baby" card...that was months ago and nothing has showed up. I'm sorry you have to deal with that, too. It's frustrating. It's like you don't have to buy me things, but don't around saying you are and then lie about it! lol Sheesh.

 

[HippieJess]

I can sympathize. DH & I keep hearing the same thing from our families. We bought our crib, dresser, glider, car seat, bedding set & monitor. We also bought a ton of clothing for her. My BIL has been especially vocal about how we didn't leave anything for anyone else. Like you, I didn't want to wait until the last minute & see what people were going to get for us. I wanted to make sure we had the essentials before she gets here. Plus some of that stuff was expensive. I didn't want to put that "burden" on our families.