On the road again... a place for women getting into the TTC groove again.

[Starry Night]

That's disappointing. AF really is a sometimes in how she plays with our minds. I really hope your bfp comes soon.

I'm always amazed at the ladies who keep going cycle after cycle, chasing that bfp. I get frustrated after the first 2 or 3!

 

[Carybear]

Oh I get plenty frustrated... But it's not within my ability to make a baby... So, I wait. This period is strange. The cramps still come and go in waves. Back hurts, then it doesn't, then it does.

Officially cd1

I so want a baby!

 

[Left wonderin]

Cary I'm so sorry the witch got you its so disapointing month after month . I admire your courage and continuous positivity ! Do you ever let yourself have a rant I definitely need one every now and again lol.......
I either o/v today or I'm 1dpo not sure as I messed my temp taking again !! Lucky concieveing isn't dependant on that alone or it would never happen for me , I'm useless at it lol...... I either wake too early , too late or not at all !!!
Which ever it is offically I'm in the Tww tommrow came around fast this time ! I ve decided not to test early or indeed till AF is well and truly late

 

[Starry Night]

Oh I get plenty frustrated... But it's not within my ability to make a baby... So, I wait. This period is strange. The cramps still come and go in waves. Back hurts, then it doesn't, then it does.

Officially cd1

I so want a baby!

We're in such different boats on the one hand. You struggle to catch that bfp and I struggle to keep that bfp yet we both end up with no baby. A positive attitude is the only thing we can really hold on to. I really hope we both get our rainbows.

I have to admit, now that I am feeling better physically the grief is starting to take its toll. This is what I was afraid of. Friends and family show their concern when you are in and out of the hospital but once that drama is over they expect you to not be sad anymore. I kept trying to explain that I was not dealing emotionally with the loss as it wouldn't seem real until the physical was over. But it's like talking to a wall.

I'm constantly snapping at DH now, loosing my cool with DS and just bursting into random tears. The thought of dealing with other people puts me into a mild panic. I know I can get through this but I need to confront my feelings as well. I've shoved them down long enough.

 

[Carybear]

When I got the news that I had officially lost the baby, my husband was heading out to a retreat with our church. It is pretty powerful and we have seen a lot of people changed. I told him to go ahead and it was the hardest thing both of us had ever done. I was alone that weekend because my mom was gone to visit my sister. Then five days later we had a thanksgiving service for thanksgiving. It was so hard to talk about what I was thankful for but I did it. It was especially hard when a couple announced their sixth pregnancy. She is due four days after I would have been due. Throughout it all I know I didn't let anger in my heart, but I also didn't let myself grieve. I finally lost it on Mother's Day. I finally grieved my little one. I want him so bad! I want to be complaining about how big I am and how uncomfortable I am... Instead I'm complaining because this AF is causing pain that radiates down my leg...

I guess I say all of that to encourage you to grieve... Don't worry what people think. It is the only way to heal... To feel... I thought about my angel the other day and for the first time I didn't cry. I just pictured him sitting on Jesus' lap... And if he is anything like my husband he is charming the angels out of their wings...

Thank you ladies! Thank you for allowing me to voice whatever I need to say. Thank you for kind words and supporting hugs. We may not see each others faces but I feel the hugs none the less. I promised myself I wouldn't cry this month... But I'm just going with the excuse that I'm an emotional mess right now, or there's something in my Eye, or it was the commercial i was just watching... well, That's my story and I'm sticking to it..

Sending prayers for all the pregnant mommas, those who are going through a loss, and those who so desperately want to see two lines....

 

[Starry Night]

My DH always tells me that when people are busy trying to 'fix' your grief it is more a reflection on them. He says that my grief makes them uncomfortable and they want me to be happy so they can feel better again and not have to think about life's mortality. My closest friends have been really supportive but they live far away so I can't really chat with them much. And none of them are at the stage of having kids so they can't completely identify. But they send their love and that is enough.

Speaking of which, just as I was in the midst of this post the mail came in and I received a letter from my best friend in New Zealand. She send a Sympathy card completely filled in with a letter and her thoughts. Just warms my heart.

 

[Carybear]

That's awesome.... Friends like that are worth more than gold... Keep taking another step... One more step towards the rainbow.

 

[Starry Night]

Went on Facebook this morning and the first thing I see is a high school friend announcing their third baby that is due in December!! My latest angel should be due in December and that should be me making that announcement!! This person isn't on my "Friends" list on FB but is a "Friend of a Friend" so I often see her photos and status updates when a mutual "Friend" comments on it.

What a crumb-tacular way to start my day.

 

[Carybear]

The news for my mom wasn't the greatest. They found cancer in the central lymph node. And I thought I was having a short period, but this one seems like it will NEVER end. Started up again.... It really doesn't fill up more than a pad a day, but still there... Ugghhhh

So sorry starry. That sucks!!!!

If there was something I could do, I would do it! But I'm helpless... My would have been due date is quickly approaching (July 11) and the worship leader at our church is due July 15.... Life is so unfair...

 

[Left wonderin]

Cary I'm so sorry to hear your mums news , will she need chemo ? My due date fast approaching too 16th of July . I've taken the day off work and think ill go put flowers and a letter at a memorial for mc in the graveyard on that day . It's something I want to do alone not quite sure why but having a quiet moment of reflection with my little soul just feels right xxxxx

 

[Starry Night]

Cary - so sorry to hear about your mom's news. Cancer is such a crap disease.

 

[Carybear]

That's beautiful left... We won't have any real news until the pathology report comes back... Should know more then...

Thanks Starry... She's home and resting...

 

[Starry Night]

How is everyone doing?

DH and I are dtd again and we're not preventing right now as I'm not a big fan of condoms and I'm still tender in there. I think I still have hcg in my system and it usually takes a cycle or two for me to ovulate again so don't think there is any worry about me getting pregnant. Not that I'd complain if I did. ha ha But I do know testing is important so we'll probably start preventing soon.

 

[Left wonderin]

Starry that's great I'm sure you have missed each other x its another step in the journey , I'm with you in not liking condoms.

I just had a day pottering in the garden , the sun is shining here and its nice and warm .
I'm having 0 symptoms .... 7 DPO and counting !

 

[Starry Night]

Not much longer until testing. Good luck, Left!

 

[Left wonderin]

Starry hope you have a wonderful break

 

[Starry Night]

I hope so too! We leave in a few hours. I hate getting excited about things because my anxiety disorder kicks in and any happy, bubbly feelings then turn into a general panic and nausea. Been this way since I was a child. Since I'm not pregnant I can take Gravol to calm any butterflies.

 

[Carybear]

Hi all... Just thought I would check in...

Left... Hoping to har good news soon
Starry... Glad you're getting a chance to relax!

 

[Left wonderin]

Cary I hope I've good news to share this month ..... I'm still feeling hopeful and if AF shows well only another 14 days to trying again ( PMA ) its my new mantra !!!!!!

 

[Carybear]

PMA PMA PMA PMA .... I'll PMA with ya...

I'm ntnp but I can still be positive!