On the road again... a place for women getting into the TTC groove again.

[RedWylder]

Red that's totally a BFP... I don't even have to squint my eyes to see it. Test again tomorrow! I'm very happy for you. I also know how you feel.... You wanna be happy and excited, but the innocence and fun of early pregnancy or the process of being pregnant is forever gone for us. It will never just simply be something to be happy about. It will be something to be nervous about. I have my 2nd appointment tomorrow and I'm so nervous. I am truly hoping for the best. But it's hard to want to hang onto the hope because I know what can happen. I am hoping this is your sticky bean red, try your hardest to believe it is.

I really wish we could all be happy together. Everyone in this thread deserves it more than anything.

Starry I hope you're doing as good as you can be.. I've been thinking about you.

Thanks Ray Ray. You're right, I just have to believe it is and enjoy every minute I get while I have it.

Starry, hang in there. We're here for you as always.

 

[Starry Night]

Red - don't feel guilty! We're all on our own journeys and we've each had our own hardships. Just revel in your joy. We're all very happy for you!

Ray Ray - good luck with your appointment.

I don't even want to think about my next bfp just yet. I'll be an absolute basket case! lol Poor DH....

 

[Carybear]

RED!!!!!! Awesome!!!!! I'm so happy for you. I can totally see that line! Congrats and a happy and healthy nine months.

Starry... My heart is with you...

Rayray hoping to hear that everything is fantastic on the next visit...

How's it going left?

AFM... had another friend announce her pregnancy and a mom of one of my students stopped by to tell me about her oops.... The baby's a boy and she is not happy about it.... Sigh... Very big sigh...

 

[Starry Night]

Why do people feel the need to proclaim their not wanting their babies to just anyone?? They've got to figure at least some of the people they are talking to are TTC or have just gone through a loss. Find a trusted confidant to tell these things to and keep it there!! I don't want to dismiss people's feelings but I have no patience for the "boo hoo, I don't want my little miracle...I keep getting pregnant....wah wah". You don't want your baby? Fine! I'll adopt it!! maybe we should respond with that sometime.

 

[anchor08]

Seriously Starry and Cary, that's a terrible thing to hear. It would be one thing if a close friend needed to get it off her chest to me even though it's not the socially acceptable thing to say -- we all need confidants. But telling a random acquaintance...so not cool.

Starry, I am so sorry for what you're going through. It sounds like seeing the baby makes it so much harder but maybe a little bit better at the same time, like you got to meet him or her even though they're not here to stay. I'm thinking of you a lot and hoping you find new strength in this time.

Red -- wow, congratulations!!! That's a pink line for sure, and I bet it looks way better in real life. It's so overwhelming, exciting and scary at the same time, but hang in there, try to enjoy it as much as you can (but don't beat yourself up for not being excited enough, it's not possible!), and keep us posted.

 

[Left wonderin]

Cary it is so hard when women say those types of things when we would all give our right arm to be in their position how is your Mum doing ?

Starry how are things with you ? Have you really just to sit and wait and let nature run its course. That must be so hard

AFM 4dpo so not much going on here , feel I was a little distracted with life this month so not very hopeful of catching the egg ... I'm doing good though

 

[RedWylder]

My test was about the same darkness this morning so I guess I'm preggo but I was really disspointed that the line wasn't any darker. I feel like I need a dark line to help me except this better. The line wouldn't photograph well so it's really not worth posting.

 

[Starry Night]

Red - Give it a few more days. It should be darker by then.

Left - yup. Just sitting and waiting. My m/s attacked again last night so feel like my body has no intention of miscarrying anytime soon. I'm not really sure what my next step is. May call the doctor soon.

anchor - I remember after my first loss that a girl I knew who was pregnant told me that she and her husband were not happy at all about it and she knew I had just had a loss. It really sucked. Like I said, I know people can get pregnant at inconvenient times or when they think their families are complete but you REALLY need to be careful who you share those feelings with. Casual acquaintances whose own history you are unaware of, or those who you know are TTC or going through a loss are the last people to share these feelings with.

 

[Carybear]

I couldn't agree more.

 

[RedWylder]

Left- maybe this is your month!!

Anchor- Thanks for the words. I'm trying to enjoy the time I have with my bean and hope it turns out to be a full 9 months. I feel like the baby has implanted better this time because I've had quite a bit of cramping/pinching going on. I don't remember that from last time.

