On the road again... a place for women getting into the TTC groove again.

[Carybear]

Take it one day at a time left... There is nothing wrong with that

 

[Left wonderin]

Thanks Cary it means so much to,me to have you guys xxxxxxxx

 

[Carybear]

We're here... For the joys you have to share, the fear that keeps you up convincing you it won't last, the happy moments, the lows, ect... That's what we're here for...

The viewing was tonight. Just got home and have to eave at 8 tomorrow to go back or the funeral... It was hard, but I realize his body is only a shell... He's not there anymore.

I saw aunts and uncles that I haven't seen in 25 years and cousins I had never met..

 

[Carybear]

Well ladies... Just went to the bathroom and there was a touch of brown and pink on the toilet paper with a drop of red... Either IB or AF... Lets see what tomorrow brings..

 

[Starry Night]

Cary. It sounds like the next few days will be tough. I hope the spotting was IB.

 

[rayraykay]

Hoping its IB!!!!!

 

[Left wonderin]

Cary mind yourself over the next few days xxxxx its lovely to reconnect with family but it terrible its due to such a sad occasion xxxxx hoping its ib and your month Cary

 

[Carybear]

I woke up to just spotting... All brown... And only when i wipe If it is AF.. then it's never been like this before.

Tested but BFN... If AF doesn't start today then I will test on Saturday.

We DTD twice this month. Once on cd14 when I had a few spots of blood and ewcm, and once 8 days ago when I had pinching pain in my ovaries... Today is cd 32 and since the mc AF has been arriving between cd33-35...

Either way I am at peace. The casket will not be open today so really I said my goodbyes yesterday. I will miss my grandpa and his corny jokes! My grandpa fought at Normandy during www2 and was a part of d-day. He will be honored with a salute and a flag today.

Thanks so much for the support ladies...

 

[Carybear]

The ceremony was lovely. My grandpa was buried in the national cemetery in Florida. They did the 21 gun salute and talked about his service to his country.

I'm so proud of who he was. I will miss him.

 

[rayraykay]

I am so sorry about the loss of your Grandpa. I am so glad it was a nice ceremony tho. He's now one of your angels, xoxoxo

 

[Carybear]

Thanks ray ray... He was a cool guy

The spotting is redish brown but is only there when I wipe... I'm a little uncomfortable and the cramping is off and on... It's not like a period cramp... Just a little uncomfortable and heavy feeling. I don't have the usual backache... But I just want to know one way or another... Uggghhhh....

 

[Starry Night]

Crossing my fingers for you, Cary!

Had another 'down' day today. Can't wait till AF is over and I feel like I can "do" something about my situation. Trying gives me some of my power back. I know we're technically NTNP and I plan to stick to that but I'll still be making it possible for a bfp.

 

[Carybear]

Af hit today.... I have never spotted for that long before AF.

Another question to ask the OBGYN...

 

[Starry Night]

I'd definitely ask the OB about any help you could get in getting your rainbow. I hope she really listens to you and can come up with a viable plan for you.

 

[Carybear]

Right now I feel pretty down... Everything aches and I was losing quite a bit of blood today...

Do you ever just want to scream at your life? I mean.. DH and I went out for ice cream and it didnt take long for me to want to go home. He said to me... You just need rest... I had to laugh... I thought no, what I need is for my grandpa to be here, for my mom to be fine and to feel fine with no more cancer. I need my dad to not be in constant pain. I need to be a stay at home wife who doesn't have the pressures of a job that sucks the life out of me.. I need to hold my rainbow babies and know that I too can be a mom.. I need to go to church and worship instead of working the entire time... I want to stop bleeding and know that it is because i am pregnant!!!! And the list goes on... Of course I didn't say all that I just smiled and said yeah... I need rest..

Sorry for the rant....

 

[Starry Night]

I think a few rants will do you good. You've been under so much pressure. I do think it would be good to be open with your dh about your feelings. It might help.

If there is anyway for you to gracefully exit your church obligations then that might help. Someone should understand that you need a break.

I've really been thinking of you. It must be so hard.

 

[Left wonderin]

Oh Cary I just really want to give you a big hug and sit with you xxx sounds like you could do with some minding right now Rant away girl , its good to say how you feel and not keep it all bottled up inside
Starry I'm hoping AF goes soon and you feel more in control , its been a very long journey for you . Ps Goodluck with the in laws.... Remember to breath !

 

[Carybear]

You're right Starry.... But when I talk to DH he just says everything will be fine...
At this point there is no way for me to back out, but I will be talking to the pastor in about a week.
I hope everything goes good with the inlaws... I will be thinking about you

Left.. I could use that big hug...

This AF was terrible. I went through 4 pads last night and still had it overflow. It's slowing down now.

I hope everyone is having a good Saturday...

 

[Starry Night]

Sometimes it is tough for men to just offer a listening ear. They are fixers. I snap at DH every time he says "it's going to be OK" because he said that during my past two pregnancies and it wasn't. That usually reminds him that pat answers aren't helpful when someone just wants to talk.

And I'm sorry that AF is being so heavy for you. I don't know how you feel about it, but have you tried wearing tampons at night? I have to do that otherwise I would overflow everywhere. It sucks.

 

[Carybear]

Dh loves me very much... But he cant just say honey im sorry... he has to fix everything...

Not much of a tampon girl, but if it stays like this I might have to consider it...

It was much lighter today and is looking like I'm going to only have about two days of actual bleeding. I think what makes it so heavy is that I clot so much. But shouldn't the actual flow be more than two days? These are the questions that I plan to ask when I go... The mc messed up my body so much...

Was supposed to go to a baby shower tomorrow. I used the death in my family as an excuse. I just can't do it right now... I'm 12 days away from what would have been my due date, and i just can't go to another shower...