On the road again... a place for women getting into the TTC groove again.

[Left wonderin]

Awh Cary you do what makes you feel ok , everything else can wait and people will understand xxxx if they don't well that is their problem not yours !! My doctor told me that to be classified a " Mensa " or a period bleeding must be three days long . It might be worth checking it out at your appointment . Is it coming up soon ?

 

[Lil_Pixie]

I ladies, mind if I jump in?

I miscarried at the begining of April and was advised not to ttc for at least three months. Those three months are practically up now, and while I'm not sure if I'm ready to jump back in I definitely want to think about it now.

It took us three years to get our bfp with my son, Xander, and were very surprised to get a bfp just 5 months after my cycle returned, but unfortunately it wasn't to be. When we do get back into ttc we're expecting it to take a while so I'm looking for somewhere to wait it out with people in a similar situation

 

[RedWylder]

Welcome Lil! We hope that we can support you any way possible. Feel free to vent and talk about anything that you need to here.

How is everyone doing? I know I'm out of the loop but I don't want you to think I don't care. I've been working at the fire station so much I have hardly any time to think about TTC. I will say that my stomach has been feeling a little weird lately which I'm sure could be the heat or other things but it reminds me of the way my stomach first felt when I found out I was pregnant. Test as of yesterday is BFN but I'll let you know if anything changes. I'm dreading going back to my regular teaching schedule in August because that means I have to return to life as we know it. Right now it's so much easier to forget I was ever pregnant.

Anyways I hope you guys are staying strong through all of pregnancy's and pre-pregnancy's battles. xxxx

 

[Carybear]

Welcome Lil... So sorry for your loss... I will have been trying or 3 years this July with one mc last November.

Thanks left... I don't think I've had three actual days of flow nice the miscarriage... With this one, I bled all day Friday, super heavy Friday night and then could have worn one pad most of the day yesterday and today.

I hear ya red... It's so much easier to forget when you're busy... As bad as it fees to once again have another period, it is no where near as hard as another mc... I'm thinking about you...

Well, I went to church today and there was the worship leader ready to pop... She's the one that announced she was pregnant five days after I miscarried. She was complaining about how she just wanted to pop this baby out... I thought yeah... Wish I was at that stage... She kept talking about two more weeks... Life is so unfair... I'm not jealous of her... Just hard to see..

 

[Starry Night]

I'm so sorry, Cary. That must have been so hard. But you will survive. I know it doesn't feel like it right now. Just keep reminding yourself that they don't mean anything by it. I've had people moan about their pregnancies within minutes of my mentioning my struggling emotionally post m/c. Only those who had losses or infertility themselves looked shocked when the other girl did that. The others just joined in with their own pregnancy horror stories. I had to force myself to remember that being big and huge is uncomfortable and the hormones make everything seem horrible. When the due date is that close they can't see how a person who had gone through a loss would give anything to be feeling those things. In a way I wish we could make them see that feeling fat and heavy is better than the ache of empty arms.

Lil - welcome to our group. I am sorry that you have to be here but we will try to support you the best we can. I hope you get your rainbow soon.

afm - just waiting for AF to taper down. AFter my first 3 days it has been unusually light which is such a relief. Tomorrow should be the last day. I do find that I often feel the worst at the end of AF. I don't know why, but I just feel gross and icky and extra crampy.

 

[Left wonderin]

Starry you are so right , if I ever get to the point of nearing the end of a pregnancy , I really am going to try so hard to embrace every ache , pain , discomfort felt . Embrace and celabrate it xxxxx xxxxxx

It's great that AF is almost gone and wasn't too heavy you were concerned she maybe

I think as she had been in the past ? What's your plan now starry ? Ntnp while waiting for your appointment ?

Happy Monday to everyone , hope you all have a great start to the week xxx

 

[Starry Night]

Right now I think we're ntnp until the appointment. But we may bump it up into actual TTC. I've recently read that really heavy periods can be linked to recurrent m/c as the heavy periods are usually a result of a hormonal imbalance. Looking back, I have realized that my son's pregnancy...my only successful pregnancy...came after a series of lighter-than-usual AFs. All my losses came after especially heavy cycles. So right now I feel like my body is saying it's a good time to try with the lighter AF. Also, I'm just "feeling it". I feel like my time is now. Obviously, there is only so much that is in my power but I feel like my body is telling me "go". I'm a little afraid the OB will scold at me if I get pregnant before I see her but I figure it's my life.

 

[Starry Night]

How are you feeling, Left? I hope morning sickness isn't too bad for you and that things continue to go smoothly.

Cary - how are you doing today? Thinking of you as your due date approaches.