 

[Carybear]

Thanks for asking left... My mom is slowly healing... She has lost weight.. But I'm believing that she will continue to heal.

 

[RedWylder]

Awfully quiet in this thread ladies. I miss our talks! But I know everyone is coping with their own issues at the moment. Take care of yourselves!

 

[Left wonderin]

Hi Red I agree too quite on here let's get the chatting going again how are you keeping ? Has the realisation your up the duff sunk in yet ??

AFM : I'm all over the place this month , not quite sure where I am as temping has not been constant at all over the past number of weeks due to our new arrival waking me up at all hours to pee !! So temp taken at all different times from 5am to 8am ...... So the only one thing Im certain of is that I bd around my fertile time . Not sure when AF is due to show up think I'm anywhere between 4-7 DPO ........ Although ff is quite certain lol.....

 

[Left wonderin]

https://vimeo.com/19596387 I just came across this on another thread and whilst very sad still vey beautiful . I hope you all agree

 

[Left wonderin]

The words somehow encapsulate the loss of a baby at any stage and the feelings around it yet bring with it comfort . If it offends or upsets anyone as we are all on different stages of our journey let me know and I'll remove it .

 

[RedWylder]

I'm doing ok. No it hasn't sunk in yet. Honestly I do my best to pretend it's not real because I'm so very terrified of loosing the little bean. Some moments I feel very positive that this pregnancy is different than the last, others I'm struggle to not break down and cry. I knew that I would never be the same after my miscarriage but I wish I could just enjoy the ride.

Speaking of how this pregnancy is different mentally... I remember the last one I spent a lot of time looking at my ticker and videos that told me what my baby was doing and growing. I pictured my baby in my head, I spoke to my baby, and I bonded with my baby. I have done none of that this time. I can't stand the thought of getting so bonded when I might not be able to keep him/her. So in my positive moments when I should be bonding I spend my time looking at other pregnancy things thinking things like "IF" or "When". I really see pregnancy as this far off mystical thing that isn't really happening to me.

I have taken some important steps forward though. I found my place of care (if it is sticky). I would like a natural birth not in a hospital but I'd rather not have a home birth. There is currently one birth clinic in town and I don't think my hubby feels very comfortable with them because it's pretty hippyish. I don't feel very comfortable there because when I miscarried I still went in to have my consultation appointment (made before the miscarriage) the midwive wasn't very warm to me and it put me off since I was struggling so much at the time. The new place I found is a Women's Health Center that is run by 2 OBGYNs and they provide Certified Nurse Midwife services as well. Currently they do all their prenatals at the center and births at the local hospital but they're opening a birth center this summer. I went and toured it yesterday. The rooms are beautiful. They are like a nice hotel room (mini fridge and all) with a tub in the middle of the room and a queen size bed. I was sold and they were so friendly and happy and I wanted to stay so I knew I found the right place for me. Not only that but although I want a midwife, their OBGYNs are always on call if needed so that makes me feel very safe. Now if I could just zoom ahead and know if I will actually need their services.


Left I really hope this is your month. I was CONVINCED it was yours last month. Thank you for the video. It was lovely. I can't imagine a still birth. It would be like my early miscarriage multiplied times 1000.

 

[Carybear]

I'm thinking about you Red... Hoping and praying that this is your rainbow...

I understand how you feel. It's like a mc rips away the innocence that you once had. I used to think... If I could just get pregnant! I was so happy when I got my line... So blissfully ignorant... If I'd only known that a week later that innocence would be gone...

The birthing center sounds awesome! FX'd that everything goes great for you!

Beautiful video left... Thanks for sharing...

 

[Starry Night]

That was a beautiful video, Left.

See my doctor on Wednesday. Hope we can move this m/c along. I'm beginning to worry it will interfere with my travel plans in June. I need this trip!!! And we can't afford to cancel either. Flights are too expensive to take that hit.

Red - you'll get through one day at a time. Really hope this is your sticky bean and you can get the birth of your choice.

 

[Left wonderin]

Oh Starry this is such a long journey for you I really hope the doctor can help bring you closer to some resolution to your mc . How are you physically feeling ? I sure hope you get to go on the trip and take some time out away from everything . Xxx

 

[RedWylder]

Still 5 days out from when I miscarried last time but this morning's test is encouraging:

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/photo10_zps00f6a8f4.jpg