On the road again... a place for women getting into the TTC groove again.

[Starry Night]

nessaw - I remember you from before. Welcome to the thread. The other ladies here are really lovely.

red - how wonderful that you get to meet with akntqpie! Tell her I said 'hi' and that I still think about her.

 

[Carybear]

Hi ladies... Red say hi to her! I would love her name so I can talk to her through Facebook.

Well... Started bleeding this morning... I'm going to take a little break... Ill be stalking to check on everyone's progress, but I'm needing a little time. I had a lot of signs this month and really thought it was my time...

I'm praying for healthy babies for all..

 

[RedWylder]

No! Dangit Cary, I thought this was your month. I'm so upset for you. If you'd like, there's a TTC group on facebook I can add you to. Michelle (Akntqpie) is in that group. That goes for any of you lovely ladies. If you'd like a place to hang out besides here, let me know and I can hook you up.

 

[Left wonderin]

Red please tell Michelle I was asking for her , I think of her often xxxxxxx
Cary I'm so sorry your hopes have been dashed again , take all the time you need we are all here waiting for your return when you are ready xxxxxx

 

[Topanga053]

OMG I remember Akntqpie from before, but I had no idea that she lost her husband! That must have happened when I was on a break from the boards??? OMG Red, please tell her I said hello and I am just so, so sorry. Wow, I'm really shaken up... what happened?

Cary . I am so sorry. Like Left said, take all the time that you need. Some time away from TTC and BNB was really helpful for me. I missed everyone here, but some time to focus on other aspects of my life was so helpful emotionally. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.. you're such an amazing person and you deserve amazing things!!

 

[Topanga053]

PS- Welcome, Nessaw! I definitely remember seeing you around! Starry's right... it's a great group of women here!

 

[Left wonderin]

Topanga her husband was in a fatal car crash , a day or two after she got her last bfn . I remember it so so well as we were cycle buddies and it really put things into perspective for me . I remember crying for her think just how awful and sad it all was . I hope she is doing ok in such sad circumstances .

 

[RedWylder]

Yea it shook me up pretty good as well. She is an incredibly strong woman and is, I think, finding herself again. She has done remarkably well in spite of everything. She's even got herself a brand new shiny red BMW! I got to sit in it today. But seriously if anyone would like to get in touch or join our preggo or TTC group on facebook, let me know. Michelle is active in all of them.

 

[Starry Night]

Cary - I'm so sorry that AF caught you. I know how disappointing it is to get all sorts of hopeful signs only to have those hopes dashed. It is really cruel. Take all the time you need.

I have days when I want to give up. I already have a LO so sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to simply count my blessings and move on. Yet, whenever DH and I start to seriously look at that option something in my heart breaks a little. I take that as a sign that I still have some fight in me. So I keep going though it hurts a lot. And since the doctor doesn't want to help me more until I have another m/c I need to keep trying and prepare myself for another potential loss.

 

[nessaw]

Thanks for the welcome ladies. Have been reading back in the thread and just wanted to say sorry for your losses and congratulations to those of you with rainbows. Will be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

was amazed to see how many teachers are this thread! I teach yr1 in England which is age5-6. Am on the last week of the summer hols. Back to school next mon.

As I said before had a mmc last nov after 11 months of ttc. A 9 wk scan showed a 5 wk blighted ovum. I had medical management of the mmc after a 10 wk scan confirmed what I already knew. As many of you have said I hoped I'd be the one who got pg straight away but it didn't happen. We had 3 cycles of clomid with nothing but bfn and resulting in averaging my cycles out to around 26 days, pushing ov back to cd 12 ish but thinning my lining so I now have 2 day light periods which as we know isn't much use. We were meant to be seeing the fert cons again in may to start referral for ivf but my mum then told me I hadn't had the measles vaccination as a child and we've had a outbreak in the uk. So I have taken 4 months out as you can't ttc for that long after having it. When I looked on the nhs website it said less so this month we're ntnp. The clomid gave me ov pains for the first time ever so the last few months I have known when I ov. Prev I was using cbfm.cd 21 Tests last yr suggested I didn't ov but that was because I ov in cd9 and the prog was low by cd21! So the month I actually got pg I wasn't paying any attention to symptoms. All I know is I got sore boobs cd28 and was constipated (tmi!) For a few days before that. Not ttc has given me a much needed rest from the emotional roller coaster of ttc and am in 2 minds about jumping back on the horse. We have a fert appt on wed to see whats next. Will be cd22 so am going to ask for a us of my lining. This Month I didn't get the ov pains so not sure how many dpo. Due around next sun/mon.

