On the road again... a place for women getting into the TTC groove again.

[Left wonderin]

Isn't life just crap sometimes Starry I'm so sorry to read your news . Hope your doing the best you can and are minding yourself , we are all standing right behind you xxx

Puppies are a great distraction , I forgot to temp again this morning oops , better to remember to bd at the weekend lol...

 

[anchor08]

I'm so sorry Starry, that's devastating news. We're all here for you.

 

[RedWylder]

Puppies are a great distraction , I forgot to temp again this morning oops , better to remember to bd at the weekend lol...

I LOVE puppies. I can't believe you've already reached the stage in your NEXT cycle that you can start thinking of bding. I hate my body. I still don't know if I ever ovulated or not or when I'll start my period.

Starry, how you hanging in there?

 

[Starry Night]

Feels like a waking nightmare, to be honest. Feel all dead inside. I know I'll cope better once I know for sure and have passed the baby if it comes to that. The desperate part of me will keep holding onto that slim hope of the doctor making a mistake once before (maybe I'll be number 2?) which is preventing true acceptance. I got for another hcg draw tomorrow and the doctor promised to call with the results. That should give me a pretty clear idea of where I stand. My scan is on Friday.

 

[Left wonderin]

Oh Starry your pain is almost tangible feeling dead inside is the best way I've heard the feeling described ever . Not knowing sometimes is the hardest part of anything

I'm thinking of you xxxx

 

[Carybear]

Starry... I'm praying for you... The worst part or me was the waiting... I was in the ER and had to wait 2 days for the second blood draw and then another day or the results... I'm so sorry.. Sending massive hugs to ya

 

[Starry Night]

My scan got bumped up to tomorrow morning so hopefully the results won't take too long to come in (probably a few days). Still going for my betas as those will come in quicker.

Cary - how is your mom doing?

 

[Carybear]

She is doing awesome! She was walking today and doing breathing exercises... They took a third of her lung but got all the cancer...

She might come home tomorrow.. While I am happy, it is a little scary for me... Trying to balance work, home, commitments, and taking care of my mom... I keep repeating the verse that says He will nt give us more than we can handle

 

[Carybear]

Well ladies... AF got me... I'm hanging my ttc hat up... If it happens it happens... If not then God has other plans. I won't be around that much, but I will stop in from time to time to check in on all the BFP'S

God bless you all....

 

[RedWylder]

Awe Carey, I understand as I've recently just come to the same conclusion. Take all the time you need and we'll be here when you do want to talk.

Starry- I know how much you're hurting and I'm sooo sooo sorry. HUGS. I'm holding on to a slim hope that it's all ok as well.

 

[NinaC]

Hey Ladies, haven't had a chance to log on recently ...

Starry - I'm so truly sorry for what you're going through. It's amazing how unbelievably happy you can be one minute and then totally lost and empty the next. I'm keeping everything crossed your levels have risen tomorrow. Will be thinking of you.

Cary - I'm sorry AF got you again. Since I decided to give up on temping and living the TTC nightmare this month I've actually felt a little better. It's still hard to completely remove yourself but even giving up temping makes me feel a bit more relaxed. I'm gonna try it "old skool" just BD every few days and hope that little egg is there waiting! P.S. so pleased to hear about your Mum. She sounds like a trooper – must be where you get your strength from!

Red – I hope you’re feeling a bit more relaxed without the temping … I’ve kind of enjoyed waking up and not worrying about the difference in time from yesterday or the day before!

AFM – not much to report really. I've been a bit teary today (just too much time to think I guess!) I’m on day 6 of a week long detox and hoping that after my loss 2 weeks ago my body is repairing itself ready for another go. I haven’t temped or even bothered BD’ing that much. My Dad is out visiting so that’s kept me occupied for a while. Just thought I’d say hi to you girls. Starry, big hugs to you.

 

[Left wonderin]

Starry thinking of you this morning , it will be a crowded room as we will all be in there with you in spirit . Hang in there girl xxxxx

 

[anchor08]

Thinking of you so much Starry, that pain is like nothing else. Really hoping for a miracle.

Nina, good to hear from you again! I think going "old skool" as you call it is a good way to go right after a loss. I tried to temp and time everything, and my body wasn't quite being clear with where things were and it created too much pressure. It sounds like a lot of women are going to NTNP for a while, hopefully we'll see some nice surprises soon!

 

[Starry Night]

Sorry, no miracle here. I haven't gotten my betas back yet but there was no baby on my scan. I got my bfp at the end of March so no way I'm that far behind. My only concern is that my body doesn't realize it's over. With my last loss I was told I miscarried when they couldn't find a baby but then the next week there was one. For three weeks I had a baby that was not growing at all but kept on having a heart beat -- albeit a weak one. It just prolonged everything. This time I hope my levels are going down and it can just end.

The plan is to take a few months off from TTC (mainly due to our travel plans in June) and then get back to it. I'd like to see a specialist but that takes a year to see him/her and I don't know if I want to put off TTC for over a year. We'll see. Not sure how many more tries I have left in me.

 

[RedWylder]

Im so sad for you starry. This must be bringing back all those old emotions from previous miscarriages. I know it seems that you don't have much left in you but you are strong and will make it through this. I feel that way a lot that I don't have much left in me but somehow we pick ourselves off the ground and keep moving forward. Every time I feel like giving up I like to listen to this. It seems to speak to me, don't know if it will to you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7yCLn-O-Y0

 

[rayraykay]

I'm so sorry starry. Thinking of you and sending love xoxoxo

 

[Starry Night]

Thanks, everyone.

Red - I liked that song. Thanks for sharing. I love any song with a touch of defiance to it. It's like screaming at the night, "is that the best you can do??" Not that I'm tempting fate, but I know there is a part of me that can't be touched. Still, TTC and m/cs are very hard on the body.

Tonight DH is at a meeting and he's going to ask for some time off once I've passed everything. I had to stress that point. Last time they only gave us time off if we took it right away and I ended up passing the baby in some random gas station bathroom in the middle of nowhere. I feel for my man. He is being hit hard too but has to focus on business.

 

[NinaC]

I'm so so sorry for you Starry ... Sending lots of hugs.

 

[Carybear]

Starry... I'm so sorry... My heart is breaking for you... Sending hugs and prayers

 

[Starry Night]

I think I've gone into a state of emotional shock or denial but underneath everything I feel my anxiety welling up. I just want the physical stuff to get on with it! I hate this time between knowing the baby is dead and actually starting to pass it. I'm scared it's not happening anytime soon. In fact, I'm starting to feel better physically then I did while my pregnancy was still progressing! I think that is feeding my denial. Logically, I know it's over but my heart is still clinging to stupid, desperate hope and my brain can't tame it. Hence the anxiety, I suppose.