 

[Left wonderin]

Got a text today from a friend says thinking of you this month , my due date is fast approaching , was so nice of her to remember me . Starry not really sick more starving like my organs are about to eat themselves but I have no desire to eat at all !! Groceries shopping is a knightmere , everything I pick up I think ...uck .... There have been a few occasions where I thought ok I'm going to hurl mainly first thing in the morning and late afternoon but its not too bad so far which again I'm worrying if its a bad thing .....trying not to think too much about it . And I think you are so right, listen to your body it is your life and we all only get one shot at it xxxx xxx

 

[Carybear]

Left.. Glad morning sickness isn't too bad...

Starry, I say go for it... There is something to be said for our intuition.

Today is a good day... Yesterday sucked... I didn't even realize when I made the appointment, but I will be seeing the OBGYN on what would have been my due date... The icing on the car will be for the other lady to actually give birth on July 11 instead of July 15 (which is her due date)...

My periods have been seriously different... I get about one 24 hour period that is very very heavy and then it's light the Rest of the time. Honestly, I clot so much... I think the heavy bleeding comes more from clots than actual blood flow... Any ideas on why? I mean I get big clots...

I'm actually looking forward to going to the OBGYN... I have so many questions

 

[Starry Night]

My miscarriages were more clots than flow but I'm not sure why something like that would happen. I do get clots during my period but I think it's mostly flow. It's hard to say as I wear tampons now. But I remember getting lots of flow and clots during AF when I was wearing pads. Maybe you have developed a clotting disorder? I know they can cause miscarriages but maybe they affect fertility as well? Just a few more weeks until your appointment. but clots don't necessarily mean a clotting disorder either. I was tested for them during my son's pregnancy and it came back negative.

And take each day as it comes. Some days will be good and some will be hard. I find that the best way to get through due dates is to set aside some time to be sad and cry and be angry. Then do something fun and distracting.

 

[Carybear]

Not sure... But I started to need a pad on Friday... By Saturday afternoon it had tapered off and I could have used justone pad all day Sunday, yesterday, and today...,

Not sure how I will feel next Thursday, but I'm taking it one step at a time... Of course I will have a distraction as I will be at the OBGYN...

How are you feeling?

 

[Starry Night]

I'm feeling OK. First day without AF today and already getting mild ovulation signs (wet cm & mild one-side pinching) which is way early for me. Maybe my body is still on hyper-hormone mode. Emotionally, it is a bit of a down day. Feeling a little depressed and my anxiety is flaring up. I can imagine the most awful things and then be genuinely afraid these things will actually happen. I try to pray them away as we are not meant to live a life of fear.

 

[Carybear]

I understand that... My brother is here visiting and we had a bunch of family over. It was so nice... Crazy to cook for everyone, but really nice...

Everyone just left, andi thought... You know what I want to be happy... I want to be free...I'm so going to work on that!

 

[Left wonderin]

Free and happy sounds nice it's a great goal to aim for Sometimes acceptance is so hard

 

[Starry Night]

It is a struggle. And when you find acceptance something comes up and you lose it again. It's a constant choice. I wish I could let go and never think of it again. *sighs*

 

[Carybear]

I understand that perfectly... I want to go back to last October when I thought the only problem was getting pregnant... Not staying pregnant...

 

[Left wonderin]

Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was a switch ye could flip in your head lol...... Thinking on , thinking off !!!!! Life would be transformed !!!! I'm starting to panic now as the scan gets closer , have myself convinced it will be bad news . Haven't a whole lots of ms going on , have reached a couple of times in the last 3 morning but that's it I rationally know the lack of or presence of symptoms does not guarantee a healthy pregnancy but its not helping !!

 

[rayraykay]

I promise Left... lack of symptoms early on doesn't always mean bad things. I had no morning sickness, absolutely NONE until 11 weeks. I have had terrible headaches that make me throw up once or twice a week from then on. I know this might not help, but I wanted to share that with you. I was also worried sick before my first scan because of lack of symptoms. Then I got what I wished for, in spades. I am grateful for it.

It is so unfair for women who have gone thru miscarriages, the innocence and pure joy of pregnancy is ripped from us forever. I know that even if this pregnancy goes all the way thru and I get my rainbow baby at the end, when I go to have baby #2, I will have the same heart wrenching fears. It would be awesome of there was a switch to turn off the memories of the past, or a way to wipe our memories so that when we get that BFP, it can just be a joyful occasion.

I am sending you all love and hoping you have a wonderful fourth of july with your families. xoxoxo

 

[Starry Night]

How is everyone doing?

Not too much to report here. It will be a long while until I ovulate and have my first real TWW since the m/c. But I am looking into switching doctors. We are getting a new GP in the area who has a special interest in maternity care. Sounds like it would be a more ideal situation for me especially if I do go to the fertility clinic. It would be nice to have a GP who would understand what is going on and could work well alongside the specialist.