Am sorry for the essay but haven't been on the forum for a while! I'll shut up now!!;-)

 

[Carybear]

AF has kicked my butt and I've had sharp pains from belly button to groin. Has anyone had those sharp pulling, tearing pains during AF? A few of them were sharp today...

 

[Starry Night]

I get them from time to time. My last AF they were especially bad. I don't know why I sometimes get them and others I don't. I do find they are especially bad after a pregnancy but not sure if that actually has anything to do with it or not. That's just been my experience.

I hope you're feeling better soon. The physical downside of AF is hard enough to deal with on its own, never mind when it is coupled with the disappointment of a bfn.

 

[RedWylder]

Ugh Cary! I'm still so mad at AF for you. You're supposed to be my bump buddy. Hang in there and take all the time away you need.

 

[rayraykay]

I'm so sorry Cary. Sending love. Take your time. xoxoxo

 

[RedWylder]

For all my TTC ladies out there and for those that remember what it was like all too well:

https://www.twoweekwait.com/articles/what-no-one-told-you-about-trying-to-conceive

This post is amazing well worded and will probably have you crying like it did for me. But at the same time it's nice to have words to put to the feelings we all share.

 

[Starry Night]

I can relate to a lot of the comments on that list though some I feel guilty associating with. In a way I have been TTC long term as it has been 16 months of trying with no baby on the way but I feel guilty saying I'm LTTC because I have been pregnant twice in that time. I lost them but I know what it's like to get bfps within a reasonable amount of time. Yet I still feel jealous around pregnant ladies, still resent those who get pregnant first try with no ensuing problems.

And I do have a child. No matter what happens in my journey of TTC#2 I know I can't complain or be completely miserable. Though one comment did mention how you become numb to all you do have. And THAT I relate to. Sometimes I feel like having DS "doesn't count" in that having him doesn't always give me relief. I know he should, but it is so easy to forget the blessings I already have. I mean, my sister would love to have a family of her own but she can't even find a man. The single scene gets harder the older you get. I have my man and one child already. I have to see my brother and his wife get pregnant for the third time with no trouble and be due when I should be. But my sister has to see both of her siblings married and with a family and be left wondering if she will ever have that. But I have to force myself to put these things into perspective. It's hard.

 

[Topanga053]

Starry, you're absolutely right. It's so hard to get that perspective. I don't think that having DS should give you complete relief; this is a new baby you're trying for with new losses. I think your suffering is entirely understandable. But I also think it's beautiful that you're able to step back sometimes and look at things from your sister's perspective. We definitely do all have our own unique burdens and I frequently find that focusing on other people's struggles reminds me to be a little bit more gracious (and less bitter) about my own.

 

[Starry Night]

My brother had just posted on FB that they're expecting a girl. I had been successfully avoiding all pregnancy stuff from them and this just stares me in the face. And I don't know why, but I wanted them to have a boy. I feel like 2 of my angels were boys but I think it's that I really want my princess....this feels like such a kick in the gut and teeth and being stabbed in the heart. I wanted to write something very nasty which would have been so undeserved. I'm really scared they'll name her one of my angel's names or the name I'm reserving if I ever do get my girl. I just hate this.

 

[Carybear]

I'm so sorry Starry... I'm praying that you get your little princess!

 

[Starry Night]

Thanks. I would still be really happy to get another prince too, of course. What's the old saying? "An heir and a spare?" I just want a baby at this point even if I still daydream about a little girl.

If my body decides to go back to normal this cycle I should be ovulating on Friday. So DH and I are starting to get serious about trying already. I have conceived on cycles where I didn't DTD for 4 or 5 days before ov so I know it's already important to get going. I'm not getting strong ov signs yet but my cm has been picking up. It's not ewcm but it's abundant.

I am a little worried I'm having another off cycle and won't ovulate. It's CD 21 and I have been getting some of my usual AF signs which is way too early. It's not as bad as last cycle so I'm hoping it won't affect ovulation (I never got any ov signs last cycle).